sorry for never updating I'm stupid, but uhh follow my insta if u want :) there's a link in my bio on there for petitions and stuff you can sign  @bippity_bamm
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:láñç3 pōv:
 
Just a touch narrcisism. that's all it is. many people like to describe me along the lines of "annoying" or "failed comic relief" things like that, but they always include "narcissist". I think it's funny if I'm being honest. none of them really know me, so to make claims like that, ah I don't know, it just rubs me the wrong way?

You see, i've never liked myself, so I've done so many things to make myself better. I starved myself for a while because someone mentioned that I looked like I was "filling out". maybe you could say that is narrcisism? but even so how's that so bad. I'm just doing what i can to be comfortable.

hunk thinks I'm being dumb with it, but who is he to say something? I just think he should reflect in himself before coming after me you know? if I were him I would probably be happier though. there are many things I would take from him if I had the chance. like his cooking skills. maybe then people would like me more.

pidge too, I would definitely take her brains. if I had her brain I could figure out how to be perfect. how to be alluring. how to be pretty. I could get back at the people who fucked me over. I could change everything.
 
from Keith? maybe his body? he is built nicely, I think most would go for shiros but Keith is more my type. he is slender and yet very strong. my body is similar to a green bean, nothing to oogle at. but shiros leadership skills would be nice, also his makeup skills, he is very pretty.

there is a lot to change, but most of the time when my team catches me starring they assume I'm admiring myself. usually I'm just imagining myself as the ideal version that I could be. all the world loving me, caring about me. thinking about me. that's a lovely dream. 

as I look in the mirror currently I note,  my body is too scarred to be considered beautiful, I'm far to fat anyways. my skin is clear, but it's still not good enough. I have freckles. my excessively bitten nails drag across my skin. I want to rip them off. I want them gone. I pull at them, scratching, ripping. maybe this will make me pretty right??

scratch scratch scratch on repeat. it's been awhile. my skins raw, parts are bleeding a lot. beauty is pain as my mama says. it burns a lot. I'll never be pretty huh? I can scratch my face up as much as I want. I could move to my arms instead.

scratch scratch scratch, over the numerous scabs. red and brown mix in a gross color combination. I really don't like the color of scabs. when you pull them off and they land in the blood flowing, it adds no visual pleasure. the beautiful crimson on the other hand, that's gorgeous. I want it.

more red, more to make me beautiful. that's a good plan. where's the blade I took from keith? ah there. let's just run the beautiful silver through the flowing red, making more, more, more. what a lovely mix.

it's sick in a way, no?  maybe, I can't think much. slash slash slash. I want to focus on that. I want to see the gushing of that wonderful color. my eye sight is getting blurry though. man this burns yet I can't urge myself to do anything. I just want to watch this perfect demonstration of beauty. pure beauty is pain. I believe this even as I feel myself letting go on the sad string I tether to my life.

I'm glad I'll be dying in a perfect state. this is good. beauty is pain.