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PLAYLIST : One Call Away - Charlie Puth

     "What did you just say?"

     "Derek, I wanted to tell you all along-"

     "Hello? What did you just say?" his voice was muffled, like there was some obstruction.

     I wanted to figure out what he was feeling from his tone. Whether he was angry or curious or something else. "Derek," I started to say.

     He cut me off. "I didn't hear you there. My phone ran out of juice. I just plugged it in."

     Shit! "Oh." I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

     "So what were you saying?"

     "Um, me? Nothing. I was just . . ." Seriously? I somehow managed to finally say it and that turned out to be the exact same moment Derek had to plug in his phone?

     "Yeah?"

     I couldn't say it again, no matter how hard I tried. I made up something else. "I was just asking why Gina hates you so much."

     "Because I was a jerk to her."

     "Oh, um why?"

     "Because I didn't believe in relationships of any kind. And also because I am a jerk."

     "Seems like a good reason."

     "Yeah, I know." He chuckled.

     From a house across mine, I could hear music playing. It was soothing to listen to. I was silent for a while listening to it. I sensed Derek too could hear the song.

     "My parents' relationship was always rocky for as long as I remembered. All my dad cared about was his business. When he was not working, he was drinking. Then a year ago, they went all out. They had full blown fights in the house, they threw things at each other,  but it was only my mom that got hurt. I couldn't take it. It was too much for me.

     It pissed me off so much, I punched him in the face once. And he punched me back. That was it for me. I left my house and started staying at Nathan's. He knew everything about me and was always so supportive. But then I realized I left my mom with him. I felt guilty for doing that. So I came back home. Their relationship had worsened.

     He was hitting her. The scars were there. I never felt so disappointed in myself. I promised my mom I'd never leave her. I punched him again. From then on, he never hit her again. But they were still fighting.

     I promised myself once I finished high school, I'd go to college somewhere far from here. And I'd take my mom with me. Maybe I'd get a job somewhere to support both of us. I had it all planned. We'd leave that man and go away."

     But that's not what happened, I knew. It was his mom who left, I thought sadly.

     He continued, "But then one day, I came home from school and didn't see my mom around. All I found was a letter in my bedroom. Saying that she was leaving for good. Saying that she was done with this life, with my dad and apologizing for leaving me. I never felt so betrayed in my life. I get it. She had to get away from my dad.

     But why couldn't she tell me about it, about the man she was leaving with. All she wrote was that she leaving with someone who was a lot better than my dad and would take care of her, who loved her. She was moving to Georgia. That's where he was from. She asked me to come meet her at the airport one last time."

      "One last time, her letter said." He gave a hollow laugh. "Why'd she have to break all ties with me? I was happy for her, but it didn't change the fact that she left me. I could never forgive her for that."

     "Did you . . . did you go?"

     "I did go. But I didn't meet her. I mean, she didn't even leave me an address of the place she was staying at. Just the airport. I went there and I saw her with a man. She looked happy with him. It didn't look like she was waiting for her son to say goodbye. So I just came back. And she never tried to contact me again after leaving."

     When he talked about his mom this time, it was different than the last time. The last time he talked about his mom and dad, he was resentful. Though what he said now was more hurtful, it didn't look like he was hurting. It felt like he was letting it out and freeing himself. Coming to terms with it.

     "I was dating Gina at that time, when the person that mattered to me the most, left me. When my family was wrecked. I stopped believing in relationships. My mom left and I felt betrayed. I started feeling that relationships were fake. Everything would be so much better if there were no feelings involved.

     I got frustrated easily. And I took it out on Gina. I ignored her. I made plans, then left her in the lurch. I fought with her all the time. She stopped talking to me and meeting me because she doesn't put up with crap. And I didn't even realize when she stopped talking to me. We didn't even have a proper break up.

     After that, it was just a string of relationships and meaningless sex for me. Everything seemed so much easier. I realized attachment only leads to disappointment."

     "Why are you telling all this to me now?"

     "Because I don't feel like that anymore."

     "No?"

     "No."

     Neither of us said anything. But it didn't feel uncomfortable at all. It was like a silent understanding between us. "Hey, you know what?" Derek said.

     "What?"

     "I think I should apologize to Gina for being an asshole. I don't like that she keeps telling you to stay away from me."

     "You should do that."

     "I could call her now," he offered.

     "Now? This late in the night? She's sleeping right now and if you wake her up, I don't think that's gonna work for you."

     "You're right. I'll talk to her tomorrow. Are you sure she won't punch me in the face?" he asked worried.

     "No. Why would she do that?"

     "I'm a year late on the apology, aren't I? But I'm gonna take your word for it. If I have bruises on my face, it'd be because of you. I know how feisty she can get."

     "Hey! That's my sister you're talking about."

     He chuckled. I wondered what he was doing right now, where he was. "Where are you right now?"

     "Home."

     "Is your dad home?"

     "No, he isn't. He doesn't come home sometimes. When he's home, I go and stay at Nathan's."

     "Would you ever tell me about yourself if Suzy's diary, I mean, if everyone didn't find out about it?"

     "If my life wasn't posted online, you mean? Frankly, I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't. I'd keep it all inside, struggling to come to terms with everything. I would've never known talking to you would be so liberating." He was finally opening up and saying everything he ever wanted to.

     "Then I'm glad you could share everything with me."

     "I'm glad too."

     I smiled. I wished I could see him and not just talk on the phone. Come to think of it, I didn't meet him since Nate's grad party. Seniors weren't required to attend school all that much this time of the year. He didn't have a lot of classes left. I missed hanging out with him in school. "Let's call it a night, okay?"

     "Why?" he asked. "I thought I was going to apologize to Gina?"

     "Gina's not my problem. I still have classes to attend, remember?"

     "I can wake you up."

     "I won't wake up if you call me. I'm a deep sleeper too," I said.

     "Who said anything about calling? I'll come to you and wake you up. I know the way to your window, remember?" He teased.

     "Don't make me remember that!" I rolled my eyes. "I prefer my good ol' alarm clock, thank you. Now let me go sleep."

     "Jeez, fine. Go sleep. You're so boring."

     "Hey, I'm not! And call me earlier tomorrow."

     "Nah," he smugly replied. "I'll call you the same time as always. Good night, Vivian."

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