We're laying in Peter's bed together. I don't know how to bring it up, I don't want to be awkward, but I want him to know that I'm ready and that I want to have sex with him.

Ever since beach week, we've both been silent about it. Before that, Peter used to joke about it all the time, in a half-serious way, but after beach week it just seemed to stop.

After beach week, I told him I wanted to have sex with him because I love him, and not because I was trying to finish my chapter with him. I can understand why he would've thought that, I was pretty irrational at the time.

"You know what's annoying Covey?" he asks. "The fact that we have nothing to talk about besides college, and neither of us wants to talk about college,"

"I know Peter, I feel the same way. It's extremely frustrating, but I'm scared to bring it up, because our conversations always end up in arguments. It makes me scared that this is what the future of our relationship is going to be like. Just ignoring everything that may possibly lead to a fight," I reply, honestly. If we're going to be open with each other it may as well be now.

UNC seems so far away, yet it is only 6 days away now. I have never been so excited, yet so reluctant to do something in my entire life. UVA was always my dream, but I think not getting in has let me grow as person. Margot would be proud of me I think. She was always trying to get me out of my shell, and now I really am.

"Isn't it funny how all of high school you're waiting for the end, or the next holiday. Then you graduate school and move on to college, and during college we will most likely be waiting for it to be over. Then when you move into the workforce you're always looking forward to taking a holiday or leaving your job. Why does it have to be that way with everything in life? Why can't we just be nomadic and do what we want?" he rants, and he's tired, I can see it in his eyes.

"Sometimes you think too much P. Just let life take you by the hand and lead you where it seems fitting," I reply, and he grins at me.

"You, Lara jean Song Covey, is telling me that I think too much? Wow I must think a lot for her to say that, "he laughs, and I giggle too.

"I'm just sick of caring so much about what other people think of me. Why can't I just be carefree? Before Korea I used to dress in a manner that I thought would impress other people or what was in fashion, but now I am free to express myself in the way I would like because I found that inner peace. Well, in that respect anyways,"

"I'm very proud of you for that," he says and kisses me on the forehead. "But why can't we just talk about college? I want to be excited but I'm holding it back,"

"Peter, I'm going to miss you. So much I can't even comprehend what it's going to be like. But I don't want you to hold back because of me, that's the last thing I want you to do," I kiss him. "Be excited, have fun and be you, that's all I could ever ask,"

"I love you so much," he says, and we hold each other a little longer. "Can you please stay over tonight?"

He looks at me with those god damn eyes again. I want to say yes, I really do. But I don't want to leave for college on bad terms with daddy either. As much as I love peter, Daddy is paying for my college tuition, so it is extremely important that I keep his trust.

"Hmm, I'm not sure," I say, and he groans. "Just live a little Covey, go out of your safe zone. It's not like we're going to do anything anyways,"

Ouch. He knows just how to push my buttons sometimes. "Wow Peter, you really know how to make a girl feel special," I say, and he looks at me in a defensive manner.

"I didn't mean it like that,"

"Sure, you didn't Peter," I huff, annoyed.

"You get so offended so easily," he says, and I get even more offended.

"No, I don't," I reply, before getting. Underneath the bed covers and pulling the duvet cover over my face.

Peter pokes me through the covers. "Covey, you know I dint mean it like that,"

"But you said it and that's all that matters," my voice comes out muffled through the sheets.

"What matters is what we were talking about before," he replies, before joining me under the sheets. I look toward him, and stare at his beautiful face. How did I get so lucky? Plain old Lara Jean with the amazing Peter Kavinsky.

"what matters is that I'm ready Peter, but when you say that it turns me off," I say, and I look down avoiding eye contact. All of a sudden, the air underneath the sheets disappears, and it's extremely hot.

Peter doesn't say anything, and I pull away the sheets from the both of us, the cold air hitting my face instantly.

"You don't mean that LJ," he replies, looking insecure, which is something I have not seen on him before. In these past few days, I've seen so many different sides of peter I haven't seen during our whole relationship.

I put my hand on his chest and feel his heart racing at a million miles per hour. "Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?" I ask, and he sighs.

"I don't know," he says. "I guess I'm just nervous about it after beach week,"

"Why peter? I was ready then too! I'm not the reason why it didn't happen,"

"You can't say that, you know I stopped us for the right reason!"

"I know you did, and I am grateful for it, but I don't understand why you're more reluctant than me when I was the one who was rejected," I reply, and his facial expression changes to one of understanding.

"I'm sorry for doing it the way I did," he starts, "but this is special for me too Lara Jean, I want it to be the right moment. People think that all boys our age want is sex, but for me I want it to be special because I care about you, LJ. You are my number one priority in everything I do, and I want our first time to be the absolute best,"

"I think you're getting it wrong though Peter, I no longer want it to be this amazing and magical experience! I don't care where it is, but as long as you're in it for the right reasons that's all that matters to me! I'd much rather be comfortable with you than have this amazing experience that I used to think sex was,"

"Well if you're ready than I'm ready too," when he says that, I immediately grab my phone and message my dad to let him know that I won't be coming home tonight. My heart is racing as I type, but I remind myself that I am less than a week away from college, and it's time to step out of my comfort zone a little bit.

"Can I still take you up on that offer to stay over tonight?" I ask, and he smiles widely.

"Yes please," he says and pulls me in. I find a comfortable position on his arms, and we both fall asleep, extremely tired after our busy day.

-

The light cascades through the window, right in my eyes, waking me up. It takes me a moment to register where I am, but I soon realise I'm in Peter's room, and a rush of adrenaline goes through me. My first instinct is to grab my phone, which is what I go to do, but am held back by a resistance.

"Not now Covey, just lay in with me," Peter's groggy morning voice flows through the air, and it's my favourite sound. I can't believe I've been missing out on it for the duration of our relationship.

We lay in a little longer, and I doze off to sleep again, in his arms, our bare skin touching. I can hear my phone buzzing across the room, and I have to peel away from Peter to get to it. He's fallen fast asleep again and doesn't move when I make my way out of the bed.

INCOMING CALL
DAD

I reluctantly click the green answer button and give a small "hello?"

"Lara Jean, I'm just calling to let you know that Kitty needs to be driven to her piano lesson today at 2 o'clock, as Trina and I both are unavailable, would you or peter be able to do that for me?" he asks, and I'm shocked. I didn't even call him last night, I texted him.

"Yes daddy, of course we can. Peter was planning on driving me home at that time anyways," I reply, and I'm waiting for some dad joke or witty comment.

"Thank you darling. Will you be home for dinner tonight? Would you be able to make something? Trina will be out with Kristen and I'll be working the afternoon/night shift. I have a high-risk patient being induced tonight."

"Sure, I'll make some teriyaki chicken and rice. Kitty's favourite."

"Sounds great Lara Jean, I'll most likely see you to say goodnight when I get home," he says, and pauses for a moment before saying, "Now just because I let you stay over at Peter's last night, thanks for the short notice by the way, it doesn't mean that I want to see him in your bed when I get home tonight, okay?"

And all I reply is, "Yes dad."

I hang up the call and walk back towards the bed. "Was that your dad?" peter grumbles. "does he hate me? And I banned from ever seeing you again?" he laughs, and I join him, in laughter and in bed.

"He was surprisingly good about it. I thought it was going to be much worse. I was reluctant to answer the call. He just wanted to make sure we could drive kitty to piano and that I'd make her dinner tonight," I reply, before adding, "oh yeah and he said he doesn't want to see you in my bed when he gets home from work tonight,"

I laugh so hard, and peter slaps himself on the head. We get up not long after, and I grab one of peter's UVA hoodies, and peter puts on the matching sweatpants, before we head downstairs to make breakfast.

I'm glad that Peter's mom and Owen are out for the morning, it gives us more alone time together, and because I don't exactly want Peter's mom to see me in my underwear.

I can't help but feel disappointed that we didn't do anything last night, but I know Peter is waiting for the right time.

I love him for that.

--

Sorry for the short and late upload – I have been away from home and I forgot my laptop! My uncle thankfully brought it to me and I wanted to upload ASAP!

I want to write a bit of a sex scene – but I don't know if it's too risqué

I had a bit of writers block with this chapter which is why it's mainly dialogue. I'm from Australia so I don't really know much about American college only Australian university from my own experience! From what I've seen online they're significantly different!

Ro x