You never really realize what you got till it's gone. You're so used to having a certain thing, even person, by your side that you never appreciate what they're worth. That for the longest time they're beside you, you never thought that one day, they'd be gone and you were the one who pushed them away.

Well, maybe at some point you'll do realize. But it's all going to be too late.

**

"No! I said tulips- no, not white roses!" Perrie yelled at her phone in a panicked tone, "What- I never made changes- what? My mum?! I'm the one's who's going to get married, not my mum! Why are you taking orders from her- okay. Okay, thank you. Bye." she said, ending the call before heaving a deep sigh. She wasn't really aggravated by it all, she was just stressed trying to make sure the wedding go as planned -- perfect -- but she wasn't aggravated. In fact, no matter how tired she was from all the planning and errands and just making her dream wedding possible, just by thinking she was actually going to be married makes up for it.

Her eyes fell on him, comfortably chilling by the couch opposing her panicked state. Suddenly, she wasn't so worried about a minor detail that could go wrong -- like the wrong font size for their invitation that almost made her go mad this morning, or the fact that they almost forgot to hire a pianist to play the wedding march, or her mother changing the flower she ordered from tulips to white roses for the flower arrangement by the aisle like she was the one getting married -- because it wasn't about those at all. It was about her marrying him and spending the rest of their lives together. The thought never failed to make her smile.

However, he was a different case. What she didn't know was that he was having a mental battle. That deep inside, he was panicking, too. Although with a whole different reason.

She plopped down beside him, a thing she didn't even have enough time to do lately, and looked at him fondly. She still couldn't believe that this guy, the guy who was so afraid of commitments, asked him to marry her. It still hasn't sink in that she was going to be his wife. A few years ago, being atleast his girlfriend was just a crazy fantasy of hers yet look at them now. Well, she wasn't really surprised it came true, she knew she was quite persistent.

"Hi, Zayn!" she greeted cheerfully. This was a bit of a routine now, her trying to get his attention.

She would admit, the badboy aura -- no matter how cliché -- pulled her in. The tattoos littered on his arm, his street style fashion, the cigarette she would occasionally see held between his lips, and that cold glare he always had. Although that wasn't just it, he wasn't that stereotypic badboys who are so full of themselves and flirts with every girl who showed interest, no. He was quite mysterious. Although he was always with his group, who were all good-looking by the way, he was quiet and he always kept to himself. Perrie guessed his friends were used to him talking in five words maximum because they never really pushed him to talk, although they always made sure he was involved in their conversations, occasionally asking him about his opinion that he will either nod or shake his head to. She was lucky if she saw him smile, and she considered she was because she had, thrice actually.

He was starting to get annoyed because first, she was too enthusiastic for his liking, second, he noticed she always looked at him with wide eyes and with awe, like he had done a miracle and that freaked him out a bit, and third, she f*cking started to follow him! He just furrowed his brows and walked past her, just like what he did the past couple of times she approached him.

And, well, Perrie never got the hint everytime. Or maybe she did, she was just determined to know his future boyfriend. Yes, she was also a bit too optimistic. She turned around and caught up with him, walking by his side with a big smile on her face, "I'm Perrie," she introduced herself, "Not the platypus because that's spelled with 'y' and mine's with 'ie' so--"

"So no, not Perry the Platypus," he finished for her, "You've told me that atleast three times now."

Instead of being offended, she gasped because wow, he actually spoke to her in more that five words, "You talked to me." she breathed out in surprise.

He just furrowed his brows even more because what did she think of him? Mute? But instead he sighed and asked her a different question, "Why are you following me?"

She turned her head to him with a tilted his head to the side, "Don't you want to get to know me?"

He groaned because her name was already engraved in his mind, he meant that in the most unromantic way because she already told him that more than enough times. "I already know you. Now can you please stop following me?"

Perrie just shrugged, "No, you don't."

Zayn pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, "You're Perrie, not Perry the Platypus--"

"--but Perrie, your future girlfriend," she cut him off. Then she picked up Zayn's hand and shook it, "Nice to meet you, Zayn." she smiled before she scurried away.

He stood there with his jaw hanging agape because, what just happened?

"You're so chill, like I'm cool but I panic in appropriate times but you're still like ... chill. You know what I mean?" Perrie tried to explain, "Babe, why don't you worry sometimes so it'd make me feel like I'm not overreacting. It's your wedding too, you know." she teased with a smile.

He stiffened, though that went unnoticed by her, "Babe, I--"

Perrie's ringing phone cut off whatever he was about to say, "I'm sorry babe, it's the make-up artist. I gotta take this call. Let's talk later." she said before standing up and walking away with a faint 'hello' into her phone, leaving him and his messed up mind again.

The truth is that he was having second thoughts. Don't get him wrong he loves Perrie very much but it was just that the thought of spending his whole life with someone scared the sh*t out of him. Asking her to be his girlfriend took a lot of hard-thinking as well as proposing to her, but seeing things come together for their wedding just ... it was just messing up his head. Seeing it invigorate just made him have second thoughts. He never gave anything his all because he was afraid of rejection or failure, that was why he never gave anything his full commitment. He was always afraid that if he engaged in something that was meant for the long run and it didn't work out, he would pathetically suffer long-term, too. Anything and everything just came to his mind and it was just chaotic inside his head. The bills they'd inevitably need to worry about, having children, building a family or worse, calling the marriage off because it didn't work out, it was just ... Scary.

He loves Perrie but suddenly he was just uncertain about the whole wedding.

He loves Perrie but he wasn't ready.

It was sort of f*cked, he knew.

a/n: so I know I said I'll write this after Escape but I don't have any motivation to continue that yet so, yeah. I have so much going on rn idk when I'd continue this too.

So how is this so far? :) love you always x