OMG IT'S HERE! I know you have been waiting literally years for this and I truly truly hope I do this series justice. I'll tell you since I've picked it up again and started writing, I have fallen in love with the story all over again. 

For future reference: There will be a shit ton of triggers throughout. I'll try to put appropriate ones at the beginning of chapters, but just know this fic will be hard to read. Take care of yourself first, read this second.

I love you all and live for the support you've shown. Let's get this madhouse on the road, shall we?

Enjoy xo

***

The long road to the city was filled with silence and bursting with anxiety. Zayn's hands were shaking on the steering wheel by the time they crossed the city lines, a reflective green sign marking their entrance. "We should check the old house, and the office, and..." Zayn sighed out a shaky breath, but Niall put a hand on his forearm and squeezed. If Zayn would've had the presence of mind, he would've slapped it away.

"Let's get the boys something to eat, a bathroom break. Regroup," the blond suggested.

Zayn pulled off the main road and whipped into an empty parking lot. "Bathroom break?" he asked incredulously. "We just got here, and who knows where Liam is!" Zayn saw Harry flinch in his peripherals, but couldn't focus on it. "If you aren't going to help me find him, get out of the car."

"Zayn, of course we want to help," Louis tried, but Zayn turned a stoic, hateful look on him. "Sorry," the slave corrected immediately.

"We haven't eaten or gone piss all day. My boys need to get out of the car for a minute," Niall argued. "You and I can talk about how to do this, and then we'll go."

The darker Master's eyes went unfocused, the blurry logo on his steering wheel sweeping back and forth in his vision. My boys. Niall had BOTH of his slaves sitting in the back of his car, and Zayn's was out there. Alone. Niall had always been a better Master than he was. He thought of his slaves before himself, did what he needed to, and didn't let his emotions get the best of him. "Okay," he agreed slowly, distracted.

When he reached for the gear shift, Niall stopped him. "Let me drive, Zayn." Zayn's resolve was crumbling, and Niall's voice left no room for debate. He nodded and got out, brushing by Niall as they passed in front of the car. When they were in their places, Niall pulled out of the parking lot and searched for somewhere to stop, somewhere with food. Once he'd found one, he pulled in and turned around in his seat. 

"Boys, go inside. Eat and go to the bathroom. We'll be in in a minute." Harry and Louis didn't even nod, just got out and went inside. Niall sighed, long and slow, and turned towards Zayn. "Talk to me, please."

Zayn didn't realize he'd closed his eyes until he opened them again and the late morning sun made him squint. "And say what?"

"I don't know, Zayn. Maybe start with why Liam is hours from home."

"If I knew, I wouldn't be losing my mind right now, Niall!" Zayn hit his fist against the dash, sinking in his seat.

The younger Master pressed his lips together and picked at the stitching along the console to keep from looking at the pain on his best friend's face. "You're smarter than that. Think about it. Why did he leave?"

Zayn let his head fall back against the seat, eyes shutting heavily, as he shook his head. "I don't know." The words were desperate, his voice breaking over the last one. "He fell asleep with me. Let me back in our bed," Niall made a sympathetic sound at the news, "but then I woke up and he was gone."

"I don't want to say this, but you're sure he didn't just...leave."

Zayn popped his eyes open and glared at Niall. "No." More firmly, "No."

"Okay," Niall relented.

"Liam doesn't run when he's angry or scared. He bursts, can't hold it in anymore. I would know if he was leaving. He wouldn't have been able to keep it to himself." Zayn clenched his fist in reassurance. He knew that about Liam.

Niall nodded. "Okay. Last night you went to bed together. After everything?"

"We didn't even talk about it. He wouldn't let me." Zayn wiped his palms on his trousers. "I tried, but-but he wouldn't. Just wanted me to-" Zayn let out a startled sob. "He just wanted me to hold him."

Niall rubbed soothingly across Zayn's shoulder. "Then, what changed his mind?"

"I have no idea." Zayn scratched his thigh distractedly. "Probably the fact that he thinks I'm still in love with Louis," he scoffed, brow furrowed.

"But you're not?"

The look Zayn leveled his mate with was incredulous. "Are you kidding?"

Niall held his hands up in surrender. "I'm just wondering."

If Niall was unsure, Zayn could only imagine the turmoil inside Liam. His slave must feel completely betrayed. Something that was so impossible in his own mind must seem the only logical response in Liam's. "Louis broke my heart. He walked away, and I thought I'd never breathe again. I thought he would end me." Niall placed a hand over Zayn's on his thigh. "And he did. For a long time."

The older man bit down on his lip to contain his smile. "Then, I found Liam. Literally. Just found him. Shit, Niall, that one moment changed everything."

"But Louis was there first and you never got any closure. He was the one that got away. It's easy to think you'd want to fix that."

Zayn yanked his hand away but only used it to rake shaking fingers through his hair. "That was never an option. The last thing I want is...anything but Liam."

"You're sure?"

Zayn didn't even look at Niall when he said, "Doubt me one more time and I swear, Niall, I'll hit you."

The blond Master only laughed, but it was watery. "Just making sure because..."

The waver in Niall's voice made Zayn swivel his head and look at him. "What?"

"I love him, Zee," Niall admitted quietly.

Zayn nodded, knowing. "What matters is that he loves you back. That's the difference."

"He loves you. He does," Niall urged. "Just not-"

"Like he loves you and Harry," Zayn finished. "I know."

Niall placed a firm hand on Zayn's shoulder. "Will we ever get over this?"

With a sharp inhale and a slow, measured exhale, Zayn allowed, "Help me get my slave back and we'll see."

A tap on the window made both Masters jump, and Niall rolled his window down for his two slaves. "Did you eat?"

Louis held up a giant bag of greasy food. "Brought it with to save time. We can eat in the car."

Harry plucked at his lip with his thumb and first finger. "It felt awful just standing in line while Liam was out there."

Emotion filled Zayn's chest, pushing tingles through his arms and down his back as he fought back the pressure of tears. "Get in you two," he said with measurable fond in his voice. "I want to talk to you." Both slaves slipped in the back and Louis let the bag of food go, hitting softly on the floor of the car. Zayn turned to the two lads, the weight of the situation like a physical presence in his eyes. Louis must have seen the heaviness in them because he furrowed his brow in concern and gripped his own knee. Harry, always the empath, couldn't keep his worry under his breath.

"Zee?" the green-eyed slave murmured.

Zayn looked to him, the lines of his face smoothing out. "I want you to know that I love you." Harry's mouth slipped into a timid smile but he didn't seem convinced. "Both of you." Zayn's eyes slipped from Harry to Louis. "I do." Louis' hint a smile was enough to confirm how he felt, too. The Master swallowed hard. "You two have been a huge part of my life, and I don't want to lose either of you."

Harry reached forward and laced his fingers with Zayn's on the console between the front seats. Zayn squeezed, absorbing the firmness of Harry's grip. "A long time ago, you three chose each other over me." Niall visibly flinched, but Zayn just exhaled slowly. "Less than a year ago, I chose Liam over all of you. So, I can't pretend I don't understand."

"I thought it was different because Louis had rightfully been mine, but Liam had rightfully belonged to not one but two other Masters. Then, I made the excuse that I was saving Liam and nothing else mattered. It wasn't fair to assume that my love was any more important or grand than your love. I have done things I never thought I would do for the man I love. How can I fault you three for doing the same?" Zayn swiped at a tear and ducked his head down to avoid the sympathetic looks from the other men.

After a long silence, Niall spoke quietly. "We love you, too, you know." A laugh bubbled out of Zayn at that. Like it was that simple.

Maybe it was.

"I mean it," Niall urged. "We wouldn't be here if we didn't. Our pasts are," he waved a hand, "rubbish, but I have loved and been loved, and that's something most don't ever get to have."

"You, too," Louis added.

Zayn raised a brow. "What?"

"You have loved and been loved, too. Not just by Liam." Louis raked his hand through his growing locks. "I loved you. Still do. Always will."

Zayn was just starting to understand what that meant. Loving someone didn't always mean owning them. Sometimes it meant letting them go. Zayn's small smile was enough to confirm how he felt, too. 

***

They're so emotional. I'm not sure what to do with them. Let me know what you think.

P.s. I am looking for someone to help beta this to move things along. If you're interested message me. 

Mwah! Xoxo, Jess