AMERICA EXPLAINED TO NON-AMERICANS (FYI this is a joke. If you can't take it you must leave.)

The statue of liberty: A gigantic woman trapped on a tiny island in which she cannot escape. Symbolizes freedom.

The bald eagle: Commonly referred to as Patriotic Jesus FishBird. The bird is NOT OK to eat.

Thanksgiving turkey: Once a year we gargle the oily bird flesh of these creatures to celebrate our victory over the barbarian heritics who used to rule these lands.. This bird is OK to eat.

Amendments: A list of ratifications to the US Constitution which you can bend, distort, and misinterpret when you want to win a discussion on the internet but you don't actually have a rational argument.

French fries: "Potato phallus fat-swords" Eat these because fuck it.

The 4th of July: The day we celebrate our independence through acoholism, concussive explosions, and by scaring the shit out of our pets.

You see there were more I found, but I find them not worthy or simply too inappropriate for my story. If you guys really want to read them, I'll post a second "America Explained to Non-Americans" later.

Enjoy life, you yellow llamas.