"What are you doing here?" Ben asked, setting his College Physics textbook on the table I was sitting at.

"I-I go here now," I replied.

"What?! Since when?!" Ben exclaimed.

"Shhhh!" a blonde at the table next to mine hissed. Ben apologized and then flashed a smile at me.

"Umm. Today is my first day," I told him. He looked at me, confused.

"Why would you start a new school in the middle of your senior year?" he questioned. I knew I couldn't answer that, not truthfully at least.

"Colleges like private schools?" I tried. He didn't seem to buy it, but I knew he wouldn't push the subject further. He knew when I didn't want to talk about something.

"Are you busy?" he asked, nodding at my homework.

"Umm, a little. I have a lot to catch up on. I was hoping to make a dent in it before exams week," I replied. He smiled at me.

"Take a break and come walk with me," he said, his blue-green eyes sparkling. I looked down, uncertain.

I hadn't seen Ben since the summer before my freshman year of high school. We had both known each other because my aunt and uncle were extremely good friends with his parents. Whenever I had visited my aunt and uncle over the summers, Ben and I had always hung out. We were actually really good friends. Although I would never tell him, he had been my first ever crush. And also--though he knew this already--he was my first kiss.

We didn't date. No. Because after that summer before high school began, Ben got accepted to go to Rosestone. I continued on with the public school district that I attended. So we began drifting. I got busy in my high school life and he got busy in his. He wanted to study aerodynamic physics in college. I wanted to be a writer and musician. Our interests changed and so did our personalities. And so we fell apart, becoming nothing more than just acquaintances.

"I'm not sure..." I muttered. He smiled down at me, picking his book up.

"Please?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. I sighed. I wasn't going to get anything done, anyway. I put my stuff away and got up. He grinned at me and turned, walking out of the study room. We walked out into the slightly chilly early October air.

"So how've you been, Renee?" he asked as we walked in step with one another. I shrugged.

"Good, I guess," I replied in a soft voice. He was silent for a moment.

"You seem different," he noted. I could feel him gazing at my face. I kept my eyes forward, willing myself not to look at him. I was afraid that he would be able to see that something was wrong. After all, he had known me so well all those years ago.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, lowering my head slightly.

"Well, you're a lot quieter, that's for sure. You used to be so happy and up-beat. Now, it seems like someone pulled the switch on you," he said.  I shook my head.

"I'm just tired today. It was a long first day," I lied. He stopped walking and grabbed onto my arm lightly.

"Ren, look at me," he said. I shook my head again and looked anywhere else but at him. I felt him take my face in his hands, his touch ever so gentle as he forced me to look into his eyes. I swallowed, wishing that my eyes wouldn't give me away.

I realized how much he'd grown. His hair was a little shorter and less curly, his face a little more mature. His eyes were the same pristine and mesmerizing blue-green. Our faces were close and I could smell his expensive cologne from where I was standing. "Hugo Boss", I remembered him saying the summer before our freshman year when we were hanging out.

At the close proximity of our faces, I was suddenly reminded of that night. It had been such a perfect night when we had kissed.

It had been Ben's sister's cotillion and Ben had asked me to be his "date". During the event, we got bored, so we stole away from the party and walked outside. We had just been walking and talking, like we were doing now and like we had done on so many other occasions. The summer night was perfect. It was around dusk, right after the sunset, that we had stolen away. The sky had been an orange-blue color and we could see the faint sparkle of the stars.

Since we lived in Maine, the cotillion was at a fancy dining hall by the sea. I had had my shoes in my hands, wearing my pretty light blue dress. Ben had loosened the bow tie around his neck and opened up the first few buttons of his shirt. We had climbed onto the rocks by the ocean and sat, just talking about how excited we were about high school. I told him how I was going to put my gymnastics to use and try out for the cheerleading squad. He told me he was going to join the National Honors Society.

As we talked, we laughed. We talked and talked and talked. And then Ben cracked a horribly cheesy joke and we had burst into laughter, falling back against the cool rocks. We had laid down on the rocks when our faces grew a little serious, the shadow of our laughter still on our lips. Then he had told me I looked beautiful and he had brushed my wind-blow curly hair out of my face. Then he leaned forward and he kissed me.

Just like that. And it had been the most perfect moment in my entire life. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect first kiss. And then in an instant, it had been over and we had moved on with our lives, everything forgotten, everything left behind.

And here we were again, our faces close, but lifetimes away.

He had no idea what had happened to this face since the last time we talked. He had no clue of all the make-up that had been put on it, from so many homecomings and proms. He didn't know of the times my lips had been kissed after that first perfect time, by jocks and my high school true love. He had no idea how many smiles this face had put up, how many chants these lips uttered, how many tears of happiness these eyes cried. He had no idea of the perfection that this face had witnessed for all those years of my life. But how could he when I didn't even know myself?

And now, those same lips that had laughed and been kissed were permanently shaped in a thin line. Those same eyes that had once sparkled with a naiive glow were now dim and dark. Those eyes that had cried tears of joy had now run dry from crying tears of sadness. I was a completely different person now and he had no idea.

And he never would.

I would never, ever say what had happened. I would never speak of it, because to say it aloud would be to make it set in stone and I wasn't ready for that yet. So I would remain silent, as I had these past few weeks. I would keep my sorrows to myself. I would remain alone, since that was the only way I could stay away from getting hurt again.

"Ren? What happened to you?" Ben asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I moved my face slightly, so that his hands fell to his sides.

"I'm fine, Ben," I said in a stiff voice. I knew he wasn't convinced. He had seen the pain in my eyes. But I knew he wouldn't press for details unless he knew I was comfortable giving them. He sighed, confirming my intuition.

Then, he did something unexpected. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. He stroked the back on my head with his hand ever so gently, while the other arm held me securely from the waist. He rested his head on the side of mine and I could feel the warmth of his cheek.

I felt myself becoming vulnerable. My face became warm and I had that drumming in my ears. I could feel the sting of tears that wouldn't come, that couldn't come. I knew that if I didn't get away now, it would be too late. So I pulled away and caught Ben's worried gaze fleetingly before turning and walking away swiftly. He didn't call after me. No, he wouldn't do that. He would wait until I was ready to talk. But that would never happen. I would never talk. He was just going to have to forget.

That was something I was incredibly jealous of, the ability to forget. To forget would mean to start my life over again. But I couldn't forget, so I would have to continue with this life of mine.

I rushed into my dorm room, closing the door shut behind me. I leaned against it, closing my eyes and trying to steady my emotions.

"Who're you trying to run from?" I heard. I opened my eyes to see Aiden standing in front of me. I felt annoyance flood over me. I had forgotten I had a roommate.

"No one. I just...have somewhere to go," I mumbled, moving around him, keeping my head down.

"Could that somewhere be the same place you went last night?" he asked. I decided not to answer. Maybe if I let him keep talking, he would eventually start talking about something else. "Where did you go, by the way? You didn't get back until past midnight," he continued. He was silent for a long moment. He was clearly waiting for a response.

"I was making sure my brother was all right," I lied, my face still turned away from him.

"You have a brother?" he asked. I nodded.

"He's at the elementary school. I was making sure he had eaten dinner and that he was holding up all right," I said, hoping that I sounded convincing. He came around to stand in front of me again. Althought I didn't want to, my eyes went up and locked with his.

How old is he?" he asked.

"Almost seven," I answered. He nodded.

"Is that why you left early this morning, too?" he questioned. I nodded.

"I wanted to walk him to his first class," I said. He gazed at me for a while before his face broke into a smile.

"What a nice sister you are," he said. I shrugged and finally broke eye contact with him.

"So how was the first day of classes?" he asked as I pulled open one of my drawers. I wanted to get out of my uniform.

"They were fine. Typical," I replied, taking out a pair of black baggy sweatpants and a deep maroon hoodie with the Rosestone crest on it.

"I didn't see you at lunch today," he said.

"I ate outside," I replied shortly. I knew he was trying to make conversation. I just didn't want to talk. I hated talking. I wasn't used to it. I had been silent for almost a month now. It was hard to talk. It was hard to socialize. It was hard to be normal again.

I went into the bathroom and changed, washing my face with cold water. After I dried my face, I glanced at my reflection. I had changed so much. It was only a month ago that I had that girly glow about me. Now I was pale and sad.

"It seems like someone pulled the switch on you," Ben had said. He was right. Someone did. Me. And now the wire seemed to be frayed.

When I walked back out into the room, I ran right into Aiden, who had been waiting for me.

"Oh, sorry," I muttered, trying to step around him. It was no use, though; I was trapped.

"There's something about you that I can't quite put my finger on," he said, scrutinizing me with his brown eyes. I averted my gaze and kept my head down. Then I lightly pushed him aside and went to my bed, climbing in under the covers.

"Are you going to bed? It's only 7," he said.

"I'm resting my eyes," I told him, turning my lamp off. I turned my back towards him so that I faced the wall. Then I closed my eyes and drifted into my plagued subconscious.

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A/N: Sorry this is such a depressing story. It's just a sad theme. But I'm going to try and make a rocking story out of it. =)

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