I'm screaming on the inside
Lost and confused
Hiding from the outside
Tossed around and used
Damned to unwanted feelings
Torn away from insanity
No time for healing
Numb my heart for eternity
On the borderline of abyss
Let me slice my wrist
Die in bliss
With a razor's kiss
****

Alice sighed as she put down the pen, tucking it away in the binding of her notebook. She looked around her as she rested her head against the gravestone and couldn't help but wonder why life didn't come with road signs. Life would have been so much easier....

Caution: the path going left leads to bad luck. Warning: speed bumps ahead, tread carefully as you make your way through middle school. Steep decline: you're about to enter high school. Watch for ice: your twin brother is about to slip through your fingers.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if you knew what was ahead? To be able to put in your destination point in a GPS and have it mapped out the route with the least amount of turns, hills, and squiggly roads? To have the chance to pick out the quickest, easiest path in life; clean sailing as they say? Unfortunately, life didn't work that way.

Alice rubbed away the tear that had fallen down her cheek. She didn't remember much, but what she did had given her nightmares still to this very day. He was so young, so little. If only she could have held on to him. Only if she was stronger, bigger. But she was weak; the breaking point of her family. She'd always been pathetic. It made life harder.

Why couldn't she smile her way through life like everyone else? Why wasn't she able to let go? She just wanted to be normal, to carry on like the average person. So why couldn't she? Why did she feel like her thoughts were trapped in fog? If only it'd clear she could make people understand her. And why the hell did she have to feel so much, so intense?

"Hey, Alice. You know I thought I'd find you out here." Eric said as he sat beside her, grabbing the notebook out of her hands. She had seen him walking over to her but hadn't acknowledged him. It required more energy than she felt like using at the moment.

"Another poem, eh?" he asked as he flipped through, finding the last one written. His green eyes darted back and forth as he read it. "It's... Good.... Are you okay? You're not still doing that are you?"

"I'm fine," she stated flatly. How she really was doing had become a normal state to her that she had learned to accept it. "What are you doing back? I thought you weren't due back for another week." Alice snatched her notebook away, tucking it underneath her.

Eric smirked, showing off his dimples. "Can't you believe I missed you just so incredibly much that I had to come back early?"

"Can't you believe that Charlie the Cow jumped over the moon?" Alice retorted, a small smirk formed in the corner of her lips.

"Charlie, huh? You know I don't think anyone ever named the cow that jumped over the moon."

"Well, I just did." Alice looked up into his eyes. "You didn't get the gig did you?"

"Nope," he said, popping the p. "Anyways, I'm off to see your brother. But... I couldn't come by without telling you happy birthday first," he winked. "We're gonna' be practicing. You should come by later. We could catch up."

"Yeah, we'll see."

"Alright." He stood up and she could feel him staring down at her. "Bye, Alice."

"Bye," she mumbled.

After he left she closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face and the wind caressing her skin. She wished she could be like the wind. Free. To be able to touch everything, to be everywhere. It reached places even the light couldn't. It was a companion to darkness. It didn't know the difference between black and white; and it swept through the shades of grey. It was ageless, fearless, and emotionless. Weightless, but had the power to push things around.

"What did you think Alex? Do you think I stand a chance?" She sighed as she got up, staring down at the grave. "Happy eighteenth."