THIRTY TWO - BACK AT HOME
Sasha was discharged from the hospital one week later. She was on the mend with her shoulder still needing to be in a sling for an extra two weeks, however her ribs had almost healed fully by that point and her internal injuries had been given the all clear by the doctors.
Tony had slept in the hospital room on the floor beside Sasha every night since his return. As much as she urged him to go home and rest, there was nothing on earth that would've made Tony leave her side. He was still weighed down with guilt and even the thought of leaving her for just a couple of hours made his stomach turn, the only thing relaxing him being spending time with her.
Sasha slept a lot of the time, the sedatives she was given to numb the pain made her drowsy and in and out of sleep for most of the day. When she was awake, she couldn't take her eyes off of Tony. Her hand was constantly reaching for him, wanting to touch his skin and see his smile. Looking into his eyes was the only thing that truly made her forget about the pain she was in, flooding her soul full of unmatched endorphins that made her heart flutter though the broken and bruised ribs.
Tony had found the seven days and nights excruciatingly difficult. Sasha's memory was very temperamental which had become more apparent the more the two of them spoke. She wasn't forgetting major things or anything greatly important, but it still broke pieces of Tony's heart to see a blankness behind her eyes in the middle of conversations.
"I'm gonna stay with you, alright? We can be at your place or mine, whatever you prefer."
Tony was driving incredibly slow through the streets of New York with Sasha in the passenger seat, her seatbelt held low at her stomach to save pressure on her sore ribs.
"I-I thought my place got totally wiped out?"
His knuckles turned white for a split second as he gripped the steering wheel harder with a clenched jaw, swallowing the lump in his throat before quickly glancing to the side with a soft smile.
"You have a new place," he said, "Penthouse, real fancy. We'll go there first anyway, there's no rush to decide."
Tony drove with one hand on Sasha's thigh the rest of the journey, her hand gently resting on top of his own as they rode in silence. He knew that Sasha was growing more and more frustrated with herself over being unable to remember things, the silence after anytime he had to remind her of something making it obvious.
They eventually arrived at Sasha's apartment building and still, she appeared clueless to her home as Tony parked the car and helped her out, his hand on the small of her back as they made their way inside and into the elevator.
"Wow," Sasha laughed quietly as they stepped out onto her floor, "This is fancy."
As they walked down the hallway towards her door, a gentleman from the apartment beside her's was locking his own door, turning with a double-take once he realised it was his Sasha heading his way.
"Sasha? God, I got worried when I hadn't seen you in the building in a while. Are you alright?"
Tony was about to interject, having a gut feeling Sasha wouldn't recognise the curly-haired gentleman who she'd never once mentioned to him, only for his lips to remain closed.
"Sean," she said with a smile, "It's so good to see you, I'm on the mend. This is Tony, by the way. Tony, this is Sean, my neighbour."
"Oh shit," Sean laughed, shaking his head with an embarrassed smile as he recognised Tony, "Sorry man, I didn't recognise you at first, great to meet you."
The two men shook hands and Tony requited his polite words, "Nice to meet you too."
"Well I would say if you need anything that you know where I am, but it seems like you'll be well catered for."
Sasha blushed with a shy smile as Tony's hand moved from her back to her waist.
"Yeah," Tony replied, tilting his head slightly with a smile that was glaringly patronising, "She'll be taken care of, don't worry, man."
Going their separate ways, Tony unlocked the door and held it open for Sasha, nodding once at Sean who'd turned to glance back over his shoulder after walking away before Tony closed the door behind him with a thud.
Sasha wandered slowly around the apartment, her eyes gazing at the furniture and fixtures, smiling at photo frames and half-read books on the table before standing still in front of the windows, looking down on the city.
Tony joined her side, folding his arms at his chest as he too admired the view. Sasha stayed silent for a few moments, enjoying being somewhere that wasn't a hospital bed. At least, that's what Tony thought until he heard a quiet sniffle beside him.
He looked down, seeing Sasha wipe away a few stray tears with the back of her hand.
"Hey," he whispered, gently taking her face into his hands and placing a kiss on her forehead, "What is it?"
Sasha stayed looking down at the floor for a second, her breathing shaky as she tried to stabilise herself and stop her aching cries. She eventually looked up at Tony, the kindness and concern in his eyes only twisting the grip that pain had on her heart with more force.
"I don't remember living here," she said, "I remember Sean, and the doorman downstairs, but I don't remember this being my home. I remember people, I seem to remember everybody but I don't remember places or things, stuff I've done. It's so scary, Tony."
In that moment, Tony felt helpless. His mind was empty, his tongue frozen and lips sealed, not being able to offer a single word of comfort. He had nothing to say that could make Sasha feel better. He couldn't tell her he understood or knew how she felt, because he didn't. Tony had no idea how isolating it was to forget things, to forget your home or what car you drove, how many court cases you'd won and just how good of a lawyer you were. Tony didn't understand how it felt to lose parts of your personality yet not even realise you'd forgotten those parts until somebody pointed it out.
All Tony wanted to do was help, and seeing Sasha cry in front of him, broken inside and out, caused him a gut-wrenching amount of pain. He hated seeing her upset, though in the past he could always make it better. That time, things were very different.
As much as it weathered down his soul every time Sasha had to question something Tony thought she'd know, he realised that however much pain it caused him to have to remind her, it was causing her one million times more pain to have to ask.
Tony caressed her cheek with one hand, placing the other on her waist and stepping closer to her. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and her face was brighter than it had been in the hospital, even despite the tears. It gave Tony hope to see her getting better, knowing then that he was as much a part of her healing journey as the doctors were.
"You're not on your own with this, Sash," Tony whispered, "I wish there was something I could do to make this all go away, but there isn't. I just want you to know that I will answer every single question, remind you of every single thing, take you to every single place, re-watch every single TV show, I'll do everything, anything to help. I don't want you to feel like you're a burden, because I know that's what you're thinking, isn't it?"
She stayed quiet, nodding once with a quivering bottom lip. Tony was right, as much as Sasha was frustrated with herself for not being able to remember, she felt bad for having to make Tony recall things like whether she liked milk in her coffee or not. He hadn't signed up for the stress, the unexpected burden of having to teach an adult things about themselves, and yet he showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.
"Well don't. When I tell you that I love you, I mean I love every part of you. I love your smile and your laugh, your hair, your legs and your pretty little hands. I love the way you speak and how your feet are always cold, how you talk in your sleep and always get up to go to the bathroom at the same time in the middle of the night. I love your mind, the way you think. I love the things you remember and all the things you don't, and what's going to make this all work out just fine is because I do remember. And I'll remind you, help you learn, because you're always on my mind, Sasha. I know everything about you, so together, we'll figure this all out. I promise."
Sasha had been loved before. She'd had two long term relationships and had seen men in love, though neither of those men came close to Tony. He looked at her like he believed in her, like he saw something in her that even she didn't see in herself. There was admiration and desire behind his eyes that was so powerfully golden it made her tear up, unable to comprehend how a man like Tony had fallen so deeply in love with her.
"I don't deserve you."
Tony narrowed his eyes, still holding her close to him as he gazed down at her, his head tilted, "Why would you say that, hm? You're beautiful, smart, kind, loving, selfless. You deserve the best, Sasha, and yeah, I'll be big headed and say it, I love you far more than anybody in the world ever could. But that is what you deserve. You deserve something better than the rest, and that is me, but you know that, don't you?"
His smirk pulled on her heartstrings, making her laugh and for a moment, all the pain disappeared. She found it impossible to comprehend the things Tony said about her, though put it all into perspective for herself when she thought about the way she saw him, realising then that the fact she would have moved heaven and earth just to see him smile meant that it wasn't as far fetched as the initially thought for someone to want to do the same for her.
"I do," Sasha smiled, tugging on the collar of Tony's t-shirt and pulling his lips down to meet her own, melting against him as they shared a long kiss, a sense of relief making her able to feel as though she could breathe properly again.
"That guy, your neighbour," Tony cleared his throat, rolling his eyes once, "He thinks you're hot, by the way."
"Tony, I swear you've said that about every man I've ever introduced you to. Not everyone finds me hot."
"Sure they do, look at you. I want to tear these sweatpants off of you so bad, give you a couple more bruised ribs."
Sasha's eyes widened and she gently slapped the side of his face, pushing him away from her with the strength of one hand, his laugh making the hairs on her neck stand on end.
"You're filthy, Tony Stark."
Tony smirked with folded arms, watching as she headed over to the kitchen and began to make a cup of coffee, not hesitating to remember exactly which cupboard she kept her mugs in, though not reacting at all as Tony watched her, a proudness shining through his grin.
"Yeah, but you love it, I know you remember that."
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