(Birthday is off to an interesting start- haven't slept at all due to bumpy train ride and previous insomnia that didn't help- however, not too bummed or anything, it's nice to feel the movement of the train when I'm awake and can appreciate it and the surroundings outside^^ Needless to say, not sleeping led me to looking at fanfictions and ships which led my back here so I suppose I ought to write here!)

***

Sometimes Tom forgot that Lea wasn't a completely good guy...he had forgotten all the way up until yesterday's event, and now he and Lea weren't on speaking terms...not to say Tom didn't want to talk to Lea, he was dying to, however, it felt like it wasn't as simple as that- he knew it wasn't as simple as that...Lea had hurt him, both physically and mentally, and Tom wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Tom was concerned about Lea's well being when he didn't get up out of bed in the morning the following day which left Tom to hop down from his top bunk, which they were now back to their own beds, and head outside by himself- an action he hadn't done...ever? No, he'd done this before, just not successfully.

Tom felt like there was a knot in his throat when he made his way to the cafeteria, feeling absolutely vulnerable without anyone by his side. It was as if Tom could feel the heat of burning eyes, staring at him hungrily. This made Tom's fists itch...he had a lot of held in anger and mixed feelings right now that he wasn't really ready to blow up on Lea about, so he knew if someone decided to mess with him that he'd be utterly fucked.

That was the problem, Tom could fight, he could break someone's leg if it came to that, he had proven that with previous records of course...however, it was always as if right before the punch landed he softened a bit because he almost didn't want to hurt people...he didn't...

Tom felt regret.
Immense regret.
And he realized something...
He wished with almost all his heart he hadn't hurt Virgil.
It was a bittersweet feeling, because he felt at peace with the idea, but then at war with it once again once he thought about it...he was in prison right now because of what he'd done- what the hell had he done that for? It all lead up to this hellhole that had no upside to it.
Lea was gone.
Roman was gone.
Tom's sister was gone.
Everyone- gone.
Tom deserved this...that's the confusion he came up with- was that he was guilty...but he didn't want to admit this...because he knew that if he saw Virgil right now that he'd break his leg all over again..
But why? What does he have that you want anymore?
Tom went over this idea in his head as he got in line for his first meal.
If I regret hurting Virgil- why would I do it again?
You're pinning everything negative on him, just admit it.
It's his fault-
You're lying, you KNOW you're lying and that's what makes it sick..
Tom did indeed feel sick with these thoughts...he used to like to consider himself a nice guy, but deceit had taken over him and...well, look what it had turned him into.
A snake.
He was a snake.
Lea was right, he was no better than a lying, deceiving snake- even to himself.

As Tom reached the end of the isle he looked up at the staff member who had been serving everyone.
They used to have the cell-mates take turns serving the food to the other inmates but this resulting in too many food fights and unfair portions so they had to get the janitors to work as kitchen staff as well.

The lady who had just served Tom his food gave him a look like Can I help you, pal?

Tom shook his head quickly, "I- um- could I- get uh- a pudding cup, please?"

The lady looked surprised before smirking, "Where is this other pal of yours that's always coming to get some for you?"

"I-" Tom began.

"I was wondering the same thing." A smug voice sounded from behind Tom.

***

By this way this happened while I wrote this chapter

Sunrise over the orange rolling rocks- pretty darn beautiful :)
-Jay