A one shot where Harry writes notes to Louis after their breakup

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September 17, 2015

I miss you. I remember all the times that we used to spend together. I loved you Lou, so much. I miss you so much. I can't stand you walking with her. Holding her hand. Kissing her lips. I miss your hand, Lou. I miss how your hand fit in mine. I miss your lips, Lou. Your lips fit against mine like they were meant to be together. I think I'm obsessed with your lips, Louis. They're nice. I love them. Forget that, I love you. So much. I miss you, Lou.

Your Always,

Hazza

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September 19, 2015

You smiled at me today. It may not have meant anything to you because you always smile, but I haven't seen your smile in so long Lou. I miss your smile. It's perfect. You probably smile with her a lot. Does she make you smile Lou? I'm sure she does, she's lucky. I want to make you smile. Your smile looks like a thousand baby angels looking down at me from heaven. I miss my angels, Lou. I miss you, Lou.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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November 1, 2015

I can't stand this Lou. I can't stand looking at you and her together. Liam tells me you don't like her, but the way you smile when you're with her is the same smile you gave me. I know you well enough to know you love her, Lou. I'm not going to take you from her. I'm not going to have you go through what I'm going through. I wouldn't want my baby to hurt. I love you too much to see you hurt. I love my little Louis. I miss you, Lou.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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November 6, 2015

These letters are the only things keeping me going Louis. Niall promised that he would give them to you. I can't give them to you Lou. I don't want you to feel guilty for loving her. She deserves you, Lou. She probably needs you more than I do. I can keep myself going, I think. Maybe. I don't know anymore. I used to think that love was harmless and innocent, but I know that love can kill. It has, and it still is. I think I'd like to die for love. I miss you, Lou.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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November 19, 2015

The fans have noticed something is up. They've decided that I'm depressed. What I'm feeling could be written off as depression, but I choose to believe it's just a heartbreak. People go through heart breaks all the time, and...people that go through that would know that this...this numbness...happens to everyone right? I don't know anymore Lou, that scares me. I don't know myself anymore.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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November 23, 2015

Liam told you about me. I don't know if I'll forgive him. I want to grieve by myself, I don't need to tear you from her, she loves you and you love her and I have no right coming in between that. You came and talked to me. I loved hearing your voice, you saying my name, it was nice. I hated that you scolded me for doing the things I do. You don't understand. I wish I could make you understand without hurting you, Lou. I love you so much.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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December 7, 2015

I called Kendall. Sure she was a beard last year, but I just want to stop this feeling in my chest. I thought the way to do that was have someone else try to fix it. Maybe if I fell in love with Kendall then I can get over everything. I'm going to go on a date with her.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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December 10, 2015

You got drunk tonight. I went to your house because you finally called me and when I got there you were drinking. I had no clue what to do, because you haven't drank since we got together, of course I have no clue what you've been up to afterwards, but I talked to you and you said that you loved me still. I don't think you meant it.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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December 21, 2015

I met a fan today in the park. It was late and I was trying to clear my head. I had wanted to do...bad things again, so I decided to leave, get some air. She hugged me and asked for a picture. She saw my scars, Lou, she started crying and asked me if I was okay. I told her I wasn't and asked her not to tell anyone. She promised she wouldn't. She gave me her twitter so we can keep talking. She seems nice.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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December 24, 2015

Happy birthday, Louis. I know tonight you are probably going to go off with her and do things that I don't want to think about. I hope she makes you feel as loved as I did. I loved you so much and I hope she loves you that much too. I don't know how much longer I can last like this. Hoping that one day you'll notice me and want to take me back, I don't think it's going to happen. Wishful thinking on my end, I know. Have a great Christmas Eve and Birthday, lovely.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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December 29, 2015

I cut again. I'm so sorry, Louis. I didn't want to, I just couldn't think of anything else and...I'm so sorry. I...I don't know. It's been hard. You wouldn't know. You'll never know. You just let me go like I was trash and here I am, months later still upset over everything. I'm such a wimp Louis. Why can't I just get over it? Damn, I wish I never met you. I wish I never met you and I wish that I never tried out for X-Factor, if I hadn't I wouldn't be here.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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January 1, 2016

Happy New Years. You two kissed right in front of me. I can't believe you would pull something like that. Everyone started fighting afterwards. Niall yelled at you because I started crying and Liam backed him up. She was on your side, saying that is wasn't your fault I was a "dick head that can't pull my head out of my ass". I looked like you were going to cry too, but I didn't say that.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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January 9, 2016

I told Liam I wanted to kill myself. He started crying so hard I felt guilty for thinking about it. I explained to him why, and he, he understood. It's been a while since I've been understood. He said that I couldn't, that there were so many young teens looking up at me that we're going through the same thing. He reminded me that the fans would go crazy if I killed myself. I'm still tempted.

Yours Always,

Hazza

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January 15, 2016

I can't anymore Louis. It's done. I've already taken the pills Lou; it's only a matter of time now. I'm sorry; I really hope you'll be able to understand. There's nothing you could do. I'm really sorry. I wish I could've stayed longer. The fans will miss me maybe, my family maybe, but you...you are the only thing that ever mattered and, I'm sure, you won't miss me.

Yours Always,

Hazza

~_~_~

"He's dead."

Liam shouts, standing up and pointing a finger at Louis. Liam blamed Louis.

Niall cries, balling himself into a corner. Niall blamed himself.

Louis shuts down, taking all the shouting Liam was doing. Louis blamed everyone.

"This can't be happening." Louis whispers, grabbing his hair and pulling at it. He had just seen Harry, not even moments before. They were...watching a movie. Danielle was there and the three of them were watching The Notebook. Harry asked to go to the bathroom.

"He's dead because of you, you fucking asshole! Look at what you've done!" Liam shouts. Pointing at Harry's dead body. Liam had been at home chilling when Louis called, frantic. Liam was surprised that Louis cared.

"Can everyone calm down?" Niall cries, his voice shaking as he holds his limp best friends. Niall had no clue what he was going to do. Harry was his best friend. He should've been there for him, he should've done more. He could've prevented this, but he didn't. God he was an awful friend.

Liam turns his back on Louis to call 911 as Niall pulls out a note from Harry's pocket. He starts crying harder as he sees one last note scribbled on the crumbled paper.

Love can be beautiful and innocent or it can be powerful and ugly. I fell in love with you the ugly way, the way that makes you think you love an angel, but really you fell in love with a demon. If I could go back and change one thing I wouldn't change falling in love with you, I would change how I fell in love with you, that way it wouldn't have ended in a funeral, but maybe a couple tears and a teddy bear.