Requested by violet8virtue I hope it's okay :)

Enjoyyyyyyy sorry it took gazillions of years to update again :(

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3rd person P.O.V

When Harry married the love of his life nearly eight years ago he didn't expect to feel so lonely now. He and Louis were perfect back then, every one saw how in love they were, they could practically see the affection pouring out of their eyes.

But that faded over time. Mainly recently.

Louis was different lately, he'd gotten a new job after his old one shut down but now he was always at work and it was unusual. Harry didn't want to believe he could be cheating but something seemed off.

Also he just seemed uninterested in their marriage. Like he was bored and to Harry that was terrifying. He loved Louis, he always had and he thought Louis would always love him too but maybe that changed.

Over the past few months Harry would take their kids to school, go to work, pick up the kids, make dinner and clean up before Louis even got home. And it just felt like he was the only one actually doing anything in their house.

He's become so detached from his husband which normally isn't them, but it seems to be the new normal for them.

Harry knows he should say something but he's afraid of what Louis' answer will be.

He pushed open the front door, letting Lukas and Caden walk inside first, before closing the door behind himself.

Lukas and Caden were twins. They were nine years old and looked almost exactly like Louis. Louis and Harry had decided they wanted to start a family a year before they got married, they had been dating for six years already so they thought it was time. They found a surrogate and then had Lukas and Caden.

"Okay, why are you both so quiet?" Harry interrupted the silence as they all walked into the kitchen, the boys putting their bags down.

"Nothing." They both mumbled at the same time. Harry sighed and walked over to them.

"What is it?" He asked again. "I can't have you both being upset."

Lukas looked at his brother and they seemed to have a whole conversation without even opening their mouths before Caden then sighed and said, "Is dad gonna be home for dinner today?"

Harry's shoulders slumped as he tried to keep his smile. "I don't know, boys." He answered truthfully, as they nodded, looking down at the ground. "I'll call him and see. He's just busy."

They both nodded and Harry pulled them closer to him and kissed their heads before they headed off to do their homework like asked. Harry watched them sadly before grabbing his phone and moving further away from where the boys could hear him. 

The phone rang and rang and kept ringing to the point Harry thought it would go to voicemail but then at the last minute Louis picked up. "Harry, I'm really b-"

"I don't care." Harry cut him off, too tired to deal with Louis' excuses. "I don't care where you are, I don't care what you're doing. But I care that our sons are upset because they don't know if you're coming home for dinner because they want to see you but you're never around. So I don't care if you're busy. You'll be home for dinner today. Half past six. And if you're not here then don't bother coming home at all tonight."

It was silent for a moment before Louis sighed, "Okay."

Harry hung up before he could say anything else and ran a hand over his face, wondering where things started to go so wrong. He heard Caden calling him and he quickly put down his phone, and shook out all the anger before walking into the dining room with a smile on his face.

"What's up?"

Caden turned around and asked, "Can you help us with this. Lukas thought he knew how to do it but he just got -345 so I don't think he does."

Harry laughed as Lukas shrugged and sat down with them. "I'm not much of a mathematician but I can try, you're only in year five so how hard can it be?"

He spent the next hour sitting with them and trying to help with their equations but noticed the time and decided he should start dinner. "Boys, can you clean your rooms please? And your laundry is on mine and your dads bed. Put it away properly."

They both groaned but went upstairs anyway.

It was 6:15 when the front door opened and Louis walked in. Harry heard him take off his shoes and place his bag down before the footsteps headed towards the kitchen.

"Hey." His familiar voice was behind him and Harry turned around and smiled slightly at him.

"Hi." He turned back around to finish cooking the food. "The boys are in their room."

"Okay, I'll go up in a minute. But I wanted to talk to you first." He said, moving closer. Harry tried not to react when he felt a hand on his back. "I'm really sorry. I know I've been gone a lot lately."

Harry nodded, looking to his husband. "It's fine."

Louis nodded slowly, figuring it wasn't fine but he left the room anyway, heading upstairs.

Harry let out a deep breath and rested his hands against the counter, looking down at the floor.

This was horrible.

~

When the dinner was ready Harry called everyone down and was glad to see the boys seemed happy again, chatting with Louis about how cool their project is.

They spent the entire dinner rambling about all the things they'd done at school and Louis nodded along, occasionally asking them questions about what they were saying.

Harry was just glad he was making an effort. Lately it seemed like he cared less and less. He was barely around half of the time leaving Harry to clean up their house and look after their kids and it was tiring.

The boys helped clear away the plates from dinner like they always do before asking Louis if he would play fifa with them. "Lou, wait can you help with this before you play?" Harry asked, pointing to the laundry room.

Lukas tugged on Louis' arm trying to pull him into the living room. Louis looked down at him before looking back at Harry. "Just leave it, I'll help with it later."

Then he walked away.

Harry sighed and ran a hand over his face figuring that later Louis would have another excuse so he took in two deep breaths to calm down before heading off into the laundry room.

It must have been ten minutes later when Harry was sorting out whose clothes were whose when Caden slowly walked in the room. "Hey papa."

"Hey, bud. Aren't you playing?"

The nine year old shook his head and then silently knelt down on the ground in front of the plastic basket before starting to move clothes. "You don't have to help, Caden. This isn't your chore. You can go play."

"I don't mind." He shrugged. "I heard you ask daddy for help but he didn't... so I thought I'd help you."

Harry's heart melted. "Thank you, buddy. But really I can do it you can enjoy your game."

Caden shook his head. "It's boring. I want to help."

"Okay then." Harry whispered and continued to sort the clothes with Caden's help.

Caden then helped Harry carry all the laundry upstairs and put it away and then the two decided to watch a movie on Harry's bed instead of going back downstairs.

They chose Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs and then settled down on the duvet.

By 21:30 Caden was asleep and Harry could hear Louis walking up the stairs. He picked Caden up and walked out the room, seeing Louis carrying a tired-looking Lukas into his room.

Harry followed behind and placed Caden down on his bed before then tucking in Lukas while Louis kissed Caden's forehead.

After the boys were asleep in their room Louis and Harry both walked back to their own room in silence where they then just relaxed on the bed. Both minding their own business until they fell asleep later.

~

When Harry woke up at seven the next morning Louis was already gone. It wasn't new or surprising but it still left a little sting in Harry's chest. Pushing those thoughts away he got out of bed, had a quick shower and then went downstairs to make breakfast.

He knew the boys were already up as he could hear them getting ready in their rooms, arguing about something.

"Boys! Breakfast!" Harry called up the stairs once he'd finished putting their food into the bowls and making drinks. There was a loud clutter of feet travelling along the floor as they came bounding down the stairs.

"Thanks pop." They both said breathlessly as they hopped up onto the chairs and began eating their foods.

"Have you got your bags ready yet?" Harry asked as he started buttering his toast. 

"No, not yet." Lukas answered, pausing to take a sip of orange juice.

"Okay, when you've finished your breakfast go pack your bags okay? I don't want any calls from school asking me to bring you stuff." He laughed when Caden frowned, remembering last week when that exact thing happened.

"It slipped my mind." He muttered making Harry ruffle his hair before he sat down with them.

They ate breakfast and no one mentioned the missing person as it had become a sad reality that Louis wasn't there.

Then the boys ran off to get their bags ready while Harry cleared up the plates. He almost tripped over a pen that was on the floor and quickly picked it up before he ended up slipping again.

"Papa, where's my pe kit?" Lukas asked as he looked around.

"In the laundry room. I washed it last night."

Lukas ran up to Harry and hugged him, mumbling a thank you as he sped off towards the laundry room. He appeared a minute later carrying his black adidas bag.

"You ready to leave? Otherwise I'm going to be late to work." Harry grabbed his car keys as the boys nodded and they all left the house and got into the car.

He dropped them off at their primary school, saying goodbye and telling them he'd pick them up later before driving off to work.

He enjoyed what he did but sometimes he was just too tired to sit at a desk and stare at a screen, he wanted to talk to people. So for lunch he had planned to meet with Liam and have a meal and maybe a few drinks before he'd go back to work before picking the boys up at 15:30.

He pulled up at the place they were meeting and got out of his car, Liam wasn't here yet so he was just going to order himself a drink and then wait at a table.

But when he walked in the door and went to go over to the bar he noticed a familiar figure sitting there. Louis. Louis was sat at the bar surrounded by who Harry thought were people from his work and they were all laughing and drinking beers.

One guy had just finished what he was saying before all the others joined in. Harry stepped closer, he didn't realise Louis was going to be here, and he wanted to ask him.

He watched as another guy asked Louis a question and they all started laughing when Louis said nothing then after a moment of being urged to speak, he did.

Harry was just close enough to overhear what was being said. But he wished he wasn't because Louis' voice was cold.

"I guess he's a little clingy at times. Can be annoying." Louis took a sip of his beer as his friends laughed and pat him on the back.

"I bet you wished he'd just shut up sometimes huh? I get that with my wife." The guy next to him said with a deep chuckle.

Much to Harry's fear Louis replied. "Sometimes yeah." Harry's eyes were locked on his husband who still had no idea he was here. "Maybe I should just keep him around to do the housework."

With pain searing in his chest and tears threatening to fall Harry quickly left the building, heading to his car and sending a quick message to Liam saying they'd have to reschedule.

He got into his car and quickly drove home, deciding he'd call work and say there was an emergency and he couldn't come back. He couldn't even think about going back to work, he wasn't sure he could walk in the building without breaking down.

He's never heard Louis' voice so cold and uncaring like it was in there. And the things he said had cut deep into Harry's chest. Louis' behaviour makes sense now, why he was never around, never willing to help.

He didn't care about Harry anymore, clearly he only stayed with him to make his life easier.

Harry's head was swarming with thoughts, when had Louis stopped loving him, or caring for him, or started thinking he was annoying. Has the last few months all been lies and deception?

With tears building in his eyes Harry managed to park the car jerkily on the driveway before stumbling his way into the house, his chest rising and falling faster with each shaky breath.

He made his way into the living room before he collapsed onto the couch, his body unable to support him any longer. Sadness taking over him in waves, so much of it he didn't know wether he could move from the position he was in.

So he did the only thing he knew he could.

He cried.

~

He didn't know how long he'd been lying here for. Minutes, hours. It all blurred into one. The words he'd heard were still circling in his mind like water down a drain and they wouldn't leave no matter how hard he tried to forget it.

He turned his body over on the couch, looking at the clock, and realised it was almost half past three and he needed to go get the boys. So will all the strength he could muster he pulled his body up, walked into the hallway, put on his shoes and left the house.

He tried to dry his face from tears and fallen eyelashes when he was stopped at a red light. He didn't want the boys to see he was upset, he wouldn't put this on them.

He would deal with it himself, they didn't have to know. Because it would hurt them just as much as Harry hurt.

He pulled up to the school, a little later than he wanted but saw the boys stood by the school doors talking to one of their teachers. Harry quickly got out the car and put a big smile onto his face.

The boys noticed him immediately after he rounded the car and came into view and they said something to their teacher before running towards him.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." Harry whispered as he wrapped his arms around them both, kissing the tops of their heads.

"It's okay, papa, we were just excited to see you." Lukas answered, hugging his father tighter.

"Well I was excited to see you too. Let's go home, yeah?" Harry pulled away from his sons and started walking back to the car with them. "And how about if you do your homework when we get home, we can watch a film before dinner together?"

Caden and Lukas shared a look before turning back to Harry and nodding. "Deal."

So they got home, the boys did their homework in just under an hour with Harry's help and then started to make a fort they said was necessary to watch a film in.

Harry had actually managed to forget what Louis had said about him due to being with his sons and enjoying seeing their smiles. But it was still there, in the back of his mind like a dark cloud.

In the end they chose to watch the Disney movie Bolt, and the boys ended up dragging Harry to sit in their fort made with chairs, blankets and pillows.

Towards the end of the film Harry had to get up to start on dinner, the boys stayed sat in their fort. It was only when Louis got home half an hour later that the boys came out of the living room.

"Daddy!" They both yelled their feet slamming against the floorboards as they ran as fast as they could towards the front door.

Louis greeted them in a big hug before slipping off his coat and shoes before kissing their heads. "Why are you home early?" Lukas asked, his arm still wrapped around his dads waist.

And Louis wasn't home early, he was home at a normal time but recently Louis wouldn't have been home for another three maybe four hours so... in a way it was early, for him.

"Because I was just so excited to see you I couldn't wait another second." Louis said before tickling both of the boys hanging onto him. "Where's your father?"

"Kitchen." Both boys replied at the same time, Louis hummed and kissed their heads once more before he was walking towards the kitchen.

Harry could feel when Louis was in the room, goosebumps covered his skin and his heart started beating faster. Normally he would turn around and greet him, happy because he was home. But today he didn't want to even look at him.

"Hey, H." Louis breathed out as he opened one of the cupboards and reached inside to get a cup.

"Hi." Harry replied bluntly, continuing to stir the mixture in the pot instead of turning around. He could feel Louis' eyes on him.

"Are you okay?" He reached out and placed a hand on Harry's hip but it slipped off when Harry stepped away, going to cut up more vegetables.

"Mhm."

Louis stood watching him for a bit longer before he slowly nodded. "Okay." He waited to see if Harry would say or do anything - he didn't. So he walked out the kitchen, going to find his sons.

The rest of the night was mostly normal, they had dinner and the boys told their fathers all about what they'd done at school, catching Louis up on the bits Harry already knew.

After dinner the boys cleared the plates away, Harry helping with anything that was too sharp and then he went off to the bathroom saying he was having a shower and leaving Louis with the kids.

Harry looked at his reflection in the mirror, his hands gripping the counter he was using to stabilise himself. When had he gotten the dark circles under his eyes? He stared deep into his green eyes that normally seemed so much more vibrant but today they seemed clouded and heavy.

Sighing, Harry ran a hand over his face and stepped away from the mirror and instead towards the shower. He turned it on and stripped himself of his clothes before getting under the hot stream of water.

He let himself relax as the water ran down his skin, feeling calm for the first time in a while.

~

Harry 'ignored' Louis for the next three days. He still said hello and answered the odd question but anyone could tell that something was wrong by just glancing at one of the couples interactions.

It was surprising it took Louis until Thursday evening to say something. "What's going on with you?" He asked, sounding impatient as Harry came back downstairs from putting the boys to bed.

"Nothing." Harry sighed, feeling pressure behind his eyes. Arguing would only make his impending headache worse.

"Just tell me, Harry." Louis groaned as he got up from the couch. "I was giving you space to work it out but clearly whatever it is you're not getting over it."

"I bet that was easy." Harry mumbled leaning his shoulder against the wall.

"What?"

"Giving me space." Harry stated, staring at his husband with an unrecognisable expression. "You've been doing that for months so it's shouldn't have been that hard for you the last few days."

"I've been at work, it's not like I'm purposefully leaving you." Louis shot back, crossing his arms over his chest.

"How would I know where you are?" Harry was getting agitated, all the emotions that had been piling up for the last few months were finally coming crumbling down. "You didn't speak to me."

"I did."

"Saying hello doesn't count Louis."

Louis looked up to the ceiling before he looked back to Harry with a hardened look on his face. "Why are you trying to start a fight?"

"Me?" Harry scoffed. "I'm pretty sure you started this whole conversation, I was just answering your questions."

"Okay." Louis nodded and took a deep breath. "I was just trying to figure out what was going on because I'm your husband."

"Shocking." Harry muttered, leaning off the wall when Louis froze and stared at him. "Here I was, thinking that I'm only around to do the housework. Aren't too annoying?"

Louis looked confused for a moment before realisation hit and his hands dropped at his sides and his face turned from annoyed to apologetic. "Harry, I-"

"No, it's fine."

"You weren't meant to hear that." Louis mumbled, his voice so low and unconfident.

"That doesn't make it any better, Louis." Harry was trying his best not to break down crying. "How long have you been... playing along?"

"I haven't been playing along."

"Funny, I heard differently." Harry ran a hand over his face, stepping closer to Louis. "You are not the man the married." His voice broke and Louis' face dropped, his eyes revealing his hurt. "The man I married would never have said those things about me. Never even thought them. So I don't know who you are, but you aren't him."

"Harry I'm sorry. I was being stupid." Louis shook his head trying to find the words.

"But it's not just what you said the other day, Louis. Our marriage hasn't worked for months." Harry admitted, finally speaking his thoughts. "You haven't tried for months. I do everything and you are never here. And you just seem disinterested in me. If you've fallen out of love, just tell me." Harry's voice was getting more weak. "Don't just keep me around because it's easier for you."

"I'm not keeping you around because it's easier." Louis replied, his arms still limp at his sides.

"Do you love me?" Harry asked, his eyes glassing over. "Honestly. Do you still love me?"

"I-" Louis hesitated for a second looking down at the floor and Harry nodded sadly.

"I guess that's my answer."

But Louis quickly looked up at his husband and shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No. I- do. I do still love you Harry but-"

"Are you sure?" Harry quickly wiped away the tear that feel down his cheek. "Because you don't seem it."

"It's complicated." Louis whispered, wrapping his arms around himself.

"It shouldn't be complicated." Harry turned away and collected himself before turning back to the man he loved and preparing his voice to speak. "Y'know, if it weren't for our kids...I would leave you."

Louis' head shook slowly, he wasn't looking up from the ground with tears still falling down his cheeks.

"Because I don't know what's happened to you but you... you're not the man who eight years ago asked me to marry him. And your sons miss you all the time but you still don't come home enough to be with them, or pick them up from school or go to plays they're in. They deserve better. And- And I deserve better."

"Please." Louis whispered as he finally tilted his head up, allowing Harry to see how grey his eyes looked.

"But I know it would kill them if anything changed. So for now. I'm not going. But it is only because of them that I'm staying."

Something seems to click inside Louis' brain and he walked closer to Harry with tears staining his cheeks. "I'm sorry. But I love you. I do. And I love the boys more than anything. And I fucked up, and I know that. But please forgive me. I don't wanna lose any of you. Don't leave me. I'm sorry."

He reached out to grab the end of Harry's shirt, clutching it in his hand.

Harry was stunned, he'd never seen Louis like this, begging to be forgiven like he would die if he wasn't. He didn't know what to say or do.

"I said I'm not leaving you. Not unless you continue how you have been and in that case I see no other option." Harry started, his chest aching. "But if you can prove to me that you want to be with me and you want to be a father then I don't see why one day I couldn't forgive you."

"I will. I promise just, please."

Harry could tell Louis felt guilty or hurt, maybe both. But the man in front of him also seemed afraid. Afraid of losing Harry? His behaviour recently wouldn't have said so, he seemed like he didn't care every time he came home.

Harry was wondering why his husband wasn't trying to explain himself, explain why he said what he did. Maybe because he meant it or maybe for another reason entirely. But in that moment Louis only seemed to care about not losing his family, and being forgiven.

And Harry's just thinking that a person who doesn't care about their husband anymore wouldn't react this way. Right?

That night when Harry went to bed Louis had said he'd sleep on the couch, thought it would be best after the talk they'd had.

Harry had agreed to give Louis a chance to redeem himself before deciding if their marriage would survive or if they should just give it up now.

~

When Harry woke up to his alarm clock going off, he quickly shut it off and lied there in his bed before pushing the sheets off his body and getting out.

He pulled on a shirt and shorts and went to go get the boys up for school and then make their breakfast and lunches. He walked down the corridor and knocked on their door.

"Boys. Cmon, time to get up." When he received no reply he opened the door and was slightly surprised to see that they weren't in their beds.

There as a few days they'd gotten up on their own but it didn't happen often. The other option was that Louis had already gotten them up but that seemed not very probable. Even after their talk Harry still had a inkling of doubt that Louis wouldn't change and he would go downstairs and his husband would be gone, already on his way to work.

He quickly made his way downstairs, his heart beating rapidly against his ribs as he made his way to the kitchen. Hope started spiralling in his chest when he caught sight of his sons sat at the breakfast bar eating cereal.

But when he actually walked into the kitchen he realised no one else was in the room. His hope died and he let out a quiet breath of disappointment before walking further into the room. "Morning boys."

"Morning." Caden mumbled back with a mouthful of cereal, Lukas settling on a wave instead.

Harry reached for a cup to make tea and started listening to his sons excited voices as they mentioned what they were supposed to be learning about in History today.

But just as he was about to pour boiling water into his mug someone else strolled into the room. "Okay, so I found this... thing. I don't know what exactly it is but you asked for it so-" Louis stopped mid sentence, noticing Harry in the room. "Harry."

"Morning." Harry smiled slightly, his eyes running over Louis' disheveled clothes and messy hair. He must have woken the boys up and sorted out their breakfast and that caused the hope to ignite again.

"Morning." Louis smiled back before refocusing on Caden, handing him some sort of homemade grabbing device.

"Thanks daddy." Caden smiled setting it next to his bowl.

"And why do you need that exactly?" Louis asked leaning his hip against the breakfast bar.

"For school."

"Hmm." Louis squinted his eyes at his son, making him laugh. "Alright, but be careful with it. Don't do anything you shouldn't."

"Okay." Caden groaned, dragging out the 'y'. He laughed more when Louis quickly tickled his side before walking over to the other side of the kitchen.

Harry watched as Louis moved their lunchboxes to the side of the counter for the boys to pick up and put in their bags once they were ready.

He walked closer to his husband and whispered, "Thank you, for waking them up and doing everything else."

"You don't need to say thank you. I'm doing what I should have been doing for the past few months." Louis replied, his voice was strong contrasting how it sounded last night.

"Well..." Harry paused, his eyes scanning over Louis' face. "Thank you for trying, then."

Louis' hands stilled for a moment before he looked up to Harry and nodded, not saying anything. "You're still going to work right, though? You don't have to quit just because I wanted you to be home more." Harry added, knowing how hard it was to find Louis a new job after his old one.

"Yeah, I'm just cutting down my hours."

Harry nodded and then walked back over to the kettle, finally pouring the water into his cup.

~

(A/N: I'm not going into detail about what Louis does to get Harry to forgive him bc it's repetitive so I'll leave it to your imagination)

Hope that Harry had for the marriage grew everyday for the next four weeks. Louis had been trying so hard, the person he had been for the last few months was nowhere in sight. Instead Harry was seeing the guy he married again.

They took turns picking the boys up from school after work, Louis often did the laundry and cleaned a bit while Harry cooked and he made the boys' lunches while Harry did breakfast.

They were working as a team again, each doing something. Instead of leaving it all to one person, they shared the jobs they had to do and it was working like a dream.

Harry could actually see himself forgiving Louis pretty quickly at this rate.

What he said had hurt Harry, and he was still confused about why he did say it but he figured they'd have that conversation another day because today Louis had warned him he would be back late because he had to stay at work.

He knew they should talk more about what happened, give Louis a chance to explain what he did and why. That was the only way Harry could fully forgive him was if he understood why everything went wrong. But for now he'd have to wait.

But as far as Louis not being around and seeming uncaring went, he'd been forgiven (mostly). Harry was just hoping that after he had told Louis he forgave him that it continued how it does now and how it did before he changed.

Harry had just picked the boys up from school and they had been asking for pizza for dinner the entire way home. So Harry figured that as it was Friday they could have pizza - and he didn't really want to cook either so that was a bonus.

He opened the front door and Lukas ran in first, Caden following behind him. However when Harry heard them yell "Daddy!" he was very confused and quickly made his way into the living room where Louis was sat looking slightly worn out and like he'd been startled.

Concern seeped into Harry's body when he noticed Louis' sly movement as he wiped under his eye with the back of his hand when he turned away from their sons, before he looked back and hugged them with a smile.

"How was school?" Louis asked as the boys sat down next to him and started ranting about all the stuff they'd done.

Harry was watching him closely and could see through the facade he was putting up in front of his sons. The smiles and interested head nods were to cover up the fact that he looked sad and... disappointed?

"Seems like it was a good day." Louis smiled at them before standing up. "Right, I'm gonna quickly go shower and then we can watch something. Sound good?"

The twins nodded excitedly as Louis then turned and walked out the room. "Boys, start on your homework please. I'm just gonna go talk to your dad."

Lukas was already reaching for his school bag while Caden nodded and slowly, very slowly, then reached for his.

Harry quickly made his way upstairs, hoping to speak to Louis before he got in the shower but when he got to their bedroom he realised he didn't need to rush at all.

Louis wasn't getting in the shower. He was sat on the edge of their bed with his head hung low, staring at his hands.

"Louis?" Harry slowly stepped further into the room, shutting the door behind himself.

Louis quickly looked up at hearing someone else's voice. "Yeah?" He asked, showing nothing in his expression.

"Are you okay?" Slowly Harry sat down next to him, leaving some room in between them but not a lot.

Louis started to nod with his bottom lip caught between his teeth but then started to shake his head instead. He refused to look up from the floor but Harry could tell he was close to crying, prides himself in knowing Louis so well.

"What happened? I thought you were at work?" Harry wanted to reach out and hold him, but they weren't back at that stage yet, there was things still unspoken between them.

"No- I uh..." There was a moment of silence in the room before he continued. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

Louis took a deep breath, still looking at his hands that were in a tight grip on themselves before he said, "I got fired."

"Oh." Was all Harry could say. "How- Why?"

"Because I wasn't trying enough as the others. Or putting in enough time." Louis said but he didn't sound sad about that. "I don't care that I lost the job because... I hated it."

Now that shocked Harry. Louis had never said anything about hating his job, never came home saying there was any problems.

Before he could say anything though, Louis continued, "I'm annoyed and upset that I lost the job after it's part the reason I fucked everything up." Anger was present in his tone but not towards Harry, towards himself. "So I ruined everything, and didn't even keep the job."

"Louis, I don't understand." Harry moved closer on the bed. "I need you to explain everything to me. Even the bits... we didn't want to talk about. I need to know everything because nothing really makes sense. Okay?"

"Okay." Louis nodded wiping underneath his eyes once more and finally looking up. "But don't say anything, not until I've told you everything. And explained myself."

Harry nodded, placing his hands crossed in his lap as he waited for Louis to begin speaking.

"My job was... bad. The people were bad, and everyday I went in I felt like I came back less of myself. The people I worked with didn't like me for a reason I don't know and they made sure I knew it. They would ruin the work I'd done while I was at lunch. They would spill things over the work I was writing on paper and yell things at me whenever they walked past. My boss didn't care. And I hated it there. But I wasn't going to quit because it had taken us so long to find a job for me and we both thought it was a good fit so I didn't- I didn't want to disappoint you by quitting. And I'm adult so I thought I should just stick it out."

He paused, watching his finger run across the back of his palm for a moment. "So I came up with this stupid idea that if they would like me then they'd stop and maybe I wouldn't hate working there anymore. And maybe I could get pieces of myself back. So I tried everything I could think of to get them to stop hating me. In the end I started doing their work, not all of it, just bits a pieces. That's why I started staying later and I was never home because I was doing this stupid plan to get co workers to like me. I continued doing their work and slowly they started to stop. They were nicer to me and it actually felt okay there. But then I was coming home and I was exhausted and part of me was sad because I knew what I was doing but I didn't know how to stop and please everyone at the same time. I wanted my boys to be proud of me as their father.

"I know kids all talk about their parents. And I didn't want them to say, 'oh yeah, one of our dads he's super cool, he always helps us, he's funny, he has a really cool job that he takes us too sometimes. And he makes awesome things for breakfast, and is so caring and kind that he helps us with our homework and makes sure everything is in order. And our other dad... well he can't keep a job.' And along the way I thought that if I could just stick at the job then everything would fall into place."

Tears were forming in Louis' eyes as he spoke, his hands fidgeting. And Harry's heart was slowly cracking, listening to everything Louis had kept inside.

"A few weeks ago the guys I work with finally invited me to their bar lunches they had most days and I felt relieved thinking that they finally accepted me into the job and things would become easier and I would go home more. So I went...but then they all started talking shit about their wives, their lives at home and I was sat there thinking these guys are idiots. And then they turn to ask me about my home life. And I panic, they say I probably have similar issues with my partner but I don't. I have the worlds best husband, he's never done me wrong. He's never made me feel insignificant and he's unbelievably talented and the best father, he's bright and humorous, and extremely beautiful that sometimes I think your a dream. But I can't say that. Because I'm too afraid they'll go back to ruining my work and fucking things up for me. So I fuck it up for myself and I say stupid shit that they would want to hear so they keep liking me. And it was so stupid of me, and I hate that I didn't just walk out of there."

He looks over to Harry with glossy, grey eyes filled with so much regret it could form an ocean. "I took the cowards way and you heard it and I just fucked everything over. But at this point I didn't know how to fix it. I knew I'd already ruined it, I'd turned into the worst version of myself all to stay at a job that was making me this person. And I ruined my family. I made my sons-"

Louis' voice broke and he took a deep lungful of air to try and stop himself from crying. Harry decided then that he needed to just touch him, let him know he was there. That even if he did something stupid instead of talking to him about it, he still cared. So he reached out and held Louis' hand in his.

Louis gripped his hand back. "My sons missed me, and they should have never had to miss me. And I love them endlessly so I hate that I made them feel like that. And I love you." He looked up into Harry's green eyes, "And I hate that I made you feel like I wasn't interested anymore and I left you alone, and you felt like it was all down to you. Because I was too tired or too drained when I actually did get home to do anything. And then I was scared to talk to you incase you said you didn't want to be with me anymore. That I messed things up too much."

Harry's hand never let go of Louis' as he went to speak, "But when I asked you if you still loved me-"

"I hesitated." Louis answered. "I know. But it's not because of the question." Harry looked confused so Louis continued, "The question of 'if I love you' is the easiest thing for me to answer, it's simple. Of course I still love you, I don't think I could ever not love you because you are far too generous and lovely to ever not love. But I hesitated because even though the question of 'if I love you' is easy, the question of if I'm good enough to love you is not."

Harry wanted to interrupt and say what he was thinking but Louis wasn't finished. "My job had beaten me down and helped make me into a person that I didn't think was worthy of loving you. And if I told you in that moment that I still loved you I was saying that I was worthy of loving you. And truth is I didn't think I was." Tears rolled down both Louis and Harry's cheeks at the same time but neither wiped them away. "I wanted you to be with the best person you could, and I always thought that I was that person, or I could be that person but in the last few months I started to doubt. I didn't want you to be stuck with me when I wasn't good enough. But when you mentioned leaving me I knew I couldn't let you go without trying. It selfish because..." Louis looked back to the floor, "A part of me still thinks I'm not good enough for you."

"Then try to be good enough." Harry cut in, reaching his hand to Louis' cheek and turning his head back towards him. "You don't get to give up on me before I say you can."

Louis didn't say anything, his bottom lip threatening to shake as he stared into green eyes he fell in love with over fifteen years years ago. Harry rubbed his thumb along Louis' cheekbone. "You were a bit of an idiot. I'm not going to lie. It was stupid and you should have just talked to me, tell me what was going on and why you were acting different and we could have avoided this. So I'm still kinda mad that you didn't bother talking to me and did stupid things to get worthless people to like you but I love you and I have loved you for more years than I haven't. And you're an even bigger idiot if you thought that I would end this before you had a chance to explain to me why you said what you did. Because what you said hurt, Lou. But you already know you were an idiot I don't need to remind you. And I want to move past this and help you realise that both me and our sons are so, so lucky to have you. And they don't care whether you can keep a job, they care that you make memories like when you helped them make their art projects last week, and every time you make them laugh. That's what they care about."

Louis seemed to be getting more emotional the more Harry talked. "And I care that you are okay. And that you know your worth. And that you know that you are more than good enough for me, because I decided that. That's my decision to make. So next time please just come to me when you start feeling like this. Or when you have issues at work, I don't care if you think that because your an adult you have to deal with it on your own. I want you to come home and yell about how annoying your co workers are, I want you to come home and cry to me about how shit it is so I can help. And we can avoid this in the future. Okay? I just need you to talk to me about it."

Louis nodded, bringing his free hand to wipe at his face. "Okay. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry for ruining things for far too long. I was stupid."

"Yeah, you were a bit. But we're all stupid sometimes. And you're trying now. That's all I care about so... all is forgiven." Harry smiled at him before letting go of his hand and pulling his husband into a bone-crushing hug that was long overdue.

Louis instantly grabbed he back of Harry's shirt, burying his face into Harry's neck. "I love you. I'm sorry I made you think I didn't anymore. I'm sorry for what I said. And I'm sorry for almost being the reason our family is broken apart. I promise to come to you next time and tell you when things get too much." He whispered, his lips brushing Harry's pale skin.

"I know you will. And I know you're sorry, but I've already forgiven you. You just had to explain things to me, so I understood." He pulled away from Louis and placed both his hands on his cheeks. "Because the guy I'm looking at now...Is the one I fell in love with, And the guy who asked me to marry him, And the guy I loved for eight years after that. You just got a little lost recently, but I found you."

"I'm glad you did. I don't ever want to lose you and being close to that nearly sent me spiralling. So you're stuck with me, H. 'Cause I couldn't live this life without you." Louis smiled back at him.

"I'm glad we're on the same page." They were silent for a moment longer before they both started to lean in, and finally their lips met in the middle. It wasn't rushed because frankly they'd missed the soft, meaningful kisses they hadn't had in months. They needed this to be slow.

Their kiss got interrupted by the sound of feet running down the corridor and then bursting the door open. "Daddy this doesn't look like showering." Caden said with his hands on his hips.

"And papa this doesn't look like 'talking'." Lukas crossed his arms over his chest.

Louis and Harry looked at each other before laughing. "You're right. Sorry boys." Louis spoke, trying to stop a grin taking over his face. "We got sidetracked."

"We could tell." Lukas said with an angry expression but it didn't last long before both boys were running forward and jumping on top of their parents.

Louis and Harry smiled as their sons wriggled around laughing with grins on their faces. Louis was so glad he didn't lose them. His family were everything to him.

He would never make that mistake again.

~

A few months later Louis had found another job and so far it was going well for him, he didn't have any angry coworkers which he had assured Harry who had asked multiple times in his first week there.

Harry made sure Louis knew that he was good enough and that he was one of the best people he'd had the luxury of knowing. And Louis finally began believing him and each day that passed he became more of himself again.

He and Harry were as strong as they could ever be and were still sharing the jobs around the house and with the kids. They had even started a Friday movie night, so every Friday they would go pick up the boys from school together and then go home, order a takeout and pick a movie before getting comfortable on the couch together.

This Friday it was Caden's turn. He had been talking about what he was going to pick since he'd woken up in the morning. And he'd blabbered on and on when Louis drove him to school and they can only assume he talked about it all day at school as well.

Because Louis gets half days on Friday he meets with Harry and then drives the two of them to Caden and Lukas' school where they wait.

"How has he talked endlessly about what film he was going to pick, yet he hasn't even told us the movie." Harry laughed as they pulled into the school car park.

"Our kid works in mysterious ways." Louis answered, a smile on his lips. "Anyway, I forgot to ask this morning if you'd called your mum about next Sunday?"

Harry reached over and entwined their hands together, and Louis let him do it without even thinking about it. "Yeah, she said she'd love to. And she asked if we wanted her to make something too."

Louis shrugged, his thumb running over the back of Harry's hand. "I don't mind, I know she likes cooking so it depends if she wants to or not. We have enough food if she doesn't."

Harry nodded, mentally writing a reminder to text his mum later. They were planing a barbecue for both their families to come round and enjoy some food and company.

The kids came running out the school doors a few minutes later and Lukas and Caden quickly got into the car knowing that it was movie night and they couldn't waste a second more.

They chatted the whole way home, mainly Caden.

~

The movie Caden had picked ended up being finding Nemo and he spent half the movie saying he wanted to be friends with dory. But it was a good night anyway because they were all together.

Louis had Harry leaning against him, his head resting on his shoulder and then Caden and Lukas were leaning against Harry. Lukas laying down on him and Caden sat up against the couch next to him.

Louis looked over at his family and couldn't stop himself from smiling before pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead. This was perfect.

This was the closest he would feel to heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bloody hell. I'm so sorry. It's been yearrrsssss not literally but it feels like it. I had GCSE's and then I couldn't write because I had no motivation to really do anything and I've been trying to write this one for six months. I've had it as a draft since February...

I don't really like how I did it but I needed it done so I'm sorry, I hope the next one is better :)

Don't forget to eat and drink something today, even if it's small. And remember I love you and am so proud of all of you <33

You've taken all my fears and reduced them to one: losing you - Unknown

You never know how important something is until you almost lost it - Unknown