I feel less and less like myself every day...

Usually I can be myself even when I know people will judge me for it...but now whenever I catch myself being me, I always either stop or hide it.

When I'm at home, I always beg my friends to stay with me and chat, but when I'm at school or around my family, I just want to be alone.

I'm a hypocrite.
A lying hypocrite.

No wonder my grandma doesn't trust me.

No wonder my stepmom beat and lied to me.

No wonder my stepsiblings wanted me to leave them alone.

I can't take this.
I just want to end it all.

But I can't.

I have to stay strong and stay alive.

Because I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of myself.
I'm afraid of everyone.

I'm a liar.

Don't believe me.

When I beg you to stay, just go.

Just let me be alone.

Let me get the punishment I deserve.

Why am I even writing this!?