I'M NOT A PRINCESS.

[ season 1 — episode 3 ]

Mia didn't leave with Mischa, but by the time the princess reached the streets below, she knew it wouldn't be long before Mia ducked out too. There was nothing to hang around at the Death Watch for, and it didn't suit her to sit there for hours, looking sorry for herself.

When she reached the bar, Mischa didn't bother to take her mask off, figuring she could still honor the tradition even though she left early. As opposed to usual nights in the bar, where music was blaring and people were dancing, the mood was somber. All the Guardians and Novices stood in a circle by the fireplace with Janine standing in the center.

"What's going on?" Mischa whispered to Rose when finding her at the edge of the circle.

Rose spared a glance at her, surprised she came to the bar so early. She thought she'd spend much longer at the castle. "You have your traditions. We have ours."

"While the Royals mourn their dead, we mourn ours. Let the call out begin," Janine said to her fellow Dhampir. She raised her glass in the air that only had a sip of whiskey in it. "To Grayson, who saved my life." Then she threw the glass into the fire at full force after drinking from it, causing it to shatter and the flames to grow brighter from the alcohol.

Alberta was the next to step up, remembering a fallen Guardian. "For Yasmine, who made me laugh." She drank and threw her glass in, staring at the fire.

Mischa was surprised, though she didn't know why, when Dimitri joined them in the center of the circle. He stared at his glass while speaking in a level tone. "For Alexei, who helped me find the meaning of honor." Mischa looked away as he took a drink and then threw the glass at the fire, the pain evident on his face.

One by one, each Guardian took a drink to remember someone before throwing their cup into the fireplace. Though it was a sad moment, a time of mourning, the Dhampir still found ways to smile. After calling out the names, the music was turned back up as they began to celebrate all the accomplishments and lives saved by the fallen Dhampir.

Mischa wasn't the only Moroi there, even if the only royal. Sonya Karp was there, constantly near Mikhail, as well as a few others that were friendlier with Guardians and would rather be there than at the castle where they were excluded.

While dancing to an upbeat song that was so loud she could hardly think, Mikhail swooped in and lifted Mischa off her feet, making her squeal as she held on. "Hold on tight, Mish," he told her, continuing to turn.

"You're in a good mood," she said, grinning. She then nodded to the side at Sonya, who was dancing with Eddie now, having just as much fun as they were. "Wonder who caused that?"

"Gotta live life, right?" he asked, matching her grin. Then he lifted her before bringing her back down to the ground.

It was a standard dance that many vampires learned when they were younger and frequented parties, and soon came time for the dance partners to switch, and Mikhail wasted no time in sliding in front of Sonya to dance with her again after twirling Mischa to a new partner. Mischa was surprised when she turned and a firm body was the first thing she'd found. She placed her hands on Dimitri's chest to steady herself and looked up at him with wide eyes, unsure of why she felt so nervous all of the sudden.

"Hi," she greeted softly. He heard her, even over the loud music.

"Hi," he said just as softly. Then she felt his calloused fingertips at her cheeks as he pulled the Death Watch mask off her face, wanting to see all of her. She didn't complain as he tossed it to the side, not caring if it was broken. All she could focus on was his eyes that were looking at her as if she was something beautiful. "I hope you can dance half as well as you took those shots."

Mischa giggled as he lifted her easily, high over his head and holding her up with his forearms under her butt. She raised her hands happily as she spun before letting her drop back down. He took her hands and pulled her to the center of the dance floor where everyone else was. Each time he'd lift or twirl her, she forgot to breathe, only focusing on his hands on her skin.

Then everyone soon got together and began to join in for the line dance portion, which was one of Mischa's favorite parts. She laughed while bumping into Rose and Meredith, everyone letting loose for the night. When she stepped too far and bumped into Dimitri, she felt his hands at her hips, readjusting her stance.

"You're not doing it right!" Dimitri said over the music, laughing at Mischa and leaving his hands on her body.

"Excuse you, Cowboy, I am a perfect dancer!" she insisted, continuing to move to the music with him.

He shook his head with a smile and lifted her up again to put an end to the horrendous line dance she was doing. Once he sat her down, she grabbed his hands excitedly and just spun in a circle while laughing and holding each other close. He'd have never let himself act so carefree around her had he not been drinking so much, but Dimitri didn't really care at that moment. He could've done this every day with her just to see the smile on her face.

Mikhail and Sonya were jumping around them, and the red-haired Guardian pulled his jacket off, slinging it over his head before letting it fly off toward the bar. However, he gave pause when he saw Dimitri move down and pick Mischa up bridal style and turned with her in his arms, pushing his forehead to hers. She reached up and gently pushed a strand of hair off his forehead.

Finally, Mikhail's slightly drunk mind was catching up, realizing how close the Guardian and Princess were. They weren't exactly looking at each other as friends were meant to. He opened his mouth to ask just why the hell they were dancing so close, but Sonya could almost sense it and pulled him away, managing to distract him while pulling him closer.

When the song ended, everyone in the bar cheered as a new one began. Dimitri spun Mischa one last time, and she ended up with her palms flat against his firm chest, catching her breath while looking up at him. She could feel him rubbing his thumb back and forth gently on her back, feeling the heat coming off of him through the thin silk.

"I'm gonna go get another drink," he said with a soft smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"Oh—" Mischa paused and saw Rose over her shoulder, just sitting at the bar. It was almost time to sneak off. "Um, I think I'm good. Thanks, though."

He nodded and made his way to the crowded bar. Knowing it would be a long time before he actually got his drink, it was the perfect time to get away with Rose to find Christian. However, on the way to the Novice, she was intercepted by Mikhail.

"Having fun with Sonya?" Mischa asked him, smiling.

"Perhaps not as much fun as you," he said, giving her a look, "and Dimitri."

"Yeah, we were dancing," she said, thinking nothing of it.

"Just dancing, right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mischa tilted her head questioningly. "What's wrong, Miek? You were there."

"Yeah, I was there. You two seem awfully cozy for a Guardian and Moroi."

"What's that supposed to mean? You and I were dancing before," she reminded him defensively.

"I don't recall such intense eye contact and all those lingering touches," Mikhail said sternly. "He's your Guardian, Mish — nothing more. It's forbidden."

Mischa narrowed her eyes, realizing what he was implying. While relationships between Dhampir and Moroi were frowned upon, romantic relationships between a Guardian and the Moroi they were assigned to protect was forbidden. But there wasn't anything romantic going on between Mischa and Dimitri.

There couldn't be.

"Look, Miek, I appreciate the overprotectiveness, but you're reaching for signs that aren't there," she told him, shaking her head with an amused smile. Then she looked back at Rose, who caught her eye and nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was planning on talking to Rose."

Mischa moved past Mikhail, doing her best to ignore the odd discussion with him. It was ridiculous, she thought. The idea of her having feelings for Dimitri. Even if he was tall and handsome, with a kind heart and eyes that she could get lost in. At that, Mischa quickly shook her head as if to shake the thoughts away, ignoring how Rose looked at her oddly for it.

"Ready?" Mischa asked, looking at her friend.

Rose quickly finished the mug of beer in her hand before slamming it on the bar top. "Ready."

The two girls slipped out of the bar, unnoticed by any. But when Mischa looked over her shoulder just before the door shut, she saw Dimitri with a drink in hand and searching the crowd with an almost disappointed frown on his face.

☾

Christian was ten minutes late for meeting Mischa and Rose, who were hiding in the shadows of a corner near the church. Finally, the Fire user came around the corner, looking more troubled than he should've been for something so simple.

"What took you so long?" Rose asked, falling into step with him as he went to a side door.

"Let's just do this," he said stiffly.

Christian wasted no time in picking the lock on a metal grate door. The three of them rushed inside, Mischa closing the door behind them so that no patrolling Guardians would see it cracked and investigate. Once inside, they found a spiral staircase that led them down into an ancient bunker. There was an electric panel to open the door, which Christian surrounded in flames to short circuit it. A beep sounded as the door to the archives opened, revealing countless books on display, some in protective glass cases.

Rose and Mischa watched Christian as he began searching for something without even bothering to talk to them. "Why'd you bring us if it's just gonna be a silent mission?" Rose questioned, a little annoyed. She'd been having fun at the bar with her friends.

"The worst part for me about my parents is that everyone thought they were awful to grow up with, but they weren't," Christian said, sounding sad as he paused his searching for a moment. "They loved me. And I loved them. One day we were a family, sitting in our cabin at Mont Blanc, hanging out, skiing. Then next, they chose to become Strigoi. They chose that over me. Then, when I thought they were dead, I... I didn't know how to feel. I just knew it felt bad. That was a million times better than this."

"Christian," Mischa said softly as he went back to searching. "Did something happen?"

"They're not dead. They led the massacre at St. Jude's," he revealed.

"Oh, Christian..." Rose said, letting out a shocked gasp.

"Your mom thinks they're looking for me," Christian added.

Rose frowned, thinking it over. "That could put Lissa in real danger if she's with you."

"I know," he said. Then Christian finally pulled out a book, blowing a layer of dust off the cover. "This is it. I'll let you know what I find." Christian moved to stand in front of the girls. "Look, I know you three don't do secrets, but can my parents be mine for now?"

"No, we won't tell Lissa," Mischa said. If anything, she figured Christian would tell her in his own time. It didn't seem like those two could hide much from each other.

"Yeah, but Christian... you can't put her in danger," Rose said, an underlying threat in her tone. She wouldn't let him put her in danger by being around him.

Before he could assure them he would take Lissa's safety seriously, a guard called out, having overheard voices. "Who's there?"

The three of them shared a panicked look. "Want to know why I brought you? So you could fight your way out if we got caught. Come on," Christian said.

They ran for the stairs, ignoring how the guards called after them as if that'd make them stop. Mischa threw out her hand behind her and conjured wind to slam the door shut to slow them down, also using fire to heat up the handle.

"Run!" Rose instructed, pushing her faster up the stairs. They made it back up and outside without being caught, only for one Guardian to be standing outside the exit, looking surprised. Rose's shoulders sagged as she looked at her mother. "Fuck."

It only took Janine a moment before an angry expression took over. "You," she said, glaring at her daughter, "are to come with me. And You—" Mischa startled as she was now on the receiving end of that glare. "The Queen summoned you, but you were nowhere to be found in the castle, so the Guardians came to the bar. You will join your sister in the castle. Your godfather will be waiting for you."

"Do you know what it's about?" Mischa asked nervously. Perhaps the Queen wasn't going to let Lissa's speaking so freely pass after all.

"No," Janine said. For a moment, Mischa thought maybe the woman's eyes softened but then decided it was just due to poor lighting in the street. "But it sounded urgent."

☾

Mischa stood shoulder to shoulder with Lissa, both confused as to why they were in the main office of the Royal Census Taker. Victor was with them, as was the Queen, and no one looked happy to be there.

The Census Taker gestured to the board behind them, which sort of looked like a large abacus with both white and black spheres. "Each one of the twelve lines on the board represent each of the twelve Royal families. Every sphere represents a member of that family. This, Princesses, this is you both," he explained. He pointed to one row with only two white spheres. "And this is the Dragomir line. We've only just learned the attack on St. Jude's resulted in the death of two of your second cousins." As he spoke, he manipulated the air to add two black spheres to the other side.

"Without them, you lack a quorum, as two is too few. Without a quorum, you cannot vote, much less sit on the throne," the Queen told the twins.

"But that's ridiculous," Mischa couldn't help but speak up. They didn't get a say because there weren't enough of them? It was cruel.

"I've never heard of this rule," Victor said, also not understanding where this was coming from.

"Neither had I," the Queen admitted. Mischa narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "It is an ancient law that hadn't been enforced since before my reign."

"Then why start now? You're the Queen. You decide," Victor said.

"I have decided. Laws are laws, and we cannot disregard them simply because they're not favorable to us. The Princesses'—" The Queen cut herself off. If no official head of the family sat on the Council, then both girls were also officially losing the titles they'd had since birth. "The Ladies Dragomir's only tasks now is to stay alive and rebuild their bloodline. Nothing more."

Mischa bit the inside of her cheek hard to keep from saying something that could get her into trouble. As if they hadn't lost enough.

"On the bright side," the Queen went on, looking at Victor. "Your monk is preparing to lead the ward strengthening ceremony at sunset tomorrow. It won't be our usual extravaganza, but it should give us some additional protection." The Queen sighed at the girls. "I'm sorry, Mischa. Vasilissa. You would have made an excellent Queen."

Victor shook his head and stepped forward. "Marina—" He must have truly been upset to use the Queen's first name. "—if you yourself had never heard of this law, who alerted you to it?"

The Queen looked away for a moment and said a name that had Mischa clenching her fist in anger, a new hatred for the woman setting in. "Tatiana Vogel."

☾

You had to be looking carefully to notice Mischa, who was sitting curled up with her knees drawn to her chest in the seemingly endless path that ran through the gardens. No one was there that late — it wouldn't be long before the sun came up. She was still in her stupid gown from the Death Watch and was staring at the moonflowers to her left that were nearly ready to curl up and close until the moon returned.

It was clear that she wanted to be alone, but of course, that couldn't be the place.

"There you are, Princess," Dimitri said, a smile on his face as he spotted her. "You left so quickly — I was going to walk you back to make sure you arrived safely."

Misha let out a small hum in response to signify she heard him but didn't otherwise speak. Dimitri's smile slipped away as he came closer while also looking around.

"You should get inside. The sun will be out soon, and you don't have a covering," he said, seeing no umbrella nearby. At least the gardens led to an entrance to the Moroi dorms. He held a hand down for her. "C'mon, Princess."

"I'm not a princess," she said quietly, the words hitting his ears despite how much she didn't want him to hear.

"What?"

"Everyone will know in the morning," she muttered before sighing. Then Mischa looked up at him, and he realized she'd been crying by how red her eyes are. "The rest of the Dragomirs died in the attack at St. Jude's. With just Liss and I, it's not enough to have a seat on the Council, so we're losing our vote and our titles. So, I am not a princess anymore."

It was silent for a moment as Dimitri processed the change, but then he took a seat next to her on the bench. "I'm sorry, Mischa," he said softly.

"I don't know what's gonna happen," she said, her eyes watering. "With Lissa, my family, the future of the Dominion. For all I know, we'll lose you and Mikhail as Guardians."

"That won't happen," he said immediately.

Mischa scoffed. "You go where you're assigned, Dimitri. And you're the best Guardian around — we're not important enough for that anymore."

"I'd say the safety of all that's left of an ancient, royal bloodline is plenty important," he told her. "Do not fear the worst. You'll only upset yourself more."

When had losing Dimitri as her Guardian become one of the worst outcomes for her? For both of them? Was there some secret truth to what Mikhail had been implying earlier?

After a moment of staring into his eyes, Mischa nodded and looked down at her lap. "You're right. Victor is already looking for loopholes — assuming he's not still yelling at Tatiana Vogel for even bringing that stupid law to the Queen's attention in the first place."

"Vogel," Dimitri repeated the name. He'd met her briefly when she approached him at the bar. Mischa just nodded in confirmation. "Do you want to talk about it anymore?"

"Not really," she mumbled. Then Mischa glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Could I ask you a personal question?"

"Depends on the question, I suppose," he said, copying what she'd said just before he asked about her declaring a magic.

"I know it's not business, but I saw you with a woman in town earlier. She had a baby. I guess I just... I don't know — never mind," she said, shaking her head, feeling stupid. "It's not my place to ask. You're right. I need to get back."

Mischa moved to get off the bench, but she felt Dimitri's touch on her wrist, keeping her in place. "Her name is Eloise. The little boy is Alexei."

"Alexei?" she questioned, remembering when he said the name at the memorial. "An adorable baby taught you honor? What? He beat you in a duel?"

The corner of his mouth turned up, but he couldn't fully smile at the joke. "Alexei was Eloise's husband and my best friend. I was his Guardian. The baby is their son."

"Oh," she said, frowning. The woman looked more like a Dhampir than a Moroi. "They were married?"

"Alexei was an influential Royal, so people looked the other way," Dimitri explained.

"You were best friends with a Moroi? How did he... How did you lose him?"

Dimitri looked down sadly, thinking about their past. "He was always on at me... to take care of myself in the small ways a Guardian can. Draw clear lines between my life and the job. Take the time off in the rare moments it was offered. So that's what I did. And then his convoy was attacked by a Strigoi on a trip across the provinces. And I wasn't there."

Just from how he spoke, Mischa knew he blamed himself for what happened. Surely, he'd replayed that day over and over again, wondering what might've happened if he'd been at work that day.

"So, Eloise was sent to the Communes," Mischa guessed. Dimitri nodded the slightest bit. "I do hope you know it's not your fault." When Dimitri stayed silent, she kept talking. "There's nothing wrong with living. That's always been the life I want for Rose, Mikhail — any Guardian really. I want them to have a life to call their own while still being able to help. I was finally getting excited to be on the Council because I knew I could be a voice for the Dhampir."

"I have faith you'll find your way back to where you belong on the Council," Dimitri said comfortingly. "You will be our voice one day."

As they sat staring at each other, a lone ray of morning sun broke through the thick leaves of the trees above them. It hit Mischa's exposed shoulder, who let out a hiss. Dimitri acted quickly, pulling her closer to him and away from the sun. Then in one fluid move, he pulled off the large black coat he wore and put it over her shoulders.

"Is this a duster?" Mischa couldn't help but ask, looking at the garment with an amused smile. Being amused helped distract from how she was wrapped up in his cologne. "God, you really are a cowboy. Thank you, though."

Dimitri gently pulled her to stand. "Now, may I escort you home, Princess? Before you get burned again?"

Mischa swallowed thickly while looking up at him. "I'm not a princess anymore, Dimitri."

"You will always be a princess to the people that matter," Dimitri said softly, feeling himself lean closer. He was clueless to how his words made Mischa's heart beat faster. Then he looked back at the treetops, seeing how the sky was growing even lighter. "Now, come. It's time for you to get inside."