TW: Mention of harm, panic attacks
***
Tom looked up at Lea who had his palms on Tom's knees and his face staring down at Tom's chest, eyes glazed over and almost dull, not saying a word.

Tom felt like he couldn't breath for a moment. He didn't know what to do. Want vs Should. Tom wanted to grab Lea in his arms and hug him until his eyes popped out- ...no homo though. Tom should wait for Lea to speak first.

However, after a few minutes of Lea absently staring at Tom's chest, he knew that wasn't happening.

It took all Tom's will power not to just scoop the boy up and-
...
homo, all the homo.

Tom hadn't come to terms with this until just now- he knew this for some time, of course he did, he just didn't want to admit that he has a growing crush on Lea. Leave it to Tom to love in the most hazardous ways. When he looked at Lea, all Tom could see was...a lifeless expression of the usually cunning boy, he wanted Lea back.

"Lea..." Tom finally spoke up in a hushed voice.

"Brian talked to you." Lea immediately responded, gaze unmoving though.

"Um...yeah.."

"You're being a fool for not joining him." Lea's voice stayed level.

Tom felt his heart fall at that remark before shaking his head, "He's an arrogant little-"

"He can protect you." Lea stated, "And he can get you out of here."

"Well, yeah but...I don't trust him..."

"Why?"

"I hardly know him-"

"You hardly know me," Lea grinned hysterically, "Yet here we are."

"I- never said I trusted you."

This caught Lea off guard and his eyes reflected another emotion for a second before going back to neutral, "Makes sense."

"Doesn't mean I still wouldn't...um...I don't know I- trust you on certain things." Tom shrugged.

Lea put his chin between Tom's knees, resting it where they met an inch away from the knee cap, "Yeah?" His voice was still keeping steady.

"I trust you with personal things and- I trust that in the end you'll protect me."

"Obviously that's wrong." Lea chuckled, "I don't even want to take a look at your back."

"Then don't peep when I'm changing." Tom cracked a grin, but Lea didn't respond.

"You need to take Brian's deal."

"Why?" Tom frowned.

"You've no idea what he can do, you don't want him on your bad side- plus, if he's planning something, it's best to have the upper hand and stand with him than against him if some shit war breaks out." Lea shrugged.

"Why haven't you joined Brian yet then?"

"Because," Lea blinked, "He has nothing I want and there's hardly anything that can hurt me- I've accepted that I'm staying here for longer than however they say I am, because I'll just get in trouble again, I know this and I've accepted this- he'll never appeal to me and I don't see a point in it- I don't have a life outside these walls nor power, I'd much rather stay here. I don't care if I'm released- I don't care about anything, frankly, so he has no upper hand and he has no reason to chase after something that can't be caught. I don't care to the level where he could do anything and I could shrug." Lea emphasized this with another shrug.

"Then why are you like this?" Tom lifted his legs up so Lea backed up and sat down on the floor, allowing Tom to stand up, "You're...you're not okay, Lea, you're feeling whatever it is you're feeling right now and that's far from apathetic because- just look at you! You've lost who knows how many pounds from just lying here all day for god knows why- you don't even have a reason!"

That's when Lea flinched, looking up at Tom, "I have more reason than you're realizing."

"Yeah? What? You hurting me makes you sad? Because somehow you felt that pain?" Tom's eyes narrowed before he zipped his jumpsuit down half way and pulled his shirt off over his head, turning around and pointing a thumb to his back, deep red marks there from where Lea's nails had dug deep into flesh, "You did that!"

"It's not-"

"It hurts so much!" Tom's voice was cracking.

"That's not what I'm-"

"Are you happy Remy?"

Tom hurt a choked sound behind him and knew he had instantly fucked up, he felt heat collect to his cheeks as he turned around to see the worst thing that possibly could have been happening-

Lea was crying.
Actual tears, genuine ones.

Lea had tears streaming down his face and he was sobbing.

"O-oh god- Lea- I didn't-"

Lea shook his head and got up, stumbling towards the exit to their cell, trying to get out before feeling it was locked and slowly falling to his knees, body shaking with sobs as he pounded a fist against the door before frowning weak.

Tom wasn't making the same mistake as last time and quickly advanced towards Lea.

Too many times, too many times Tom had chosen to be an absolute dick versus actually helping- screw anger management, he needed to help.
Tom didn't care if he got hurt, or whatever else might happen, he simply slumped down beside Lea and grabbed his whole being, dragging him into his lap and holding him close.

Lea didn't struggled, he simply pressed his face to Tom's chest and let the cries out as he balled the front of Tom's shirt up in his hands, shaking.

Tom had never seen Lea so vulnerable in his entire time knowing the other- he had come close to breaking down when he has first told Tom what his actual name was, considering the ties it had...but never had he actually seen Lea cry like this, if at all, when he had hurt Tom, Lea had broken- but if he was crying it wasn't because he was sad, it was because he had had enough.
Right now, Lea was afraid, and sad, and needed Tom more than ever.

Tom simply held Lea close, arms wrapped around the frail image of the boy that shook in his arms, he pressed his face to the side of Lea's, "I suck, I realize that, I'm so sorry...you told me not to call you that and I did regardless...I'm...being an idiot right now," Tom leaned back, using a free hand to brush hair out of Lea's face.

Lea was in no state to verbally respond but simply nuzzled Tom's chest, causing Tom to melt.

How could he have hurt someone he cared about so much?
How could I have hurt someone I care about so much?