Things were tense at Splash! 2023.

Held in Germany, the festival's line-up was unlike any before. The crowds were huge and it was the last of the summer festivals on Joost's schedule.

It was difficult to keep his selection for Eurovision quiet, especially when fans were wondering when new music was coming out. Freisenjung had brought new attention and people wanted to hear what else was in store for the Dutch artist. Splash! was the perfect opportunity to finish off the era, because Ski Aggu was set to perform the hit with Joost on stage.

But despite the excitement and anticipation for the joint set, there was an air of uncertainty. Fenne's employment was in limbo and it hadn't been made clear if Splash! was going to be her last show.

She had already been set to film before the argument. Her irrational claim to quitting altogether had been settled, but not forgotten.

After staying with her parents, Fenne came back to the house a few days later. There was a thick awkwardness between her and Joost, who had spent their days apart in a nervous wreck.

He tried texting, calling, even sending an Instagram message, all containing different apologies and pleas to talk. But when Fenne mentioned needing space, Joost resulted to smoking however many cigarettes it took to calm him down.

By the time Fenne came back, he had smoked three packs in three days.

'I'm sorry that I lied to you,' she had said.

'I'm sorry that I went behind your back,' he had replied. 'You're not fired. I would never fire you.'

Joost thought that would prompt Fenne to say that she wasn't quitting. But instead, Fenne bit her lip and said she still hadn't formally accepted the Glastonbury offer. It was in Joost's nature to argue and push Fenne to reconsider, but in the state of the situation, he did his best to resist.

'So... are you still coming to Splash!?' Joost had said, fidgeting with his last cigarette. He hated how formal they were acting.

'Yeah. I'll come.'

'And then?'

'We'll see how it goes...'

Joost was too afraid to ask what that meant. It didn't help that Fenne had been distant towards him ever since. When he tried to talk to her, Fenne would find a way to direct the conversation elsewhere. She was clever and Joost was weak against her, especially since he had let his anger get the better of him that night.

'So if you do this, it keeps the shot steady and doesn't blur everything,' Fenne said, changing the setting on her camera. Over her shoulder, Aggu leaned in with great interest and noticed the difference in the screen.

'Cool. Is that what you did in Friesenjung?'

Fenne nodded her head and turned to the side, pausing at the sudden closeness. Aggu stood with his arms crossed over his chest and his usual mask over his eyes. Angled to face Fenne and her camera, Aggu loomed over her, close enough for Fenne's shoulder to skim his chest.

'I still can't thank you enough for your work on that. I owe you big time,' Aggu smiled and Fenne's eyebrows pinched together in confusion.

'Big time?'

'I owe you a lot. I'm very thankful.'

'Oh!' Fenne's German was getting better, but she often needed help. And with her and Joost's distancing, he wasn't around to fill in the blanks.

'I'm sure whatever Joost does next will be another hit with you at the camera.'

Fenne scoffed a laugh, but it never fully formed. The tightness in her face made it difficult to put on a good front. The weariness of their situation had a steel grip on Fenne and when she glanced around to see if he was near, it was hard for Aggu to not notice.

'You alright?'

'Huh?' she looked back at the man who was yet to step away. 'Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.'

'Is something going on with you two? I haven't seen you talk at all today. Or last night at the bar.'

Fenne imagined Aggu's eyebrows raised behind his mask.

'Did you break up?'

'No, no, of course not-'

'Then?'

'We're just... needing some space,' it hurt Fenne to say it, but it was the only way describe their behaviour towards each other. They talked like they were friends who shared something in the past, but they kept the intimate touching and kisses to a minimum. Joost never used to care who was around when he would pick Fenne up by her waist and spin her around. iPhone cameras in the crowd wouldn't stop him from leaning down and pressing his lips against hers, so to be barely speaking civily, it was a difference that Fenne couldn't justify as anything else.

Aggu ducked his head low and Fenne looked down at her camera to avoid further interrogation. It had been hard enough to be cornered by Nathan, who hadn't seen the team for a year, and explain that Joost and her were going through something. Now that Aggu was against her arm and his German dipped low, Fenne was getting tired of dancing around the issue.

'Is it because of what happened in Berlin?' he mumbled.

Was it?

Fenne had to ask herself the question first. Going back and forth between Germany and The Netherlands had been tiring and she was relieved when it was over. Her sleep was disturbed and if she thought about it too much, Fenne would bridge herself to a panic attack.

She remembered the helplessness, the dark and her fear. She remembered the hand under her skirt and the weight on the mattress.

When he was found guilty, Fenne didn't jump with joy or celebrate at the serving of justice. She let it weigh on her shoulders far longer than it had a right to. The memory controlled her and the only solitude she could find was in her work, her friends and in Joost.

Maybe it had effected her and Joost's relationship more than she thought. Maybe its what really made her hesitate to take the Glastonbury offer. Her loyalty to Joost was genuine, but did it stem from something deeper than their relationship? Did Fenne fear what would happen if she committed herself to something else?

'You don't have to tell me. I know how hard it's been for you.'

Aggu drew Fenne out of her thoughts and she caught sight of her reflection in his mask. She almost wanted to ask if Joost had told him anything. Had he said about how tiresome its been dealing with her? Was she becoming a dead weight that Joost didn't need right now?

'Fenne, don't let it run your life,' Aggu spoke again. He could see the shift in her eyes and her silence was vocal. If Aggu had unearthed something, he couldn't let it fester and trouble the woman. It hadn't been his intention and he had already suffered a great guilt after the incident happened from his string of suggestions.

'I-I'm not,' she tried.

'Good, because there's so much more to enjoy than the past,' Aggu said and put a hand on her shoulder. 'Find Joost and make up. That's what I say. I'll even set you two up on stage.'

'Oh, no, please don't do that. This isn't a public thing-'

'What's not a public thing?'

Fenne and Aggu turned at the new voice and swallowed in unison. Joost stood with a Monster Energy in hand and a switching gaze. He looked between the two, hovered on Aggu's hand that was still on Fenne's shoulder, before focusing on Fenne specifically. The tense air returned with his presence and Fenne shifted her weight to rest on her other foot. No matter how good Aggu's peptalk was, her own awkwardness made her slip back into the avoidance of the issue.

'Nothing. You two should get ready,' Fenne suggested with a gesture to the stage. This made Aggu retreat his hand from her shoulder and rubbed the back of his neck to appear nonchalant. But even he felt uncomfortable under the blue-eyed stare from his good friend.

'Right...' Joost said, unsure and suspsicious. 'Aggu?'

'Uh-huh. Let's go.'

The German brushed past Joost and after receiving an unsatisfactory sweep of Fenne's eyes, he followed with a shake of his head.

---

The set was incredible. Joost and Aggu bounced off each other's performance and Friesenjung brought the crowd to a new level. They danced, sung and held onto one another as they brought the stage to life.

No one would have ever thought that the two had an uncomfortable run in beforehand. But unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Fenne and Joost.

Something was definitely going on between Joost and the camera girl.

She's his girlfriend. Maybe they had a fight before the show?

Damn. I'd hate to be on stage after an argument.

He kept looking over at her when she was filming with Aggu. Was she trying to piss him off?

The comments and posts about the set flooded Fenne's Instagram feed. Videos were already circulating of the performance, all varying from different angles of the crowd. With her thumb nail between her teeth, Fenne watched one where Joost was on the other side of the stage from herself and Aggu.

While he sang and waved to some fans, Fenne saw herself walking around the back of Aggu. She held her camera up to film and circled to be on Aggu's right. He caught sight of her and turned, wandering over to grin into the lense. Fenne's perspective was shown on the big screen and Joost turned just in time to see Aggu smooch the camera lense.

Whoever filmed the moment screamed and lost stability of their phone. Screams from the crowd sounded and Fenne went to scroll at the loss of interest. But the camera levelled enough for her to see Joost look her way on stage and start to wander over. Aggu stepped away, sharing a laugh with Fenne after leaving a smudge on her lense. It looked like Fenne was going to follow him, which prompted Joost to change direction, looking lost as he wandered back to his place with a dragged step.

The video replayed and Fenne lowered her phone into her lap. Seeing through the perspective of an onlooker made Fenne realise how obvious it was that Joost was dying to be recognised. She wondered how many times she had actually filmed him during the peformance.

Pushing herself up from her seat, Fenne walked through the backstage area. She passed workmen and other artists. She went to where she knew the team were as it was just like every other venue; no smoking permitted on the festival grounds. Anyone that wanted a cigarette had to exit the facility and step through the gate that a security guard would wait next to.

The smell of cigarettes hit her but it was nothing new. Fenne stepped out into the open air and didn't have to search to spot the Albino Sports team. Aggu accompanied them, standing with Nathan and Stuntje with a beer in hand.

Her purposeful stride stopped and Apson jammed his elbow into Joost's side. With his cigarette between his fingers, Joost turned to see his girlfriend waiting restlessly. His eyebrows disappeared into his short fringe and he exhaled his smoke through the corner of his mouth.

'Can we talk?'

Joost didn't hesitate to put one hand to the small of her back and walk the two of them away from the group. Everyone noticed but said nothing, continuing to smoke and pray that something good was going to come from the private conversation.

'I'm going to accept the Glastonbury offer,' she started after taking a deep breath.

'That's great,' Joost nodded, looking down at Fenne and daring to lean closer. 'You deserve it.'

'And I want to work on this.'

Fenne motioned her hand between them. She burned holes through his white singlet and thought about her words as she was saying them. Usually, Fenne would coat them in sugar to make sure they landed softly. But she fought hard to keep them direct, which was something that scared her.

'I do, too,' Joost smiled. 'I've been wanting to talk about-'

'Let me finish, Joost.'

Pressing his lips together, Joost did as he was told. He looked over to where his friends were finishing up their smokes. His was almost finished too, but he would make it last if it meant Fenne would finally talk to him.

It was more than he had gotten out of her about the subject in weeks. With her wavering eye contact, Joost wanted to take her hands and tell her that she didn't have to be nervous. He wasn't a stranger, he was someone Fenne could talk about anything with. But he let her take her time, no matter how painful it was to see her struggle to meet his eye.

'I want to work on this,' Fenne repeated. 'But until Eurovision, I'm going to take a step back.'

'What do you mean?' Joost's mind tried to jump to the worst, but he restrained it.

'Europapa's finished and the rest is up to the organisers. I'm going to take a break...'

'From... from us?'

Joost's heart sunk at Fenne's silence. His eyes stung behind his glasses and a dizziness settled in.

Joost was helpless as Fenne stood unwavering in her decision and Joost could do nothing but swallow dryly.

'I'll send my resignation to your email-'

'No, lieverd, you don't have to do that,' his voice cracked, reaching to put a hand on her forearm but retracting it last minute.

'I do. It makes things official. Just... don't think this is your fault. I want to do this for us. This isn't a break up, okay?' it took everything in Fenne's power to surpress the ball in her throat. She told herself that this would make things better between them. If Fenne couldn't overcome their awkwardness together, then she wanted to do it from a far.

Afterall, Fenne thought time healed everything.

'Okay... I love you.'

'I love you, too. Nothing changes that.'

Fenne couldn't help herself when she saw Joost's waterline rim with tears. She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Joost almost fell into her with the way his face buried into her shirt. He threw his cigarette away to squeeze her middle in the tightest grip.

If Fenne saw him cry, then she would, no doubt, do the same. That would further prove Fenne's point of making this decision; she needed to be independent. She needed time to figure out what it was that scared her so and letting Joost see her regretful wasn't going to help him. Joost didn't deserve to be strung along, but he didn't deserve the hurt of a break up.

In Fenne's mind, a break was necessary, because things were always okay in the end. Right now, things weren't okay, so it couldn't be the end.