A week has passed and I had horrible, scratch that— worst nights. That constant wave of fear which splashes whenever I read that text.

If it is a silly prank pulled by a hater or someone who wanted to trigger my anxiety, they succeeded.

But they won't know. No one must figure out how I feel.

Today's the oath-taking of bar passers. Quen can't attend so I ended up alone. I had problems with my own family and never talked to anyone for the past 5 years. Besides in life, you need to stand up at your own feet.

You received 2 messages from Love.

Good luck babe! Send me some snaps from the oath taking. Sorry I can't be there :(

I am proud of you. I love you my Atty. Lopez-Quentin.

This is the day that I need to swear my integrity sa pag-pursue ng law. Minsan kasi hindi ko alam if sineseryoso ako ng mga tao because they said I was too dumb to graduate.

I never really liked law. I was doing fine with my International Relations major. Malaki ang sweldo tapos minsan may all expenses paid kapag may company meeting outside the country.

It was my dream job and I was more than happy. Not until I met Quen.

He was too hard to reach. Social status pa nga lang, malayo na. So I proved him, that somehow I can be at the same level as him. Na I can influence others and will be liked by everyone.

Hindi biro ang pag-aaral ng law. Maybe I underestimated it too much na petiks lang ako noong first year. After experiencing it all, I realized that earning the attorney title is not easy. Pero the real challenge is to earn is that respect and prominence to the title.

For example, attorney ka nga pero the public knows you are serving the government, not the people.

And in my case, they misinterpreted that I am for the government. Fuck, dahil lang sa affiliation ko sa mga Quentins. I am far from being an apologist.

All of these thoughts are in my head while waiting in the lobby. Almost 15 minutes pa bago magstart ang program.

You have received a message from X.

Looks so stunning in that dress, Atty. Lopez.

Tangina, what was that? It looks like I got a psycho stalker. I don't know what to do, my hands are sweating and my body is trembling hard. Akala ko pa naman this creephead will spare me this day.

Shit, I never felt so threatened in my life until now.

You have received a message from X.

Take a chill pill, I'm not gonna hurt you. See you around.

Kailangan ko lang marinig ang boses ni Quen. His soothing voice makes me calm. Baka sakaling kahit iyon lang, mabigay sa'kin ng fate. My fingers hurt when I pressed his number real fast.

Calling Love...

Please answer. Just this once.

Calling Love...

Declined.

Calling Love...

Out of coverage area.

As if this life had done me good. In fairness, life is so consistent fucking with me.

Run. That was the first thing that popped into my mind. And so I did.

I guess dapat nag stay at home na lang ako and never attended it. Kahit isang araw ba bawal huminga?

I was so tired of running away from everything. I just need to slow down a little.

Hindi ko namalayan na ang layo ko na pala sa event hall. Umupo muna ako sa bench nearby and hot tears flowed rapidly in my cheeks. For sure, baka may makakita na naman sa'kin at i-post sa social media.

Public breakdowns are the worst and I always felt like a total loser whenever that happens.

"You okay?" A stranger asked politely and sat beside me. Parang may mushroom na biglang sumulpot out of nowhere.

"Mukha ba kong okay or sadyang bulag ka lang?" pagtataray ko. As if I looked good in my smudged mascara. Or it's me and my issues that I forgot how to treat people nicely.

"I don't know anong nangyari," he paused to wipe my tears. I hate to say it pero ang bango ng scent sa panyo niya.

Kakasabi ko lang na I don't want to show my vulnerability to anyone. Pero heto na naman ako, nagkakalat to someone na hindi ko naman kilala. Kung sakaling nilapitan ako nito just for a scoop, I swear I'm gonna shave my head.

"But you can just take the bar again next year," he continued and that made me look angrily at him. Bwiset pala 'to. Namemersonal, ganoon na ba ako mukhang kawawa?

Gusto kong sumabog at magsabi ng...masasamang words.

Ilang minuto na ang nakaraan but his sincere eyes are still fixated on me. I'm sure marami ng napaiyak 'to. It's just that his aura is the serious guy who loves his job and smells good. Mga tipong luluhuran saka aalayan ng bouquet kasi he is a visual god.

Don't get me wrong, hindi tatablahan ng charms niya ang sense of commitment ko.

"I passed the bar, you dummy!" I scoffed. When I saw the shock in his face, we awkwardly stared at each other. Parang jinx na we just bursted out laughing after.

I don't have the hots for him pero let me just commend his eyes. Wala lang, ang cute ng mata niya parang invisible pag tumatawa.

"Ang judgmental ko, sorry." He apologized.

"If you really passed the bar," he peeked at his Rolex and continued. "I think it's not too late to attend the event."

So there's a person who is being nice to me which is unusual to me. This day lang naman so I should let my walls down. Maybe it's not bad to socialize a little and he looks harmless. Ni hindi niya nga ako na-recognize.

Bigla na lang ako nagulat nang hinawakan niya ang palapulsuan ko. All I know now is we are running in the scorching heat at 10 am, the shining glory of the sun. Good luck na lang sa skin ko. My sleek bob hair was disheveled and my nude makeup was almost gone. Just ugh...great.

We were both catching our breath after running to hall. I excused myself to fix my appearance muna dahil I don't want to have a bad impression. My little black dress and white pumps still looks good pa naman, pero I never expected to have a marathon with a 3-inch heels.

After being satisfied, I am confident bitch again. Charot!

"How are we supposed to go in there? I heard strict sila sa time." I asked worriedly. For today, I'll spare him from my attitude and be Miss Congeniality.

Pero noong tumingin ako sa gilid ko, the man I was talking with suddenly spaced himself out. What was that? Did he realize being with me is a potential hazard? Takot din siya ma-bash?

"Just called someone to let us in." Probably he has connections. Is he that powerful para sirain ang rule? Or I was being so overanalytical?

The event started already. Being here feels so overwhelming and sobrang worth it ung 4 years of law school. That education is in me, na kahit maging zero balance sa bank account ko which is always, hindi nila mananakaw.

If I just had friends in law school, maybe mas magiging memorable itong event for me.

Nasa entrance pa rin kami ng hall at hindi ko alam kung saan ako uupo. It was jam-packed, to describe in a word. Ang dami ring media na nagcocover, therefore, it was "that" significant. I mean hindi naman ako ung hahabol sa election pero I need to calculate my actions and avoid causing a ruckus. For the sake of Quen.

"May seats sa bandang left corner," he pointed out using his lips.

And there I saw a diversity of ages, halos lahat naka-filipiniana and I was wearing a black fucking dress.

The bitch is breaking norms without any intent and she is me.

"I was not aware na may dress code na pang ninang pala dapat ang aura." I mocked.

Seriously, para lang akong may night out sa attire ko. Like c'mon it's 2015, who still wears ugly traditional dress? Manunumpa tayo guys, wala tayong performance sa Buwan ng Wika. O baka naman may dance number sila ng Tinikling tapos hindi ako informed.

"The one you're pertaining to is the side of the guests," then he chuckled.

Wait—so all this time, I was judging the wrong crowd. Dahan-dahan kong tiningnan ang left side, all with their court dresses. Napa-facepalm na lang ako.

How did I even get here without knowing the basic directions? Ewan ko din, actually.

"Dito na lang tayo umupo sa bandang dulo if okay lang." I suggested kahit kaunti na lang gusto ko ng kainin ng lupa.

"I don't really mind. Invited lang ako by a colleague," he shrugged off and focused his attention on the stage.

I think nasa kalagitnaan na 'yong program before we found seats. Mas okay naman iyon compared to listening to their boring speeches. As if may nakikinig, everyone just wanted to take the oath and go.

"To lead the bar passers in taking the lawyer's oath, Atty. Ariadne Maeve Fonseca, this year's topnotcher." Then the Associate Justice gave her the stage.

No wonder how she got that topnotcher title. Her posture shows that she is confident. In one look, alam mo na she's a lawyer.

Sana all brainy at may court dress.

The lawyers stood up on the left side. And the cameras begin to click fast because this is the main highlight of the event. I'll probably repeat after them in my seat and reevaluate my life decisions.

Kung hindi sana ako nag-inarte, edi sana nandon na ako sa side nila and proudly wearing a court dress. Para kahit minsan ma-feel ko ung pagkakaroon ko ng colleagues. But, the opportunity's all gone now.

"Why won't you stand up?" Nakakutnoong usisa niya.

"I just don't belong," I said and I mean it.

From the very start, that was how I feel pero no one knows. Ang gaan sa pakiramdam that finally you speak what's on your heart.

"It is never wrong to stand up lalo na't you have the means to," mahinahon niyang sabi.

At bigla niya akong hinatak niya ko patayo. "And you worked hard for it."

I smiled genuinely at him, hindi ko alam paano susuklian ang kind acts niya today. I never felt more than myself before and here am I, showing my true colors. Seems like I was released from my own shell.

As I raised my right hand, I recited every word with honor, pledging my integrity to the law.

"I, Saoirse Ivory Lopez, do solemnly swear that I will maintain allegiance to the Republic of the Philippines..."

After that, ni-remind lang kami that the Roll of Attorneys will be held tomorrow. Akalain mo 'yon, ganap na ko na lawyer. Hindi na ko bogus.

Tomorrow, I will be registered as a woman of the law in my state.

Kinalabit niya ako bigla and smiled back at me with the same energy.

"Feeling better?"

"A lot." Thanks to you, I wanted to say.

"You wanna grab coffee sometime?" Then he looked down shyly. I threw him a glare. Wait is this guy hitting me up?

"No, papakilala lang kita kay Maeve." then he just laughed off the tension.

Quota na ako sa pagiging epic fail kanina pa. I need to grip up my ass.

"Y-you mean the t-topnotcher?" I stammered in disbelief.

The colleague he was talking about is that Maeve. Ang tindi nga ng connections pero he never brags about it. In this house, we stan a humble man.

His phone beeped and he excused himself to answer the call. As soon as he got back, he asked for my "Phone?"

I gave it agad and looked at him while he was hurriedly typing his number. Sana nga this is a start of good friendship. That I will never feel lonely again 'pag wala si Quen.

"Sorry but I need to go. Catch up next time." he bowed and ran, tapos nawala like a flash.

I never knew the name of this stranger. All I know is that I feel light-hearted around him. No malice.

Akala ko tapos ang araw na 'to sa dami ng nangyari. Little did I know, the biggest one is yet to be revealed. What did I get myself into?

Primo Castellano
+639170000110

So help me God.