Dear Wei,

You remember those Peony you gave me? Rather the one you threw at me. I still have it. Safely tucked between the pages, using it as a bookmark.

Today I am missing you so much. Unable to comprehend the reason, maybe because it's been two years since you left me.

This last one year my health has improved considerably. I am advised not to leave Jingshi by the doctor, not that I can. I am still confined to this place. Still an outcast. It's also  been two years since I last saw my brother.

Lady Zhi Ruo still comes by and talks to me when she gets a chance but I am to be blamed too, I am what you say 'not a good company to talk to'.

One thing has changed in Jingshi and that is, Sizhui. That kid, I swear is just like you. Mischievous. I caught him sneaking into Jingshi and asked him why was he here? He said "I wanted to meet you". That kid has been coming to Jingshi every single day. No one has forbidden him from coming to Jingshi and I am greatful for that. He is what I have last remaining gift from you.

But Wei, I wish he didn't come here. I wish someone stops him. I wish I didn't have to spend every second with him.

You ask why?

Because he doesn't remember you. He doesn't remember who is Brother Xian is. He doesn't remember his past. He has forgotten everything about the Wen Clan, his time from Yiling.

In a way it's a blessing for him but for me it's a curse. He was the only one who knew you and now, the fever he had, has stolen that memory too. Every part of you is being ripped away from me.

These days, I am teaching Sizhui how to play the Zither. Everytime we play, I wish you were here. Your Chenqing and his Zither, I would cry thousand tears to witness that reunion.

But you aren't here. You never would be. 

Take care, Wei.

Until we meet again, tonight in my sweet dreams.

Your,
Lan Zhan.

"Brother Lan" a young voice calls my name and I turn to find Sizhui stumble across the puddle of mud and eating them "this sweet" he has clumps of mud and shows it to me, expecting me to eat them.

Walking slowly towards the kid, I pick him up gently "Sizhui, now what did I tell you about eating mud?"

Looking innocently at me, he grins "no eat" and I nod. He tries to wriggle from my hold and worried that I might drop him, I search for a place where he won't run away. Finding a quick solution, I place him inside the pen that I built for the bunnies.

"Stay and play with the bunnies and don't eat  the mud" I pat his head and he nods. Picking up the bunnies ears he plays with them as they jump around and I sit under the peonies tree, near to the pen and play my Wangji.

Lost in my music, I am brought out of my transcendence when I hear a soft giggle. Opening my eyes, I find Lady Zhi Ruo peeking inside the pen and when her gaze finds mine she point to the sleeping child cuddled amongst all the Bunnies.

Inwardly I smile.

Nodding, she gently lifts him, bows down and leaves.

I know he'll be back tomorrow and that makes me happy.

"Hanguang-Jun" the kind spirit bows down with reverence "we meet again" and I bow down too.

I was unable to play Inquiry for my spiritual powers was low but now that I am regaining my strength, it's time I get to know about Wei.

"Find him for me" I whisper and the spirit bows.

I wait for an answer. The kind that I knew was beyond the concept of this world. What I would indeed find, I was unsure, but I just wanted to know is he is at peace.

"Hanguang-Jun" the kind spirit answers "I am afraid I have no news".

"No news?" My heart falls.

"His soul is neither in the mortal world nor the immortal" the spirit pauses "his soul simply does not exist".

Pain. Agony. Burn.

Even theses words were insufficient to explain my anguish.

I thank the spirit and she leaves.

That night I don't dream, I cry for his soul. If you're neither there nor here, where are you?
My Wei.