4:18 AM

Felix: Outside

Not Delivered

Jesus Christ, if there's one thing Spukani is known for it's its terrible service and an abundance of dead zones. If you aren't in a house connected to wifi you might as well be off the grid. So, I spend the next two minutes angling and contorting my body trying to send this message until finally -

4:20 AM

Felix: Outside

Sent.

Which means I can expect Bini to come barreling out of the front door any minute now. I click on the overhead light, and I kinda wish I didn't, because all I see on the passenger seat is a plastic bag, some loose Skittles, an empty bag of doritos, and a half crushed can of Red Bull. I can still see the faint red ring on the palm of my hand. Today's snacks become tonight's garbage.

I start filling the plastic bag with all the bits and pieces of trash I can find, Bini hates riding when I haven't cleaned. Which is fair, because I have let Harvey get pretty bad before. Take out boxes, soda on the seats, that gross mildew smell that took weeks to fully get out. The point is, I'm committed to cleanliness now, and I have to thank her for that.

As I tie the bag off and set it in the backseat I hear a loud slam coming from Rebecca's front door.

There's Binita, standing on the porch.

She's surrounded by these twinkling lights that wrap along the railing as decorative foliage hangs against the wood railing of the house. In her sleek pink prom dress with the poofiest sleeves I've ever seen, she looks like a princess, but I can tell from here that she's not happy. She hikes up the bottom with one hand, holds her heels in another, and she storms across the lawn. Her eyes are sharp and focused on me and Harvey. Quickly, I shut off the lights and freeze in place. Maybe if I don't move she won't see me. Unfortunately, that fails as she yanks the passenger door open, dropping her shoes onto the floor and climbs in.

Her perfectly curled hair bounces as she drops her head in her hands and groans. Her black hair completely covers her face as I place a hand on her shoulder. "I have mud on my tights Felix. It's prom night, and I have mud on my tights," she says calmly.

Oh, she's pissed.

"So, what happened? The last time I checked you don't sulk," I ask, and she just groans again. "Oof, must've been bad."

"You have no idea," she pulls her face from her hands and sighs. "What's this?"

"What's what?"

"Like what's this song? The song that's playing," Bini says finally letting herself relax back into the seat.

"Oh, it's The Middle, you know, Jimmy Eat World."

"Huh, Y2K. It's better than that 80's kick you had." She buckles her seat belt and shoots me a look. "Can we go?"

I softly throw my hands up, no arguments from me. I try to start Harvey. On the first crank, nothing. You know, this is starting to feel like a coin toss. Thankfully with the second crank he purrs like a kitten. He's a 1997 Toyota Previa, and was dad's first car. Now he's all mine.

"Obviously I'm not gonna force you to talk, but it must've been pretty bad if you needed me to pick you up," I say as I pull away from the curb.

Bini's uncomfortably shifting in her seat, it's almost like I can see the steam pouring from her ears. I can't tell if it's the blush staining her cheeks or if she's just that angry, but at least it matches her dress. "We were only supposed to be at this party for an hour, hour and a half max. You know, go to prom, hit up the after-parties, and then have a romantic night together."

"And he got shit faced an hour in."

"More like forty-five minutes!" She yells before shrinking back. "I didn't ask for much. You only get one senior prom and I just wanted to have one nice night with Nolan. But now I've got the humidity frying my hair, I'm one of the only people still in their prom dress, and I'm mortified. And I'm just so-ugh! You know, sorry, but I think I was gonna have sex with him."

"Gross." I don't know why that was the first thing to come out of my mouth. "Not you, just the idea of you having sex."

"Ditto, but this is serious business."

"I know, I know. I'm just busting your balls. I'm just surprised that you'd let Nolan Taylor take a dive into the cool refreshing waters of Bini Nigam." I joke as Bini gags.

"I hate you."

"Fine, I'm done, for real this time. I'm not gonna act like I'm the most well-versed on the sex thing, but you guys have been together for a bit. I'm not surprised you're thinking about it. Hell, a boy is so much as nice to me and that's all I can think about."

"Right, I don't know, ever since prom season started it's all I can think about, but after tonight the pool is closed and adult swim is canceled." With that Bini sighs in defeat. "What'd you get up to? It better have been good."

"Well, I worked on that project for Civics and I finally finished that puzzle. Turns out all those yellow pieces were a family of baby ducks."

"You didn't start a puzzle on prom night," she states like a fact.

"You're right, I finished a puzzle on prom night," I laugh. Bini doesn't find it as funny. "I'm waiting to hear back from UW, which I know, I should have done early admissions. So, I filled out a few apps for some safety schools. Then I went for a drive, listened to some music, and tried to find that weird radio station that only shows up on nights when it rains. Still no luck."

"Of course you did. Anyway you missed out! We could've danced and taken pictures; we even had a car as a photo booth."

"For a Gatsby themed prom, I don't know if a murder weapon was appropriate," I can feel her eyes roll to the back of her head at that.

"You know what I meant. The only thing missing from tonight was you. Nigam and Nicholson: Best friends until all that's left of us are bones, cockroaches, and time itself."

I come to a stop at a traffic light. "That was dark, but since we're gonna be friends for that long, let's get something to remember this. I don't know, something like..."I check outside my window to see if there's anyone nearby. The streets of downtown are empty and the sidewalks are lined with amber lights that tell me there's no one lurking in the shadows. So, I quickly reach into my pocket, grab my phone and take a picture of the two of us. The flash is quick and I'll say it, I think I look pretty good on camera. Bini looks like a snake trying to swallow an egg. Her jaw's completely unhinged and her eyes are as wide as a football field. "A way to remember tonight."

"If I see that posted anywhere it's your head." She rolls her eyes as I keep driving. "Was it because you didn't have a date? I know you said that wasn't why, but I don't believe you. I know plenty of eligible bachelors that are dying to wine and dine you. " Bini nudges my arm and laughs.

"Wow, you must know something that I don't. Thought I was some kind of endangered species by this point. Besides, I'm just not the prom type. I never really got the hype. Don't you think prom culture peaked with powder blue suits and buckets of pig's blood?" She doesn't respond and I hate it when she's quiet. "I'm sorry... I didn't realize me going was that important to you."

"Of course it was." She goes to speak and then pauses for a moment, and I know exactly what she's doing. She's trying to soften the blow. Bini's really diplomatic like that. I think it's the anticipation that scares me the most. "I miss you."

Oh.

"We see each other every day. What's there to miss?" I ask, my shoulders tensing a bit.

"The little things. Remember when a bunch of us hung out in Tobias' basement and he kissed me in his foyer. I pulled you away from gaming with Harrison, just so I could freak out in the bathroom."

"You swore me to secrecy on a bottle of Robutussin, how could I forget?"

"Exactly! I want more of that. Us against the world." The excitement is clear in her voice, but I'm still lost.

"Haven't we been doing that though?"

"Well, the us part, yeah. But it feels like we've been missing the world. We have a graduating class of 53, and I can't keep acting like I don't notice you're not there. It was prom, Felix. Prom." I can see her reflection in the rear-view mirror, her arms are crossed and she's sunk herself into the seat.

Prom, pep rallies, and all of the other high school bullshit didn't tempt me. I just can't take the looks anymore.

But I can't take the look in Bini's eyes either. It's different from the others. When they look at me, it feels like they see everything but me. They see the tears... the grief... the void. Like the person I was before that died with her. So much baggage that I've been ready to put away for years, but they just keep bringing it back to me.

Bini sees past all that though. I like to think that she has some magic insight that I'm just not attuned to, that she's seeing something that I'm just barely missing. So, maybe I should see where she's going with all of this.

"You're right." I sigh, turning down tree-lined streets. We're getting close to home. "Maybe, I've been a little too distant with everyone. I think after a while, it was easier to just stick with what I knew, and that was always you, and to a lesser extent Nolan."

"That's all I'm saying, really." She places a comforting hand on my shoulder and I finally feel myself relax. "I want us to have fun because there's so much we can do in the time we have left. I'm sure they'll be parties - oh my god - senior superlatives, and you're gonna kiss a boy. I don't care, we're making it happen."

"Yeah, we'll see about that last one. The only other out senior is Maya Richards and I feel like I can think of a few reasons why that wouldn't work." I joke, and Bini laughs. "Besides, more importantly, what senior superlative do you think you're gonna get?"

"I've heard some rumblings, but aside from the boring ones, my favorite is Most Likely to Become a Pro Wrestler."

"You know that game of tug of war will go down in history. The fact that people have been calling you The Mountain since third grade is insane.

"As they should, because I earned it," she chuckles. "Okay your turn, hypothetical senior superlative, what would that be? It can be absolutely anything. If you could define Felix Nicholson in one line what would it be?"

Is it weird that I never really considered that fact that I could actually get a superlative? As I drive through my neighborhood I think.

Best Smile? Nope, not with my little rabbit teeth.

Most Likely To Become A Billionaire? Shoot me if I do.

Most Likely To Succeed... That's enough jokes.

"Most Likely To... Most Likely To...." As I pull into my driveway it hits me. "Least Likely To Amount To Anything Spectacular. I wanna live a simple life foraging for mushrooms in the woods like my ancestors."

"How hunter-gatherer of you. Wait, if I come and visit can we do a sip and cave paint?" She laughs at her joke as she unbuckles her seat belt. "Are you coming? I'm quickly learning that I'm not built for corsets."

"Yeah, I'll be there in just a second. I'm just gonna call dad and see where he put your extra clothes." I say, searching through my pockets before finding my house keys. "Here."

I drop the keys in her hand as she rolls her eyes. "I can't believe he's working the night shift again. You know my dad is gonna give him so much shit for it."

"I know, he was so pissed that he missed Monday night dinner. He said eating leftovers wasn't the same." Bini's mom is the best cook in the world, and he was right to be pissed. "I'll be in a sec."

With that Bini gets out of the car and heads inside, not before looking back and waving for me to hurry up.

I'll be honest, I lied. I know exactly where her clothes are. They've always been in the second to last drawer of my dresser. It's been that way for as long as I can remember.

I just need a minute.

As I let myself fall back into the seat, I take a deep breath. I'm thinking about my mom. Which hasn't been super often recently. Usually, it's just in the little things. When I see a poster for a school play, when I'm eating breakfast early in the morning, or when I'm driving late at night.

I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy thinking about her though. One day she decided that Spukani wasn't enough. She changed. Now, she's gone and I'm left to wonder if that change was worth it.

Because, to me, it wasn't. I want things to go back to how they were. When all my friends didn't look at me like that. When they didn't talk to me like that. Like I was a different person.

Now it's starting to feel like I gave up on that person a long time ago.