Thalia was an amazing cook. The spread on the table was mouthwatering. 

My favorite was an African dish; a spicy vegetable relish called Chakalaka. Which Stella did a cute little dance for, wiggling her shoulders, every time someone said the name. That kid was a bundle of joy.

Stella was sad to see us go, but her eyelids were already drooping as her Dad carried her upstairs to her room, followed by Brando. Stevie and Brownie were already settled in the car.

"Thank you for having me, Thalia. The food was amazing," I said, standing at the front porch with her and Hunter.

"I hope it won't be a one time thing," she said. Turning to Hunter, she gave him a hug and pushed him slightly. "Go."

He raised his brows but went to the car, giving us some privacy. Thalia held my hand and squeezed. "I'm sorry if I said too much earlier. I know I can be a bit nosy. Okay, very nosy."

I chuckled. "No, it's okay. I... needed that talk, I think."

"I have no right to tell you how to live your life, and if you and Hunter stay friends, or even if you no longer want to see his ugly mug, you're welcome here anytime."

My heart warmed. "Thank you. For everything."

"Okay. You don't mind if I get your number from Hunter, do you?" She asked.

"That would be lovely."

Her smile was relieved. And after she gave me a warm hug, I joined Hunter in the car.

The silence was stifling. The only sounds were Stevie and Brownie's playful growls as they wrestled in the back.

I turned the car into the main road, and a ray of sunshine caught Hunter's bracelet.

"Why didn't you tell Hunter?"

Thalia's question rang in my ears. Why didn't I tell Hunter about my cancer?

Every answer that came to mind sounded like a silly excuse. Jason was right. I was a coward.

Still, I didn't know if this was a conversation I wanted to have now. My brain hurt, and the thought of speaking about it again made my guts knot and squeezed my lungs. I breathed through it, focusing on my senses. The smell of Hunter and the seats' leather, the feel of the steering wheel under my hands, the soft rev of the car engine.

As if sensing my somber mood, Hunter left me to my thoughts until we rolled down my street.

"You're going to the gym today?" he asked.

"Not sure," I mumbled. Looking for a parking spot nearby. "I have to make a few phone calls and catch up on some reading."

"I'll see you later, then."

I didn't find a spot, so I just looked in the rearview mirror. Coast was clear. I stopped the car and turned on all the blinkers. We got out and met in front of the car.

"I'll see you later," I told him.

He opened his mouth. Someone honked. Hunter sighed. "Later."

I hopped on the sidewalk and watched him drive off. Tucking my hands in my pockets, I looked skyward. It was so blue, so beautifully blue. The sense of bereftness hit me harder than ever before.

I got into my building, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and made the phone call.

Emma picked up at the fifth ring, sounding breathless. "Sapph! It's been so long!"

Guilt nipped me. I kept the distance on purpose. "Hey, Em. You have some time to talk?"

"I always have time for you, girly," she said. There was a deep voice in the background. "Brandon says hi."

I smiled. I missed that guy. "Say Hi back."

There was some shuffle, and then the sound of a door closing. "So, what is it? I take it you're not calling just to hear my lovely voice."

I reached my floor and leaned against the staircase for a moment. Among everyone I knew, Emma's situation had been pretty similar to mine at the moment. She had lost her mother to cancer, then shortly after, her brother lost his life after a serious injury in a boxing match. So she had purposefully distanced herself from Brandon, who was a professional boxer, because she didn't know if she could handle losing him as well after some injury.

But now they were happily married, with an adorable baby that she often sent me pictures of.

"How did you let Brandon back into your life?" I asked her.

"Whoa. That's unexpected." She sighed. "Is this because of Hunter?"

"How in the world do you know about Hunter?"

"Sam speaks to Dad, and Dad told me." There was a smile in her voice. "Your life is more fun than a TV series these days, I gotta admit."

"You're as terrible as Lia, I swear."

"You love me."

"Keep telling yourself that," I said.

"To answer your question, I think Brandon just sort of wore me down, at the end."

I chuckled. "Well, I guess I did tell him to."

"Yeah. But to be honest, I don't think it's just that." She let out a heavy breath. "I think it was when I saw him with another girl. She was just a friend, mind you. But I thought there was something more between them. That's how I knew. I wouldn't be able to just watch him move on and live his life with someone else."

I let out a heavy breath and looked at the chipped wall. Could I see Hunter with someone else?

I had seen him on tabloid covers and on social media going out with models and actresses and beautiful women. It had been painful at first, before I realized that he was never seen with the same person more than twice. Then the pain turned into mere discomfort.

Could I see him move on with someone else? Live in the house he'd built for us? Be the father of her children? Have her take care of Stevie and Brownie and Tux?

I closed my eyes and breathed slowly. Who the hell was I kidding? The simple thought filled my chest with lead.

"Think of the alternative, Sapphire," Emma said. "I know you want him back. But you're afraid. I've been there. But what are you more afraid of?"

"What if- what if I get cancer again, and this time it wins?" I said, my voice barely over a whisper. "He's going to be so heartbroken. What if I lose him again? What if-"

I took a deep breath. My throat tight.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said. "Have you talked to him about it?"

"No. I haven't even told him about my cancer and everything."

"You should. He should have the decision to stay or leave if he can't handle it. You don't have to make the decision for him," she said. "And losing him? That's always a risk, hon. That's just life. I could have a heart attack right now and drop dead. Brandon could get in a car accident and be gone. But we could also live, happy and healthy, until we're both wrinkly ninety-year olds.

"That's life. You can't know what's going to happen. But you never stop living your life because of the fear. Cuz you'll wake up one day and realize you've wasted so much time, so much potential for happiness, and it'll be for nothing."

For nothing. I closed my eyes tightly, but the tears still managed to escape.

Emma sighed. "Listen, Sapph. It's your life."

"I don't know what to do," I whispered. "I'm just so fucking afraid."

"Talk to him," she said firmly. "Does telling him about your cancer scares you?"

I thought about it. "Not much."

"Then talk to him about it and take it from there," she said. "No one says you need to make a decision right now. One step at a time, babe. Just get out of your head and tell him first. Everything will work out, I promise."

I chuckled, the sound watery. "You promise? What am I, Five years old?"

She snorted. "Nah. You're six, at most."

A baby wailed in the background. Then Brandon's voice called. "Emma! The baby wants the booby."

I chuckled. Emma groaned. "I swear this man hasn't grown up a day over fifteen."

We ended the call, and I sat on the steps, thinking about Emma's words.

Just tell him. Get out of your head. It was easier said than done. Or was it? Maybe I should just tell him about my cancer first. He deserved to know why I was rejecting him. Because, as Emma said, by not telling him and assuming, I was making a decision for him. That wasn't fair, to him or to myself.

I wiped my eyes, but the tears just kept falling.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I mumbled into my hands, choking back a sob. I was a mess. A fucking mess.

My phone rang. Hunter. Seeing his name made me cry harder. My sobs filled the abandoned stairway. I should at least go to my place and cry in peace, but I was rooted to the spot. The phone stopped ringing, then started again.

The door to my floor opened. I startled, swallowing back my sobs. I inched towards the wall. Whoever it was would just use the staircase and leave me alone.

My phone stopped ringing.

"Sapphire?"

Hunter. I froze. I felt him sit next to me, his warmth seeping into my side even through my coat. I didn't remove my hands from my face. I was a blubbering mess. At least, the sobs stopped.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice muffled by my hands.

"You forgot your purse in my car."

I was so out of it I hadn't even noticed. He fell quiet for a moment. My sniffles were the only sound.

"God," he mumbled, the word wrenched from his heart. He inched closer until his side pressed against mine. "Sapphire, please don't cry. Is it something I did? Am I pushing too hard?"

That only made me cry harder. God, I was such a mess. "No-" I said, sobbing. "No, I-I just-"

His arm came around me, and Hunter's smell and warmth swallowed me. It only made me sob harder.

He hugged me tighter, and I let go of the last shreds of my plan to keep a distance between us. I melted into him. Hunter's hugs had been my favorite thing in the world, and ten years later, they still made me feel the same.

He didn't say anything, just held me together while I unraveled. How long had it been since I was hugged like this? So tightly, so desperately.

I was so tired. So damn tired of keeping my shit together. And it felt good to just let go and cry it all out.

Hunter rubbed my back as my sobs quieted down to gasps and my tears stopped flowing. I could feel a headache coming.

"Sorry," I said in a scratchy voice.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, his breath tickling my temple.

"Your jacket is a mess," I mumbled, pulling back. There was a big wet spot on his jacket where my face had been. Hunter loosened his arms but didn't let go.

"I have more jackets," he said. I didn't meet his pressing gaze. "Sapphire, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I-" I took a deep breath. Just tell him. Don't overthink it. "I need to tell you something."

A door creaked somewhere upstairs, and footsteps descended. I rubbed my face and stood up. "Come on."

Hunter and I went inside the hallway. As I unlocked the door to my apartment, I chanced a glance at him. His eyes were on me, churning with concern. Then I remembered. "Wait, your dogs are in the car."

"They'll be fine."

"No, it's... it might take a while," I said. "Maybe we should just talk later."

"Like hell we will," he grumbled, taking over the task and pushing my door open. "Get your things. We'll go to my place."

"Hunter, we can just talk later-"

"If I leave you alone right now, you're going to start overthinking," he said, taking my hand and pulling me inside, "whatever it is that's bothering you."

I sighed and dropped my purse on the kitchen counter while he sat on the couch.

"And your solution is to take me home?" I raised my brow.

He smiled, his eyes twinkling. "Yes."

I shook my head. "I have work tomorrow."

"You can take my car."

"What about you?"

"I have other cars."

"You have a solution for everything, don't you?"

He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and regarded me quietly for a few seconds. I looked away and went to open the fridge, standing numbly in front of it.

The couch groaned. Then he was standing behind me. His arm came around me, his hand curling around my shoulder. He put his chin on it. I froze, then my body went slack and I closed my eyes. Being surrounded by him felt so nice.

"Tux is at home. Stevie and Brownie are waiting in the car," he said, his voice tickling my ear. "They'll be glad for the company. I won't have to go back to a house that feels too empty, and you don't have to stay here alone and drive yourself crazy with thinking. Come home with me, Sapphire."

I didn't stand a chance. I turned my head to look at him. Our faces were inches apart. His eyes strayed down to my lips, and he swallowed. My heart beat a wild rhythm in my chest.

"Do you have any food at home?" I whispered.

"I always have food for you," he replied.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Neither one of us moved. My throat was dry. I glanced down at his lips.

The fridge beeped. I jumped. The door has been open too long.

Hunter closed his eyes and opened them. He gave me a smile. "Your fridge is cockblocking me."

I sputtered out a laugh and slapped a hand on my mouth. "Oh my god, you're incorrigible!"

Hunter grinned. He kissed my temple and pulled back. "Come on, Ms. Milton. Let's go home."

--- ---- ---

Thoughts? 

It was an emotional chapter for me to write, but I hope you enjoyed it. 

Don't forget to vote and comment! I appreciate it.

Much love <3 <3 <3

M.B.