mind numbing angst time!!!!! enjoy, and read at ur own risk

tw: suicide, blood

John's POV

"Alex?" I call out, knocking on his door, smiling stupidly. "Alex it's just me!"

Alexander Hamilton, my boyfriend of about 4 years. The best 4 years of my entire life. He normally just lets me in. I know he's home, the lights upstairs are on.

"Hey Alex... are you oka-" My worlds tail off as the door creaks slightly open as I knocked.

The door was unlocked.

He never leaves the door unlocked.

Frowning, I slowly and cautiously open the door, peering in. It was empty, all the lights downstairs were off. Everything seemed normal.

I know I shouldn't go in like this, best thing here would be to call the police or some shit. But fuck that.

I take a deep breath, and walk in, my steps echoing around.

"Hello? Alex are you here? I saw the light on..." My worlds simply bounce around the walls.

I look up the stairs towards the light.

"Hey Alex...?" I call out again.

Slowly I make my way towards the stairs. As I start to walk up them, my caution dissolved into panic.

"Alex! Alex! Are you ok?! Where are you?!" I yell, frenzied. Where the fuck is he? What the fuck is going on?

"Alex if this is some sick joke..." I warn, looking around. It was dark, darker than I thought. There was only one light on.

There was only one light on.

"Alexan-" I swing open the bathroom door.

No.

No no.

Please no.

I take a stumbling step backwards.

I didn't want to look at it.

The scene that lay in front of me.

Alexander

on the floor.

And blood.

There was so much blood.

I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I press my hand to my mouth, looking away.

No please this isn't happening.

I walk slowly towards him, the only noise being my footsteps. It's so silent. Not like the movies.

No noise.

Nothing.

Deadly silence.

"Alex..." I whisper, falling to my knees beside him. "Alex... please."

I don't know what I'm begging for even.

I slowly reach out towards him, and cup his face and tilt it towards me.

I'm only met with cold lifeless eyes.

He's gone.

He's gone.

A sob shakes my body. I cradle his head to my chest, my fingers in his hair, and I can't stop crying. I don't know why. It's not going to bring him back.

"A-Alex..." I sob, though I know he can't hear me. "Alex please... come back. Don't leave me... You can't leave me here. Please Alex!"

But I can't bring him back. I can't. I want to but I can't. He's there and I'm here.

He's gone.

Why would he...

I didn't realise he...

I would have thought he...

I pull away from him, and cup his face, accidentally leaving blood streaks on his face, his pale, dead face.

I can't even see him, my tears and blurring my vision too much.

A note.

If he really...

If he really killed himself, maybe he would leave a note.

My eyes scan over the scene, still not wanting to take it in.

But there, in his hands, is his note.

His sui-

No.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

With shaking hands, I reached for the envelope.

It slips out of his fingers, and through the blood smeared on it, I see something. Something written there.

John

Oh god.

His suicide note had my name on it.

It was for me.

I look once more at his body, barely refraining the urge to gag, and then down at the note.

Slowly, I open it and something falls on the floor, a small clink echoing out.

I gasp and let out a muffled sob as I see what it is.

Glinting in the light.

A ring.

Oh my god.

Pressing the back of my hand to my mouth, I quickly tear out the piece of paper inside.

I'm sorry John.

I love you.

Your Alex

With shaking hands I reach for the ring on the floor. I clamp my fingers around it, and press my hand to face, leaning backwards.

My head hits the bath and I look up, tears rolling down my cheeks, the bright lights blurring in my vision until it was all I could see.

IS THIS NOT PROOFREAD AND RUSHED???? YES

DEAL WITH IT BITCHES

mkay bye have a good day or night or whatever