even if y'all don't i love this one

i could turn it into a great book but i'm working on pretty list stuff atm

so idk maybe later

Alex

"Hey there Sunshine!" John comes and sits next to me, beaming at me.

"That nickname feels ironic... What are you doing?" I glare at him.

"Well we're trial dating, right? That means I gotta show you all the perks of being my boyfriend. Which includes this, you're getting talked to. Oh and this." He moves closer to me, taking off my hood and bushing my hair aside, kissing my neck softly.

I shut my eyes, unable to tell him for some reason to stop. It felt just like it did in that dream, even though it was ages ago and I genuinely don't know why I still think of it. And by ages I mean like 3 days. Which is still a hot minute.

"What are you... Why are you... doing this?" I ask, swallowing hard and opening my eyes.

"I like neck kisses." He shrugs, "Why, do you want me to stop?"

I pause. I cant say yes, because I'm not sure if I want him to. But saying no is out of the question.

"You want me to keep going?" He raises an eyebrow.

"I... Um..." Same conundrum just swapped around.

"You... don't wanna tell me to stop cause you actually kind of like it but you don't wanna tell me to keep going because that would hurt your pride?" He questions, giving me a look.

"That's the one." I laugh, smiling as he kisses my neck once more. "Wait, not here though. Don't... don't do that in public."

"No ones even looking." He says, but stops all the same, "You have a talent at making yourself inconspicuous, no one looks at you."

"No but people look at you." I glance at him.

We sit in silence for a second, before I feel something on my hand, and he slowly slides his hand into my clasp, lacing our fingers.

"I also like handholding." He grins at me, a stupidly handsome grin. "Can I hold your hand?"

I don't know why but the way he keeps asking permission is kinda cute and very hot.

"Yeah... sure." I mumble, adjusting my grip on his hand.

To be honest, he is kind of cute. He's got that sense about him that he acts childish and playful, and teases me but the second things become serious he is too. And that's kind of hot.

time skip bc i'm in ur mums bed (go check)

He kept pestering me, for the rest of the day, he somehow always found me in-between classes and walked me to the next one, talking very persistently.

It was sort of cute.

He obviously wants to be very open about being a couple. I don't think he gives a fuck. That's... kind of cute. I was always scared that I'd get a partner who just didn't want to be seen with me.

But he doesn't care.

Instead of walking home with his friends, he's now following me. Which is sort of cute.

Arg, Alex, stop using the word cute. He's not that cute.

Well maybe a bit...

He reminds of an overeager puppy.

"Why are you still following me?" I pout, unfortunately holding his hand, as he walks along side me.

"So we can spend time together." He grins at me, "I know you're worried about people seeing us, so I thought outside of school would be better."

"O-oh." I blush, looking away. Had he thought about it this much? That's... sweet. How considerate.

I find my usual alley, and walk down it, John swinging our hands childishly, and I have to fight to not smile.

When I get to where I want to be, choosing a spot, I let go of his hand, taking off my bag and swinging it up and over the wall, and then swinging myself up there. Mind you it's almost as tall as my head.

John gapes at me, but silently tries to copy me, stumbling a bit, and eventually getting up here, almost falling into the field on the other side, but sits elegantly up next to me.

"Jesus, how did you do that?" He pants.

"Practice." I grin, smug sigh myself as I take out my notebook.

John sighs and leans against me, him sitting sideways and resting his back on my arm. I don't mind the weight, in fact I quite enjoy it. "Whatcha doing?" He hums.

"Drawing." I pout, bending my sketchbook back so that the pages won't fold back over. I should get a ring bound one but then it's obvious.

"Ah, mystery solved. I was wondering why you were doing in there. I narrowed it down to diary, writing or drawing."

"Diary is not a verb."

"Sure it is. What do you draw?"

"The things I see mostly. Photographic memory." I tap my temple with my pen.

"Can I see?"

"No. It's private." And maybe I drew him a few times. And maybe I drew some moments from that dream I had. No way he can see that yet.

"Oh ok" He hums. I'm glad he didn't insist. That's cute. He adjusts himself, slightly, shifting, before moving so that his head is in my lap. I blush, but reach down with one hand to play with his hair. "Don't get hard."

My face burns a bright red, and I splutter, laughing, "John!"

"I'm serious, just because my face is this close to your dick that does not mean I'm sucking it."

"John I swear-"

"Plus, it lowkey wouldn't be comfortable. It would interrupt my nap. So don't get horny. Don't think about me sucking your dick either now."

"John I swear on my life-"

"Don't get a boner is all I'm saying." He shrugs, but laying down so it's weird.

I laugh, "If you don't shut up about that right now I'll push you off. Trust me, I will."

"Oh I trust you." He shifts slightly, shutting his eyes. "I'm gonna nap now. This is the best pillow I've ever had." He smile softly, a sleepy smile, and I tease the curls on his forehead once more.

I continue trying to draw, my usual things, but I keep getting distracted by him. I've never had someone sleep on my lap before. I've never had someone this good so close to me before. I don't know if he's asleep properly. I just think it's a moment. And I'm never forgetting it.

I place my sketchbook down, and I turn to look at him, resting peacefully on my lap. The sun graced over his features, dancing softly over his skin, and I move my hand, so that shade is cast over his eyes. He's actually quite gorgeous.

I pick up my sketchbook again, hoping my small moment of clarity can help me focus, but instead my hands move of their own accord, and John's sleeping face appears on my page. God he's handsome.

I like it better like this. A drawing rather than a photo. That's perfect.

"I think you're the prettiest boy I've ever met."
I whisper, tracing my fingers slowly over his features. "You're making it harder and harder not to fall for you..." I take in a deep breath. How could he just fall asleep so peacefully and easily on my lap? We haven't even known each other long. Can he trust me already? 

He looks like an angel sleeping there on my lap. I suppose he is. He trusts me enough to leave himself in such a vulnerable state in front of me, and he's not scared. I think this is the closest I will ever get to heaven.

"If I asked you to..." I whisper, pausing, my breath shuddering, "Could you love me? If only for a moment, would you love me and make me feel safe?"

My fingers tangle themselves in his hair. I sigh, gazing down at him.

Would you love me if I asked nicely?

He shifts in my lap, making a small noise in his sleep. I smile to myself, and put my sketchbook away. I slowly nudge him, waking him up, softly. "Hey," I whisper, "The suns starting to set. We should leave."

"Do I have to leave you?" He mumbles groggily, rubbing his eyes as he sits up.

"Well... Lafayette isn't home and the Washington's don't really care what I do, in a good way, so like, we could um-"

He cuts off my blabbering, kissing me, and I melt into him, slipping one hand behind his hand and titling it, pulling him towards me. "I would love to." He whispers.

"O-oh, good." I blush, "But before we leave can you kiss me again? That was... nice."

He kisses me again, his lips brushing softly over mine before kissing me a bit stronger, holding me close, and I lean into him, and he pushes me down so I'm lying on the wall, him on top of me, so gently kissing me.

"Hey..." I break away from him. "Continue this... at home."

"Ok." He kisses my neck once, before sitting up.

time skip cause i forgot to warn y'all it gets a bit smutty soon

As quietly as I can, I open the front door, sneaking us both inside. I don't know why I'm being quiet. It's not like anyone cares. I suppose it's more fun that way.

"Where's your room?" John whispers, still clutching my hand.

"Third floor. But, I get the floor to myself so." I shrug.

He says nothing but smirks at me, and I roll my eyes and elbow him. Stupid, horny, handsome boy.

I lead him forward, towards the stairs, but I stop dead in my tracks when I see Washington.

"Oh, uh G-George..." I mumble, looking down. Fuck that was not my plan, I was hoping to leave him out of this.

He says nothing, but looks at both of us, and then grins, saying "Now I'm glad I gave you a floor to yourself."

It takes me a second, but my face burns a bright red, and I hide my face with my other hand, continuing up the stairs. "Oh god jeez George..." I mumble. Like cmon, we're not gonna have sex this soon! Probably...

John laughs behind me. "Your dads cool. Are you out?"

"Kind of, when I moved in they we're like "You can bring anyone home as long as they're not a Trump supporter.""

John snorts with laughter. "God where's your room?"

"One more stairs."

"Too many stairs."

"Grow up." I roll my eyes, climbing up the last flight with John following behind me.

I walk into my room, which I now realise is vaguely a mess but oh well, and John follows me, shutting the door behind him. I grab the remote lights for my led lights, and turn them on to yellow, which is like the most relaxing colour, tossing the remote onto my bed.

"Oooh, led lights, how quirky." John teases me lightly, pulling off my hood and brushing my hair aside, kissing the back of my neck.

"My poor autistic eyes can't handle actual lighting," I shrug as he walks past me and over to my bed, and switching the lights to red.

He smirks at me, and I roll my eyes.

"You're pathetic," I smile lovingly at him, walking over to him, "Change it back, I don't like red."

"But it's sexy." He pouts. 

"And dark; I can't see shit." I glare at him, and he begrudgingly changes it back, and I can actually see his face again.

I lean in, kissing him softly, and he kisses me back, leaning further towards me as I pull away to make the kiss linger. I pout at him.

"If you keep looking like that, someone's gonna kiss you," He whispers, kissing me. "Can... Can we cuddle?"

I cup his cheeks. "Ok."

****

Ok I like cuddling. It's official.

Right now John's laying on me, and I don't even mind the weight, I quite like it, and he's so relaxed, hugging me loosely, so peaceful and sleepy. I'm running my fingers through his hair, I love his hair, it's so long and fluffy, and teasing where his hair ends on his head, running my fingers over the short hairs. This feels like happiness.

He shifts slightly, moving his legs, and making a small whimpering noise.

"Are you ok?" I murmur.

"Yeah, just a bit horny."

I blush, "Oh, ok."

"You're cute you know," He mumbles, looking up and kissing me. I kiss him back. We kiss a lot. I like kissing him.

He slowly creeps his hands along my thighs, caressing them softly, his fingers teasing my inner thighs and I gasp softly, leaning into his touch.

"Hey Alex?" He whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Please suffocate me with your thighs."

I snort with laughter. "John-"

"I'm serious, I think it would be the best way to die." He mumbles, his lips brushing over mine, teasing me softly. I cant help but kiss him again, pulling his closer, wrapping my arms around him, and he slowly presses his hips onto mine.

I gasp, moaning softly. "Fuck John, now you've made me kind of horny too."

"Oh really?" He whispers, kissing my neck, "You want me to help with that?"

He finds my sweet spot, my sensitive spot, just below my ear, and he kisses hard there, biting it, and I can't stifle my moans as I feel the pleasure send shockwaves through my body. "Please..."

Slowly, he trails his kisses to the base of my neck, his hands slipping up and under my hoodie, exploring my body, his hands cold as they grace over my skin. I shiver, closing my eyes.

His kisses disappear from my neck, and I feel
his hands slip down from my chest back down to my stomach, his fingers tips slowly tracing a pattern on my skin as he shuffles his body down, until his heads between my legs.

I open my eyes, staring down at him as he looks at the tent in my jeans, and runs his tongue over it. I moan, biting my lip. Well, there goes my plans of keeping this relatively PG-13.

He keeps kissing my erection through my jeans, teasing me as his hands squeeze and rub my thighs.

God I can't stand this. "John..." I whimper, "Please stop teasing me." I beg him, and he stares up at me with his lustful green eyes. His eyes are the exact same shade as that Disney evil green. And it's fucking hot.

He smirks at me, and unbuttons my jeans, slowly pulling on my zipper to tease me, and I squirm, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth. He pulls on my jeans, and I lift up my hips so that he can throw them off.

He stares at my dick, and I blush, looking away. "You know, you would look really hot wearing panties." He murmurs.

"John-" I blush, smiling down at him.

"Keep that in mind." He whispers, kissing my thigh. His kisses trail all the way down, biting softly, and I shut my eyes, biting my lip. "Hey Alex?"

I squirm, but open my eyes again, "Yeah?"

"Do you want me to do this?"

I nod desperately, "Yes, please, I need you."

He kisses a hickey onto my thigh, reaching down and unbuttoning his jeans, palming his own erection and taking out his dick. I gulp, and he licks the bulge in my underwear, before sliding it off.

Slyly, stupidly, he flicks his eyes up to me, running his tongue up my length. I bite my lip, my toes curling, trying to stop myself from making any noise.

"Baby, this isn't going to be fun if you're silent. I wanna hear you." He pouts, licking the tip of my dick. I give in, moaning, letting the pleasure take over me.

I glance down, and see him jacking himself off whilst teasing my dick. Oh that's really hot.

He licks it slowly again, and I buck my hips, wanting more. He grins at me, and makes direct eye contact as he takes it all in his mouth. I gasp, shivering, and I wrap my legs around him as he continues sucking.

"Oh my god John," I moan, grabbing his hair with one hand, the other grabbing the pillow by my head, "Ah fuck!"

I don't want this to ever end. I've never felt so good before. It feels like my entire body is on fire, every inch of my skin is red hot with desire, and he's so cold that I feel like we're both melting.

Every part of my body craves him, every fibre in my being wants him right now. I never want to let go, I don't want to stop, I want to live in this moment forever, I want him so badly.

Suddenly, he stops, pulling out of my grip and sitting up, gasping.

"Wha... Why did you stop?" I mumble, staring at him, already missing the feeling of his touch. I want him all over my body.

"Ah, shit, sorry, I was gonna cum and I didn't want to get it on your bed and I um..." He half babbles under his breath, his face red, panting, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. God he's fucking hot as shit.

I reach over the side of my bed, and grab a tissue, handing it to him, desperate to have him again. He takes it from me, and starts jacking off into it, a moaning mess, turning me on even further, coming after a few seconds, before crumpling the tissue into the bin. (fuck u i'm not SAYING TRASH CAN FIGHT ME)

"Please John, I need you." I beg him, and he smirks at me, tucking his hair behind his ear as he leans back down, running his tongue lightly over the tip. I squirm in pleasure.

He kisses slowly all the way up my dick, lingering just a little too long, and I buck my hips, thrusting them upwards involuntarily.

He grins at me, biting down briefly on my thigh, before taking some of my dick back in his mouth again. I moan, but it's not enough.

I reach forward, grabbing onto his hair with one hand, and I push his face down until my dick hits the back of his throat.

I moan out, cursing under my breath as I squirm and shiver. God I want more. He's so good.

His eyes flick up to look at me, before he starts sucking and bobbing his head. I shut my eyes, wrapping my legs around his head, pulling him closer to me, anything I can.

"I'm so close, fuck, I'm so close." I groan, tugging on his hair. "Please don't stop John, I- Ah! I'm coming, John I'm gonna cum please!"

My other hand grips onto the sheets, pulling at them, my entire body shaking as I hit my climax, releasing into his mouth, digging my heels into his back.

Fuck it feels like I just touched heaven.

Slowly, I let go of him, untangling my legs and releasing his hair. I bet I pulled too hard, I feel bad now. I'm panting, struggling to regain my breath, but there's no doubt that that was the best orgasm I've ever had.

He sits up, slowly, swallowing as he looks at me.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, "I think I pulled too hard on your hair."

"I liked it." He smirks, doing up his jeans again. He grabs my underwear, putting it on me for me, which I find sweet, as well as my jeans. He zips them up slowly, doing up the button, before leaning over me, a hand on either sides of my shoulders. He stares at me intently, gazing at me. "Can I have you?"

"John, we're not having sex now, I-"

"No, no," He shakes his head, "Can I have you, can you be mine? Can I be able to hold your hand, just casually as we're doing anything, spending time with you, out in public and know that you're mine? Can I kiss your neck, making you feel good, giving you small marks and love bites so that everyone knows you're mine, that you're taken, and that somehow I'm lucky enough to have a treasure? Can I cuddle you, just away from the world, away from everyone else, spending small moments of silence together, just holding you, and I know that you're mine?" He whispers, panting, staring at me, and I can see the tears begin to form in his eyes.

That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.

"John," I whisper, cupping his cheek as a small
tear flows out of the corner of his eye, slipping down his face. "You can have me all you want. I'm yours."

He holds me close, pressing his face into the crook of my neck, kissing me lightly, crying a bit too. I hold him.

"Alex, I really, really like you," He whispers, crying softly. "You have no idea how long I've liked you, and how long I've wanted to hear those words."

"How long have you liked me John?"

"Since the day you first came to school."

"That was 4 years ago."

"I know. You're the reason I knew I was gay and not aromantic like I thought. I didn't like girls, I didn't think guys were special, until I saw you. And I thought you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. And I realised, hey, some men aren't bad. But I've only ever had eyes for you."

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

"You were scary and I was 13. I didn't know how. We don't exactly fit together. I was afraid of you, and my friends were all calling you names that I didn't believe in. Eventually, I lost the chance, and the further off I put it, the weirder it would seem, and the more I just couldn't do it."

"I could have used someone to talk to."

"I know. I'm sorry." He sniffs.

"You didn't think I was too mean when I first spoke to you in the cafeteria, did you? Did I hurt you?"

"No. I was so glad that you had spoken to me. You make me so happy." He pulls away and looks at me. "Don't trial date me anymore. Date me, for real."

"But... I feel guilty. I don't know much about you. We only spoke for the first time like 3 days ago."

"Does that matter?" He whispers, adorning small kisses on my neck and jawline as he speaks. "I like you, a lot. And it doesn't matter how much you know about me, because you learn it. That's the point. You find out more things to love about each other. Plus, it's not like you know nothing about me. You know that I'm not a creepy serial killer, some things I like to do and that I give great head. Don't you think that's enough?"

I pause for a second, considering it. I can't find any points to argue with here. Damnit.

"Ok. We're boyfriends then. For real." I muse.

"Really?" He looks up at me and I smile at him. "We're boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"This is all I've ever wanted."

THATS IT OK I CAN WORK ON OGBER BOOK NOW ITS 4000 WORDS OF UNEDITED GAY FLUFF AND SMUT IF TGERES A PART 3 I WILL PILE THE ANGST ON

THJS HAS LITERALKU BEEN MY PROCRASTINATION EXCUSE AND I LIKE LOVE THIS ONESHOT SM IDEK WHY OK BYE LOL