Distraction. When it felt as though nothing was going right, when chaos and emotions constantly swam in the mind, distraction was key. It kept the haunting thoughts at bay. It thwarted the pain that rose within my chest. Too much time to think wasn't a benefit at the moment.

I rose my spoon to my lips and shoved in the pasta. It burnt, but I payed it no mind. My grip tightened on the warm metal. The spoon dived back into the jumble of pasta, warm steam slapping me in the face. A few long pieces fell off, reuniting with their cluster of friends. Eating pasta with a spoon wasn't the most efficient way, but for some reason, it was my way.

The mahogany table in front of me was adorned with one orpiment; a crystal candle holder. Two arms branched out, curving upwards towards the ceiling. The other one stood in the center, the tallest, stretching vertically from the base. Only one candle resided in it; a worn royal blue one. Last night, Cheyenne had told me it was given to them by her grandmother, who insisted it be lighted every time she visits. Now, I didn't know her location. She could've been at school, a strip club, or robbing a bank for all I knew.

I shoved another spoonful of pasta in my mouth before my phone buzzed. The spoon clattered to the plate, cushioned by the noodles. Hastily, I swallowed before picking my phone off the placemat, the color reminding me of the sky. Even though it seemed futile, hope bubbled in my chest. Maybe Cheyenne would call. Maybe everything would be back to normal in their friend group and I could stay out of it.

My heart slightly sunk as I read the caller ID. Sure, she was my friend, but she wasn't the person I anticipated. Still, I pressed the accept button and held it against my ear. I heard the sound of rushing wind, the kind that makes your call sound a little staticky. Honestly, I wondered where she was and why she was calling me after dark. After all, the time on my phone read eleven thirty in the evening.

"Hey, Vivi," I whispered, the sound seeming to echo off the walls. My shoulders slumped forwards and my cheek rested against my palm.

"Hey, Connie!" She chirped, sounded wide awake and overly optimistic. Too optimistic for someone who just lost her best friend to Meatbag. "Are you able to meet me somewhere?"

I furrow my eyebrows, elbow slightly sliding on the wood of the table. "Um, I guess." Brenda and Drake were fast asleep, and they claimed I had no curfew as long as I behaved. "What's wrong? Do you need my help?"

She laughed, the sound mixing with the static-inducing wind. "No, silly. We have this-" She cut herself short, gulping in a deep breath of air. "Well, we had-" Suddenly, the rushing wind seems ten times louder, Vivi's voice muted.

"Vivi?" I mutter, my gaze flicking down to my cooling pasta, "are you okay?"

"She's fine." The voice belonged to Joel. That and it was too deep to belong to his sister. "The group used to do this with us. Would you like to join us?"

Confusion flooded through me. "Um, that would depend what it is."

"Well, we basically just meet on that stretch of beach where we first met you at and chill."

I shook my head, a small smile toying with my lips. "At nearly midnight?"

He chuckled, the sound light and airy. "Basically. So, what do you say?"

My lips pursed as I stared out of the window. Shadows and light danced as a car sped by. It almost looked creepy, a web of tree branches painted onto the glass. Once the car had passed, all I could spot was darkness and a pinch of orange from a street light. Well, if someone murdered me, kudos to that murderer. It'd probably make some people's lives a whole lot easier. Plus, this adventure might make my new friends happy. Well, temporary friends. All I did with friendships was morph them into something sinister.

"Yeah," I breathed, lifting my cheek off my palm, "I'll meet you guys there."

"Did she say yes?" I faintly heard Vivi ask, giddiness lacing her tone. It caused a smile, which must have dropped with my pessimistic thinking, to reappear on my face.

"Yep!" Joel exclaimed, and I could practically picture his bright smile. "Do you remember how to get there?"

Swiftly, I rummage through my memory. The path, as I recalled, was pretty straightforward. It appeared in my mind where I travelled down it. "Yeah," I finally answered.

"You sure?"

"Yes," I laughed. Boy, did it feel uplifting to laugh.

"Alright," Joel sighed, "Please make it to the beach in one piece."

Once again, an airy laugh escaped my lips. "I'll try."

"But-"

"See you there!" I shouted over his worried objection, hastily ending the call.

Once I cleaned up in the kitchen, I headed out the door. I tightly clutched my phone, nervous eyes shifting around. It seemed behind every shadow loomed a loose criminal or crazy gunman. Every headlight became a crazed kidnapper. My nerves stood on edge, yet I forced myself to calm down and just breath. I was okay. Everyone was okay. Cheyenne was okay. I didn't even care if she had been losing her virginity to Meatbag. Well, of course that would rile me up, but as long as she was safe, I was content. Okay, so maybe Meatbag wasn't the safest, or nicest, person around. Wait, was my point again?

A few turns here, a few questions to Siri there, and I finally arrived at the small clearing. A bonfire blazed in the middle. Joel sat on the left, his legs pulled up to his chest. Vivi had her legs crossed on the other side, her hand clutching a stick with a marshmallow on the end. A bag rested in her lap while Joel nursed a jar of Nutella. A smile spread across my lips as I kicked off my scandals and held them in my grasp.

The sand felt cool and comforting under my bare feet. A breeze toyed with my hair, which I had tied back in a ponytail. Waves lapped onto the sand and the smell of salt graced the air. The sea looked a deep, deep blue; almost black. There wasn't any light reflecting off it. In fact, the only light illuminating the beach was that of the bonfire. It lit up Vivi and Joel's faces. As laughter shook Vivi, the glow of fire seemed to add an extra spark to her visage. It glinted off her teeth and made her light hair seem a fiery orange.

"Hey, guys," I grinned as I neared them, causing their eyes to snap in my direction.

I plopped down right in front of the fire and in between them, the bonfire my only obstacle if I wished to greet the sea. It was mesmerizing as it danced and swayed with the slight breeze. It crackled, the burnt wood under it seeming to emit little sparks. Maybe it did, I wasn't exactly sure.

"Nutella?" Joel offered, holding the jar in my direction.

I nodded, grabbed the jar and prying off the lid. I tossed it on top of my sandals. Then, I cast Joel a questioning glance. How was I supposed to eat the hazelnut goodness without a spoon?

"Marshmallow?" Vivi laughed, glancing from the jar to the white puff of sugar in her hand.

My mouth formed the shape of a Cheerio before I nodded and took the marshmallow from her grasp. It was raw. Carefully, I dunked it into the jar, smiling as I pulled out. Some Nutella clung to it's surface before letting go.

As I plopped it in my mouth, Vivi ripped her phone out of her pocket. She proceeded to scroll through something. Then, her lips curved upwards before she tossed it onto the sand next to her. A soft melody began to play and Vivi's smile grew ever wider. Her eyes fluttered shut and she seemed to sway in time with the music.

"You call me out upon the waters.

The great unknown where feet may fail.

And there I find You in the mystery.

In oceans deep,

My faith will stand."

My eyes widened in surprise. I didn't know she listened to the same type of music as Cheyenne. My gaze snapped to Joel, who wore a slightly concerned expression. I leaned closer, not willing to ruin Vivi's moment.

"Why do you look so worried?" I whispered, my eyes trained on his sister as I set the Nutella in front of me.

He let out a sigh, causing my focus to snap back to him. "It's her sad song. I guess the memories of doing this, hanging out here at night, are making her a little upset. It's been hard on her."

My gaze dropped to the sand. It was smooth to the touch, the grains easily falling from between my fingers. They reunited with the rest of the sand seemingly untouched, undisturbed.

"Connie." My gaze snapped back to him once again. "We don't blame you. You didn't start any of this. You just want what's good for everyone else. You overthink everything because you never want to hurt anyone. When, in reality, you're letting them hurt you."

My head shook back and forth, a single tear sliding down my cheek. "You don't understand, Joel."

His cobalt eyes reflected curiosity, pain, worry, and a few more unplaceable emotions. "Then let me understand."

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters.

Your sovereign hand,

Will be my guide.

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me,

You've never failed and You won't start now."

Another tear traced my cheek. "All I do is hurt people."

"Nonsense. Connie, look at me."

I refused, staring straight at the bonfire as my vision became blurred by tears.

"I know you want to ditch us. I know you think we'll be better off not being friends."

I felt his hand slide onto my cheek and gently tug my face in his direction. His eyes shone with determination. "You're stuck with us now, Connie. And whatever is bothering you, we're here. None of us are perfect. We're all broken. Why don't you trust us?"

I shoved his hand away and swiped my hand across my eyes. "You don't understand. I-" I killed her. Yet, my lips wouldn't form the last two words, wouldn't finish the sentence. I killed her. Three simple words, yet I couldn't utter them. In their place rushed in more tears. A sob rose in my throat and I pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes. Instantly, they became damp with my salty tears.

I felt a hand rub my back. It was too small to be Joel's. Slowly, I removed my hands from my eyes. I blinked, spots dotting from pressing too hard. My body stiffened as two pairs of arms wrapped around me. A sob finally escaped my lips and I placed a hand on an arm belonging to each of them. Tears slid down my face and one landed on the sand, instantly darkening it.

"So I will call upon Your name,

And keep my eyes above the waves.

When oceans rise,

My soul will rest in Your embrace.

For I am Yours and You are mine."

This time, as I sobbed and shook, it wasn't because of the unbearable pain. My thoughts were oddly calm, like the eye of a hurricane. All I could focus on was the water leaking from my eyes. No, not because of everything I'd done. It was because I'd found some people who truly cared. They kept whispering in my ear, telling me it was okay, to let it all out. They didn't realize the monster I was, that I killed her. I came in like a tornado, yet they weren't scolding me. Why? Why didn't they tell me the truth of what I am, of what was gonna happen, instead of lies? Why was it so comforting resting in their embraces?

"Thank you," I softly whispered, my voice hoarse from crying. "For not giving up on me."

"We'll never give up on you," Vivi muttered.

"Not until the day I die," Joel seconded.

___

Thoughts?

Song: Oceans by Hillsong United

Suggested by: FebruarySkies02

Also dedicated to her for the suggestion and reading this book!

QOTD: Meatbag or Luca?

Guess what starts soon for me? It starts with an 's' and resembles Hell. ;) Which also means I'm leaving Canada soon. :(

Vote?

Comment?

Maybe share?

Peace,

Sarah.