Guys, you'll hate me for this. And yes, it's based off this photo. Also, it seems like John dies, but he doesn't. I don't think someone not loving you should justify suicide unless if it's a really extreme situation like the one my aunt went through. Also sorry if I offend anyone.

~Seinor year of high school~

I blink my eyes open, noticing that I'm not in my room. I feel an arm around me, and I turn, taking in the sight of the most beautiful person. Alexander's eyes are closed, and his chest is slowly rising as he breathes.

I smile as I close my eyes, moving in closer to Alex. I remember everything that happened last night. Alex, Laf, Herc, and I all went to a party at the Schuyler Sister's house. At around nine, Alex was very drunk, and I was drunk enough to not have complete control over my actions. 

When Alex is drunk, he's a flirty drunk. If he's with someone, it's usually just with that person. However, right now he isn't dating anyone so he flirts with everyone. Usually, I'm able to laugh it off, but I must have had more to drink than usual.

No matter how much I really want to be with Alex, I know two things. Number one, Alex won't remember anything because of how much he had to drink. Number two, Alex doesn't even see me as a possible boyfriend. Sure, he's bisexual, but I think I'd know if he liked me like that.

I sigh as I open my eyes again. I move out from under the covers and I find all of my clothes, pulling them on.

I head over to Alex's window so that his dad won't see me. Mr. Washington would probably ask Alex about me. 

I slowly open his window, and I jump up onto the ledge. I glance back at Alex, wishing I was still in the bed with him. I jump out the window, landing on my feet. I take off, leaving his house behind me, wondering only how I'd be able to talk to him again. Especially since he probably doesn't even remember anything.

~Junior year of Colleage~

"John! John! John!" Alex screams, bursting into our dorm room.

I laugh, placing shellby back into her cage. "What's up, Tom Cat?"

"Eliza said yes! I asked her to the Winters Ball and she said yes, then gave me a kiss. So I asked her to be my girlfriend and she also said yes!" Alex smiles widely and flops onto his bed.

My smile falters a bit. "That's awesome dude! I told you she would say yes." And I did, I knew she would say yes. However there was a part of me that wished she'd say no, or he'd decide not to ask at all.

~Seinor year of Colleage~

Alex and Eliza have been dating for a year now. I wish I could say that they've been fighting, and are on the verge of breaking up. I wish I could say that I was the one that was being kissed by Alex. I wish I was the one dating Alex. However, none of that is true. Alex and Eliza have had probably one or two fights, and they were tiny. Eliza is the one being kissed by Alex, she's the one dating him.

I look up from the game that Hercules and I were playing, and I glance at Alex and Eliza. Alex is laying on the couch, Eliza on top of him. They're holding hands, and gently kissing and laughing at each other. My face burns with Jealousy as I look back at the game. Hercules notices and gives me a sympathetic look. As does Lafayette, from his place next to Hercules. His head on Herc's shoulder.

Once the game is over, I stand up. "Hey guys, I gotta head. I have an essay to finish for history, I'll see you later."

"You sure John? I could help you if you want," Alex suggests, lifting his head up from the couch. I wave my hand at him.

"No, I'll be okay. If I want you to edit it, I'll ask when you get back."

Alex just shrugs and goes back to saying whatever it was he was telling Eliza.

I leave Herc and Laf's apartment, and as the door closes behind me I let out a silent sob, and I run back to the apartment I share with Alex.

~Six years after Colleage~

"He did what!" I hear Laf yell from his family room.

"I know, Peggy just told me. I was fixing her dress for that wedding she's going to for her sister-in-law. I didn't expect it either. Hercules says.

I walk from the kitchen, carrying the plate of croissants that Laf made. 

"Who did what?" I ask the couple.

"Oh, um," Laf looks at Hercules as if they're debating between telling me or not. Does it involve me?

"Well, I was at Peggy's place and, well, she told me that Alex cheated on Eliza," Herc says, his hands fidgeting.

"He cheated on- why?" I asked confused, but I can feel the anger rising up inside me.

"Apparently it's been going on for a while, a few months. When Eliza went on vacation, and Alex stayed home for work, he was at the bar and hooked up with some girl, and he never stopped meeting up with her."

My face flushes with anger, and I slam the plate of croissants onto their coffee table.

"That bastard. He's so dumb! He has everything he could ever want! He just had to have more!" I turn on my heel, and I storm from their house. 

I jump into my car, and I speed off down the road.

Once I get to Alex's house, I leap from my car, throwing the car door closed. I dash from my car to Alex's front door, and I rip it open.

"ALEXANDER HAMILTON YOU FUCKING DICK HEAD!" 

I watch in anger as Hamilton leaps from his couch, where he was sitting with his head in his hand.

"John! You have to help me, I made a terrible mistake."

"Yeah, you did. You had everything you could have ever wanted, you just needed to have something extra didn't you? You had to break Eliza's, heart. You're an asshole, I can't believe you would do something like that."

"I know, I'm dumb," Alex says solemnly. "However, I didn't have everything I wanted."

I lift my hand up quickly, and I slap him right across the face. 

"You bastard. You had everything. You have a great job, you have a perfect wife, and you have beautiful children and an amazing home. How can you say you don't have everything? Some people will never have everything they could need. Some people have to wait their whole fucking life for one thing they want. Sometimes they don't get anything, so you should be fucking glad you bastard." While I say that whole speech, I keep pushing him back further and further, and he stumbles a few times. 

I'm suddenly pulled back. "John! Stop!" Oh great, Aaron Burr.  "We are talking, outside, now."

I glare at him, but I let him lead me to the front yard. Alex stays in the house, which is probably good, cause I would probably strangle him right now.

"You have to stop!" Aaron tells me.

"Why should I? Alex cheated on his wife, who I happen to know very well." 

"John, you're not even mad because of that!"

"What are you talking about! Of course I'm fucking mad!" 

"I'm not saying you're not. I'm saying you're mad for a different reason."

"Oh yeah? Then why, pray tell, am I mad?"

"You're only angry because Alex isn't cheating on Eliza with you!" He shouts at me, pointing at Alex's house.

"Shut up," I mumble. Of course, everyone, but Angelica, Eliza, and Alex knows I like Alex, but we rarely talk about it.

"You're wasting your life on someone who will never love you back." I know he's telling the truth, but I don't want to admit it. He has that sympathetic look that I always got when Alex and Eliza were doing something together.

"Shut up Burr, " I say slightly louder.

"It was a one-night thing, and he was drunk. I'm sorry, but you have to understand that Alexander-"

"SHUT UP!" I scream. I don't want to hear any more. Yes, I love Alexander. Yes I wish I was the one he was with in some way, yes I'm jealous, yes I know that he'll never feel the way about me as I do with him. Even though I know that's all true, I don't want to listen to other people remind me. "Just, just shut up. I get it. I know I shouldn't be mad for the reason I'm mad. I know he'll never love me back, I get it. I'll just leave. Whatever." I look down at the ground, shoving a hand through my hair as I walk back to my far.

"I'm sorry John," Aaron says.

"It's not your fault, I'm the idiot who thought Alexander Hamilton might actually like them back." 

I open my car door, and I leave Alex's driveway, already knowing I'll never talk to either of them again.

~One week later~

John hasn't picked up any of my calls, and he hasn't answered any of my texts. So, after a week I decided I would go to his apartment. Which I did, but he wasn't there. So, right now, I'm heading over to Herc's and Laf's place.

I exit my car and walk up to their front door. I knock three times, and then Laf opens the door.

"Alex, oh, hey," He says as if he's hiding something.

"Herc! Alex is here."

"Well  let him in, we should probably give it to him."

"Come on it Alex," Laf says, gesturing for me to follow him into the kitchen.

"What's wrong? What do you need to give me? And do you know where John is? A week ago he came to my house and yelled at me for cheating. Which is fine, but then he went outside to talk to Aaron, and he left after that, and Aaron came inside glaring at me and shaking his head. I asked what was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me. He said John should."

Laf and Herc look at each other and they both nod.

Hercules pulls a letter from his back pocket and hands it to me.

The letter is addressed to me and is written in John Laurens's block like hand writing. 

I look back up at my friends and they nod at me.

I quickly slit the envelope open, pulling the letter from inside. I unfold the letter and begin to read.

Dear Alexander Hamilton,

I know I probably should have told you this sooner but, there are two things you've never known about me. One is that I've never really been happy. As you know my father kicked me out of the house when I came out, also the two boyfriends I've had have been abusive. You always thought I was able to pull through and that it never affected me that much. But it did. A lot. I fell into depression, and I've never really been able to pull myself out. And no, I'm not killing myself, I'm not that depressed. Another reason why I was constantly upset was because of you, Alexander. I love. I've loved you for years now. When you started dating Eliza, I was so happy because you were happy, but I was also very upset that you were into Eliza and not me. Obviously, I can't control that. Love is uncontrollable, but I was upset that I wasn't the one making you happy. So, my dear Alexander, I've decided to leave. I have a friend in Wisconsin that I've known for a few years now. Maybe one day we might meet again, but for now, it's goodbye.

I look up from the letter. "He left?" 

Laf and Herc nod.

"And he's always loved me?"

"Oui mon copain, he has always loved you. Il tombait amoureux avec toi, quand nous avons ete seize ans." 

"God damn it. I'm so fucking blind aren't I?" I groan, slapping my forehead.

"Oui mon copain, you are." Laf states simply.

"Damn it, I knew I should have asked him out. I knew I should have talked to him about that night in high school. I should have told him I wasn't drunk. God DAMN IT!"

"Wait, you weren't drunk?" Hercules asks, shocked.

I shake my head. "No, I thought that John would have been scared off if he knew I wanted it. I thought he was drunk too and that it was just in the heat of the moment for him. I guess I was wrong."

I stuff the letter into my pocket, and I turn to leave.

"Alex, do you want  his new number?" Herc asks.

I shake my head. "I've already caused him enough pain, he doesn't need anymore."

And with that, I leave their house, wishing I wasn't such a fucking coward.