Chapter 15

Present

Landon's POV:

"Heard you got into trouble again?" Dean bravely jokes, curious.

"Heard trouble's about to find you," I threaten him, holding up a fist toward him. Who has Emma not told?!

He grins in nonchalance. "How exciting."

"Get out," I point to the door.

His smile slips from his face when I fail to crack a grin. "What? Are you serious?" He asks aloud, confused.

I shove him toward the door uncaringly. "I'm dead serious."

He flips me the middle finger while leaving. "Fine! I'm going! But tell your girlfriend I say hello!" He calls over his shoulder before sending me a knowing smirk.

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Yet!"

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

"Thanks for coming, Hart," I tell Sarah, awkwardly gesturing for her to take a seat. It's the first time I've invited a girl over since high-school.

"I would drop everything for you, Landon," she says, nervousness glinting in the depths of her eyes. "You sounded like you're in a dark headspace over the phone. I'm kind of worried, if I'm being honest. You okay?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm struggling with something and I've been struggling for a really long time."

If I'm going to confide in someone, it has to be her.

"You've always been readily available when I've needed to talk something out with someone. So, here I am," she motions for me to speak.

"The woman who was meant to raise my sister and I...she upped and left just after my dad died," I tell her in an attempt to share my 'so-called burdens' with someone who can help me carry them.

"Your mother?" She asks with an unreadable expression coating her features.

"I don't like to call her that," I reply harshly. The woman means nothing to me. She's not my family anymore. Family don't turn their back on family.

"Sorry," she apologizes. "I'm just trying to understand your story."

"Thanks," I say, feeling the slightest bit of guilt for my trash attitude – something I usually don't stop to think twice about. "I appreciate that." No one's ever taken the time to listen because I've never had the courage to speak.

"I can't believe she'd do that you and Emma during such a difficult time," Sarah says softly, her eyes brimming with tears until she's crying quietly to herself.

Panicked, I'm quick to touch her hand. "I didn't tell you this to make you cry or pity me. I told you because I'm battling against hatred and resentment." I hate it when women cry. I don't know how to deal with it. It makes me uncomfortable.

Sarah's tears fall. The sight touches something inside of me at the realization that she's not shedding tears for herself, she's shedding tears for Emma, for me. 

A ghost of a smile forms on my lips. "Your surname suites you." I didn't think hearts of gold existed until now.

"I'm sorry," she repeats, wiping at her eyes. "I can't imagine my parents doing that to me after Sue's death. I would never have survived without their daily encouragement. I'm not pitying you, because you've come out of this incredibly strong, but my heart does bleed in sadness for the children you were when it all happened."

"Now I see why people talk things out. I feel worse," I joke, not sure how to approach this or what angle to take. All I know is that I want to see her smiling again.

"Landon," she drawls slowly, composing herself, "if you want me to correct you and tell you to not hold a grudge against your mother, then I'm sorry because I can't do that. I can't do that when knowing in my heart that I would hate her too if it were me."

I go silent, taken aback by her words.

"You've played such a huge role in helping me cope with my sister's death, I'm so sorry if I'm not helping you in telling you what you want to hear," she adds, keeping me frozen under her gaze.

I eventually shake my head at her, snapping out of it. "No, thank you for being honest with me." Finally, someone who isn't telling me that what I feel towards my mother is wrong. I'm not trying to justify my hatred but I never think anyone could possibly understand how it feels to have your mother purposely erase your existence.

The difference between Sarah and other people is that she puts herself in the shoes of the one she's speaking to. She's capable of seeing both sides.

"Landon," she hesitates, faltering for a second before gathering herself, "I think it's obvious by now as to how much I like you. I don't just call you to talk about Sue anymore, I call because I miss you."

The afternoon sunlight shifts. Through the window, the light falls on her face. I can't help but stare. With her golden hair flowing past her shoulders, her crystal blue eyes, sweet voice, and the grace she embodies, it's difficult to see her as anything other than an angel.

"You're beautiful," I hear myself say without even realizing it.

Sarah, stunned, sends me a shy, radiant smile.

My heart pounds within my chest, a weird need to take care of her overcoming me. I've found something unique. She's important to my story.