I wakened to the wild buzzing of my phone against my night stand. Groggily, my hand slapped against the cool glass in a vain attempt to cease the noise.

"No, I don't wanna go to school," I grumbled, thinking the cause of the noise was an alarm.

The noise refused to quit, so I squinted one eye open and peered at the screen. A familiar pair of light eyes and a signature messy bun greeted me through a contact picture. A smile wormed it's way onto my face as I accepted the FaceTime call and lifted the phone towards my face.

"Connie!" My excited friend squealed, a sunny background illuminating her visage, causing me to rapidly blink. The light pouring through my open blinds had nothing on the brightness of my phone.

"Hey, Christie," I greeted with slightly less enthusiasm, grogginess attempting to close my eyes once again.

A face peered over her shoulder and I froze. Nothing could have prepared my half-asleep brain for this, for meeting his icy eyes. His blond hair fell messily onto his face, giving him the signature look I once adored. His pigmented, kissable lips stood out the most and my heart seemed to shatter in my chest. All of this healing, all of this time after the incident, yet life refused to let me live my life in peace.

"Con? Are you frozen?" Christie exclaimed, waving her hand in front of the camera. Her lips pursed with impatience, her gaze shifting to the boy I once thought I knew inside and out.

In fact, I thought I knew Christie like the back of my hand, too. Yet, here she was, deliberately associating with my cheating ex boyfriend, the boy who attempted to shoot me dead on my own front lawn.

My heart hammered, palms becoming coated with sweat. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. I simply was unable to comprehend. Christie's presence no longer mattered to my fragile heart. All that mattered was Joshua's expression. Cold. Scrutinizing. Heartless, even.

"J-Josh?" I stuttered, cursing how weak I must have sounded. I could image him plotting my demise, thinking of a way to kill me slowly and painfully. He hadn't moved on from Tasha, had he? But I was replaceable for sure; not only to him, but to Christie.

"Connie, please don't freak out," Christie pleaded, giving me her best puppy-dog impersonation. "I realize you guys' history, but I also realized people make mistakes."

"Yeah," Josh muttered, feigning a cough, "and some make really big ones."

My lower lip trembled, and I took it in between my teeth. All I could think was why now? Why when I had barely awoken, why when I sported bed hair, why when I felt the most vulnerable? I probably looked like a pushover, like someone they could easily trample over without facing consequences.

But wasn't I?

"A lot has changed since you left, Con. It's been a while," Christie whispered.

Josh cleared his throat, directing all attention his way. "You left Christina to fend for herself. She herself was bullied and harassed."

Christie slapped his arm. "It's not her fault!" She hissed, venom in her voice. That made me feel oddly elated. She still came to my rescue.

Yet, this wasn't the Christie I had left behind. Where had the rest of her snark gone? Where was the mischievous spark in her sky blue eyes? People harassed her? Was she okay?

Joshua's gaze became fixated on me and solely me. It was almost like Christie failed to exist. My throat seemed to constrict as I pushed myself up straighter. I narrowed my eyes in order to seem more menacing, yet failed. I couldn't resent him forever. Where was this getting me? He wasn't a threat to me here. But he was a threat to my friend.

"She began to starve herself because people called her fat. She had no one to defend her."

A single tear leaked out of Christie's eye and she hastily wiped it away. My heart plummeted into my stomach, which began to preform summersaults.

"Wha-"

"Then, one day at school, she cut her wrists in the bathroom. She was bleeding so bad. Luckily, she ran into me in the hallways. Luckily, I could take care of her when no one else would. As a favor to Tash." He glanced up at the sky as though Tasha's image had appeared in the clouds. "At first, I resented her for siding with you. But, we've both been through counseling and such."

Slowly, Christie looped her arm around my ex's neck, a broad smile stretching her lips. "And, we, uh, kinda clicked."

A plethora of thoughts rampaged through my head. A minuscule part of me wished I could be happy for them. Poor Christie had been through so much because of me. Me. Someone aided her while I couldn't. Someone was there for her during her time of need and quite possibly saved her life.

Yet, we hadn't been in contact for a while. It might have been a selfish thought, but what about me? I didn't understand why they couldn't have consulted me first. First Tasha, now Christie. She was my biggest supporter back home. She quite possible saved my life from him, along with the help of my mother.

Before a tear could escape, I plastered on a fake smile. "Well as long as you guys are happy. Chris, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad someone was there to help you through it."

My former best friend and best supporter's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Josh's face, on the other hand, remained neutral. In that moment, I realized he didn't care about my opinion. He only pretended to care because Christie cared. Well, at least she wanted to contact me.

Gosh, where was I going wrong? So many people kept backstabbing me.

I glanced at the glowing red numbers of my clock and let out a gasp. My shift at the clothing store began in twenty minutes and I was still lying in my pajamas.

"I have to go," I muttered. "I have to be at work in twenty."

"You work? Where?" Christie gasped, excitement evident on her visage.

"I don't have time to talk now. I'll tell you later, okay?" I sighed, forcing myself to remain calm. Actually, I felt numb. Just pain numb.

Her head bobbed up and down while Josh's head cocked to the side. He remained silent.

"Bye," I whispered, hitting the end button before I said something I regretted.

The phone dropped out of my grasp, thumping against the mattress. No tears slid down my face. Gosh, I wish I could admit I vented my emotions in a healthy fashion. Instead, I climbed out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. I had to work, not wallow in self-pity.

I had caused this. This whole ordeal was my fault. It wouldn't dissipate into thin air, either. Tasha's death shook so many lives. I caused this. Who else hurt themselves? Who else suffered? What became of Macy? Poor, poor, Macy.

I stared at my reflecting, challenging it to depict the monster I felt I had become. My fingers gripped the countertop, eyes unblinking. Why? Why was life so cruel? It wasn't fair.

I yanked a hairbrush though my hair, allowing numbness to block out any lingering emotions. I had to get through the day. Maybe this would be one thing I didn't mess up.

~~~~

Thanks for motivating me to update, especially Alyse_BreAnn !

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QOTD: If you were in Christie's position, would you date Josh?

Thanks for the constant support and over 600 reads!!!

I just wanna add that I felt this was necessary. Connie isn't the only one effected. Also, I know you're all rooting for her and all, and that's good, but you must remember what she did was still wrong, and whether or not she pushed Tasha off that roof or caused her death, the impact has been made. This story is about her path of healing from her issues and coming to terms with things and forgiving herself. No, it's not okay to bully someone for something like this. Connie deserves to heal. Everyone does. But she's not the only one who has to heal, and it will take time.

-Sarah