Carnations- beautiful flowers with elegantly folded petals which originated from the ceremonious coronation, the slaughter of the innocent, and the passion of the gods. These flowers embody the meanings of fascination, distinction, and love. Red carnations symbolize admiration or pure affection while purple... shows capriciousness. 

Lavender mentioned that she also identifies herself as Lan in the past. Given her statement at the time, I took note of this and made sure to look into "Lan" since Lavender was only one of the outcomes of "Lan".

Lan is a spiritual being who possesses the memories of over a billion lifetimes... this has resulted in a number of problems between each reincarnation she goes through. She loses true clarity of her distant past lives, but she can still feel each and every one of their existences. She can remember her recent lives, but not ones far back in the past. Thus, she can feel nostalgic or tap into knowledge she had gained before through pure instinct, but she sometimes won't specifically remember when or where she was when the memory occurred nor how it happened the way old sentient entities tend to forget as they age. With Lan, she "feels" these memories in an extreme manner which ultimately creates an unpredictable nature embedded in her core personality. Of course, this applied to Lavender as well. This is shown when their hair changes from blue to red. The same goes for their wings and swords on occasion.

However, sealed within their consciousness was a hidden potential. One of full of raw power. This is merely speculation, but what if all of those previous thoughts and feelings were to be converted into energy? All that condensed in one fairy. The potential, if it was there, was incredible. And of course, people would try to take advantage of that. Not that it mattered to me at the time. In a way, I had taken advantage of her too. I can see it now after it had all happened.

Despite the odds, I fell in love with that one in a billion personality that was Lavender Ames Notoria and pursued after her on a treacherous journey that most would deem vain. A pointless trek in a vast wasteland with little to no salvation for the eyes, the mind, the heart, and the soul. It was the equivalent to following a compass in a desert with a massive iron deposit near the surface and being led around in circles. I really didn't understand anything, and I can't say whether or not it was right or wrong. 

I won't say that I regretted it though. If I did not go down that path, I would have never become the person that I am now. Sure, I did find it painful. Sure, I was probably in more pain than I would ever be in. However, I had to keep going- even if it cost my arms, my legs, and my eyes...

All I wanted to do was make the sweet girl from that time smile. And of course, I still wish to do that. However, Lavender is Lavender and Lan is Lan. So, I'll continue to watch over Lan to find a way to fulfill this desire. To find the flower that I once knew... and bring a smile to her face. It may be that this desire wasn't my own, but I would certainly call it a legitimate wish. How to put it... it's like finishing what I started. Even if I don't personally remember each and every bit.

It'll be like a shattered puzzle. All the pieces are thrown around, and some pieces may even be missing. However, if you put enough of them together, you'll soon be able to see a bigger picture.

Arc 0:

"Are you okay? Did I bother you too much? I'm sorry for bothering you..."

I was brought back to my senses as I heard a soft, bell-like voice enter my ears. My left shoulder began to burn slightly, but it didn't matter. In front of me was a melancholic, blue-haired Lavender who looked like she was about to cry again. I was still quite shaken from being killed by a red-haired Lavender, but I had to say something here.

"Nah, it's my fault. I was so excited for today that I forgot to sleep. Did you enjoy the cakes?" I asked while trying to change the topic.

"Nnh. The cakes were delicious. The last one especially gave me a nostalgic feeling," Lavender replied monotonously.

"Did you recall a pleasant memory?" I leaned in closer while inquiring her. Considering that vision I just had and what Lavender had told me about her jumble of memories... I became very concerned for her.

She replied in her normal monotonous voice again.

"No. Just a feeling."

Should I stop here or probe further? I paused briefly before asking another question out of concern.

"I see. Was it a good one?"

Lavender shivered. A sudden change. A spontaneous one. What's going through her mind right now?

"I didn't understand it. It makes no sense-"

I felt extremely uneasy for some reason. It was like my nerves were screaming RUN in an extremely urgent manner. Especially in my left shoulder- there was a nagging feeling.

"I DON'T GET IT!"

She stomped her foot down in frustration as an invisible pulse collided into me and forced me to take a step back. Her hair became flushed with a deep shade of red as she bent over in pain. Here was that psycho red-haired Lavender in my vision earlier!

Lavender violently lifted her head and looked at me in the eyes. However, this Red Lavender has eyes full of pure emotion rather than the void ones I saw in my vision before.

She was about to scream and let out her suffering, but her erratic breathing forced her voice to get caught in her throat. Despairing, Lavender continued to stare at me in the eyes with sorrow as she struggled to form her words.

https://youtu.be/vbKKW_cTTCk

"It hurts... Every time. Every time I get close to someone, it feels warm, yet every time I get closer it starts to burn so much. Every time I try to remember, it's all painfully blurry! Every time, it's just loss, loss, loss, and more loss. Every time I'm with you, you're giving me something new- something new to lose. There's a fire inside my chest that's trying to burn its way out of my body every time I see you. And every time I trouble you, the pain becomes unbearable. In the end, why should I hold on when I'll be forced to let go?! Just..." she faltered as flickers of blue began to mix in with her red hair.

"What... am I supposed to do?"

I don't know. I don't get it entirely either.

But I know one thing for sure-

I want to make this girl smile.

I want to become someone she can rely on. Someone who can shoulder a part of her burden and be by her side. Someone who will be there when she's at her lowest and remain there when her heart extends its wings and soars to the skies.

"That feelings you have in your chest are the flames of love," I began to explain with a shaky voice.

"L.. love." she repeated. "Love?"

"Love," I emphasized more confidently. "An intense feeling of deep affection which goes beyond the fondness one would have for friends. That's the burning feeling in your chest right now. It can be painful for many reasons, but when it's fulfilled, it's a feeling of warmth and happiness like no other... I think."

The wind began to blow as the pink petals from flowers blooming on the tree began to gently fall all around us. My heart was racing. It's funny- I've been pouring out my feelings to her all this time, and yet when I want to say it again seriously, the words seem to get stuck halfway through. I have to say it again. I want to say it again. I closed my eyes as I held onto Lavender's shoulders firmly.

When I opened my eyes again, I found that I brought my face much closer to hers than I originally anticipated, but the adrenaline coursing through my body managed to push out the words I wanted to say the most.

"LAVENDER! AMES! NOTORIA!" I screamed out from the depths of my soul. She seemed somewhat taken aback by my sudden shout. I steeled myself as I poured out the contents of my heart to her.

"Lavender Ames Notoria. I love you. The way you dance so freely made me want to reach for the skies and above. The way you continue on your pursuit of happiness despite the possibility of having it taken from you time and time again has resonated within my soul. And most of all, the beautiful pearl inside you- your kindness- was what made me desire you so strongly."

I knelt down on one knee and clasped her hand tightly. I poured all of my feelings into my next couple lines. This has to go through!

"I promise that this Daisuke Ashforth will never answer your needs with denial, and I will never answer your affections with silence. I am aware of your tenderhearted spirit, so for every drop of sweat and blood that you spill on my behalf, I will protect you and repay your kindness with the exact same weight for every drop of sweat and blood."

Lavender was taken aback, but she did not remove her gaze. She took a deep breath before replying.

"If what you said is true, then I accept. I too am in love with you. This alone has already made the fires in my heart burn, but it is the warmth of a home rather than the blaze of chaos. Your persistence and your heroic nature has caught my attention yet again this time. You vow to return my love with your own and my efforts with your own. I will... try my best. Until the bittersweet end, I will stay with you. I will protect you as you protect me. Even if you really don't understand anything."

Lavender gripped my hand tightly.

"Come."

She began running extremely quick while holding my hand. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was unconsciously using my own magic ability in a regulated manner in order to keep up with Lavender. Which was why I didn't notice how fast she was moving. Somehow, I was able to keep up as she ran to the school, ran through the halls, ran up the stairs and making multiple direction changes before arriving at the roof. I was completely mesmerized by Lavender's hair as it swayed frantically in the air as she ran and changed from red to blue, but I snapped out of it when we stopped at our destination.

Lavender let go of my hand as she ran out like an airplane with her arms stretched out. Her hair was still a deep red hue which was a completely different look from her normal blue. And there was still no sign of that blank-eyed Lavender that looked ready to slaughter any lifeform in its path... I got shivers from thinking about it. However, seeing the Lavender in front of me put a smile on my face.

Suddenly, Lavender stopped and turned towards me. It happened again. A personality flip. Her hands fiddled with her large hat as she shyly spouted out: "Love~ love? Love!"

I smiled wryly. This seems to be the happiest she has ever been. Around me at least.

Just as my mind wandered off, Lavender tackled me to the ground. She looked happy. She was smiling.

"No matter how many times we go through this, these moments will always bring me happiness... Right now, I must be the Happiest Girl in the world."

I didn't know where this was coming from, but I nodded my head slowly.

It was then that my left shoulder began burning. It was as if someone came with a thousand-degree kitchen knife and chopped down hard at my shoulder. An animalistic screech escaped my throat as I held my shoulder tightly and swayed wildly. Lavender, noticing my sudden pain, darted over to embrace me and try to discern what was wrong.

It was then when I suddenly noticed multiple black figures surrounding us. Just when did they get here?! What business do they have with us?

Lavender looked at me sadly as if she knew this was going to happen and explained it all in one sentence.

"They're here for me."

They're here for... Lavender?

I then felt a numbing pain in my left shoulder. It was then that I remembered the voices that I heard much earlier after injuring myself.

Fairy...

Help...

Experiment...

Chip...

I remembered meeting Lavender up on this same rooftop and watching her dance. I remembered her fairy-like wings as she flew down to save me. I remembered feeling that pulse of energy just earlier. I remembered the visions I had earlier. I recalled the nature of the society I lived in. One by one, the pieces came together as I felt my blood go cold.

FUCKING SHIT! There was a freaking device of some kind lodged in my shoulder! These people have been using me to get to Lavender. I helped these people find Lavender by not noticing this chip lodged in my shoulder and now these people were going to use her for their fairy-related experiments.

I clenched my fists in anger as I stepped up- prepared to take on all of these thugs. However, Lavender turned around as if she sensed my hostility.

"I'll leave these to you."

She pushed two oddly shaped bars into my arms before covering my eyes.

"I'll be counting on you... so sleep for now."

I felt her hand being removed from my face, but I still couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything, nor could I feel anything. It was like I was falling endlessly in a dark void. I slowly went deeper and deeper into this black pit until my consciousness failed me.