
Numbness
The argument between the two fire nation siblings hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone. Well, it did help that Azula made quite a tantrum. Ty Lee had practically been knocked aside as the princess stormed from Zuko's room with her hands smoldering.
Zuko gave a loud grown and punched at his desk in anger. Thinking it wise to go unnoticed Ty Lee backed away quickly. Zuko, however, was eager to find some sort of resolution and with a long sigh followed his sister's path.
Kiyi, who had been practicing the few tricks Ty Lee had taught her, now sat at the table with her father and Ursa who both listened to her enthusiastic conversation. All talk soon died as all three sets of eyes were attracted to Azula's entrance.
"Oh no..." Ursa muttered. Azula's shoulders were straight and tense and her brows were scrunched in silent rage. Ursa was surprised, not by how angry her daughter was, but that the entire palace hadn't burned down yet.
"Azula, I'm sorry. I didn't handle that appropriately just...hear me out." Zuko pleaded pausing in the center of the room. Azula's response was nothing short of a growl. "I want what's best for you."
"One more word and I will incinerate you on the spot." Azula hissed. Kiyi's eyes widened as she studied the arguing siblings.
"Y-you can incinerate people?" She squeaked to which her father clamped a nervous hand over her mouth. Azula's heated glare settled on her younger half sister.
"I can do a lot of things."
"Stand down," Zuko's warning was nervous. He couldn't deny the amount of power his sister held.
"Zuko, stop." The fire lord glanced over his shoulder to find Ty Lee with Mai perched in the hallway next to her. Both wore expressions of concern.
"Oh look. You brought the cavalry." Azula huffed crossing her arms.
"For your defense." Mai quipped dryly.
"What?!" Zuko's jaw practically unhinged.
"What?" Ursa stood looking confusedly from one person to another. "Someone, please explain what's going on."
"All I said wa-"
To Azula's surprise Ursa held up a polite hand to silence Zuko. "From the looks of it your sister's perspective is the most concerning at the moment seeing as how she's threatened to incinerate you."
"Well, this is a turn of events." Mai's eyebrows arched.
"Zuko insists on removing me from the palace." Azula's tone had dropped surprisingly.
"What?!" Kiyi yelled batting her father's hand away. "You can't do that! How else am I going to learn fire-bending?!"
"I could teach you." Zuko noted.
"Can you make blue fire?" Kiyi raised her eyebrow expectantly. "Not from what I know."
Azula's lips twitched into a smug smile. Ursa sighed turning to her youngest child, "Kiyi, honey, that's not helpful right now."
"Mother, the point is, she's a danger to herself and people here. I'm only wanting a compromise that benefits both parties." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Zuko, with all do respect, I think your opinion is...um, misinformed." Ty Lee wasn't used to being the one who spoke up about issues but her timid start still caught the attention of others. "See, I don't think Azula is the problem. The care here is. I was with her when the nurses tried to help her. They don't know what they're doing. I don't think they've had experience with someone like Azula."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Azula scowled.
"Shut up, I'm trying to help you." Ty Lee smacked her forehead in disbelief. To everyone's amazement Azula bit her tongue. "I can handle things. We already talked earlier about what to do."
"Did you?" Ursa asked in a hardly disguised awe.
"Well, more or less. I was actually trying to frighten the runt but..." Azula gave a shrug and only the tiniest twitch of a smile in Kiyi's direction.
"Then I don't see the problem."
"Do you really want that responsibility?" Zuko questioned, first gesturing at Azula then looking at the acrobat.
"I'm responsible!" Ty Lee insisted.
Mai gave a snort of laughter, "Right."
"Oh, shut up." Ty Lee pouted.
"Great, let a five year old handle this. Fine, I guess, whatever..." Zuko shook his head and turned to leave. Azula in her pride snapped her fingers sending a wisp of blue flame to lick at Zuko's rear.
With an undignified yelp the fire lord walked briskly away. Ursa gave Azula a stern look to which Azula provided an innocent expression in return.
"So are you really gonna teach me how to incinerate someone?" Kiyi asked skeptically.
"Kiyi!" Her father sighed.
"Anything you want to learn." A peculiar gleam settled in Azula's eyes both frightening and somehow endearing.
"You're not sculpting her into a horrible weapon." Ty Lee chastised.
"What about a small one?"
"No."
"Yes!" Kiyi hollered giving an evil laugh and scampering off to who knew where.
"Something tells me we should follow." Ursa frowned. With that the room cleared except for the three girls.
"Zuko can be insensitive." Mai noted.
"I've noticed for years." Azula replied dryly.
"Hmm." Mai gave an amused hum. "Well, I'm going to go read."
"What about?" Ty Le asked curiously.
"How to choke someone out fifty different ways. I heard it's good."
"That's... well that's a little dark." Ty Lee pinched her fingers together only leaving a small space.
"Ty Lee, have you not known me my entire life?" Mai rolled her eyes before heading to the library with a lazy wave goodbye.
"I'm going into town."
"What for?"
"I feel like doing something...impulsive." Azula mused.
"That's not a good idea." Ty Lee shook her head.
"Who said it had to be a bad idea?" The princess quipped stretching her arms over her head. "Fun is a very flexible term."
—-
And that was how the two girls ended up in their current predicament.
"By fun I didn't think you meant upsetting an entire bar of recently released criminals!" Ty Lee growled.
"They were in the way of my view." Azula replied flippantly.
"Your view of what? The bathroom?!"
"No, my view of an old man getting robbed outside the window."
"What?!"
"Kidding." Azula laughed, eyes narrowing at the approaching hog of a-man. He swung wildly with his fist. With her arms tucked behind her back Azula tripped him with a simple jut of the foot. "Who's next?"
In a minute or two the entire bar was on the floor completely paralyzed. The only person left unharmed was a young boy maybe twelve and his little sister. The two both held brooms and dirty aprons.
"Wow." The boy whispered in awe exposing his gap toothed mouth.
"Uh...don't tell anyone?" Ty Lee asked nervously.
"Don't tell anyone?! No way! You guys just saved us!" The boy smiled brightly.
"What?" Ty Lee frowned in confusion.
"I told you they were blocking my view." Azula noted blandly. "Next time kids, leave the smelly ones outside."
"Yes Ma'am." He nodded as his little sister smiled. With a roll of the shoulders Azula stepped outside.
"That was fun. It's been a while since I've experienced anything exhilarating." The princess smelled the fresh air with a slight wrinkle of the nose. "What are you staring at?"
"Nothing." Ty Lee said quickly, unsure how Azula knew she was watching her without looking.
"You're a horrible liar."
"You just confuse me." The acrobat admitted.
"Is that so?" Azula mused. "I confuse a lot of people. It's funny really."
"What are you scheming?" Ty Lee frowned. "There's a purpose for what just happened."
"There's always a purpose. Only, it's for me to know and you to not find out." The princess finally glanced over her shoulder at Ty Lee. Azula really was a basket case, both in a good way and a bad way. She played games because they were fun.
She wasn't genuinely a good person, not yet at least, but she wasn't quite bad either. She liked games and if it meant doing a decent deed to keep people on their toes so be it.
What was somehow charming about the princess' look was the utter complexity of her expression. It left the acrobat wanting to figure it out, to solve the damn puzzle she'd just claimed responsibility for.
"You still have to know that speech." Azula interrupted her thoughts.
"I haven't seen it."
"Precisely." Azula smirked.
"You make no sense." Ty Lee huffed.
"All in due time."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Answers are a reward of patience. I find that I never know them either. Then again, I do, to an extent." The playful look in Azula's eyes drove Ty Lee mad. She was playing with her, mocking her, because the princess knew Ty Lee's wit did not match her own.
The town lights began to flicker on as darkness slowly began to settle. The day had worn away quickly in all that had happened.
"Your irritation is showing."
"I have a right to be irritated." Ty Lee argued.
"Whatever for? You've gotten what you wanted. I'm at your disposal. Do as you wish to heal my 'troubled mind'." Azula's air quotes sent a hot rod of irritation down Ty Lee's spine.
"Is everything always going to be a game to you?" The amount of steel in the acrobats voice was practically foreign to the world. "Seriously, what is it? What's your grand end game?"
"One moment you're falling apart at the seams, the next you're fine, then you're enraged, and now you're mocking?! Who are you?" Azula's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise at the violence behind the acrobat's brown irises.
"That's the question everyone's trying to answer isn't it?" Azula didn't smile, gave no hint of her remark being sly, and yet it was still enraging.
"No, that's the question you're creating." Ty Lee shook her head and tore her eyes away from the princess. "I think I get it actually."
"If you've solved my life, please tell me the answer." Azula scoffed crossing her arms.
"You want people to stay on their toes. It's how you thrive, it's where you're comfortable. You're trying to hide your weakness because of your pride. Somehow I think the real Azula is starting to figure herself out and you're uncertain." Ty Lee had started and it was unlikely she was going to stop. "You've opened up about things no one ever knew. Your past, your feelings, things you've done, and more. Talking about it, expressing it, is fixing you. But you're not sure how to act. You're actually afraid to heal. But why in the world would you want to hold on to your pain?"
"You will find in this world that some people are addicted to a certain kind of sadness." The princess' tone surprised the acrobat and once again Ty Lee was amazed to see Azula's facade slip once more. It was getting harder for the fire bender to maintain her charade around the acrobat. Ty Lee was learning. She was beginning to understand and once that happened there was only so much effort Azula could expend to remain in control.
"Why?"
"You wouldn't understand." Azula laughed, watching the stars peek out of the hazy clouds.
"Try me. I think I've done better than anyone else trying to figure you out."
"You know my history with, ah, dark thoughts, inflicted harm, distrust, etcetera but you have yet to realize that there is more than my past to the equation."
"Azula." Ty Lee stepped firmly in front of her friend demanding attention both from her taller height and in the tone of her voice. "For once, only once, be the real you. The one you're starting to be, the one you're afraid of."
The two girls held eye contact for a long time and Ty Lee watched a battle unfold in Azula's eyes. It was a battle of pride and admission, submission and power, reluctance and willingness.
"I play games because I am unsatisfied. There is nothing these days that holds my attention. I dominated cities. You saw me do it. I did the impossible. Why, what else is there for me to do?" The question held a sense of hopelessness in it. A soft bitterness to the words. "You don't know what a perpetual boredom feels like. It's a numbness that doesn't go away. I never feel. The only time I do it's anger or something unsettling. Something dark. But...it's still a feeling."
"You're afraid you won't feel anything if you don't hold onto your past?" Ty Lee's question was soft. Azula's gaze flickered to the pathway.
"What else is there to feel if I can't find something that makes me excited or happy? I'd rather be cynical than numb." Azula's gaze flicked briefly back to Ty Lee. "Would you blame me for that?"
"I wouldn't blame anyone for feeling." Ty Lee shook her head.
"You know you're not that different."
"How so?"
"Well, at least with Mai there's some fluctuation with her emotions, but with you...it's different. You're always happy, always enthusiastic, and when I see that I can't help but have a small part of me hate it. Hate you. I can't recall the last time I've seen you upset. The last time I've seen you hurt." A small laugh was followed by a small shake of the head. "Is it cruel that I want you to feel pain sometimes?"
"I think...that maybe, you're too busy trying to feel something rather than nothing, that you miss the emotions of people in front of you." A silence settled between the two friends for some time.
"Is that your way of saying I'm selfish?"
"No, I'm saying it's your way of protecting yourself." Azula tilted her head in question. "While you want to feel pain, I think part of you doesn't want to be the cause of someone else's."
"Do I cause you pain?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Because I've been nothing more than a support for you and for some reason you still feel the need to protect yourself against me." Ty Lee's voice was hardly above a whisper. "You said you forgave me for what happened at the boiling rock but you didn't mean it did you?"
"I meant it even if it was a calloused and hurried thing." The princess gave a shrug. "I protect myself from the unpredictable. It's the unpredictable that has always uprooted me. It was my mother, my father, once upon a time it was you, and it has been almost everyone since then."
"You said once, for me."
"I'm not very good at resisting your unpredictability am I?" Azula arched a brow. "It's almost a non existent factor at this point. No more energy needs to be wasted on a defense that doesn't work."
"I see." Ty Lee gave a slow nod and stepped aside to stand next to Azula. The princess' gaze settled once more on the sky. "If you don't mind my asking, what did you see that made you take on the whole bar?"
"There was a man," Azula began voice oddly soft, "to his right there was a woman. She was hardly noticeable, a small one, but she was frail. Their mother based on stature, but she owns the place by how she submits so easily to them. She expects to be taken advantage of. It's a normal routine. They walk in, take as they please, and if she wants to come close to what it costs to serve them she can't protest what happens. The kids, they can't either."
Ty Lee was once again amazed by Azula's calculations. No one would have suspected she'd seen so much and so subtly too.
"When a man spits on a boy and his mother because he can, the man is a pig who needs to be beat. When the man lifts the hem of a little girl's skirt because he can, he deserves to die." There was a bitter venom in Azula's voice.
"You didn't kill anyone." Ty Lee frowned.
"Not physically, but a mark can go a long way from what I've learned." A small blue flame danced across Azula's fingers. "Father used to brand pedophiles with scars."
Ty Lee felt a sickness twist in her gut.
"He would burn their hands so everyone knew they had done things that were cruel. I guess he got something right, though looking back, he probably should have burned his own." The flame snapped off suddenly and Ty Lee could see Azula's walls slowly rebuild. "He won't be touching anything for a long time."
There was something else behind Azula's words that Ty Lee wanted to pry at but she refrained. She had gone far enough tonight. Azula turned away from the sky and her back faced the town. "It's cruel I know, and you can dislike me for it, but some people don't learn otherwise."
"Perhaps he deserved it." Ty Lee's words brought a look of raw surprise on Azula's face as she glanced at her tall and lanky friend. "Don't seem so surprised. I did shove a set of chopsticks up someone's nose in the cafeteria once at the academy."
Ty Lee's bright smile brought a small flash of teeth from Azula and a soft chuckle of amusement, "I suppose a part of you will always be the same."
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