LISSA'S NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT GOES AGAINST THE FOUR-PART HARMONY THAT YOU SEEM TO CARE SO MUCH ABOUT. MISH DOES TOO.

[ season 1 — episode 7 ]

Once aboard the boat, Lissa and Adrian wasted no time in finding a seat in the lower dining area and rattling off different questions to ask the Moroi scholar. Rose, though not quite as excited, chimed in with a few ideas as well, wanting to know everything they could about this weird bond. She was hoping there was some kind of middle ground — one where she could still know when Lissa was in danger but also not see things like making out with Christian Ozera and sharing dreams.

Mischa only stayed and listened for a little while before realizing they were without their Guardian shadow. Looking out the window, she spotted him out on the deck, nearly blending in with the night sky and dark waves. The others were too engrossed with Spirit talk to notice when she walked away to join him outside.

But Dimitri noticed as soon as she opened the door, looking at her with a small smile as she moved to his side. "They're all down there, brainstorming questions for their heretic," she informed him, grinning. "Even Rose — I'll be making nerd jokes for a week."

The thing about standing on the deck of a boat at night in a skimpy clubbing outfit was that it was cold — so cold she could see her breath. So, when a shiver wracked through Mischa, Dimitri moved instantly to cover her with his jacket. He could've taken it off and put it over her shoulders, knowing he'd be plenty warm in his long sleeve shirt. But instead, he opted to open up the coat and draw her into his side, keeping her warm with his jacket and body, which she much preferred.

"Keep warm," he murmured, lips brushing her temple. "You shouldn't have come out here without a jacket."

"Don't know what you're talking about, Cowboy. I've got a perfect jacket right here," she said sweetly, leaning against his chest. While looking out at the fairly calm water, she let out a sigh, thinking back on the last few hours. "You know, I've always had the same life, but tonight just... Do you ever think about another life?" she asked, sighing once again. It seemed ever since the death of her parents and brother, her perfect Moroi life just didn't seem to be what she wanted any longer. She wanted more. And she wanted to know if Dimitri wanted more too.

"You know, being more than just some pawn they can rip from your home to assign to some princess or throw Strigoi at for fun?" she went on, her eyes watering for a second as she thought of Mikhail and their treatment of him. "A life outside the Dominion, away from all the rules. I could see it, you know, while we were dancing? You wanted that freedom, too."

Dimitri, as always, took a moment to think over his response. As he did, he readjusted Mischa in his arms, pulling her to stand in front of him so that he could wrap around her fully from both sides. "When I was thirteen, two years into my academy training, they gave us a Feast Day furlough. I went to see my mother, my little sisters back at the Commune." Dimitri didn't talk about his family much, so Mischa listened intently.

"This time, my father... or the Royal who fathered me... was visiting too. I'd met him a few times — heard him a few times on the far side of the wall, taking it out on her." She tensed in his arms, hating the thought of that happening to his mother. His lips brushed her ear as he went on. "Whatever a posh Moroi Fսckеr has to take out on anybody. I had no idea how angry I was till I found myself on him. Years of anger just... poured out of me. And when it was done, I remember the fear — not just his."

Mischa moved slowly, getting out of his arms so that she could look at him. She could see the hurt in his eyes as he thought back on the memory, and her heart ached for him, wishing he'd never have to face any hardships ever. A sad, pained smile was on his lips.

"But also the fear in the eyes of my mother, my sisters," he told her, looking almost ashamed. "And the fear I felt of that thing in me. It's why I need the code of the Guardian life, to keep that thing in check." Dimitri tapped his chest, just over his heart. "Freedom — Freedom scares me to death, Princess."

Dimitri then shook his head and looked back down at Mischa, his gaze growing lighter as he did. "Or it did until..."

"Until now?" Mischa questioned, feeling impossibly warm despite the weather.

"Until you," he clarified, stepping closer. Then he leaned in and kissed her softly, cupping her face as he did.

Mischa melted against him, wrapping her arms around his waist to hold him closer. As they pulled away, Dimitri kissed her forehead, leaving them there for a bit and savoring the moment.

"I don't fear that thing in you, Dimitri," Mischa whispered, leaning forward enough to kiss his shirt over his heart gently. She figured it wasn't the time to go on about how his father deserved it and any Guardian in his place would've done the same thing for their family. Those were things he'd probably already realized. But she did need him to know she'd never be scared of him, even the rougher parts. "I'll never fear you, no matter what you do."

"Good," Dimitri said softly, brushing his thumb across her cheek. "I don't think I could survive seeing that look on your face."

She stood on her toes to kiss him gently again, letting out a happy sigh as she did. Then Dimitri wrapped her in his arms again, shielding her from the cold with his duster as they faced the water. He rested his chin in the crook of her neck, knowing he'd have been content to stand there with her for the whole night, not worrying about anything in the world.

☾

It wasn't a particularly long boat ride, which Mischa was thankful for — they all were, really. Each of them was itching to get to this heretic, whether for answers or to simply get the night over with and return to the safety of the wards.

The differences between the first human town they'd been in compared to the neighborhood they arrived in were startling. Previously, they'd been surrounded by bustling human life with well-lit streets and people crowding the pavement. The way these people lived wasn't nearly as luxurious, and it opened Mischa's eyes as she realized not everything was perfect for the humans, and their two worlds were so very different.

"Where the hell are we?" Lissa muttered, looking around at graffiti-covered walls as Adrian continued to walk with purpose at the head of the group.

Dimitri glanced at the run-down apartment complex they were nearing, thinking it was an odd place to find a Moroi living in exile. "You've had a line on this woman for a while now. How have you never come to ask these questions before?" he asked Adrian suspiciously.

Adrian glanced back at Lissa, knowing she was the metaphorical ace up his sleeve. "Sometimes you need the right answers to be able to ask the right questions."

As they continued toward the apartments, they only saw one human out in the night. It was a young girl who could've been no older than twelve, and she was kicking a soccer ball against the wall. When she missed receiving it and it rolled away, Rose was kind enough to stop it and kick it back, sharing a smile with the girl before parting ways.

The group of five climbed to the second-floor landing of the apartment complex and found the exact room where Adrian and Lissa were directed. Adrian was the one to bang on the door loudly, and after a short while, it opened. A small Moroi woman was on the other side, and she only opened it a crack, clearly wary of them.

"Clarice Sewani," Adrian greeted with a charming smile. "I'm Adrian—"

"I know who you are, and the answer is the same as it's been for everyone you've sent to hassle me — fuck off!" Clarice snapped while shutting the door.

Before it could slam, Adrian dropped his smile and stopped the door harshly with his hand. Rose startled, not expecting him to be so persistent with the clearly skittish woman. "Adrian, what are you doing?"

Clarice narrowed her eyes as Adrian while opening the door a little more. It was then that Mischa realized she was missing her right hand. "What do you think, Lord Ivashkov? Just gonna force your way in?" she asked with a dark tone.

"Adrian..." Lissa said nervously, not executing all the hostility — from Clarice and Adrian.

"Gonna set your Guardians on me?" Clarice asked, raising an eyebrow at the two Dhampir. "You think you can make me talk?"

"No," Adrian said, shaking his head. Then he glanced back at Lissa. "She can." When Lissa looked at him in disbelief at what he was suggesting, he leaned in to whisper to her. "She's not gonna give us what we need if you don't."

Lissa took in a deep breath and looked back at Clarice, speaking with as much confidence as she could muster. "I will."

Some kind of interest lit up in Clarice's eyes, realizing right away what Lissa was insinuating. "You have Compulsion. You're a Messenger."

"Which means I can make you talk if I choose to," she claimed.

Clarice seemed to smile at the challenge before stepping aside, giving them room to enter. Lissa grabbed her sister's hand and pulled Mischa along inside of the apartment. Before Dimitri and Rose could follow, Adrian shut the door in their faces with a smirk, knowing just like at the club, the muscle needed to stay outside and keep watch.

There wasn't much time to look around the small, cluttered, dimly-lit apartment where Clarice lived, not that there was anything to be impressed by. Though there were lots of ancient-looking framed pieces of parchment in Old Moroi and weapons displayed on the walls. Though the axes and swords looked quite rusty and not like they'd be of any use. Adrian and Lissa quickly went into the story about their abilities, including the ancient painting that gave them all their clues, letting them know that St. Vladimir had been a Spirit User as well.

While all four crowded around the coffee table, sitting on the ground, Adrian and Lissa worked to recreate the artwork with rough sketches on a large piece of paper. Lissa spoke, describing each picture as she completed it.

"And then this corner looked like it was Vladimir healing someone, which is also something I can do," she explained.

Adrian reached for the pencil and colored in Vladimir's eyes on the center drawing so that they were black. "That leaves the center, where Vladimir's eyes are."

"Where he's consumed by Darkness," Lissa went on, taking in a shaky breath. As she spoke, she reached for her sister's hand, squeezing it tightly for comfort. "His eyes are black in a way I think I've seen in myself. He was a Spirit User, and it did something to him. And a long time ago, someone decided that no one should ever know, and they gave us some bullshit story about happy Vladimir."

"We want the truth about Vlad. All of it," Adrian said, leaning forward and looking at Clarice intently.

"We want to know how he fought it off, the Darkness," Lissa added.

"He must have, somehow," Mischa said softly, squeezing Lissa's hand again. Her sister couldn't just live with this inside of her each day.

Clarice looked at the three, young Moroi and sighed, figuring they deserved some answers. She moved the drawing closer and used the pencil to point at the different parts of it while talking. "Compulsion. Dream Walking. Healing. That's Anna there." Mischa looked at the healing corner, seeing Vladimir leaning over a body. Anna was his Guardian. "Faithful Anna, the model Dhampir Guardian. Shadow-Kissed Anna." Clarice noted that not a single one of them reacted at the odd words, so she moved to the empty corner of the page. "But what about the fourth corner?"

"It's been worn away," Adrian said, sighing in frustration. Not even all his money could make the corner magically be restored. "I've never been able to find that out."

Clarice then began drawing to give them an idea. There were two people — one was Vlad, wearing a cloak and with those black eyes, and the other was Anna, wearing armor to signify her as a warrior. And she added little lines between their heads, showing some kind of connection.

"If early accounts of this altarpiece are to be believed, the image here originally looked something like this. It's called a Spirit Bond. Anna knew his heart like it was her own. Sometimes his thoughts. Maybe even saw through his eyes." Mischa and Lissa shared a look, realizing that this was what was causing all the odd things with Rose. Then Clarice continued. "This is your answer. Vladimir's solution to the Darkness, as you call it. He passed it to her."

Lissa slowly looked at the door, knowing Rose was waiting on the other side for her. Dread washed over her, realizing that she was doing the very same thing to her best friend, sending that horrible Darkness right to her.

☾

Back outside of the apartment, Rose had no idea the emotional turmoil and guilt that Lissa was overwhelmed with. She was far too busy actually explaining all of this Spirit business to Dimitri. Now that they were alone and had the time, he wanted to know everything.

So, Rose told him. Feeling emotions. Sensing Strigoi. Sharing dreams. Healing. It was all connected to Spirit in some way, which Lissa and Adrian specialized in despite no one knowing.

Unfortunately, Dimitri wasn't reacting nearly as well as Rose hoped he would. In fact, the Guardian was quite outraged and didn't seem to even believe her despite how obvious it was that this was true. Why else would Lissa, Adrian, and Mischa risk leaving the wards so suddenly?

"They actually believe all of this. A Fifth Element? Secret Magic that Vladimir had and the entire Dominion has kept a secret for centuries?" he asked, scoffing. Then he shook his head, refusing to believe it.

Rose shot him a look, offended on behalf of all of them. "Or they just edited it out of the whole story after they burned a bunch of people alive. That's what they do — lie and kill. So why not?"

"Because—" He hesitated. "—It goes against the whole holy Elemental Order. The four-part harmony of the world. I shouldn't have let this happen."

"Maybe it does go against it," Rose said, keeping her voice low as she narrowed her eyes at him. "But do you know what doesn't go against your precious, holy Order? Killing Mikhail and six other Dhampir for a test." Dimitri gripped the handrail tightly. "Mutilating Mischa for using her magic to protect herself when you didn't because you were too busy following their orders."

Dimitri whirled around to glare at her, towering over Rose with his nostrils flaring, looking every bit the threatening Guardian that stories spread about. But Rose didn't flinch, knowing he needed to see sense no matter how harsh her words were. She knew Dimitri was painfully loyal to the Dominion, but was he really this loyal?

"Do not ever question whether I protect her or not," Dimitri said, an angry vein appearing in his neck as he held back the urge to shout.

"Lissa's not the only one that goes against the four-part harmony that you seem to care so much about," Rose went on, keeping her voice steady. "Mish does too. The result of the Benchmark put the issue of her on the back burner, but Victor's said no one on that council has forgotten the threat she poses, especially to those that are a little too loyal to the church. Especially now that she doesn't have the protection of her title."

"So," she continued, watching how he kept taking deep breaths to stay calm, "I suspect you have some thinking to do — some deep soul-searching. Because every day, the balance of this Dominion and the political climate grows more unstable. We all know it, especially as the truth about Spirit spreads. Sides are being drawn, and I hope to Vladimir himself that you and her aren't on different sides."

Dimitri didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. Not when his entire world had been thrown off its axis, everything he'd been raised to believe now in question. Not when all the rules and structure he just admitted to relying on to feel secure were at risk. A part of him felt like he was being torn in two in the most horribly painful way, and all because Mischa touched his arm and convinced him to come along for the night.

Then the feeling hit Rose suddenly, cutting through the tense silence as she groaned and leaned over, letting out a sharp, "Fuck." Then she straightened and looked at an alert Dimitri with wide eyes. "They're coming."

"Go," Dimitri instructed immediately, pushing her back toward Clarice's apartment. Rose took off running, and after scanning the dark perimeter with his eyes, Dimitri followed, needing to get to Mischa to save not only her but his own sanity.

☾

Back inside of Clarice's apartment, they were none the wiser to the monsters making their way to them. No, Lissa was facing a different kind of monster as she realized the horrific truth of St. Vladimir's relationship with Anna that so mirrored hers with Rose.

"Vladimir didn't beat the Darkness. He just gave it to someone else," Lissa whispered, sounding almost haunted as she spoke. She looked desperately at Mischa and Adrian for answers. "Have I been doing this to Rose?"

Adrian looked at her uneasily, recalling the dark flashes surrounding her aura that he kept to himself. "She does sort of walk on the dark side of things," he said vaguely.

"No, no," she denied, shaking her head as she began to freak out a little. "He was supposed to show me I could be someone good. When everything's telling me that what I have in me is bad, he was supposed to be good. But he's just another parasitic Moroi like all of us, just using his Guardian like that—"

Lissa's spiral was cut off by Rose storming in, clearly panicked about something. "Strigoi coming. We're going now," she ordered.

They all immediately got on their feet, horrified by a second potential run-in with the monsters. Mischa was beginning to understand why leaving the wards was so frowned upon given that she'd been near them each time she left the safety of the Dominion.

Mischa wasn't the only one concerned. Clarice looked at them, horrified by the turn of events. "What? You children — you led them right to me," she accused as if they'd done it on purpose.

"Yeah, lady, we did, but we've got the jump on them, and we're going with or without you," Rose said quickly.

"Rose, no, she has—"

Rose cut Lissa off while pulling her toward the door to run. "Lissa, we've got to go."

But then the door opened again as Dimitri rushed in, slamming it and locking it behind him. "They're here," he said, hearing the snarling as the two Strigoi ran toward the apartment at top speed.

Dimitri met the others and looked at all the Moroi, knowing he had to think of a way to hide them so that he and Rose could fight off the two Strigoi he spotted. He only hoped there weren't more. After a moment, Dimitri instructed all the Moroi to stay in the bathroom so that they'd be out of sight of the Strigoi when they inevitably broke in.

"Inside," Dimitri ordered while ushering them all into the tight, small room. There was only a tub, toilet, and sink, as well as a small window that most adults couldn't even fit through without some trouble.

"You'll be safe in here," Rose said, touching Lissa's shoulder comfortingly. She could feel her anxiety but wasn't understanding that it wasn't because of the Strigoi.

When Dimitri touched Mischa's lower back and pushed her past the door, she turned to look up at him with wide eyes. "I can help," she insisted, knowing it'd help to have a third person fighting — well, she wouldn't be fighting with her fist, but still.

"Absolutely not," he said firmly, looking at her scarred hands. Then he met her eyes. "You do not leave this room until it is safe. Understand?"

"Understand," she mumbled, walking backward until she was fully inside. Dimitri was pleased enough and left the bathroom, getting ready for the fight. Though as he pulled out his stake, he couldn't help but glance back at Mischa once more, seeing her safe.

As Rose moved to shut the door, Clarice eyed her curiously, stopping her before she could close it fully. "You knew they were coming. You can sense them in your gut," she whispered. The only one she knew about that could do that was Anna, which further confirmed her theory.

Rose didn't have time to question her as she shut the door. Adrian, Lissa, and Mischa all sat on the rim of the bathtub, having no choice but to listen to the commotion going on. Only seconds of silence passed before they heard a door being broken down, followed by growling and snarling as the Strigoi arrived.

The fight was loud — that was evident as the sounds of breaking furniture hit their ears. So much crashing and banging, as well as grunting and heaving were muffled by the wooden door. Mischa could only hope that every time they heard someone get hit that it wasn't Dimitri.

Lissa wasn't handling things well. The unease from before was morphing into a full-blown panic attack as she rocked back and forth quickly on the tub, as if the movement kept her a little more grounded.

Adrian watched Lissa, worried that she'd only get worse. And this was the last thing they needed with only a thin wall separating them from the Strigoi. "Hey," he said, touching her shoulder. Though she didn't stop rocking. "Hey, listen, you're assuming that Vladimir forced his Darkness onto Anna, but what if she took it? Isn't that what we learned in Sunday school, the holy devotion of Shadow-Kissed Anna?"

"What is Shadow-Kissed?" she asked, her breath coming out far too fast as she rushed to replace the air in her lungs. "I mean, how does any of this even make sense?"

"This is one of the parts of Vladimir's story the authorities wanted to expunge because the Spirit Bond was the fruit of Vladimir's ultimate sin," Clarice said, keeping her voice low as if she was about to reveal the darkest secret in the world. Mischa wasn't sure she wanted her little sister to learn such knowledge.

The secret never came, anyway, as the small window suddenly broke with a loud crash. A Strigoi — the young girl that was playing soccer not fifteen minutes ago — smashed the glass and tried to crawl her way in, her fangs bared. They all screamed, and Mischa and Lissa jumped off the tub to get farther away.

"Rose! Rose!" Lissa shouted for help, clutching onto Adrian and Mischa like a lifeline.

And Rose was there in a matter of seconds, bursting through the door, determined to protect her Moroi with her life as any Guardian and best friend should. Though she couldn't help but pause as she spotted the once human girl who was now a blood-thirsty monster. Rose then rushed forward, silver stake in hand to keep the Strigoi girl from getting in the bathroom.

Before she could stake her, the Strigoi grabbed Rose's wrist and used her new strength to keep her at back. "She's just a kid," Rose said, groaning as she tried to overpower her. She couldn't believe they'd done this to a kid, someone she'd never thought about having to kill. "What the actual fսck?"

The sound of fighting was still going on in the main room, making Mischa realize Dimitri was out there and potentially with two Strigoi to fight off. Mischa moved quickly, tearing herself out of Lissa's hold to run out there.

Just as Dimitri drove a stake into one of the Strigoi's chest, the other man charged at him, throwing Dimitri face-first against the wall and pinning him to it. Mischa saw the light glint against the Strigoi's fangs, so she acted as fast as she could, moving on instinct.

One of the ancient-looking axes on the wall was torn away by the air and sailed across the room, going right for the Strigoi's neck as Mischa directed it, holding out her hand. Given how dull it was, the blade didn't cut the head clean off and instead got stuck about halfway through the neck. But a severed spine was a severed spine as the monster dropped, hitting the ground with a thud and freeing Dimitri.

He turned and looked at Mischa with wide eyes, realizing she'd used her magic once again to fight, something the Council could never find out about. Not only that, but she'd left the bathroom against his explicit orders. Before he could overprotectivly snap at her, flames erupted in the bathroom.

Clarice used her own magic, opening up a lighter she kept on hand and sending a rush of fire at the girl, as Rose still couldn't find a good position to stake her in the heart given that she wasn't fully through the window. The Strigoi let out a roar as she fell from the window, completely engulfed in flames as she burned to death.

"Please say that's all of them," Mischa breathed out, looking to Rose.

She nodded in confirmation, no longer feeling that nauseating feeling any more that announced a Strigoi's presence. Not much else could be said as the adrenaline from the attack wore off. Even though the protective sun was beginning to rise, showing just how long they'd been away from the wards, none of them wanted to stay in the human world for a moment longer than necessary.

Lissa was the only one that wasn't anxious to leave. She was almost moving in autopilot mode as she walked to the coffee table and stared intently at the drawing again. The sketch depicting the connection between Vladimir and Anna was all she could think about, even after the attack. Mischa simply stood behind her, wanting to be there if Lissa started to lose it again.

Rose walked past Lissa, deciding to give her a few more moments. She walked over to the nearest Strigoi body — the half-decapitated one, to be exact. Once she looked past the gruesome neck wound, she reached down to pull the axe from his body. Once it was out of the way, she was startled when she saw his familiar face.

"I saw him," Rose said, looking at Dimitri. "They followed us here from the club."

"They had a human smorgasbord there. What would we matter to them?" Dimitri asked, coming to stand next to her and looking at the body. Rose only glanced warily at the twins before walking to the door, not wanting to be around the bodies anymore.

Curious to know who had followed them, Mischa came over to look at the Strigoi she'd killed. She hadn't even thought of looking at the one she killed back at the nightmare of a Benchmark exam.

What Mischa saw was so terrifying that she gasped and flinched backward. Dimitri's hand found her in an instant, his warm touch comforting her as best he could. "It's dead, Printsessa," he assured her softly, thinking she was scared it might still be alive somehow. "I'm right here."

"No," she whispered, shaking her head. "He didn't just follow us from the club. He nearly killed Meredith. This one was there in the tunnel ambush."

Dimitri's eyebrows drew in as he frowned, taking in the new information. It was almost as if they'd been hunting the Moroi — the Dragomirs, as the twins were the only two common factors. This odd development on top of the oddity that was the St. Jude's massacre was bringing up questions about Strigoi and their evolution that he was worried about asking.

"Guardian HQ needs to be notified of this development," he said, stepping away to call it in. If Strigoi were truly organizing, learning to strategize and ambush and hunt, then their world was in more danger than it'd ever been in.

Mischa took slow steps away from the body as Clarice came back into her living room, looking around at the ruin. "My life here is dead," she declared almost emotionlessly. 

Lissa quickly looked away from the drawings and at her, shaking her head. "No, the Strigoi are dead. You could clean up, and—"

"You're so far out of your depth," she cut her off, shaking her head. "You have no idea how this world works. It's not the Strigoi I'm worried about. It's the ones who come after them." Clarice paused, clearly upset as she glowered at Lissa. Mischa took a careful step closer to her sister, worried something bad was going to happen. "You've burned my world down. But to make us even, I'm going to give you what you came here for."

Clarice leaned in slowly and whispered so quietly that Mischa couldn't overhear. But she saw how Lissa froze. A moment later, the interaction was over, and Clarice walked away, leaving Lissa and the new information behind.

"Liss?" Mischa called hesitantly, worried about her reaction to whatever it was.

But Lissa didn't respond. She just slowly turned around and looked at the door — looked at Rose — with a terrifying look of horror in her eyes. Mischa didn't know what Clarice said but she did know nothing was ever going to be the same and all because of just a few little words.

Lissa had just learned the darkest secret in the world.

☾

It was daylight, and everyone was back and safe behind the wards of the St. Ignatius province, left to deal with the whirlwind of new information they'd all learned and the different world they'd experienced. Dimitri was doing what he did best when trying to not think about all the complications in his life — he was doing training exercises. After doing push-ups against the seat of a bench, he propped up a leg and stretched out his muscles.

As he did so, one of those said complications made her way over to him.

Mischa had long since changed out of her human clothes and was in a simple, purple sundress made of finer material than anything that could've been found in that shop. She was also holding an umbrella over her head. Despite how exhausted she was, she couldn't sleep without seeing Dimitri, who didn't say a word on the drive home and then parted from them almost immediately when the car reached the hotel.

Dimitri didn't look at her until she was right in front of them, the back of the bench the only thing separating them. For once, she was taller than him as he was still leaning against the seat.

"Hey," Mischa greeted with a soft smile on her face as she looked at him. "Thought I might find you out here." When Dimitri had no visible reaction to her arrival aside from looking back down, her smile dimmed a bit. "Is everything okay?"

He took in a deep breath, wondering why she couldn't have stayed inside so that he could put this off for a few more hours. It only made him feel worse when she gently touched his cheek and guided his face back up so that he would look at her. So, he covered her hand with his own and pulled it away, knowing he had to be quick before he lost all his nerve.

"We can't," Dimitri whispered, shaking his head. But even still, he was far too weak to let go of her hand. "There's no room for divided loyalties in this world, Princess. And what we're doing is forbidden — it's wrong."

Mischa looked at him in confusion, having no clue where this was coming from. Not twelve hours ago, he was holding her and talking about wanting freedom and her. "It doesn't feel wrong."

"No," he admitted. "It doesn't."

"Then why are you saying it?" she asked, biting her lip nervously.

"I don't question rules. I never had because I rely on them far too much to do so. But you... you made me question one," he went on, eyes searching her face. "Because why would they ever forbid a Guardian from loving their Moroi?" Mischa thought her heart must have skipped a beat at his words. "Because all I knew was that I'd never protect anyone better, that I fight fiercer when trying to get to you. It felt right, and I was better for it."

"That all sounds like good things to me," she mumbled. "Why does it feel like the rest isn't so good?"

"I never should have let you all go beyond the wards last night," he said, gripping the back of the bench and her hand tighter. "And I wouldn't have. I was trained better. I knew better. But I did anyway because it was you asking, and I never want to let you down. And each time I was ready to end it and bring us back to the province, you'd do it again. You'd ask me to let you stay with your hand on my arm and stars in your eyes."

"I wasn't better last night. I was weak," Dimitri said, shutting his eyes for a moment. "I ignored every protocol and rule to please you. And then you were put in danger because of it—"

"But I'm fine," Mischa interrupted, feeling her heart picking up speed as she began to worry about where this was going. "We're all alive and fine. So, don't - don't blow this up into something it doesn't have to be. Don't do what I think you're going to."

Dimitri shook his head and looked at her sadly. "This thing between us — it can't go on. I can't be any more than a Guardian to you. You are my charge, and it must stay that way."

And just like that, the heart that he'd stolen from her was crushed.

Mischa shook her head while her eyes watered, not even wanting to think about breaking up. "No," she denied. "What? I don't get a say in this? I don't want this to end."

"We can't always have what we want, Princess," Dimitri told her.

"You think I don't know that?" she asked, raising her voice a bit. "You think I don't wake up wanting my family back? Wanting Mikhail back?" Her voice cracked at the mention of her best friend. "That I don't want life to be easier for my sister? I know good and well I can't always have what I want."

"So, you understand why we can't continue on like this," he said stiffly.

"Is that what you want?" Mischa asked, her voice trembling as she fought off the urge to sob.

And Dimitri hesitated. It was only a few seconds, but they both knew he hesitated. They knew this wasn't what he really wanted.

How she managed to find her voice again, she'd never know. It felt like a painful weight was resting on her lungs. "And you couldn't have thought all this through — figured it out — before I let myself fall in—"

"Don't say it," Dimitri cut her off sharply, nearly flinching back. "I can't hear you say it."

"You don't get to dictate how I feel," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling. "Not when you're the cause of it in the first place. It's not that you can't hear it — you don't want to."

"It doesn't matter what I want. It never has — they come first," Dimitri said, repeating the mantra Dhampir were raised on.

"And we're just supposed to what? Act like it never happened?" she asked, letting out a hurt scoff. "Can you do that?" Because she knew she couldn't. "Pretend like that night together never happened?"

Dimitri's face hardened, knowing he had to end things as permanently as he could. "Of course, I can," he said, the lie falling off the tip of his tongue. One he knew would only hurt Mischa. "It was nothing I hadn't done before."

If Mischa's heart had been crushed before, it was a shattered mess on the ground at Dimitri's feet now. He dropped her hand, the warmth leaving both of them at the loss of contact. Would that be the last time he ever touched her?

Before Mischa could think to cry or call him out or beg him to take that back, to tell her he was lying to protect her from the rules of the Dominion, he left. Dimitri turned and took off under the guise of finishing his jog. But they both knew he was running away from her.

☾

The sound of Rose's fist pounding on Lissa's closed hotel room door echoed throughout the hall. She didn't care if she was disturbing anyone and she was also contemplating breaking the door down to get to her best friend that had just ruined her life with the bomb she dropped.

How dare Lissa fire her as her Guardian, claiming to do it because she cared about her and didn't want to use her? How dare she take away the one thing that made being a Guardian worth it — her. And how dare she reveal the life-altering truth as to why they had the Spirit bond then shut the door in her face, refusing to talk it out?

"Lissa. Lissa! Lissa!" she continued to shout, angry and scared tears welling in her eyes. But Lissa wouldn't be opening the door for her any time soon. "Lissa!"

When it was clear the banging was useless, Rose let out a defeated sigh and leaned back against the door, clenching her eyes shut.

"Rose?" she heard Mischa timidly call.

After peeling her eyes open, she spotted Mischa at the end of the hallway, probably on the way to her own room. However, she'd have heard the shouting Rose was doing and probably wanted to check on her. "Hey, Mish," Rose mumbled, wiping at her eyes to try and pretend like nothing was wrong. As she did, she pushed off the door and made her way down the hall.

As she got closer, Rose finally noticed Mischa's condition. Her eyes were red and her mascara was smeared, a clear sign that she'd been crying. Both her arms were wrapped around her stomach tightly like she was trying to hug herself or keep herself from falling apart in some way.

"Hey," Rose said, instantly getting worried and forgetting about her problems. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

Mischa shook her head, feeling the words caught in her throat. As she looked at Rose, she also noticed that she'd been crying as well. "I - I can't — Rose, what's wrong? Why are you screaming for Liss?"

"It's nothing," Rose said stiffly, crossing her arms uncomfortably. "Spill."

Mischa scoffed and rolled her eyes before actually wiping the tears away. "Rose, please tell me what's wrong. I need quite literally anything to distract me. Is it more Spirit stuff?"

After a moment, she nodded in confirmation and glanced around the empty hallway. "Can we talk in your room?"

"Of course."

And so, the two girls crushed by two completely different things made their way to the luxurious hotel room. Neither said anything when the door shut and Mischa led them to the couch in the sitting area, keeping far from the bed that hurt too much to look at. They sat across from each other, both struggling to make eye contact.

"Rose Hathaway doesn't cry over nothing," Mischa sat, finally looking at her friend with worry in her eyes. She'd only ever seen Rose fully cry over two things — when the Dragomirs died and when Mikhail died.

"It's Lissa," Rose said, clasping her hands together and looking down at them. "Not only has she decided she doesn't want me as her Guardian when I graduate—"

"What?" Mischa couldn't help but interrupt in surprise. That had been the plan since the moment Lissa and Rose became best friends. She'd be her Guardian, and they'd be inseparable for their whole lives.

Rose nodded in confirmation. "She went on about the exploitation of Dhampir and how I deserve better than her. She's just going to let them assign someone else to her and leave me behind as if I even have the choice of freedom."

"But that makes no sense," she said, frowning. "Rose, you have no other option. There is no freedom. You have to be a Guardian or go to the Communes. She knows that. At the very least, you've always looked forward to being assigned to her. I mean, you even turned down Andre every time he offered just to be with her — and we all know how good the Guardians to the monarch have it."

"Trust me, I know all of this," she said, rubbing her face. "And I told her as much. I tried to talk some sense into her. But she just shut me out. She's taking away the one thing I've ever wanted most in the world, and I don't even get a say. And all because... because..."

"Because of what, Rose?" she asked softly. "Did something happen in the human world to cause this? Is it Clarice?"

Rose took a deep breath, knowing what she was going to repeat would be hard to say. But if anyone deserved to know, it was Mischa. Because if Lissa was going to drop a bomb like that and then run away without even offering Rose any form of comfort, then she'd go to the next best person.

"The ultimate sin Vladimir committed — the same sin Lissa committed — was resurrection," she revealed. Then she took in a shaky breath. "I... died in the car crash. Lissa brought me back to life with her magic, which formed the bond. She thinks because I was using my body to shield her in the crash, that it's her fault I died."

Mischa felt like her blood turned to ice as she looked at her closest friend. She couldn't even imagine a world where they lost Rose in addition to their parents and brother. But it all made sense. Despite how horrific the damage of the wreck was, Rose and Lissa were hardly hurt while Mischa was left in a coma for two weeks. Lissa didn't just heal the injuries Rose sustained — she brought her back from the dead.

Before Rose could say anything more, Mischa crossed the gap between them and hugged her tightly, never wanting to let go. And Rose let out a long breath, hugging her back. That's what she needed. Someone to hold her and be there for her as she processed the fact that she'd quite literally died just a few months ago.

"I - I don't know what to say to that," Mischa had to admit, continuing to hold Rose.

"I don't think anyone does," Rose said, sniffing. She also burrowed her head in Mischa's neck. "Just please don't... leave me too."

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised. "An - and I can't pretend to know how Lissa is feeling, but this won't be forever. When everything settles, and she thinks critically about all of this while considering your side of things, she'll change her mind. She's your Moroi, and you're her Dhampir."

"Doesn't feel like it," she mumbled sadly. "And I doubt she'll change her mind before I graduate and get assigned to some Royal prick who treats me like street trash or some future blood whore."

"I mean, I know I can be a little bratty but I'd like to think I won't treat you like blood whore trash," Mischa said, shrugging, which Rose felt as she was still leaning on her.

Rose sat up then and looked at Mischa questioningly. "What?"

"I know I'm not the Dragomir you want, but I'll fight to have you assigned to me after Graduation — if you'll have me, that is," she said gently with a small smile. "We could stir up quite a bit of trouble together."

"No doubt, but what about Dimitri?" Rose asked, the corners of her lips turning up just as Mischa's went down. "Like you two would ever let another Guardian take his place."

"I, um, I don't—" Mischa cleared her throat which was feeling tight all over again, and looked down at her lap, remembering the events with Dimitri all over again. "Um, Dim — he's not — just, uh, don't worry about wanting him as my Guardian again."

Sure, Mischa wanted the comforting moment to be all about Rose, but the perceptive Novice saw her reaction and her inability to actually say his name, and put the pieces together. "Mish, is he the reason you were crying?" In response, she just nodded silently, and Rose's protective instincts kicked. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, tensing up. "Nothing happened and nothing will ever happen again."

"Mischa," Rose said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "You can talk to me. I want to be a shoulder to cry on just like you're one for me. It's only fair. You like him, don't you? And he likes you? What's the problem?"

"I more than like him, Rose," Mischa admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Something has been going on between you despite the rules, right?" she asked knowingly. "It's more than just longing looks and dancing at that club."

"Yeah, it's more," she told her. "Well, it was more."

Wanting to know more so that she could determine how mad she needed to be at the Guardian, Rose kept gently pressing. "Was Dimitri your first kiss?" she asked, knowing they'd been gossiping for years about when it was gonna happen for the oldest Dragomir twin.

Mischa's eyes watered again at her next words while nodding. "Amongst other first things."

"You slept together?" Rose blurted out, unable to hide her shock. She never imagined the two had gotten past flirtatious looks and an occasional kiss in secret. But now she could understand why Mischa looked so broken. "Wh - when?"

"After you got back from Caroni," she mumbled, a few tears spilling over as she thought about it. "After he - he gave me my Molnija mark. And it was perfect, and I was so happy, and I thought he was too, especially with how we've been the last few days. He - he said the rules were more important than me, that I make him a weaker Guardian. He said we had to stop and forget anything ever happened."

Rose scoffed in disbelief. "Bullshit. How could either of you act like there's nothing there? He was your first time, for Vlad's sake."

"But I wasn't his," Mischa said, letting out a choked noise as she fully cried. "He had no trouble reminding me that it wasn't as special for him."

"I'll kill him," Rose said angrily. "I'll beat his face in for treating you like that."

Mischa shook her head and rubbed her eyes roughly until black spots swarmed her vision. "I don't want you to fight him. I just - I just..."

"Want him?" she guessed, softening her tone a little. Mischa nodded, her face crumpling as she cried. Rose quickly pulled her into a hug just as she'd done a few minutes ago. She gently rubbed Mischa's back comfortingly as she sobbed. "A first heartbreak is never easy, and it'll be a while before you feel okay again. But you'll have me beside you every step of the way — Liss, too, if you open up to her. Don't bottle all this up."

"I don't wanna open up," she cried. "Him changing his mind wasn't exactly a part of the plan. I gave him everything, Rose, and then he decided he didn't want me anymore. Or at least, not enough to keep trying."

"Again, the offer to hit him still stands," Rose told her. Then she sighed. "We shouldn't have involved you in this trip to the human world. Or him. Maybe if he hadn't got so freaked about Spirit and breaking so many rules, he wouldn't have pulled such a dick move."

"I'm glad I went — glad we went," Mischa whispered, thinking back on all the nice moments. Dancing with him. Dimitri holding her in his warm, safe arms on that boat. She wouldn't trade it for anything. "And hey, got another Strigoi under my belt."

Rose smiled a little and nudged her shoulder. "Novice Dragomir has returned," she said. Then Rose reached for Mischa's hand, looking at the markings. "No one can know, though. You won't get a Molija mark."

"I didn't do it because I wanted another tattoo," she told her. "I didn't even kill him because Dimitri was in danger. I know he would've freed himself and killed that Strigoi easily. I did it because I could. Because it's my power, and I should be able to use it whenever and however I want. I don't remember killing the first one but I'll never forget tonight. I felt powerful and strong."

"You felt powerful because you are powerful," she said, smiling.

Mischa looked up from her lap and met Rose's gaze, a new glint in her eyes as she pushed Dimitri to the back of her mind. "What if I could feel like that all the time?"

"What do you mean by that?" she questioned, sitting a little straighter.

"What if—" Mischa hesitated, making sure it was really something she wanted. "What if you taught me a few things? Like, fighting things."

Rose let out a short laugh, not quite taking her seriously. "What on earth do you need to learn to fight for?"

"Uh, I don't know, maybe the four different Strigoi encounters I've had in the last few weeks," she reminded her, rolling her eyes. Then she squeezed Rose's hand. "C'mon, Rose. Mi - Mikhail was giving me workouts already so that I could be stronger. Camila taught me how to throw a punch. Teach me everything else. Teach me to defend myself with more than just my magic."

Slowly, Rose began to shake her head. "No way, Mish. You're a Moroi. You're not made for fighting. That's what Guardians are for."

"I think I've made it clear enough that I can protect myself," Mischa said, letting out a huff. "You know, you hate the conforming bubble you're kept in as a Dhampir. Have you ever considered that I felt the same? Maybe I want more than what is expected of me. If I want to fight Strigoi, I should be able to."

The very thought went against everything Rose believed in. Moroi had no business putting their life on the line. She never wanted to see Mischa in danger ever again. But the pro-violence glint in Mischa's eye was rubbing her in a curious way, which she couldn't ignore. "You're not a Dhampir," Rose reminded her, crossing her arms. "Stop acting like one."

"But I'm just as good as — at least, I could be if you took a chance on me," she said, correcting herself. No, she couldn't do much in a fight, but killing two Strigoi was a big deal.

"You don't want the life I have, Mish," she said, shaking her head. "I don't even want the life I have."

"But I don't know that I want the one planned for me either — it's all been planned since the moment my family died," she said softly. "And now... after... Rose, I need this. Help me."

After a moment, Rose's more rebellious side, the side that loved to break Dominion rules reared its head and won out on the battle inside of her. She also figured it'd be a good distraction from her problems. "Okay," she finally said, nodding her head.

Mischa grinned and surged forward to hug her tightly. "Thank you!" She'd asked so many Guardians to teach her self-defense — Mikhail, Dimitri, even Alberta a few months ago, and they all said no. "You won't regret it."

"Yeah," Rose muttered while hugging her back. "We have to keep it on the down-low though. Dimitri would kill me if he found out."

She could feel as Mischa tensed up in her arms, the man who broke her heart brought to the forefront of her mind once again. "Dimitri won't care — he's made it very clear that he doesn't care."