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DEVYN POTTER

"if we beat gryffindor, then the boy-who-lives owes me ten galleons and a bottle of rum, so do your bloody paperwork."

"if we sneak into the broom closet, do you think mcgonagall will give us a lecture? because the way you look in that suit, it might be worth it."

"forget it, ron's beard makes him look like father christmas. quick, gin, get the house-elf ears — no, they're not real, hermione, keep your knickers on."

DRACO MALFOY

"i am not listening to one more rendition of aerosmith. if another fourth year tries to ask a girl to the ball with 'don't wanna miss a thing' as off-pitched as they've all been, i'm truly going to show them why i was a death eater."

"potter, you've literally got food on your cheek. don't pretend to be the least bit dignified. merlin."

"i'm not a dog, i won't bark. yes, i grow canines and claws and a taste for human flesh once a month. fine. aaaand yes. luna calls me puppy. will you leave it alone?"

ELLA POTTER

"you think sirius didn't tell his favorite potter about the passageways not on the map?
don't make me laugh."

"y'know what's better than this?
anything. because watching malfoy pine is about as attractive as watching the whomping willow get it on."

"how big are we talking? like, could rail the giant squid, or could fit inside a person?"

HARRY POTTER

"it's like we're finally getting the term we deserve. only, i can't lose house points for smogging ginny in my room. hang on, is that borderline because she's technically my student?"

"hermione'll get over it. i think. just...avoid fireplaces and any birds. and actually just — maybe stay in your room for a bit?
feign being sick?"

"how did lupin manage all this? i feel like i'm drowning, honestly. teaching's bloody hard. i'll take a dark lord mucking up the year, please. any takers? no? where's the eighth horcrux when you need it."

GINNY WEASLEY

"talk about trauma and you'll find george weasley at the top of the page. my brother's got more shit in his bag than a sewage pipe. yeah, i do know what that is, thanks. thank you hermione granger."

"have you any idea how many times this fucker's beat me at snap? i'm about to make you wish you'd never been born, mate."

"forget the chicken, dev, we've got far more important things to worry about. like have you or have you not corrupted your soul and snogged the antichrist?"

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM

"alright, first years...um...shit, was i — oh, no, wait. hang on, let me start over. welcome to herbology. please don't touch that! oh, no, we need — can someone run to the hospital wing?"

"close your eyes if you want to live. kidding! but you will have to kiss trevor and only ginny's had the pleasure."

"hi. this is detention. what happens here is, um...okay, to be completely transparent, i forgot it was my turn. just don't tell mcgonagall and you guys can do what you like."

LUNA LOVEGOOD

"if one permits the entrance of happiness, then happiness will find thee. isn't that how the saying is?"

"i'll always love him. but sometimes compatibility isn't dependent on love.
think of devyn and draco.
never have two people been more in love,
and yet...never more different."

"blaise kissed me. i think the gnargles might've gone to his head. unless there's another reason for it?"

RON WEASLEY

"if you think for a second that i'll forget you lying about this — you're full of it. it was my treacle tart. i'm coming for you. watch your back."

"you think i disagree with you? she could do loads better than me, but the truth of the matter is i'm the one she's with. so stop nagging her about it. i'll treat her right and that's the bloody point, innit?"

"bloody hell, why the fuck have you got a room full of spiders? are you actually satan? am i in hell? has this been some fucking state of purgatory since the war and they've finally decided 'oh yeah, straight down below' to you. is this because i wanked off to victor krum while hermione was shagging him? because we've talked about it and—"

PANSY PARKINSON

"yes. absolutely obliterate me with your big, fat c—oi! i was going to say cunt, thank you very much. fucking draco was enough to make anyone gay. good luck devyn."

"three shots. that's how many a person needs to feel on top of the world. unless you're harry just-short-of-useless potter."

"oh, did no one tell her?
surpriiiiise. your sister and i are smashing pumpkins. quite literally. i'm talking pumpkin juice pouring out of—"

HERMIONE GRANGER

"if you all would actually listen to me then the nightmares would stop. have any of you actually written to the mind healer? and don't start with that 'i don't trust the ministry' tripe because we all saw your auror letter, ronald. as for the rest of you, the healer is approved by mcgonagall so please refrain from harsh statements. you trust her judgment, don't you?"

"oh, honestly, devyn, do us all a favor and quit ogling him. it took years for me to gain the courage to admit what ron and apparently everyone else already knew. just kiss him. we're past the blood status nonsense now. he's a professor's assistant for crying out loud."

"merlin's beard, harry, how much have you had to drink? at this rate, there won't be a defense class to — hang on, have you two been — oh, you potters are always more trouble than you're worth."

SIRIUS BLACK

"he looks like james but you're the most like him. pity for your sister, really, she's far more responsible. what a loser."

"is it really dangerous if i use a cushioning charm in case he falls off the bike?"

"when remus told me he'd give me his firstborn in exchange for my gold albert boot chocolate frog, i didn't think he meant it literally."

NYMPHADORA TONKS

"well, fuck me in the ass and call me a star because that dress is making me feel gayer than sirius."

"i can't wait for the day he leaves for school. then i can have a proper bloody nap."

"wotcher, dev. think there's a secret handshake we could create to piss off my cousin and your sister? i hate that they're closer than us.
we've gotta fix that."

PLAYLIST !

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT
"this is how we do it
all hands are in the air
and wave them from here to there"
MONTELL JORDAN

ALL STAR
"well the years start coming
and they don't stop coming
fed to the rules and i hit the ground running
didn't make sense not to live for fun
your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb"
SMASH MOUTH

OTHERSIDE
"pour my life into a paper cup
the ashtray's full and i'm spillin' my guts
she wanna know am i still a slut?"
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

YOUR WOMAN
"and you're such a charming handsome man
now i think i finally understand
is it in your genes, i don't know
but you'll soon find out, that's for sure"
WHITE TOWN

HOT IN HERE
"it's gettin' hot in here
so take off all your clothes
i am gettin' so hot,
i wanna take my clothes off"
NELLY

WATERFALLS
"little precious has an obsession
for temptation that he just can't see
she gives him love that his body can't handle
but all he can say is 'it's good to me'"
TLC

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS
"they say we're too young to get ourselves sprung
oh, we don't care, we made it very clear
and they also said that we couldn't last together"
SEAN KINGSTON

BILLS, BILLS, BILLS
"at first we started real cool
takin' me to places i ain't ever been
but now, you're getting comfortable
ain't doing those things no more"
DESTINY'S CHILD

I WANT YOU BACK
"baby i remember
the way you used to look at me
and say 'promises never last forever'
i told you not to worry
i said everything would be alright
i didn't know then that you were right"
*NSYNC

LATE NIGNT TALKING
"we've been doin all this late night talkin'
'bout anythin' you want until the mornin'
now you're in my life
and i can't get you off my mind"
HARRY STYLES

WHEN YOU'RE GONE
"and in the night,
i could be helpless, i could be lonely,
sleeping without you
and in the day
everything's complex, there's nothing simple
when i'm not around you"
THE CRANBERRIES

NAME
"and scars are souvenirs that you never lose
the past is never far
did you lose yourself somewhere out there
did you get to be a star?
and don't it make you sad to know that life
is more than who you are?"
THE GOO GOO DOLLS

IN THE AEROPLANE
OVER THE SEA
"what a beautiful face
i have found this place
that is circling 'round the sun
and when we meet on a cloud
i'll be laughing out loud
i'll be laughing with everyone i see
can't believe how strange it is
to be anything at all"
NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL

STAND BY ME
"times are hard when things
have got no meaning
i've found a key upon the floor
maybe you and i will not believe
the things we find behind the door"
OASIS

NOTES !

•this will take place POST Hogwarts, but they are all either professor's assistants, professors, or seventh year students
•think abbot elementary but british + with magic + Harry Potter characters
•this is a very comedic story with very little angst. there will be angst (it's my fav) but it's low-stakes and will probably just be ptsd stuff
•speaking of warnings: ptsd (varied because not everyone's the same), unhealthy treatments, anxiety, depression, drug usage (nothing heavy just pot really), alcohol abuse, teachers not knowing what they're doing, an exhausted severus snape just wanting to retire, dumbledore bashing, mentions of abuse/child abuse, mentions of rape/torture/gore, swearing swearing swearing, smut (idk if it'll be detailed yet) and probably more i can't think of
•this is going to be so fun and will be sporadic updates so don't expect it all at once or quick or anything
•devyn, i hope you enjoy this sweetheart, may you and draco be canon in at least one universe

DEDICATIONS !

Devyns_Lollipop Hauntedhues --solaris-- Winter326 greenhouseonthehill moviegeek817 DevilsLittlebabyxx silver_cha0s tillyflops_ -incipient

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