"Why are we doing this again?" I asked, puffing my cigarette, sorting records into piles of ten and folding promotional posters to stuff into the sleeves.

 "Because we are good wives!" Chrissie said happily.

 "I'm perfectly fine with being mediocre...sub-par in fact. Can I go now?" The four of us were sitting in Mary and Freddie's gorgeous suite that I was drooling like mad over. Copies of the record had been delivered to the suite and now someone had the job of tearing off the plastic covers, then folding, stuffing the liner with a promotional poster from Elektra and sorting these things into stacks of ten...guess who those someone's were?

 “I’m not a wife can I stop?” Mary asked of Chrissie as she lit her own cigarette. The thing about jet lag is that just when you think you’ve conquered it; it sneaks up on you and reminds you of the eight hour time difference. That moment was happening right now. My god, there was a fucking premiere in six hours! If we were this tired, I could only imagine how the boys must be feeling about now. Veronica’s demeanor had completely changed from the morning. She had hardly said a word as we folded and stuffed away. She had a rather removed look on her face. I could only figure she was as in dire need of a nap as I.  It was my conclusion that there was no way in hell I was going to arrive downstairs to this premiere only to want to go to bed two hours later. I kept glancing to her as we worked, a little over halfway through this project.

 “We only have one hour to go before the massage so we have to finish this by then!” She said. God, Chrissie was different in LA. She wanted to do it all and she clearly wasn’t holding back her excitement. Of course, I knew her two well. She’d clam up come time for the premiere and hardly speak to anyone in attendance that she didn’t know. It was her who volunteered us for this little stunt right here. Mary groaned.

 “Freddie’s gonna’ need that massage to calm him down after that record signing this afternoon. He gets so worked up for the fans. I bet you he’ll sign a few breasts and three or four arses today. Do any of you want champagne?” she sighed again and took a puff of her cigarette.

 “NO!” the three of us answered emphatically, knowing champagne would do nothing but put us to sleep in the state in which we already were.

 "Here’s an idea can't we hire someone to do this?" I complained further

 "No! Come on now we're almost done." Chrissie said. Mary and I sighed almost nearly in unison as our piles began to dwindle and our pile of plastic began to grow.

 "Well you know what? I better fuck Steven Tyler tonight for all this work!” I warned giving Mary a smile. “Roger told me Aerosmith would be here for the premiere!" I gushed a little because truth was; I had a most horrible crush on Steven Tyler. I couldn't believe he would actually be at the premiere tonight and furthermore, that I would have an opportunity to meet him.

 "Hey, you say jokingly but you have a tendency to attract a lot of attention in a room. If you wanted to, I bet you could." Mary said, tearing a piece of plastic off another record.

 “Who said anything about joking?” I gave Mary a wink. It was Chrissie’s intense and judgmental look I could feel on me first, followed immediately by Veronica’s more questioning stare.

 “Relax! Keep ya’ pants on. I’m not going to sleep with Steven Tyler. God.” I rolled my eyes. I could still feel Veronica’s gaze on me.

 “No, of course you wouldn’t actually do it. But…that’s not the point. The point is, you could. None of us could.” Veronica said, referring to Mary, Chrissie and herself. We all looked at her a bit peculiarly. Not because of what she said, but her tone in how she said it.

 “Huh?” I questioned, folding one of the promotional posters.

“Mary, Chrissie and I will be invisible at that premiere tonight. It’s not just your dress; it’s you. You attract attention like a magnet. If you wanted to sleep with Steven Tyler there would be nothing in your way.” She said, before returning to her pile of records.

 “Yeah, nothing except her husband.” Mary said, smiling at Veronica, who had a rather serious look on her face.

 “You just…you will be the one the press wants to photograph…you or Mary. Chrissie and I will be shoved aside into a sea of people we don’t know. You on the other hand…well, you have no trouble spreading your legs and there would be plenty of American men there tonight who would love to do it.” She finished. Mary, Chrissie, and I exchanged glances. None of us knew how to react to this statement.

 Meanwhile, at an exhausting record signing session; Freddie, John, Roger and Brian were counting down the minutes until it was completed. It wasn’t that they didn’t enjoy interacting with fans, it was the fact that jet lag was catching up here are well. There were forty-five minutes left and each of them could feel the fatigue sitting in.

 “Right here? Right here on the cup? Oh! now that’s very satin-y soft!” Freddie grinned and laughed as he willingly signed a woman’s bra; not giving it a second thought. John yawned as he pulled out another record to sign. Brian had a distant, half-asleep look on his face and Roger took a moment to stretch his arms behind the chair. “Oh wasn’t she just the sweetest thing?” he asked of Roger who gave him a flat, uninterested look. He sighed and clicked his pen on the table at least fifty times.

 “Are you going to talk to me about what I wanted to discuss early but instead you just ignored it?” he asked Freddie.

 “Oh, that! Yes. Yes, love. I’ve been thinking and I have a marvelous idea. Rog, what’s the one American thing you love to eat that you haven’t had for a long, long time?” Freddie asked with a twinkle. Roger’s eyes grew wide.

 “FRED!? This is Lydia’s 28th birthday! How the hell does….what are you…NO!” he said, rather irritated as Freddie looked at him funny. "Fuck it! I'll just fucking plan her birthday myself! I thought you would actually help me with this!' he huffed. "I am not eating that!"

 “Well, why on Earth not!? It’s quick, it’s tasty…satisfying and none of us get it that often?” Freddie went on, folding his arms in front of himself.

 “Because! It’s been years since I’ve eaten another woman out here in Ameirca and…fuck…no…no Fred…NO!” Roger nearly yelled at him as Brian put his head in his hand.

 “OH MY GOD, ROGER! I was talking about McDonald’s! JESUS CHRIST! What in god’s name is wrong with you!?” Freddie said far too loudly. Roger was mortified as he let his head hit the table.

 “I’m very, very tired.” He mumbled into his arm, seeing as this conversation was crashing and burning. “I do love the Big Mac.” Freddie sighed and shook his head.

 “Jesus…take my sweet little birthday plans for you and your 28 years young wife and..." Freddie shook his head as if he were trying to shake the conversation completely from his ind.  "Listen. We all go to dinner at McDonald’s because I happen to know you’ve never taken her to the one in London and then you give her that certain thing you got her today.” Freddie gave Roger a wink but looked over to John and then Brian. “Excuse me!? You two aren’t listening! This involves you! You and your wives are going to Lydia’s birthday party!” Freddie snapped his fingers in front of John and waved his other hand in front of Brian.

 “How did you get involved in this?” Brian asked of Freddie.

 “Because Roger can’t throw parties and he knows I can!” Freddie said, clapping his hands together. “Now. are we giving Lydia gifts at McDonald's or the hotel? Which do you want to do, Rog?" Freddie asked.

 “Me an’ Chrissie didn’t get her anything.” Brian said.

 “Neither did me and Veronica.” John added, yawning.

 “Well don’t worry. Roger did…ooooh did he ever.” Freddie raised his eyebrows. “Also, Mary and I got her a potted cactus but we sent it to your house so instead we have a picture in a card of a potted cactus. Do you think she will like that? Mary couldn’t decide between the cactus or a copy of the Kama Sutra and I said well hell, Mary both of those things are wonderful gifts because they are gifts that keeps on giving...I told her to get both!” Freddie threw his arms out as Roger stared blankly and sleepily at him. He didn’t any anything for a long time.

 “You know, the weird side of Lyd will love ‘at potted cactus. She may be all Manolos, Mustangs and Maserati’s but after you strip off all the glamour she likes things like Jaws and Dune and…Stanley Kubrick.” Roger explained. Freddie grinned and batted his eyes.

 “You’re charming Rog! You like those things too! Although, you know Jaws was never my scene. Okay, okay, next part of the birthday celebration after the hotel! McDonald’s! And now…the best part! After McDonald’s we head down to Hollywood to The Purple Tart.” Freddie smiled all over.

 “To answer your question, I think I want to give the...the you know...to her at the hotel. I really think we should all start with drinks at the hotel upstairs at that restaurant and bar that Brian can't stop talkin' about. And what the hell is The Purple Tart?” Roger asked, slunking over into his hand.

 “Okay, yes, yes. Add a touch of class to the evening. The Purple Tart is a gay club! I’ve already called them and told them to make her a cake just the way you said to make it. Strawberry filling with vanilla buttercream frosting and vanilla cake, absolutely no chocolate and no pink. It’s going to have a “28” on the top and “Love, Rog” discreetly on the bottom tier.” Freddie sighed, quite pleased with his party prowess. Roger stared at him for a moment, thinking that he had actually done a nice job thinking all this out. Before Roger could respond, Brian certainly stated his opinion of the party plans.

 “Noooo! No! No! We can’t take her to a gay club! Fred, it’s loud, they play that weird techno music, it's always crowded, it’s hot, you sweat and feel like you have to undress, people are always rubbing against you, there are half-naked men on tables, there’s always people having...strange sex in the bathroom….god the list goes on.” Freddie looked at Brian seriously.

 “I'm not sure I see your point, Brian?” He sighed at Freddie’s comment and shook his head.

 “I'm just saying, Roger why don't you just take your wife out for a nice dinner, drinks there at the hotel, walk down the boardwalk at Long Beach? That seems…” Roger cut Brian off.

 “That seems like complete bullshit. Lydia is ready to go crazy for her 28th birthday and I'm gonna' go crazy with her!” He told him. “Gay club it is, Fred. Lyd will love it. We’ll have a great time. We will all be so fucked up that we won't remember most of the night. This is perfect.” Roger insisted. John finally had something to say about it all.

 “Aren’t you concerned about…this being a really stupid idea for a birthday? Are you going to tell her?” John couldn’t help but laugh at Roger.

 “Huh!? No! No this isn’t stupid. My idea was stupid so I asked Fred what I should do for her!"

 “Aaaaand it ended us up in a gay club.” Brian looked at Roger with a tired and scolding expression. Roger shook his head.

 “You are no fun at all. I try to show my wife a wonderful, 28th birthday and you gotta’ give me that look? ” Roger said.

 “Hey, Fred…I don’t wanna’ sound like…well, a Brian but…what should I wear? You know, to a gay club?” John asked, trying to educate himself.

 “Don’t worry darling, I packed a fanciful hat and you can borrow it. I always like it when you’re fancy!” Freddie beamed to John who laughed at him.

"Wait...no. We cannot seriously do this. Freddie, don't you remember the yacht!? You turn this one lose in tiger trousers and he and Lydia come back from the club all...sticky and wreaking of vodka? Is that how you want Lydia's 28th birthday to end? Soaking wet, sweating, intoxicated and covered in something stcky?" Brian asked, still not sold on this idea. Roger clicked his pen a few more times and eyed Brian. He nodded his head and pointed his pen at Brian.

"That is exactly how I want her 28th birthday to end....and yes, I will eat the hell out of her Big Mac.." he said. Brian closed his eyes for a moment.

“Why do I just have this feeling that I’m going to end up with someone’s arse in my face.” Brian mumbled to Roger rolling his eyes. “Okay, sorry which...side did you want me to sign?” Brian asked the woman who had appeared in his face from the top of the staircase. She was wearing white shorts that hardly covered her.

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the slow update. I have been so busy in the past couple weeks. Next update should be sooner.