Lance
This happens every year and every year I act the same. They leave me alone for the week or so and visit their family's while I'm left alone.

I want to go see my family but I'm a mistake and so they decided I wasn't worth it. I get why they did that, I mean being an "paladin" isn't the way a mom or dad wants their kid to support them.

The members always say I'm wrong but why else would my mom say I'm a disgrace every time we talk? Why else would my dad say he should have let my mom kill me as a kid? Why else would my sister try and hide the fact that she's related to me? I mean sure I'm not very great but some fans think I am, so i try and block out they negativity for them. They're worth it.

I say that, though I'm still here curled up in our living room. My tears are burning stripes in my skin, further showing how pathetic I am. I don't want this, I just want someone to come hug me, or at least someone to tell me they love me.

This hurts. It really does. Why is it me? Why didn't I get to chose my damn career path! I just want my family. It's not like my friends hug me, or comfort me. That's really all I want, some type of reassurance that I'm worth some type of worry.

I know it's weird to crave pity. That disgusting mindset, thinking you're any better then another person to just because you aren't going through what they are, looking down on someone's situation even if you don't understand what they're going through. It's even worse to be the pitied, where you're helpless and someone who has no fucking idea how hard it is for you to deal with the issue tries to act like they care. I can't help it though my need for attention will overpower everything elsewhere