Her broken heart is skipping,
a record that keeps chipping.
An ache that won't go away.
A pain that lives from day to day.
*****

Alice stared up at the ceiling feeling lost. Like she was drifting in a cloud of white. She had music playing softly, trying to quiet the chaos of her thoughts. It used to soothe her. Speak to her. But now, she was too far gone. Trapped in the landslide that was happening around her. Hopeless and helpless, she'd never felt so small before. And those nagging thoughts at the back of her mind seemed to be screaming, shouting at everything she's ever done wrong. It'd be so easy to let it wrap herself in a blanket of numbness, and let herself fall.

If it weren't for Katie, who was in the next room over, she might've done just that. Would've used it as a shield against the world. If only she could just erase her existence, to be a distant memory whispered on the wind. Instead, she must live day to day haunted. Her eyes, the same as her dead twin brother, were always staring back at her. How do you run away from yourself, escape the madness that is you? The answer is, you don't.

"Hey," came a softly spoken voice at the door of the bedroom, but Alice didn't care. Indifferent, she kept watching the ceiling.

"Hey there sweetheart, I heard you were here." The bed dipped as Jake sat down, sliding down to lay beside her.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" she asked, still refusing to look at him. "They all hate me— the daughter who lived. The screw up," she muttered, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"Oh, honey. You've got it all wrong. They love you, Alice. They're just scared for you. You were the one who was there. Who saw it happen. They were grieving, and their thinking was clouded. They couldn't see straight, Alice. But, hun, they were scared shitless for you."

"Why?" her voice cracked as tears began to fall. "Why did it have to be him? It should've been me. It's my fault he's gone. I... I was the one who talked him into swimming. Told him to stop being such a baby. Now, he will forever be a baby. And it's all my fault."

"Sweetheart, it wasn't your fault at all," he whispered as he pulled her into his arms. His head resting on hers as he kissed her dark hair on top of her head. He held her as the last rays of light streamed through the window. It made the pale-blue walls soft and warm. It gave the place a sober feeling. No one should be alone at their loneliness, and so he kept her in his arms, letting her cry it all out.

Sometime later, he noticed Eric and Kevin at the door. Gently, he shook Alice, who had fallen asleep, giving her another kiss on the forehead. "I gotta' go, hun. But, remember he loves you. Okay?"

Alice nodded, feeling drained and half asleep. She watched Eric walk over to her bed; his eyes were kind and gentle as they took her in. He filled the place where Jake had just vacated, only he continued to sit instead of laying beside her. However, Kevin stayed where he was.

"Okay, Sis, so what's going on?" Kevin asked calmly, while yet still refusing to fully meet her eyes.