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trigger warning:
alcohol use as a coping mechanism
and description of a panic attack
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May 2, 1999

It was a pleasantly warm May morning, though George wouldn't have known that thanks to his habit of sleeping in well past the time any responsible adult would these days.

The dark purple drapes on his window were drawn closed, making his room pitch black despite the bright and beautiful late spring weather London had been having. It must have been some sort of record for the least amount of rain in the last ten years, but again, George wouldn't know that.

It was some time between three or four in the morning when George finally passed out, whether it was from his alcohol consumption or his utter exhaustion was up for debate. But after only a few restless hours of sleep, a bright blue light suddenly burst into George's room causing him to sit bolt upright in bed.

His head was pounding from the second he opened his eyes, and he had a hard time adjusting to the light as he squinted at the patronus floating in the center of his bedroom.

"Fleur has gone into labor, we're on our way to St. Mungo's now!" Bill's excited voice filled the dark room.

George suddenly got a sinking feeling of dread in his stomach. He really did not want to sit in a waiting room at the hospital for hours surrounded by his family, especially when he hadn't spoken to many of them since his birthday. They would all be giddy and excitedly waiting for his niece or nephew to be born and he was not in the mood for it.

But he knew a similar patronus would be arriving at Verity's flat at any moment to wake up Charlie as well. As much as George wanted to resist, he knew he would end up being dragged there kicking and screaming by his older brother. Family always came first to Charlie, even though it annoyed George to no end.

The horrible headache he woke up with wouldn't be subsiding anytime soon, George knew that. Over time he thought his body would get used to his hangovers, as if his brain would somehow adjust to his constant state of drunkenness, but that was never the case. He always felt like shit then next day, but would keep drinking anyway. Begrudgingly, he decided to kick the quilt off his body and trudge his way to the bathroom across the hall despite the overwhelming feeling of his skull was being crushed.

As always, he made sure to avoid his reflection on his way to turn on the shower to allow the water to warm up. He left the mirror uncovered mostly for Charlie's sake, but even after all this time any glance at himself was still too much to handle emotionally, so he did his best to keep avoiding it. George hopped in the shower where he had turned the water way too hot in an attempt to wash away his hangover in vain.

After getting dressed in the only clean t-shirt and pair of jeans he could find, he still didn't feel any better than he had when he woke up, if anything he felt slightly worse. As he brushed his damp hair away from his eyes, he wondered if he should just flee the country instead of facing his family. Starting a new life with a new identity would probably be easier than dealing with several Weasleys who were both happy for Bill and Fleur as well as acting concerned for George at the same time.

In the end he decided it would be best to just bite the bullet and make his way to the hospital before anyone in the family decided to hunt him down.

-

When he arrived in the waiting room of the maternity ward at St. Mungo's, he was surprised to see that only his parents and Eloise were there. He knew Eloise had most likely come at the same time as Bill and Fleur, but he expected at least one of his siblings to be there already and began feeling slightly annoyed that he rushed down here for nothing.

For some reason Eloise had chosen to not sit with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. As George noticed her he found it slightly odd as he knew she'd always had a lovely relationship with his parents, but he tried not to dwell on it.

Given the choice between sitting with his parents, sitting near Eloise, or sitting on his own, he chose Eloise. Sitting alone would have given someone the opportunity to pity him and come over to ask him how he had been doing, and he wasn't in the mood for that, so he had to pick someone to sit with.

Out of everyone currently in the room, he knew that Eloise didn't entirely hate his guts after he ditched everyone on his birthday, so she was the safest choice. He still hadn't returned any of his parents' numerous letters since that night, and the more George ignored his mother, the more overbearing she could be.

But he also just really missed Eloise, despite their last discussion ending on somewhat of an awkward note, he was glad to see her this morning.

Eloise was sitting at a small table by the window, reading a book and drinking coffee. She already looked wide awake and much more put together in comparison to George, but he knew that she wasn't up all night drinking herself to death like he was.

"Feeling okay?" Eloise asked as he sat down across from her, glancing up from her book and taking in his rough appearance.

"Just a bit of a headache." he muttered, not wanting to admit to her that he had still been drinking nearly every night since he had last seen her, but part of him assumed she had already figured it out.

He had done a good job of hiding just how destructive his habit was from everyone, for the most part. The only time he went out to the Leaky Cauldron was on nights Charlie was staying over at Verity's flat (which was becoming more and more often lately) otherwise he drank from the small stash he'd kept hidden in his bedroom.

Charlie had just thought that George was going through a depressive phase where he wanted to sleep for most of the day and be left alone, which was also partially true. He was just oblivious to how deep the problem with his younger brother's alcohol consumption had become despite living under the same roof.

Eloise set down her book and slid the paper coffee cup next to her over to him, "Here, you look like you need it more than me."

"What's in it?"

"It's just coffee, a bit of milk, and three sugars."

George scrunched his nose a bit. Always three sugars. While he loved sweets, he preferred his coffee black, but he wasn't about to tell Eloise that.

"Thanks, Elle." he said as he took the cup from her hand.

George took a large sip of the coffee and grimaced at the flavor before resting the cup back on the table. When he brought his eyes back up to Eloise she was gazing out the window beside them with her arms crossed as she tapped her index finger against her arm impatiently.

The situation felt slightly tense thanks to the fact that they hadn't talked to each other since she visited his flat a week ago. George wanted to see Eloise, he really did. He just couldn't even muster up the motivation to get out of bed most days, let alone reach out to her.

George was bouncing his leg anxiously under the table as he watched her gaze out the window. He noticed that her nails were completely bare rather than their usual pale blue and wondered if she had stopped painting them for any specific reason. Then he began wondering if she had separated herself from his parents in the hopes that he would choose to sit with them instead and leave her alone.

His thoughts started racing, which wasn't making his headache any better and he felt increasingly guilty. Before she left his flat he had promised that they would see each other again soon, but he continued to put forth no effort into seeing her.

The only reason they were even sitting across from each other right now was the fact that Bill and Fleur were having their baby today. Otherwise, George knew deep down that he would have kept on avoiding her, or at the very least expecting her to be the one to put forth all the effort to reach out to him like she always did.

Up until now he had been able to avoid the idea that everything was his all his fault, thanks to the alcohol clouding most of his thoughts. But as he sat across from Eloise completely sober, he was having to face the truth head on and he quickly realized it was probably best for them to talk things out, or at the very least for him to apologize.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, why?" she asked curtly.

Eloise had never been short with George before, so he was slightly taken aback. She was the most patient person he knew and her sudden change in demeanor made him feel as though he brought out the worst in her, and he really didn't want to be that person. It only made him feel more like they were never truly meant to be together if he brought out this side of her when they weren't even dating.

"I know things were kind of weird between us when you left my flat last week and I'm really sorry I haven't reached out since then-" he started.

"Let's just focus on Bill and Fleur today, not us. Okay?" she interrupted as she picked up her book and flipped through the pages to continue where she left off.

It was no use, Eloise had completely shut down the conversation before it even begun. Whatever he tried to do to mend the situation would get him nowhere today.

George glanced to a nearby coffee table to see if there was anything worth reading to pass the time and get his mind off of their complicated relationship. That's when his eyes fell on that morning's edition of The Daily Prophet.

His eyebrows knit into a frown as he saw the picture and headline on the front page. Denial coursed through his body as he attempted to convince himself that it couldn't possibly be the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts already.

They had just celebrated his birthday, in his mind there was no way this day could have come up so fast and he not realize it. Of course his reckless habits were to blame, he barely looked at a clock anymore let alone a calendar.

He stood up from his seat suddenly and walked over to the coffee table, quickly grabbing the paper. There was a picture of Minerva McGonagall on the front page, she was standing with a solemn expression near a long list of names etched into the wall behind her. The caption next to the photo read:

'On the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, we honor the fallen heroes with a new plaque inside the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. While we came out victorious, many of us lost loved ones on that fateful night. My wish is for these brave witches and wizards to never be forgotten. Their names will forever remain on the walls of this castle for future generations of students to recognize the brave sacrifice these heroes made within the grounds of this school.

- Headmistress Minerva McGonagall'

"Shit." George muttered under his breath.

Molly seemed to notice George reading the paper from across the room and stood from where she was sitting with Arthur, prepared to console her son. But before she even had the chance, George threw the paper back down on the table and rushed out of the waiting room.

He had no destination in mind, he just let his feet aimlessly carry him down the empty halls of the hospital as his surroundings started to blur. A loud ringing in his ears took over his focus and he felt his chest start to hurt as his breathing quickened.

He had become all too familiar with the symptoms of a growing panic attack, but each time it happened he felt like he was dying right there on the spot. He stumbled back and slid down the wall as his legs gave out beneath him.

George was so consumed by his fear that he hadn't heard the sound of footsteps running down the hall to where he was sitting with his knees clutched tightly to his chest. The next sight he saw was Eloise kneeling down in front of him, cupping both sides of his face. He saw her lips moving but couldn't process what she was saying to him.

"Elle?" he whispered, barely able to get her name to leave his lips as his lungs desperately craved oxygen in a way he couldn't fulfill.

"You're okay. You're going to be okay." Elle whispered as she brushed his hair way from his face.

"He's gone. Why wasn't it me? Why couldn't it have been me?" he choked out as tears began falling from his eyes.

Eloise didn't know how to respond, she just shifted her body so that she was sitting next to him on the cold tile of the hospital floor, wrapping her arms around him and allowing him sob into her shoulder.

"I'm dying. I can't... I can't breathe." he mumbled into her hair through his tears.

Eloise rubbed her hand up and down his arm as she did her best to console him, "You're alright, inhale for eight seconds and exhale for four. Can you do that with me?"

George did what she asked and followed her breathing, but he wasn't feeling any better. He knew he wouldn't be able to calm himself down if he stayed in this hospital where all of his family would be gathered and his fight or flight mode kicked in, giving him the strong urge to run.

"I need to leave." he mumbled quietly into her shoulder.

She pulled away from him slightly with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Please get me out of here."

"I will... I will." she said as she quickly tried thinking of a plan of escape, "Stand up for me, George. Can you do that?"

Eloise stood up and held her hands out to pull George up too. She held on to his hands tightly as he leaned against the wall, still breathing quickly.

As Eloise reached one hand inside her handbag, frantically trying to dig for her wand, she glanced up to see that Molly had been standing in the doorway of the waiting room watching the entire emotional scene unfold. The blonde witch pulled her wand out and looked at Molly with an apologetic look in her eyes before she took a deep breath and disapparated her and George out of the hospital.

-

In the flurry of emotions the best place she could think of was her bedroom at Shell Cottage. There was nothing there that could possibly remind George of Fred or the battle. All there was to focus on was the beach and Eloise.

As soon as they landed George immediately released Eloise's hand and sat on the bed, staring blankly at the wall across from him. She kneeled in front of him and rested her hands on his knees, he could see her in front of him but he didn't fully register her presence, he was looking right through her as if she was a ghost.

"Do you need to be alone, or do want me to stay?" she asked softly.

"Stay."

"Why don't you lay down for a while? I'll sit over here, I won't leave you, I promise." she said as she stood up and pulled out the chair next to her desk.

George mindlessly nodded at her as he laid back on Eloise's bed, the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore outside of her window felt slightly calming to him, but he still had the same sense of dread coursing through him that felt like it was crushing his chest. He tried to close his eyes and focus only on the sounds of the ocean, but when he did all he saw was Fred lying motionless on the concrete floor of the Great Hall.

His eyes snapped open as he let out a gasp and he quickly flicked his head towards Eloise to make sure she was still there. The fear of being alone was foreign to him, but it was consuming all of his thoughts in this moment. After all these months of pushing everyone away, he suddenly realized how truly scared he was of the idea of being abandoned. Eloise was still there though, and his eyes met the girl who had been intently watching him from across the room with concern on her face.

"Come here." George said in a strained whisper.

Eloise slowly stood up from the desk and walked to the side of the bed without a word. She wasn't sure exactly what he needed from her, but after a second he reached out and grasped her hand and tugged at it lightly, encouraging her to lay down next to him. Though confused, Eloise obliged without question and slowly climbed onto the bed next to him. Before she could say anything to him, George wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his chest.

He had no ulterior motives in this moment, no thoughts about their messy relationship or how upset she seemed this morning. He just wanted to hold her in his arms, he needed to feel as though he wasn't alone.

As Eloise rested her head against his chest he let the sound of her steady breathing help calm him down as he focused on slowing his own breathing down to match hers, eventually being able to come down from his panic attack as he did so.

The two of them laid like that in comfortable silence for close to half an hour before either of them pulled away from one another. But Eloise knew she would need to get back to the hospital eventually, she wasn't going to pressure George into joining her though, she was fine with him staying in her room for as long as he needed to.

"Are you okay?" Eloise asked as she pulled herself away from him slightly, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Better, thanks. Sorry about all that."

"Don't apologize, I'm just glad you're alright." she reassured him as she brushed his fringe away from his eyes.

"I didn't realize it was today, if I had known I don't think I would have reacted like that." he rationalized as he thought back on the scene he caused.

Her hand came to rest against his cheek before she replied, "It came up on you suddenly, your reaction was completely understandable."

George felt himself relax under Eloise's touch, but he felt undeserving of her comfort.

"I thought you were upset with me. Why did you come after me?"

Her brows furrowed slightly, "Because I care about you. I wasn't thinking about that petty stuff, all I thought about was making sure you were okay."

George closed his eyes and let out a sigh before replying, "Why are you so good to me? I don't deserve it."

Eloise pulled her hand away from his face and sat up straight causing George to open his eyes and see her looking down at him with a prominent frown on her face.

"Why do you think you don't deserve it?"

George diverted his eyes away from her and focused on the ceiling above him before answering, "I don't know. I just feel like I don't deserve anything good to happen to me without Fred."

"You deserve the world, George."

Their eyes locked onto each other once more and George felt his heart sink. All he ever did was pull Eloise in and then push her away, it was a cycle he had caused and he knew it wasn't fair to her. Yet she still supported him and took care of him regardless.

A feeling of guilt took over his body, replacing the panic that was once there moments ago. He felt as if he was using her despite his best efforts not to, and he didn't want to be that person. But pushing her away would never work, they were like magnets to each other that kept pulling back no matter how far apart they were.

"What are you thinking about?" Eloise asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"You." he blurted out without hesitation, immediately growing embarrassed by his remark.

A shy smile grew on Eloise's lips as George covered his face with the crook of his elbow. He felt the bed move slightly as she stood up and he peeked out from under his arm to watch her gather her things.

"Are you leaving?"

"I need to get back to the hospital, but you don't have to come with me though. I know it's stressful, so you can stay here and I promise I'll come back in a little while to check on you."

George pushed himself up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, "No, I'll go with you. I don't want to be alone."

"Well, I can stay if you want me to."

"No, I know this is important to you. I mean, it is to me too but-" he paused for a moment as he attempted to reorganize his thoughts, "It's a lot, but I really do want to be there for this. If you're with me, I'll be okay."

Eloise gave him the same comforting smile that always melted the ice around his heart and held out her hand to him. George stood up from the bed and took her hand, and as she gave it a light squeeze she pulled her wand out of her bag.

"Ready?" she asked.

George hesitated for a moment but let out a sigh and gave her a nod before they disapparated out of her bedroom.

-

The two of them returned to the hospital and entered the waiting room to the sight of the rest of the Weasley family sitting around chatting with one another.

Molly spotted the two of them first and looked as if she was about to stand up to approach them, but at that same moment Bill opened the door to the maternity wing, squashing Molly's chances of asking either of them about what happened earlier that morning.

"Oh good, you two are exactly the people I wanted to see!" Bill said happily as his eyes fell on Eloise and George.

The two of them shared a curious look with one another before turning back to Bill, silently inquiring more information.

"We want you two to meet her first." he said with a wide grin.

They heard a jealous groan come from both Charlie and Molly, but ignored it as Bill beckoned them through the door. Eloise glanced up to see George's jaw clenched slightly and could tell he was feeling quite uneasy with the situation. As they quickly approached the door to Fleur's room, he felt Eloise intertwine her fingers with his, causing him to let out a grateful sigh.

After everything that happened earlier that day, she wanted to do anything to make him feel like he wasn't alone. The birth of his niece on the anniversary of Fred's death was a lot for all of the Weasleys as it felt quite bittersweet, but for George it was nearly impossible to handle. Eloise knew that if he missed out on this moment, he would regret it some day. She wanted to be as supportive as possible so he could have a happy memory to look back on.

The walk down the hall to Fleur's room was filled with silent tension. But once they reached the room Eloise's demeanor softened right away. The sight of her best friend holding her beautiful newborn baby brought tears of joy to her eyes almost immediately.

There were two dark green armchairs right next to Fleur's bed that Bill gestured to the two to sit in. Eloise let go of George's hand and all but ran to the seat, wanting to get a closer look at the baby, but George decided to keep his distance at first, opting to stand near the door with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"How are you doing?" Eloise asked her friend.

"Amazingly, it all went so well. I can't believe she's finally here." Fleur replied in a slightly sleepy voice.

"Would you like to hear her name?" Bill asked as he stood on the other side of the bed, stroking his wife's hair lovingly.

"Of course!" Eloise replied as she looked at Bill expectantly.

"Victoire Eloise Weasley."

Eloise's eyes widened as she looked at her friend who had a sleepy smile on her face, but still was alert enough to have that signature sparkle of mischief in her eyes. If Eloise hadn't already been crying tears of joy, the fact that her best friend named her daughter after her definitely would have done the trick.

"With it being the anniversary of the battle, we felt like her coming today was a sign that things would get better from here on out. So she's named after our victory. It was a dark time, it still feels like it is some days, but we wanted a way to celebrate the light as well. That's what Victoire is for us, all of us." Bill explained as his eyes fell on George before he turned his head to smile down at his wife and daughter.

George began feeling his knees wobble slightly. When he woke up this morning he didn't expect to receive the patronus from his brother about Victoire's birth. He was fully prepared to spend the entire day in bed, probably drinking until he couldn't think anymore and go through the day as normal, not even realizing it was the first anniversary of his twin brother's death. But here he was, looking at the beautiful family who tried to find the silver lining in what was the worst day of his life.

He finally decided to take a seat in the armchair next to Eloise, thinking it would be best if he sat down rather than let the potential of him passing out hang in the air.

"We also wanted you two to be the first to meet her because we wanted to ask you both a question." Bill said with a smile, looking between the two of them.

George tensed up immediately. Though he didn't know exactly what Bill and Fleur wanted from him, he got the sinking feeling that it was something he wanted nothing to do with. When he felt a soft hand rest on his clenched fist he relaxed just a bit and stopped anxiously bouncing his leg. Looking over at Eloise, she gave him a sympathetic smile, proving yet again that she was always there for him.

"We'd like you two to be Victoire's godparents."

"Why me?" George blurted out immediately.

The bluntness of the question didn't seem to phase the couple, it was almost as if they were expecting this kind of reaction from him. Deep down he knew it was rude to second guess the new parents' judgment, but the fact that they chose him out of all of his brothers and their friends to be the newborn's godfather made no sense to him.

Bill sighed, "Look, I know it feels like this is coming out of the blue. But Fleur and I talked a lot about it, and you two were always the clear choice. This isn't some gesture we're doing to try to cheer you up George, this is what we want."

"I don't understand. Why not Charlie or Percy or Ron? Or even Harry-" he started, but was cut off by the feeling of Eloise squeezing his hand slightly.

"You may not feel like you're the best choice, but to us you are. You're fantastic with children, you always have been. The kids that visit your shop have always loved you and you were the one keeping all of our cousin's kids entertained at the wedding. We stand by our decision to ask you to be her godfather." Bill interjected.

George decided it would be best to bite his tongue. He had completely ruined his birthday as well as Ron's and came close to putting a sour note on Bill and Fleur's pregnancy announcement, had it not been for Eloise. Despite how bitter and angry he was feeling, he really didn't want to bring his family down with him anymore. So he pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded at his eldest brother.

"We love you, George." Fleur said softly.

It was quite out of character for Fleur to show affection to any of Bill's siblings, and though she would never admit it to him, George had always been her favorite. The reason she always gave George such a hard time about Eloise was because she really did want him to be happy, and she knew her best friend could be the person to do that for him.

"Yeah." George replied as he awkwardly ran a hand over the back of his neck.

"Do either of you want to hold her?" Bill asked, quickly changing the subject as he saw how uncomfortable George was.

"Yes! Oh my gosh, yes." Eloise exclaimed, practically jumping up out of her seat.

The couple let out a laugh at their friend's excitement, and Fleur repositioned Victoire so Eloise could easily take the baby from her arms. Eloise cradled the newborn gently and swayed side to side as she cooed at her new 'niece' with a soft smile on her face.

George watched in awe at how naturally nurturing she was and felt his heart swell at the sight of her holding the baby in her arms. But at the same time a painful pang of guilt hit him right in the chest.

Watching how natural she looked with the baby, George knew immediately that Eloise would be an absolutely incredible mother one day. But his guilt stemmed from the fact that he had very little interest in ever starting a family of his own.

Without Fred he saw no reason to ever have his own children. Raising them without Uncle Fred around felt unnatural, he just couldn't picture it ever happening. The fact that he and Eloise had such different visions for their future was yet another thing to add to his list of reasons their relationship would never work.

He could never fulfill that need for her, and he knew that he truly could never make her happy in the long run.

-

A/N: WOO, that was a bit of a longer chapter than usual, but it's the first anniversary of Freddie's death so I couldn't bring myself to cut it short 🥺

Hope you all liked it, and sorry again for all the pain 😇