The ifs are multiplying
The paths are dividing
The choices are adding
The maybes are subtracting
Rationality is reasoning
The mind is left wondering
*****

"You should get Katie. It has to do with her."

Kevin looked her in the eye, and after a moment, turned towards the hallway. "Katie," he shouted, "Come here, please!"

Katie walked in, not meeting anyone's eyes, and sat down in the chair at the computer desk. Her hair was damp from showering, and she had on clean clothes.

"One of you better start talking." Kevin glanced between both of them. When neither of them spoke up he yelled, "Now!"

Frustrated, he ran his hand through his hair as no one spoke up. This was his sister, and despite their relationship being complicated, he wanted to help her. He had always been worried about her, but being a kid himself when they were growing up, he never knew what to do or say. He wished he could have taken her place that day at the lake. Hell, he wished he had been out there in time, watching them swim. Instead, he was inside playing his games, waiting for that special place where he could save hit save.

" It's Jackson," Katie mumbled meekly.

"Jackson? What about Jackson?" Kevin asked, slightly confused. Wasn't he Katie's boyfriend... or were they off again? He could never tell with those two. He never cared much for drama.

"He's dead," Alice said, speaking up for Katie.

"Dead?" He was a cop wasn't he? Did he die in line of duty?"  By the looks in their eyes, he didn't think that was the case. Katie didn't appear to be mourning someone who just died, someone who she had cared about. But then again people had their own ways of grieving, didn't they? "Dead how?" Kevin wasn't sure he wanted the answer to the question he asked. He could feel his heart starting to race in his chest.

Katie looked at him, meeting his eyes. "I shot him."

"Shit!" Eric muttered from the bed.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Kevin yelled. "You two are only telling us this now? Get out!" He strode towards Katie, yanking her up from her seat. "I said get the fuck out! You are not dragging my sister into this, got it?" Kevin tightened his grip on her arm as he started to pull her out of the room. "No way in hell am I letting you pull my sister into this mess."

"Stop!" Alice jumped out of bed and ran towards her brother, trying to get him to let go of Katie. Though he barely noticed. He was beyond furious and it was all aimed at Katie.

"You are not gonna' take her down that road, you're not gonna' take her away from me. Not again. Remember what happened last time?" He stared down at her, anger clear in his eyes.

Katie managed to wring her arm free and pushed at him, pounding her fists against his chest. "Yes I remember. I saved your sister's fucking life! I was there for her when no one else was! If it wasn't for me she'd be dead. Just like your brother!" she screamed, putting all her anger, hurt, and frustration into her punches.

"If she had never got caught up with you, she'd never been cutting in the first place!" he shouted back. He didn't try to defend himself against being hit. He had been a lousy brother and deserved it. But that was going to change; he was going to step up, whether or not Alice wanted it.

Katie broke out in hysterical laughter, "You would think that. Yes let's go put the blame on someone else. It couldn't possibly be our fault. Not the family who barely spoke to each other." She stopped hitting him as the emotional turmoil started to drain away what energy she had. She was done fighting. "Not the father who was never around, drinking his sorrows away. Or the mother who blamed her only daughter. Nor was it the brother who gave up on his sister, instead of standing by her." She leaned against the wall and slid down it. "No. It had to be her friend; the drama queen. The one who stood by her. Who had defended her against all the shit kids were doing and saying in school. The one who had walked in on her bleeding out— her skin pale and cold." Katie looked back up at him. "So you know what? Fuck you!"

Alice stood there stunned. She didn't know what to say. She watched the color seep away from her brother's face as he stood in the middle of the room. He was completely silent.

"What happened, Katie?" asked Eric from the bed, his voice was calm and steady. They were all part of this now, no matter how Kevin felt about it. And they had to deal with it in a calm manner. Shouting and yelling wasn't going to help. Neither would dragging up and rehashing the past.

"He came to my work. Claimed he was going to kill himself if I didn't come with him, so I left. Drove my car as I followed him to his cabin. Then, he started hitting me, beating me. Said I was his. That I couldn't leave him. He was having his way with me..." She paused, staring off as she recalled the mad look in his eyes and all the things he had done to her. "Only, this time it was different. He was going to kill me. He was more forceful. His eyes were glossed over; mad. He held a gun against me so I would keep still." A tear slid down her face. "He made me put it in my mouth, saying I like cock while he was pounding away, getting off inside of me. It was only a split second, but that was all it took. He lost his grip on the gun and I grabbed it, pulling the trigger."

The last word seemed to float around in the room; heavy and weighing on everyone. Alice wiped the tears away from her face. She had no idea just how crazy Jackson was. Katie never shared all the full details. She wished she had tried harder to keep Katie away from him. That somehow she could've protected her from it all or at least traded places.

"Then what did you do?" Eric was glad the guy was gone as he tried to stomach everything Katie was saying.

"There was so much blood, I panicked. I ran out to my car and left."

"So, we go to this cabin and hide the body?" Eric asked, looking towards Kevin for confirmation.

"Yes," he shook his head, "God, I can't believe this shit."

"I'll go with you. Show you where the cabin is," Alice said, already heading towards the door.

"No. Katie will show us. I'm not letting you go to the crime scene." Kevin saw that she was going to protest and added, "This isn't debatable."

Alice stood at the front door, watching them leave. Their faces solemn as they pulled away in the car. Katie's eyes left hers when the car drove out of sight. Alice understood what her eyes were saying to her— to please forgive her.