When Sasha woke up, the sky outside her window was dark and a mirage of flickering lights reflected against the glass, blurred slightly by her tempered vision and tired eyes.

She was alone. The room was silent apart from the monotonous drone of her heart rate monitor ticking over every second, though she'd grown used to the sound enough by that point to pretend like it wasn't there at all.

Considering the surgery on her shoulder she'd had earlier that day, Sasha felt stronger when she awoke than she had done before she'd gone into theatre. She still hated being cooped up in a hospital room, but she liked the view from the window because from there, the city was intact, just as it was before the attack had happened.

Sasha spent her days looking out at the world passing her by like the pain on New York was never there at all. She immersed herself in a headspace of peaceful delusion, something that brought her solace in a time when she needed it most.

Peter had been with her every single day without fail. It pained Sasha deeply to listen to the boy apologise over and over again, showering himself in sharp guilt that didn't belong to him. She tried to remind him that she was glad it was her in that hospital bed and not the other way around, but Peter never accepted it, his eyes always hauntingly solemn.

The lamp in the corner of the room was turned on and there was a jacket over the back of the chair beside her bed, a mobile phone on the table and a styrofoam coffee cup that was now empty.

Still slightly hazy from the anaesthetic, Sasha felt her eyelids flutter every few seconds, slipping in and out of sleep for uncontrollable moments until the sound of the door opening made her brain switch on properly.

Tony was stood in the doorway with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand, his face as white as snow, almost as if he'd seen a ghost. His eyes were wide and lips parted slightly, a look of fear tainted his expression as Sasha noticed water slowly glaze over the brown hues she'd missed so painfully much.

She wasn't sure if she was hallucinating, knowing that there was a high chance she could be simply conjuring up the thing she wished for the most helped by the intense power of all the medication helping to keep her alive, but he seemed too real as he stood by the door, almost scaring Sasha.

It was the increased beat of her heart monitor that made Sasha realise she wasn't dreaming, the sound growing faster and faster as she stared at Tony, feeling like her heart was either about to be put back together or broken all over again.

"Tony," she whispered, her eyes looking up at him like a hopeful child.

He exhaled a breath he'd been holding in, having nothing else on his mind apart from worrying if Sasha would remember him after Peter told him about her unreliable memory.

Hearing Sasha say his name made Tony crumble. He began to cry, rushing to her bedside and gently grabbing hold of her hand as he crouched beside her, brushing strands of hair from her face, careful to not graze past her wounds and injuries but wanting to be as close as he physically could get to her without causing her pain.

"I'm here, Sash, I'm here."

With a shaky hand, Sasha reached out and touched Tony's face, her fingers nimble against his overgrown stubble and greyed bruises, cuts that had healed and scars that had weathered. She let herself cry when her skin finally graced his, knowing then that he truly was there with her.

"You're back," she whispered, laughing weakly through tear-filled eyes.

Tony just nodded, clenching his jaw to stop himself from crying any more. He cursed himself for leaving her, for not staying to protect her. He thought he was doing the right thing and maybe when it came to the bigger picture, he did, but Tony couldn't shake the feeling of guilt as he looked at how broken Sasha was, wishing it was him hooked up to wires and machines instead of her.

"I'm never leaving you again," he said in a low tone, his voice shaking as he spoke, "Never. I promise I'll never let anything hurt you again, I'm so sorry that I-"

Tony squeezed his eyes shut and looked down at the floor, Sasha's hand inside his own. He froze for a moment, trying to collect his emotions and hold himself together despite feeling like he was falling apart on a day that he'd started out with such positivity.

"I'm so sorry that I left you, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to protect you like I should have. I won't ever let this happen again, I swear, alright?"

Sasha shook her head, "You didn't know, Tony, you couldn't have known. I'm proud of you for defending what you believe in, for doing what you did. All of this," she said, gesturing with a glance to her injuries, "I would've signed up for without a second of doubt if it meant you'd come back to me safely."

Tony furrowed his brows together and swallowed the lump in his throat, not prepared to hear Sasha tell him that she loved him in another way than using those three words.

He'd thought about her impossibly often, missed her like no person had ever missed another. Tony have dreamt of her voice and her laugh, woke up in a cold sweat after a dream of feeling her kiss on his lips of her hand holding his own, a wave of pain crushing him when he realised it was all a figment of his deepest imagination.

Tony loved Sasha more than he'd ever loved anything. He'd never known it was possible to feel an emotion as deeply and as strongly as the love he felt for her, making it his mission to ensure he could make it home alive to experience that feeling for as long as he possibly could.

Knowing that Sasha loved him just as much as he loved her, only made him fall for her harder. Hearing her say the things she said, feeling the way she squeezed his hand, seeing the way her eyes admired his face like a work of art, all of it made him feel overwhelmed, unsure how he, someone so historically cold and independent, had captured the heart of a woman with a soul made of the purest gold.

"You'll never have to go though any of this again. I'm gonna take care of you," he said, sniffling and forcing a smile onto his lips, "I'll help you get better, till your back winning court cases and driving that Lamborghini around town."

Sasha's face fell flat, a vacant shadow in her eyes, "What Lamborghini?"

For those magical few moments of being reunited and thankful that Sasha hadn't forgotten him or their relationship, Tony, in painfully ironic fashion, had forgotten what Peter had mentioned.

He tensed up for a moment, a sickness swirling in his stomach as she looked at him with innocent questioning, not even a hint of memory inside of her at all.

"Y-your car," Tony choked out, "You drive a Lamborghini, remember? Black, nice rims, I'm super jealous of it, actually."

"Oh," Sasha said quietly, smiling back out of politeness despite not having any recollection of ever owning such a car before.

A disposition of fear hit Tony out of nowhere. He glanced down at his hand, taking comfort in seeing Sasha's dainty fingers curled around his own, a homely warmth feeding him the reassurance he needed in that moment.

He hadn't prepared himself for any of this, worried now that although forgetting a car was only a small thing, there were plenty of small things that made Sasha, Sasha, and plenty of small moments that made them the two souls in love with each other that they were.

Her nails were natural as he looked down at their hands clasped together, remembering them being painted French before he left. It caused a twist in his gut to think about Sasha potentially not remembering small things about herself like how she had her nails done or the type of perfume she wore, the idea of the woman so terrified to lose everything, losing herself, sickeningly harmful.

"Tony," she whispered, forcing him to look up and meet her eyes again, despite his own being frosted with tears while hers had finally dried.

"Yeah?" He replied, tilting his head slightly.

Sasha smiled. She hadn't felt anything but pain since waking up in the hospital a month ago. Peter had done his best to cheer her up and make her smile, and Sasha couldn't thank him enough for caring for her the way he did, but there had been a gaping hole inside her heart since the day Tony left, one that had sucked all of the feelings she'd ever felt about anyone and anything else, completely into a black abyss.

As she finally looked into his eyes, his hand inside her own and the natural scent of his being making her skin flush hot, Sasha felt alive again.

"I love you."

Tony let out a sigh of relief, throwing his head back with his eyes closed again for a brief moment, tears seeping down his cheeks at the way his soul felt at hearing Sasha say those words to him for the first time in so long.

With a soft, exasperated chuckle, Tony lifted up Sasha's hand and pressed his lips to the back of her palm, placing his other hand on top of it as he rest his elbows on the edge of the bed, gazing at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, despite the cuts and bruises.

"I love you, Sasha. I love you so goddamn much, I never want you to forget that."

"How could I ever forget?" She said with a small smirk, the tired eyes Tony met when he first walked in had seemingly turned into the eyes he remembered seeing sat across from him in O'Shea's or a candlelit dinner, "I'll have you to remind me of it for the rest of my life. At least I hope I will?"

Tony licked his lips once, placing a hand on the side of her face and brushing his thumb over wet tears, smiling down at her as she gazed at him. It warmed his heart to hear her talk about the future, never expecting to find anybody that liked him enough to stick around for as little as a month, let alone their own personal eternity.

He had met his match in Sasha Coulson, in every single way. She was smarter than him in a lot of ways and quicker-witted when she wanted to be. Sasha was funny and confident, self-assured and proud, though humble and down to earth, everything that Tony admired.

Sasha was Tony's match in competition and in completion. She was everything he wanted and needed to drive him forward and keep him grounded, making him feel empowered yet enough all at once.

"Are you kidding me?" He said, laughing quietly, "You're never getting rid of me. I'll remind you how much I love you for as long as you let me, Coulson."

Sasha rolled her eyes at the use of the first nickname he'd given her, somewhat liking the nostalgia that came with it of a time they were both falling without really realising it.

"How long has it been?"

Tony cleared his throat, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger as he tickled her skin comfortingly, "Three months."

"You've not seen me in three months and you still haven't kissed me yet?"

Pausing, Tony smirked and let go of her hair. Truthfully, all he'd wanted to do is touch her. He needed to hold her, to look into her eyes and hear her voice, that was all he wanted in that initial moment, so much so that a kiss hadn't even entered his mind.

Though after the mention of one, Tony felt his imagination go into overdrive, nights and days of love and passion flashing red behind his eyes as he looked down at her before slowly leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips, gentle and tender for fear of hurting her, though deep enough to let her feel the love pour from his lips that he'd kept to himself for three long months.

Tony prayed silently as he kissed her, hoping that Sasha would remember the way they fell in love, even the arguments and the bad parts that brought them together.

As they pulled apart and Tony looked down at her, he knew in his heart that regardless of what Sasha did or didn't remember, there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to help her find herself again.

an;;
sorry why am I crying?? emotional damage sue me
thank you SOOO much for all the love on this, I'm genuinely still shocked that anyone's even read this book let alone being at like 45K reads???? Ahhh I'm in disbelief honestly omg
So much love <3333