cw: implied mature content after third ***

* * *

Goosebumps litter Wooyoung's arms as soon as he turns off the shower, the steam that remains doing little to erase them. It's Friday, and unfortunately for him Phys-Ed is first period. So now he has to brave the cold after sweating his ass off alone during volleyball because Mingi and Yunho had another class, and put on his clothes before the late bell rings.

There's chatter outside the bathroom stall he's in, but they gradually grow more distant as the seconds pass. Wooyoung presses his ear to the door to make sure everyone's truly gone, and when silence greets him, he dries himself off then wraps the towel around his middle.

The stalls make it impossible to dress without getting your clothes wet, so of course, Wooyoung has to get dressed by the locker allocated to him.

He tip-toes out of the stall, relieved at how empty the locker room is. Only dirty footsteps remain, which he grimaces at before racing to get his things. Fingers trembling a little, he rushes to open his locker.

There's a tiny mirror at the deepest corner and Wooyoung shudders at the sight of his reflection. He removes his things and shuts the door, only to pause.

Someone's breathing down his neck.

Wooyoung twists and jolts as if he's been electrocuted when he sees San standing in front of him, the guy as undressed as he is. Fuck, fuck fu c k.

"Am I that scary?" San asks, but Wooyoung has no idea if he's joking or not. He just hugs his clothes to his chest, suddenly extremely self-conscious.

"N-No," Wooyoung stammers. His glasses aren't on so his vision isn't the clearest, but he can still notice how the purple bags under San's eyes have considerably reduced. "I just -- You took me a bit by surprise. Just a bit."

There's water dripping down San's chest into the towel cinched around his hips. The very, very low towel cinched around his hips.

"Second time, Jung," San announces, tone bored. "Second time."

Wooyoung gulps, afraid he'll get the taller pissed off like last time. "Sorry! My eyes just can't be controlled!"

But San doesn't look mad, or maybe that's just what Wooyoung's brain wants him to believe.

Instead, San makes his way to a locker, flicking it open. "I did my own research. Got some stuff on a USB since I brought my laptop."

Across his broad back like tattoos are what look scarily close to scratch marks, and even though they're faint Wooyoung's ears start to burn.

He watches as San pulls on a shirt, one that leaves his arms exposed.

"We can look through it after school ends," San continues, adjusting the belt around his jeans and Wooyoung hates his mind for being so freaking perverted when all the taller's talking about is school work. "How do you feel about a PowerPoint presentation?"

"That's um, a really good idea." Wooyoung waits till San looks away before he hurriedly shoves on his underwear and jeans.

He then unfolds his stripped black shirt and pushes his arms through it. But then he catches San's eyes on him, and simultaneously starts to cough.

"Patterned again," San states, arm muscles flexing as he ties his shoelaces on a small bench. "Either that or some sort of pastel shade."

Wooyoung blinks, flabbergasted. "What?"

San smiles. "You wear those types of clothes a lot."

"Oh." Wooyoung rubs his neck, at a loss for words because San just indirectly admitted that he notices what he wears. It's no big deal. "Yeah. They're calming to look at. At least for me."

San's brows furrow, but in curiosity. "Calming?"

"Mhm."

San stands, brushing his dark hair. "Actually, I -- "

The sound of the bell buzzes through the entire school, startling them both. San grabs his things before Wooyoung can stop him.

"See you later, Wooyoung," San tells him, and then he's gone.

* * *

"Listen, guys." Wooyoung exhales when Yunho and Mingi watch him at the same time. They're in the cafeteria, the air between them jovial and entertaining, but Wooyoung knows he can't hide this from them any longer. "I have to tell you something."

"...Don't tell me you're hanging out with San after school," Mingi says.

Wooyoung takes a little too long to reply.

Yunho drops a fry to his plate. "Oh he definitely is."

"It's for the project," Wooyoung presses.

"You're forgetting we're both doing it too," Yunho says. "But we're not meeting our partners after school when we can just finish it in class."

Wooyoung huffs, not knowing how long this argument about him and San will continue. "I know, Yun, but I want to get a good grade. Plus looking at diseased private parts in school is...ugh."

"You sure that's just it?" Mingi asks. "We want you to be safe -- "

"And San is safe," Wooyoung replies, munching harshly on his carrots. "So please let's stop talking about this."

They both listen, but that doesn't mean Wooyoung stops thinking about their words.

So when he finds San on his way out of the school and joins him, San does a double take at seeing his face.

"You look mad," he points out.

"Nothing to be worried about, though."

San pushes open the gate so Wooyoung can pass, to the shorter's surprise.

"Uh, thanks."

San just shakes his head. "Your friends know we're hanging out today?"

"Yes."

"They're fine with it?"

Wooyoung looks at San right then, at his stoic expression and sculpted jawline. He panics when San nearly discovers him staring, and shrugs. "...Yeah."

San says nothing else until they enter the same restaurant they went to before. Wooyoung hesitates at first but slides into the same seat as San, heart skipping a beat when their thighs brush.

"Um, now that I think about it I don't know if working on the powerpoint here is a good -- " Wooyoung's soul evaporates out his body just as the images on San's screen load up. Holy shit.

"They're not all pictures," San is saying, totally unfazed by the first grotesque slide that Wooyoung's pretty sure is an infected vulva. "There's loads of information too."

Wooyoung fixes his glasses as his head swerves around the restaurant, praying none of the other customers will turn and see all this. "Uhm, San?"

"There's a video at the end too, but I'm not sure if it'll fit the ten-minute time frame Mr Jeong gave us," San continues, typing something in.

"San."

The taller finally looks his way. "Hm?"

"This is a place of eating. We can't be doing this here."

"...Oh." San seems to register their surroundings. "You do have a point."

"Yeah."

San's wearing a jacket now, but the material slides down one shoulder when he rubs his arm. "Where should we go then?"

Wooyoung doesn't know how it happens, but somehow they end up at his house. He hands San some slippers when the taller kicks off his sneakers and places them as neatly as he can next to the door.

"Welcome to my abode, I guess." Wooyoung can clearly see San eyeing the decor and the cross hanging out by the kitchen, and he internally winces. "Mom's kind of religious."

San just shrugs. "Nice place." He sounds like he means it.

Wooyoung thanks him, and then he heads for the kitchen. "We didn't get to buy anything. I have some snacks."

"Not really hungry."

"Water?"

"Alright," San says.

Wooyoung grabs the spare bottle in the fridge and hands it to him, their fingers grazing in the process. San doesn't seem to notice, or care, so Wooyoung decides he shouldn't either.

They walk to his room, and when San enters, Wooyoung can't stop himself from paying attention to the casual sway of the taller's hips as he looks around his bedroom. He's just noticed.

He clears his throat, wanting to slam his hand on the wall. And his head.

"Sorry if everything's messy. And ugly. I wasn't prepared," Wooyoung grabs every shirt he sees and hauls them into his closet.

"It's fine." San sits on the bed, his dark outfit matching the bedspread. His ear piercings glint in the light, giving him a regal feel. He opens his computer and plugs the USB. "I like it."

Wooyoung shoves yet another item of clothing into his closet. His mother would freak if she saw his room in this state.

Once he's done, he falls into his bed, but then realizes he isn't alone now and can't just do as he pleases. Cheeks flushing, he sits up as San chuckles, and leans over to see what he's working on only to shrivel in horror once more at the pictures he sees.

San watches him. "You're uncomfortable."

"A little. I mean -- it's so fucking dumb but I'm iffy about nudity in general."

"Why?"

Wooyoung knows why, but he can't even begin to explain everything. He breaks their eye contact, busying himself with taking out his books from his bag. "I've just...never had sex and I -- I don't even like seeing myself naked."

San doesn't immediately reply, which sends him into a rambling spiral.

"This is super awkward to talk about, right? Don't know what came over me. Just ignore whatever I just said, and let's just -- go back to discussing infected dicks and stuff. Not like that, but -- "

"So you don't even touch yourself?"

Wooyoung's eyes bulge as his face grows hot. "I don't -- I mean I do, but like, I don't like, do it often. Or feel totally comfortable with it." What even is happening with this conversation?

"Okay." San chews his lip in thought. Then he's pushing the laptop aside and scooting closer to Wooyoung. "And it's not because of religious reasons?"

"Er, not really."

"Close your eyes."

Wooyoung obeys, despising how he blushes when San places a hand on his shoulder. He's not gonna kiss you, he's not gonna kiss you, he's not --

"Imagine you're lost at sea," San starts, his low voice seamlessly weaving through his ears. "You're naked."

"Naked?" Wooyoung balks. The mental image of his bare body thrashing through stormy waves makes him shiver.

San isn't perturbed in the slightest. "Yeah, naked. And you need to get to the shore. To arrive at your destination and finally get what you're searching for."

"Clothes?"

"Pleasure, Wooyoung. You're searching for pleasure." San sounds exasperated, but his hand is still on his shoulder, sturdy. Reassuring. "And it doesn't matter that you're naked, because how can it when you're focused on making it past the waves? It may be difficult -- dangerous even -- but all that matters is you getting safely to the other side. All that matters is you getting that freedom you truly want."

San pauses, then adds, "Because the pleasure will be worth it in the end."

Wooyoung chews his bottom lip, mulling over the taller's words. "Is this...advice?

"No, I'm narrating a story." Sarcasm drips from San's tone, but when Wooyoung's eyes creak open, he's smirking a little.

"So... what you're saying is I should masturbate at sea?"

San pushes him so hard he nearly falls off the bed.

"Kidding! Kidding," Wooyoung exclaims. He smiles at the upward tug of San's lips. "I know what you mean. I was just trying to be funny."

San chuckles, looking at his laptop once more. "Still can't get used to how honest you are with me. But keep at it. It's refreshing."

"Uh, thanks?"

San removes his jacket, and fuck those arms are exposed again. Wooyoung averts his gaze as soon as San sees him staring.

"Do you want to get laid?"

"W-What?" Wooyoung sputters. "You -- you want me to -- with you?"

"Not with me," San is quick at clarifying.

"No! And I don't want to have sex with you either -- "

San's body grows rigid. "You keep looking at me like you want to though."

"I really, really don't," Wooyoung hurriedly explains. "Sometimes I just do things I can't control and -- fuck. I mean I -- "

"Okay, okay," San cuts in, to the shorter's relief. "You looked like you were about to burst a vein there. I'll take your word for it."

Thank god. But Wooyoung can't stop thinking about San's offer.

They spend a few hours on the project (Wooyoung avoiding the screen whenever any photos come up), and eventually end up on watching some animal videos online.

"I actually have a cat," San says sometime during their third video. "A Siamese."

"Really?" Wooyoung doesn't know why he never took San as someone to own a pet. Probably because you never saw him as a real person until recently. He winces at the thought.

"Yep. Her name's Byeol." The taller's eyes sparkle as he talks about his cat. "Pretty as a flower. And she's friendly too."

"Do you have a pic?" Wooyoung allows himself to ask.

He's astonished when San actually scrolls through his phone for one. And there, in front of a garden lays a small grey cat with big, blue eyes pawing at a rose petal.

"Wow. She is pretty," Wooyoung compliments, a little disoriented at how close they both are to each other, and how San trusts him enough to show his pet to him.

San grins at the picture, dimples and all, and as always Wooyoung's chest fills with warmth even if it isn't directed at him.

"I should meet her sometime," he blurts without thinking. Why did you have to fucking say that?

San doesn't verbally answer, but he doesn't look like he minds the possibility either.

* * *

It's dark in the room, Wooyoung submerged under his covers with a lotion in hand. He's supposed to be sleeping for crying out loud, but all that's on his mind are San's words this afternoon about the naked at sea thing. And his comments about how the body doesn't matter when the supposed pleasure is worth it in the end.

And Wooyoung -- he hadn't meant to think about San. He didn't want to, even, especially knowing how others already regarded San.

But then he was touching himself, San's lips and smile and body flashing behind his eyelids, an indescribable feeling burning at the pit of his stomach. His hands tingled, and before he knew it he hardened down there so badly it hurt so good.

Wooyoung realizes he needs help. Not to mention how disgusting and gross he is for jerking off to San so desperately.

The one guy who's already made it obvious how being seen this way makes him feel. The one guy who is leagues above his own.

Wooyoung kind of wants to punch something again right now.

* * *

a/n: thoughts?