Lauren can be stubborn, it's just part of who she is. It's also part of the reason this whole thing came to an end.

You hate- no, absolutely despise yourself for having done it, but you couldn't keep living that way. It was... dangerous. And It hurt.

I didn't know that it would hurt even more to let her go, but I had to do it.

What hurt the most, though, was having to see her perform that night. I didn't go out to watch her, I couldn't do that. I didn't even mean to watch the videos. They were all over, plastered on every news show, on every screen. As much as it wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to her.

But what really made the whole thing worse (you know, besides the fact that I'd broken up with the girl I loved and hadn't spoken to her for the past two weeks), was that nobody knew what'd really happened.

Even though Lauren was publicly out as bisexual, management decided that it may not be a good idea for her to have another public relationship with a woman (aka she's not allowed to be seen getting 'too close' with anyone, unless they say so). Nobody knows about us. Well, some of the fans have theories, but as far as most of them are aware she's taken by somebody else and we're just friends. We have- had a beard. He started out simply as PR but soon she met me and we wangled it so that she could be with me privately and 'with' him publicly.

That meant that with all of these videos coming out and the silence on her social media accounts (besides the upsetting tweets she's been sending out almost routinely that don't do anything but break my heart and send rumours flying), those talk shows that seem to have a vengeance against anyone remotely famous are having the times of their lives trying to decipher what had happened.

I guess that's why I found myself laid on my couch that had also become my bed over the past few weeks, bundled in countless blankets and stopping my scrolling when I saw a video of the performance that night pop up on my phone screen; It's title: 'Trouble In Paradise Backstage?'

I scoffed and tapped on the video, my breath hitching as whatever YouTube channel it was on's intro finished and I saw those eyes again. I'd seen them since, of course, and they'd used a photo I'd seen many times before, but something about them this time brought everything back.

'I'm sure you have all seen/heard what happened with Lauren Jauregui at the performance on Friday...' popped up on the screen, 'Here is some of the best footage I could find...'

What came next was not what I'd expected. She was singing normally, her voice a little shaky but sometimes if she has a lot of adrenaline running through her that happens. Then all of a sudden she stopped, her voice breaking before cutting out entirely. She brought her hands up to hide her face and took a few steps back until she was less in the light, and by the slight shaking of her shoulders I knew she was crying.

All of a sudden, I was too, silent tears drawing paths down my cheeks and hanging from my chin.

She hadn't cried why I'd told her we were done. She hadn't cried when Ally had burst into the room and asked why I was on the verge of tears. She hadn't cried when someone had come into the small side room and told her it was time for hair and makeup. I was pretty sure she hadn't cried when, or if, she'd gone back to that room before the show only to find I wasn't there. She'd been too stubborn to cry until she was up on stage, and then she broke down.

The camera angle changed to a better view of her and I noticed that the other girls were trying to comfort her, the song thankfully having reached its instrumental. A quick zoom paired with added subtitles showed that when Dinah pulled away from a hug she'd given her, Lauren was saying something, her mic held down by her side in a tight fist.

'- left... broke up with me.' The subtitles read, and knowing the circumstances and by trying to read her lips, it seemed that's exactly what she'd said.

The video then faded to be replaced with its own subtitles, but I didn't really pay much attention. Whoever made it said they assumed that Lauren and whoever the guy she was supposedly dating (I never learnt his name because I hated the fact that we needed him) must've broken up before the show, but then pointed out that they'd seemed fine the day before. 'Could it be that-'

I turned the video off, using the back of hand to wipe some of the tears from my own eyes.

What had I done?

Part II coming soon!