'It's so much better, Fenney. I spend about an hour or two at each house and most of them are old people. They offer me tea and biscuits! I can't believe I didn't apply to be a community nurse sooner.'

Hanna rambled about her new job as she and Fenne walked the path. They had met in the city for coffee and were window shopping. They tried to meet regularly, but with each of their schedules, and the general lives of being twenty-six year-olds, the two friends had to plan months in advance to catch up.

'OLVG must lose so much staff to the private companies,' Fenne said. 'It's such a stupid system.'

'I hear the universities have just sent the first load of students into the hospitals they signed contracts with. I pray for them,' Hanna said solemnly.

'And Apson? What's he up to?'

'He's made some of his own music, but most of his time is spent prepping for Eurovision. Same with the other guys.'

Fenne lowered her head into a nod and looked down at her feet. She danced around the centre topic like it was a fire and she was performing a ritual. The heat was so strong that every time she got near, Fenne felt the tips of her ears burn and her heart tell her to back off. It was a sensation she felt often, because almost every week, there was something that brought up the topic, and Fenne would play the game of dodging the flame once more.

'They've got some wacky outfits. Appie's going to be dressed as a blue bird,' Hanna continued with a laugh weaved into her words. 'Just in case they decide Europapa isn't the song they want to use.'

'I always liked it better than Bird Song.'

'And Joost has these massive shoulderpads in a blue suit. It's comical, really.'

Hanna knew what she was doing, as did Fenne. But even though Fenne had prepared for at least one mention of Joost, her stomach still churned as if it were ill.

She swallowed and couldn't help the pause she did before replying. Fenne peered up from her shoes and tried to focus on the main subject of Hanna's words.

'Shoulderpads? That's the last thing I thought he would wear.'

'It was Daan's idea. I think he was setting him up for something, but it's actually done the opposite. Joost loved it,' Hanna said and was relieved at Fenne's reaction. She expected both sides of the coin; Fenne's complete retraction from Joost's mention and a swift change of conversation, or an attempt to appear nonchalant.

Turning the corner of the street, Fenne hoped that it was the last of it. She wanted to hear more about Hanna's life and how much better it had gotten since working as a community nurse. She didn't want to talk about herself, but that was something Fenne always struggled with.

But Hanna was Fenne's best friend and she knew her well enough to not be so foolish.

'He asked about you today. He wanted to know if there's anything coming up for you in May.'

Fenne sighed.

'No. After April, I've got nothing.'

'Would you come to Sweden?'

'Are you going?'

'I have work.'

Fenne threw her head back with another sigh and Hanna put her hand out to grab her friend's shoulder. She stopped the two of them and angled her body to face her. Fenne wanted to resist by continuing their walk, but with Hanna's hand stopping her, Fenne had no choice but to look at her in the eye.

'I don't know why you're still doing this, Fenne. He wants to see you. Joost can't go half a conversation without mentioning you, and yet, when someone asks why he doesn't text you, he shuts down. Says that you wouldn't want to talk to him-'

'It's not that I wouldn't talk to him-'

'Then why won't you?! Message him, for God's sakes!'

Irritation riddled Hanna's face and Fenne felt powerless against it.

After Splash!, Fenne moved out of the shared house. She moved back in with her parents with the idea of getting proper space. She accepted the Glastonbury offer and officially resigned from her position as videographer for Albino Sports.

It didn't come as a shock to the others, but they were disappointed to hear it. They helped her pack and even drove her to her parents' house. She never said that it was goodbye, but with the way Joost didn't haul into the car with them, the team assumed that it would be a while until they saw her again.

Fenne wanted space and she got it. It wasn't just from her own doing, but from Joost's, as well. She messaged him when it was his birthday and at Christmas, and he had done the same. A simple 'Happy birthday!' with balloon emojis was all it was and Fenne cringed at how it looked like they were past friends from highschool. There was no affection or love, just an acknowledgement of the date.

They never stated that they had broken up, because they hadn't. It was a strange situation and when Fenne's parents asked what happened, she didn't know how to answer. It wasn't the argument that night, nor was it the Glastonbury offer, it was just the time and emotion that boiled at Fenne's core. She told herself that after May, Fenne would consider the next step in her own career and their relationship.

For now, it was a horrible game of procrastination and the same reply when people asked.

'I want space. 2023 was a hard year.'

And now that she was put on the spot, Fenne still didn't know how to defend herself against Hanna's pestering.

'He's been going to therapy, you know?' Hanna filled the silence and Fenne's eyebrows rose.

'You shouldn't be telling me that, Hanna. That's not your information to spread.'

'To hell with that! You're my best friend and Joost's girlfriend. If you had any ounce of decency, you would ask him how he's going. Did you ever think about how Joost must be feeling?'

For the first time, Fenne leapt to defend herself.

'Of course, I have!'

'He's about to represent the country in a contest in his parents' honour! It's his dream, Fenne, and you've got him thinking that you don't want to talk to him! How do you think that makes him feel?'

People that passed turned to look at the two women in curiosity. Their loud conversation was heated but the two couldn't look at anyone else but each other.

They had never fought before. Hanna was someone who knew how to keep her argument and was strong in stating her case. Fenne had only ever experienced her friend's confident trait from the side, but now that it was aimed at her, Fenne felt tears spring to her eyes. She stood with her arms by her sides and her bottom lip between her teeth, fighting every urge to turn and walk away.

Crying wouldn't solve anything but it was all Fenne knew how to do. She felt foolish. She had spent months thinking that she was doing the right thing by distancing herself for what she thought was Joost's and her benefit. She thought that if she couldn't be comfortable, then she had to take the time with herself to make it comfortable. She thought that Joost wouldn't want to be with someone who had to depend on him to feel okay.

But in the middle of Amsterdam, with the stares of passbyers, Fenne realised that Hanna was speaking the truth.

Stepping forward, Hanna's eyes softened at Fenne's contorted expression. She lowered her voice and put her other hand on Fenne's shoulder, holding her at arm's length.

'I don't want to make you feel like you can't prioritise yourself, Fenne, because that's not it at all,' she started. 'But you have a habit of putting the things you want aside for what you think is good for others. Joost loves you and you love him. Why don't you just love each other like normal people do?'

A single tear slipped out with Fenne's laugh. She sniffled, wiping at her cheek as Hanna managed a smile.

With her grip still on her friend's shoulders, Hanna knew that she had finally gotten through to Fenne. It had taken many discussions with Apson and even Stuntje, who both voiced the same sentiment that she did. Their friend was lonely, despite being surrounded with people, because the one person he really cared for wasn't around. They wanted Joost to be happy.

'Take your time, Fenney, but don't take forever,' Hanna said and Fenne nodded.

---

Fenne rose her gloved hand to knock at the front door. She exchanged the gift bag from one hand to the other, looking down at the concealed present in between the rope handles. It only took a moment for footsteps to sound in the hallway and the door was pulled open.

'Christ, Fenne. Get in here. It's freezing!'

Nanda ushered the woman in and Fenne stamped her feet against the floormat. Snow that had been clumped into her boots' soles crumbled out.

Fenne was relieved to be out of the cold air and icy chill. The walk from the bus stop to Nanda's house wasn't long, but The Netherlands' winter appeared to be rolling into late February. It meant that Fenne was bundled in her coat and beanie and every bus ride could be compared to a journey through Mordor.

Pulling off her beanie, Fenne lifted the gift bag and lowered it onto the console table next to her. The lamp next to it lit the hallway in a warm orange and Nanda's hospitality never failed to make Fenne feel welcome.

'You're just in time for Lise's royal presentation,' Nanda said after closing the door. From the tone of her voice, Fenne's smile grew for what was to come.

'So I was right to get the doll?' Fenne made sure.

'If you're not her favourite person already, then you will be with that.'

Fenne hung her coat up on the wall among the other bags and outside wear. As she bent down to take her boots off, she caught sight of the bulky sneakers sat in the corner. The snow had already melted off them, leaving their black soles littered with dirt and grass.

Fenne hadn't been able to see what cars were in the driveway while she was hurrying through the snow. If she had paid more attention, she would have seen the familiar black Porsche and had the time to prepare.

Nanda, who was in a warm turtleneck and jeans, bit her lip at Fenne's hesitation to stand up straight. She knew that she had caught sight of the sneakers and hadn't thought that Fenne would be able to tell whose they were in an instant. It was only a matter of time before Fenne would find out that he had been invited if she hadn't already assumed he was for Annaliese's fifth birthday.

'I'm sorry. I just... didn't want you to have second thoughts about coming,' she said, making Fenne turn with hesitancy.

'No, no, I wanted to come for Annaliese. It's not like there's bad blood between us.'

'Yeah, but I know that it's been a little while since you've seen each other. It probably feels like I've set you guys up now,' Nanda grimaced with a hand against the side of her head.

'Does he know I'm coming?'

'Lise let it slip earlier.'

'How did he react?'

'Well. He wants to see you, but I can tell that he wants to avoid the awkward air.'

Nanda wasn't lying. Joost had arrived at her house only an hour prior and at first, Nanda thought that her secret was going to survive. But after opening her present from her uncle, Annaliese was up in Joost's arms when she said,

'When's Fenney getting here?'

Nanda looked to Hugo with a tight look and Joost's widened eyes snapped towards his sister.

'Fenne's coming?'

'I wanted it to be a surprise...'

'You already told me, Mummy. That's not how a surprise works!' Annaliese had misunderstood and called her mother 'silly'. Joost would have followed along and reaffirmed Annaliese's claim, but at the mention of the Meer he hadn't seen in months, Joost was distracted.

Fenne followed Nanda down the hallway with Annaliese's present in hand. It did wonders for her urge to fidget and she eyed the ends of Nanda's hair to avoid looking up. The mumble of voices from the living room grew louder and before Fenne knew it, they had appeared from the hallway and Fenne was greeted by the birthday girl.

'Fenney! I'm five, today!' she chirped and threw her arms out for a hug. Fenne crouched down just in time to meet Annaliese and beamed at the sight of her green princess attire.

'Happy birthday, Lise,' Fenne said, closing her eyes as her chin went over the puffed green sleeve. 'The kingdom wanted me to show their appreciation of your birthday with this present.'

The mention of a gift made Annaliese pull away to see the silver bag in Fenne's hand. She squealed and took it, running off to show her father who sat in the armchair. This left Fenne to stand up straight and be spared the inevitable when Hugo stood from his seat.

'Hey, Fenne. It's good to see you,' he hummed and Fenne accepted his loose embrace.

'It's good to see you, too.'

Hugo pulled away and smiled down at her. Annaliese could be heard whining as her father put the gift bag away for her to open later. It saved the living room for the next greeting, which Hugo made sure to excuse himself from experiencing. He stepped to the side, moved around Fenne to head for the kitchen, leaving her gaze to move to the man who had stood from the sofa.

In his thick rimmed-glasses and earphones in his ears, Joost looked just as he always did. He wore a dark blue football jursey, leaving his tattooed arms exposed for Fenne to subtly admire. His usual black jeans made an appearance and his blonde hair was neatly cut into the mullet Fenne remembered.

She didn't expect much to change in a few months, but the neck tattoo that peaked out from his shirt's collar and the black grill in his teeth was something she hadn't expected. She would have missed the second detail if he hadn't spoken before their embrace.

'Hey, Fenne.'

'Hi, Joost.'

Like they always were, Joost's hug was warm and made Fenne feel safe. She almost sighed aloud at the way her muscles relaxed. Her arms went around his middle and his hands flattened against her back. Fenne questioned her decision for space when she felt Joost lean his cheek against the side of her head and mumbled in her ear,

'I missed you.'

'I missed you, too,' she whispered back and felt Joost smile.