Part 14 | Broken

Two days later, Lando visited me at the house. Sofia were still staying over at Arthurs, so I didn't have to worry about her.

Movie night was our chance to make amends and to talk it out. Though neither of us seemed to want to talk about it when we finally sat on the couch and watched the movie.

Somehow it was like nothing had changed, it didn't feel awkward and we acted as we used to, though for my own sake I had to create a bit more distance than usual.

Hours later and many movies later, Lando had proceeded to fall asleep on the couch, I slowly drifted off as well and we ended up sleeping against each other.

It felt good to have these nights with him again.

In the morning I woke up on the couch alone though, I looked over and saw Lando on the other couch, he wasn't even sleeping. He just laid on his back and stared up into the ceiling.

"Morning" I call out and lift myself up on my elbows, Lando looks over and gives me a small smile, but he doesn't say anything.

My brows furrowed as I noticed his red eyes. He hadn't slept, he had faked it when I went to sleep on my own last night.

"Did you sleep at all?" I ask him as I sit up, he looks back into the ceiling and shakes his head no. "Not for ten minutes" Was all he said.

I frowned a bit, maybe I had been too quick to think it had worked out already. He felt cold and distant, not like he used to around me.

"I'm gonna make some breakfast" I say after a while and get up, I felt pit in my stomach as I turned my back to him.

I realized it was too late to save our friendship, it had a huge crack in it, one that couldn't be fixed any time soon.

I swallowed the lump in my throat began to make some eggs, bacon and pancakes. I brewed some coffee as well.

I was about to shout for Lando when I heard footsteps coming towards my kitchen.

"Jas, can I try something?" Lando asked, I turned around with two plates and looked at him with curiousity.

I hid my sadness well, I nodded my head yes to his questions and he took the plates from my hands with a small smile when he saw how much breakfast I had managed to make.

"I need to know" Lando said and took a step towards me, then another. My back hit the kitchen counter and I looked at him confused.

"Need to know what?" I ask with a small nervous laugh. He cups my face in his hand, I feel compelled by his eyes, I can't pull away.

His lips crashes onto mine, a certain desperation but also tenderness to it, he was firm but soft and gentle at the same time.

I began kissed to kiss him back, it felt right, so right. But it was wrong, it was wrong. I promised myself.

I pulled away and looked down breathless, my hand touched my lips from the intense kiss and I looked back up at Lando.

"Why did you do that?" I ask and my voice breaks. He brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear and let his hand linger on my cheek.

"I had to know what you taste like, how your lips feels on mine" Lando said in a low voice, his thumb ran over my bottom lip.

"Lando-""-Tell me you feel nothing, tell me that you didn't feel a single thing in that kiss" Lando said, his frustration started to show and I felt helpless.

"Tell me that you didn't, because I sure as hell did- and you didn't push me away" Lando argued, my eyes teared up as I fought myself mentally on what to do.

"Say something" Lando begged, both of his hands now on my face once again. "I'm sorry, Lando" I half whisper.

He looks into my eyes and he pulls away, his face scrunches in pain as his eyes tears up as well.

"Then I can't do this. I can't be friends with you, I can't push my feelings aside when I'm around you. I'm sorry" Lando said and stepped back further.

I reached out for him and took his hand in mine. "Lando, please. Let's go back to how it was, I don't want to lose you" I beg him.

Oh how fucking selfish I was. I was an idiot, a jerk.

"I can't. I'm in love with you, Jasmine. I can't be your friend-I can't see you with other guys, I can't look at you the way I see you-without wishing you're mine. I can't, I just can't" Lando said, a tear fell and my heart ached.

"Lando, please-" I beg him, my own tears are rolling. Lando shakes his head before stepping closer to me. He pressed a kiss to my forehead before stepping back.

"I have to go. Lose my number, Jasmine. Nothing good will come out of it if you don't" Lando said, his voice had changed as I watched him rebuild his walls, his hardened expression.

Any traces of tears were gone. He didn't look back when he walked out, the door closed softly and I slid down the kitchen counter and I began to sob quietly.

My heart hurt so fucking much, I slammed my head back into the wall and cried harder.

"Fuck!" I shouted in a sob. I heard his car roar to life and so he raced out of my driveway.

I sat there, crying for what seemed like hours before I managed to stand up. I tried to call Lando, but the voice on the voicemail said that he number didn't exist.

He blocked my number. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. "Fuck.." I whispered under my breath, I ran upstairs before taking a shower.

I calmed myself and slowly rebuild my own walls. I was supposed to work with his future teammate.

By the next race it would be his birthday, for christ sake. Brazil was supposed to be celebration for Lando, but I guess I wouldn't be welcome to that anymore.

My face hardened as I once again pushed my feelings down, walls back up. Fuck it.

I could handle it, I have Charles and Arthur, those two and my sister was all I ever needed.

Which is why I called them when I had gotten dressed. A dinner night somehow turned into a massive party at my house.

People were partying and drinking, it was break after all. I had told Charles what had happened, not about the kiss but that we decided to just end the friendship.

He was shocked and Arthur helped me get drunk as hell without knowing why I wanted to. Charles kept an eye on me all night as I sat on my couch and drank myself gone.

I wasn't even dancing around, I wasn't having a good time. I was just drinking while the other drivers trashed my house and partied.

Sofia had invited some of our friends as well. Somehow many people I didn't know also walked through my door.

By five in the morning most people had gone home, I stumbled out to the pool, bottle in hand. Stripped to my underwear. Sofia laughed as she thought I was just shitfaced and not heartbroken.

I stepped into the water and when I resurfaced, I threw back another gulp of the vodka bottle in my hand. "Is she okay?" I heard Arthur ask Charles who watched as well.

"I don't think she is" Charles said with worry. He was right about that.