Dear Reianne,

I don't have long to live. If you want to remember what happened when you were younger, follow these steps and I hope you'll forgive us for choosing on your behalf. It was a tough call for me--for us, to make, but back then we were so worried about you...

Granny's words, seared in my memory, rang hollow in my head, mixing chaotically with snippets of memory forming, surging, and swirling in my mind in one maddening outpouring of places, faces, and events that I could not even make sense of.

The shattering ceramic barely registered as the mug that I was holding crashed onto the floor of my apartment, spilling the concoction which Granny instructed me to make. Clutching my head at the resulting pain, my consciousness was absorbed into the past, a whirlwind of images roaring madly and refusing to settle. Each confused image drove hammers thundering inside my skull; the pain blinding and eliciting pained cries from my throat.

Dashing images would not relent, like jumbled puzzle pieces constantly being shuffled around by a raging tornado. Garbled voices on top of others fused and created deafening noises inside my head, adding further distress to my sensory overloaded mind.

The searing agony drove me to my knees. My fist smashed onto the floor repeatedly as the aggravation increased further, hoping that the resulting pain would at least lessen the cluster-fuck that was in my head. Each blow was accompanied by my screams.

Whatever remained of the mug and the lion charm that was the receptacle of Granny's powdered potion were littered across my apartment floor. Blood mingled with the spilled beverage as the broken ceramic shards dug into my fist and kneeling limbs.

The sudden awareness of my surroundings was brief. With a snap, my mind was again reeled back into the mayhem. Flashes of disjointed events. Screaming voices for only God knows what for. My own present pained cries merging with the shrill ones inside my head.

Make it stop.

My grip on my head tightened. I gritted my teeth more as strained groans racked my chest, my entire body shaking as my consciousness was forced to face the past in one violent upheaval. A smorgasbord of emotions emerged and settled in my gut even before the events made any sense and soon, tears joined the blood on the floor.

Little by little, the hidden pieces of my mind emerged and bonded. Slowly, understanding dawned as memory upon memory flitted tauntingly. Mockingly. The pain in my head subsided while my soul cried in distress. The suffocating agony built up inside my chest and demanded release. I clutched my mouth to stop a scream.

Grim realization washed over me, filling me with dread.

It was my fault.

Everything was.

Another series of gut-wrenching sobs shook my body. Right there and then, I knew that I deserve all the hate and suffering in the world.

Regret. Shame. Loathing.

No physical pain could compare to what I was feeling at the moment. No words could describe the agony of knowing I caused the death and suffering of my parents. Of breaking my own family. And breaking Quin's heart in the coming days. And Gio...

No wonder my plan failed. It was doomed even before we started.

Whatever strength my body had was swallowed up in misery. I couldn't get up. I could only cry. Such was my state when loud knocks, followed by Gio's voice, rang inside my apartment but I did not have the energy to answer him or even open the door.

Moments later,  something clicked and the door swung open. Gio and Quin entered, both with questioning looks on their faces. Their eyes landed on Granny's letter and the mess that was on my floor. Understanding dawned. Gio cursed.

"Onee, your hands!" Quin cried as she moved to touch me.

"Quin, stop! Don't touch her!"

Quin quickly snatched back her hand which was merely an inch from me. It was then when I noticed the ashen tendrils subtly dancing across my skin, swirling in some places as if blown by imaginary winds.

"Onee..." Quin's worried look tore more ache from my heart. She did not deserve any of this. She did not deserve to have a sister like me. If only I could do something about it.

Thirteen years.

Whatever hope for salvation was buried in time. It was fucking too late. If only my memory was not sealed. Then maybe...maybe...

My fist once again pounded my apartment floor. The sharp pain did little to assuage the turmoil that had laid claim upon me. Again and again, my knuckles rammed against the hard concrete. I relished in the pain. I deserved it and more. A lot more.

"Stop it, Rei. You're hurting yourself." Gio's strained voice competed against the voices in my head as events flashed unbidden, eliciting another series of frustrated screams.

If only I was strong enough.

If only I was not stupid.

If only I was not me.

If only my memories weren't gone.

If only.

Tears continued to pour out from the well of grief.

"Why, Quin?" My hands went around my waist, my eyes pleading for understanding. Why do they have to bury my memories?

A look at Quin told me she knew what I was talking about. Her eyes welled with tears too.

"We have to, Onee. We were very worried about you."

"Bullshit."

Quin clammed up. Her jaws hardened.

"You have no idea what you did!" I accused. I felt so lost. I could no longer make sense of the emotional turmoil that I was in.

Thirteen years.

I could not help the resentment snaking around my chest, constricting rationality. How would I be able to redeem myself after all those years? They took my memories and with it, they unknowingly robbed me of a very important thing--a chance to right a wrong. Retribution. Rescue.

"Onee, you tried to kill yourself! Twice!"

My head snapped to where Quin was. Our eyes, both filled with guilt and regrets, met.

"You are my only family left," she whispered. "I-it w-was the only thing we thought we could do." Quin was on her knees the next instant, her hands covering her face as she sobbed.

"Onee, I'm so sorry. For whatever. I'm very sorry."

My heart, which was already in tatters, broke more. Guilt piled up with every painful cry from Quin. It was not Quin's fault. It was mine. Because I was weak and stupid. Because I was me.

I shivered as something familiar fully awakened from the pits of my gut. I could feel it steadily rising--a black hole threatening to unleash and devour everything in its path.

Cold. Hot. Electric.

Deadly.

"Get out," I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Onee...what is happening?"

"Get out!" I lashed more desperately. I could barely hold it in. My limbs were shaking uncontrollably, demanding relief from the pressure building up from my core; each surge of energy like a dagger slicing through muscles. Running rampant. Wreaking havoc. Begging to be released.

Unease shrouded Gio and Quin, both unsure of what to do to help; both wanting to comfort me but were repelled by the deadly mist steadily creeping around me. My bloodied hand clutched my stomach.

Gio muttered curses once again. "Quin, get the kit from the car. Quick."

The banging of my door against the wooden jamb was Quin's response as she hurried to Gio's car as told. A blanket was wrapped around me. Gio lifted me up and placed me on the bed.

"Leave, Gio. Leave me alone. Please."

"Not when you're like this."

"This blanket will not protect you from me. Just leave!" My voice sounded foreign even to my own ears.

I knew that if I lost control, they would die. It did not matter whether I touch them or not.

My power, which was growing more apparent every second, coiled and hardened within. Ready to lash and strike-out.

The trembling of my limbs grew worse. Beads of sweat formed as my aching muscles screamed for respite. A painful hunger for living essence. It was a primal need. Raw and unrelenting.

Gio's life force swirled around him--bright, vivid, tempting. I could taste the vivacity of his energy at the tip of my tongue.

I hugged myself tighter, closing my eyes tightly shut and holding the hunger down, its claws digging painfully in my gut.

"L-leave...me. Go...a-away," I pleaded. I could feel my control slipping as fatigue settled on me. The energy inside me kept growing and spreading. Whiffs of Gio's energy seeped into me, pulled in by the smokey tendrils running amuck around me. It demanded more.

I pushed him away from me in a sudden movement that he fell on the floor. "I said go away! Leave!"

A burst of dark energy escaped from my weakening control and lashed out, missing Gio by a hair's breadth. Even so, some of his energy rushed into me and I jerked from the impact. He felt the drain of energy and slumped.

"Leave or you'll die!"

"No," Gio curtly replied. "I'm staying."

The door opened with a bang. My primal body tensed at another prey. Quin dashed forward, only to stop at the sight of dark mist flickering around me.

Enticed by a new living essence, my grip on my powers slackened, like a compromised dam with water threatening to burst out. "P-please, Gio...Quin. I-I can't...I can't hold it in anymore."

Oh my God. They'll die. And it will be my fault. Again.

I hugged myself tighter, my muscles tensing in one last effort at containment. Every part of my body hummed with energy, expanding from my core, saturating me with thrumming, deadly force. Raw power grated on my cramped muscles relentlessly. I screamed because I could not do anything else to ease the sharp, piercing pain assaulting my entire body.

Then suddenly, something pricked my shoulder. I glanced up, a metallic glint greeting a hazy sight.

"Fucker. D-did you just use a...tranquilizer gun on me?" I whispered as my vision faded and I was alone with my memories.

13 years ago

"Where are we going, Mother?" I asked Mom for a hundreth time. She, of course, did not answer me and continued driving. Unease welled up and I fretted, my gloved fingers pulling at the fuzzy hair of Bunny, the stuffed toy in my arms. Bunny was Quin's most prized toy but she gave it to me as a parting gift. Something to remember her by.

Mother and Father decided that I should stay at a boarding school after another incident that sent one more servant to a hospital and the others packing. It was a special school, they said. I could not do any harm there.

I sighed and hugged Bunny tighter, remembering Quin. Out of everyone, only Quin hugged me with abandon. Her hugs were always warm. My eyes moistened. I missed her terribly already. And I had not even said proper goodbye to Gio. And to Nan. And to Rael. If only I knew I would be leaving so soon, I would have spent the entire day with them.

I just thought that I had time before leaving.

I thought wrong.

I glanced at Mom again. She looked different. A stern expression was etched on her face. Maybe it was something I did again. And to think that I was really trying to be a good girl this time.

I bit my nails. A habit that my mom didn't like.

"Mom?"

"What?" Mom snapped at me. She saw my face and softened a bit. She took a deep breath. "What is it, Ranya?"

"Are you taking me to the boarding school now? In the middle of the night? I did not pack my school things." As a matter of fact, I had not done a lot of packing. I just had several clothes stashed inside my backpack. Mom was not very clear when she told me to get ready, and it was too late when I realized that she might be sending me to the boarding school already.

"It's fine, Ranya."

Mom fell silent again. She was driving faster than usual, her eyes darting to the side and rearview mirrors often. Silence once again filled the car and I fidgeted. I felt so tense. I did not want to go to the boarding school, away from Quin and the others. I wanted to assure her that I would behave from now on. I would only stay inside my room as told and wear my gloves all the time. Surely, they would agree, right?

I hugged Bunny tighter. Its scent reminded me of Quin.

I knew better than to beg, however. It never got me anywhere. Maybe if I did well and keep out of trouble, they would agree to let me go home. Resolution built up in me. I would earn my right to go home. With Bunny as my witness, I promised myself that I would do so well and be so good they would be glad to have me back. Satisfied with my action plan, I started to doze off.

"Ranya, wake up." Mom's curt voice snapped me out of my dream--quite a wild one, by the way, with Bunny running after other bunnies with an axe in hand.

I looked outside the car window and was met with sheer blackness.

"Uhm, Mom?" This does not look like a boarding school.

"Get off, Ranya. Quickly, please." Sensing my hesitation, Mom unbuckled her seatbelt and moved out of the car. She opened the door on my side and yanked me out of the car quite forcefully, her movements hurried.

"Mom?" I could not keep the panic off my voice. I looked around me and realized we stopped in the middle of an unpaved road with looming trees on either side of us. Dread quickly sprouted as the unfamiliar darkness stretched out, the chill of the wind further adding to the goosebumps forming on my flesh.

What is happening?

"Listen, Ranya. Stay here. Someone will come to fetch you. He has a lion tattoo on his arm. Go with him, do you hear me?"

Mom didn't like me crying, but I could not help it at that point. Tears started to fall one after another. My mother wouldn't leave me here alone, right? She couldn't. My gloved hands wiped the tears from my face but more quickly replaced them.

"Don't leave me here, Mom. It's dark. It's scary."

My mom's face became sterner. More serious. "There is no time for tears, Ranya! For once, do as you're told!"

"Mom, please. Don't leave me here." I clutched her hands tight. I did not want to let her go. The darkness taunted. Its eerie atmosphere surely hid unpleasant things. Scary things. Like the monsters in my dreams. Only, this time, I wouldn't wake up.

"Let go, Ranya!" Mom shoved me away. "Go with the man with a lion tattoo and no one else, do you understand? If you want to see me again, do it!"

Mom quickly turned away and went inside the car once more. She then sped off leaving me alone in the dark with only Bunny for company. I was not even able to get my backpack.

I stared at the direction of the car for a long time even after the last of its light was gone. I jumped when something screeched somewhere in the woods.

I was alone.

My mom left me.

A gust of wind made me shiver. My jacket was inside my backpack. How long should I wait for that man? Was he even coming? I wished I hadn't slept inside the car. I would at least know the way back.

Was I that much of a trouble maker that my own mother would leave me here? Had they finally had enough of me? I knew I was not the best child. Was this my punishment?

I looked around, endless abyss staring back at me on this moonless night. My nerves were frayed and I tensed at every sound--from hooting owls to twigs snapping. I was convinced that there were monsters lurkings somewhere in this woods.

Shivering, I sat and laid my back against a tree, hugging my knees to myself to ward off the cold. I jumped when thunder rumbled overhead.

Shots echoed from somewhere followed by disturbed screeches of birds, hundreds of wings flapping simultaneously. My heart squeezed in nervousness. Who are those? Hunters?

The rain started to pour. It started with a drizzle then gradually strengthened until I and Bunny were drenched. When will Mom be back? Surely, she would come back for me now. She wouldn't leave me out in the rain, would she? I kept staring at the horizon where Mom's car disappeared, hoping to see the familiar lights of her car rushing to come and take me back.

But no car came.

Only several armed men.

"Look for her," one of them whispered to the other, just several feet away from where I was sitting.

I pressed against the tree harder, fear immobilizing me. I didn't need anybody to tell me that these men were dangerous. I wouldn't want them to find me. I didn't even dare breathe, afraid that any noise would give away my location.

"Are you sure she's here?" another man said.

"The car stopped briefly here. There's a chance she's somewhere here."

What is going on?

They were heading towards where I was hiding. Only a bush hid me from their view. Clutching Bunny tightly, I crawled away from where I was. I needed to run. My clumsy movements, however, disturbed the surrounding plants because my clothes got caught in one of the twigs, producing a loud snap.

The men's head collectively turned to my direction.

"There!"

I got up quickly and ran. The men chased after me. My little legs were nothing compared to theirs and they gained on me quickly enough. My foot faltered as the muddied soil gave way and I fell. A hand grabbed my arm, yanking me upwards. I bit it. The man let me go hastily, screaming at the sudden pain.

Panting, I resumed my escape, running as fast as my little legs could carry me. I had no idea who they were or what they wanted from me. I just knew I had to get away from them.

My burning lungs forced me to slow down. I could still hear them chasing after me. Their heavy footsteps competed against the spatter of rain. My knees met the ground when my lungs had to give way to painful heaving.

Then someone pulled me behind a shrub just in time before the armed men reached my previous location. I almost screamed, if not for the hand that was placed to shut my mouth.

"Shhhh." A familiar voice.

"F-father!" I whispered.

"Shhhh," he repeated and pointed to the men, who were eventually convinced that I was not in the immediate area and left.

"What is happening, Father? Why did mother...?"

"It's a long story, Ranya. Look over there. Can you see?"

My head followed the direction that Father pointed at. My eyes, which by now had adjusted to the darkness but were obscured by the rain, strained to make sense of the scene before me. Gradually, two figures formed.

My mom and a guy, face covered with a hood.

The guy was in a hurry. He was holding mom's hand, pulling her to keep up with him. Both were as drenched as I was. I could see the distress in her eyes, though. Beside me, I felt Father fumed in anger.

"How dare he!" he hissed.

I had no idea what was going on. I only knew that if I did nothing, I would never see my mom again.

I moved.

Removing my gloves, I did what I do best.

I sneaked and hid in a shrub along the path which my mom and the man were traversing and waited. Not long after, I was jumping at the man, my ungloved hand connecting with his bare neck. I felt his energy drained into my fingertips, heating my core. He crumpled on the floor.

"What have you done?" my mom screamed. I looked at her bewildered face and then back at the man knocked out on the forest floor. His bare arm carrying the image of a roaring lion. I looked at his face and was horrified.

What have I done, indeed?

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