Fun fact: this was originally what I had generated for the first day of Ladrien June, but I decided to generate a different prompt because I felt as if this wouldn't be a proper start to the series. I really love the concept, but it wouldn't be the best for day one.

TW!! Ladybug has a pretty severe panic attack/flashback if this is potentially triggering, feel free to skip this one!                                                                                                                     -Colorado

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Ladybug stared at the piece of black fabric in her hand. Adrien stood by her, watching nervously as she ran her hands over the design. She knew it well, it was her own handiwork after all. She had tried to forget it, but she couldn't.

"I don't have a fan club in Brazil." Adrien whispered, joining her on his bed. "I looked it up because I wanted to send them something to show them my thanks. It didn't exist, at least, not an official one. I even got in contact with my biggest fan there, they told me that they never sent me anything."

Ladybug couldn't meet his eyes.

That beret, the stupid beret. She had never wanted to see it again, but here it was in her hands. The hearts on the side betraying her. She had spent hours pouring her heart into the beret. She thought it would be easy to confess her feelings that way. That way she didn't need to worry about stuttering or anything like that.

But of course, things just couldn't be that simple, now could it?

That stupid beret...

"Ladybug? Are you alright?" Adrien placed a hand on her back.

She shook away blue eyes and a destroyed moon.

"F-fine." She hated how her voice trembled.

"So, about the fan club? Was it stupid for me to ask? I just thought that since we're a bit closer now, I feel more comfortable asking." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck.

"No uh, it wasn't your fan club. I lied to you, I'm sorry about that."

"But why?" Adrien's eyes pleaded with her.

"I, well, it's a long story. I had to." Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut, but the face appeared in her mind.

The hateful look in his eyes, filled with unshed tears. The bitter edge to his voice, yelling after her, calling her something she never thought she would hear. The white glow growing bigger and bigger, threatening to destroy Paris.

Try as she might, she couldn't forget it. She just couldn't. The memories followed her around everywhere. A warning to what might happen if she wasn't careful. It was the reason she had to deal with the hurt look in Chat's eyes when she would hide things from him. It was the reason why Ladybug couldn't tell anyone her identity, especially not Adrien. It was the reason why she hated the color white.

"You never have to lie to me, Ladybug. I thought I was your friend?" Ladybug turned away from Adrien, she couldn't stand that look on his face. It was too similar to a look she had seen a million times before.

"We are friends, Adrien. But there are just some things that I can't tell you. My identity-."

"Has to remain a secret, I know, believe me. But I don't see how this is related? Unless I can somehow figure out your identity from a beret, why can't you tell me the truth?" Adrien grabbed the beret back from her, straightening out the wrinkles.

"You did it before." Ladybug spit out, balling her hands up into fists.

Why couldn't anyone understand that she was doing this to protect them? First Chat Noir, now Adrien, could no one see what she was doing here? If they found out, then the world would end! If they found out, Ladybug didn't want to be around to learn what would happen.

"What do you mean 'before?' I have never, ever, ever figured out your identity, Ladybug." Adrien took in a deep breath, trying to regain composure. "I don't get why you're still lying to me."

"It's for your protection, Adrien!" 

"I can protect myself, Ladybug. We've been friends for nearly two years and yet you still don't trust me?"

She tried to ignore the hurt in his voice, she really did, but goddamn it he just sounded so helpless.

"I've been partners with Chat Noir for longer and not even he knows the truth." Ladybug shot back, giving him a hard glare.

Adrien blinked, his eyes growing wide before an indignant look formed on his face. She had never seen him look so angry before.

"What the hell does Chat Noir have to do about this?"

"Nothing." Ladybug turned away from him, crossing her arms. "Absolutely nothing. Forget I said anything, you already know more than you should anyways."

"Because of a stupid beret? What scandalous thing happened? What are you so afraid of Ladybug? That the world is going to end?"

"Yes!"

"What?" Adrien whispered as Ladybug clamped a hand over her mouth.

'No, no, no, no, no, no, no.'

"Ladybug, that's insane." Adrien rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. "Let's assume your worst fear of me figuring out your identity is true, how would that make the world end? Is it because Hawkmoth might use me to get to you? He doesn't even know that we're friends!" He threw his hands up, incredulously. "We've been careful and it's worked. He hadn't figured us out yet, and he's not going to. I get that knowing your identity would be dangerous, but Hawkmoth had no reason to contact me. Even if he did, he would have to get through Chat Noir, too." Adrien grabbed one of her shoulders, turning her back towards him. "The world wouldn't end, you're getting stuck in your head again." Adrien said lightly, giving her a soft look.

Ladybug scoffed. It's true what they say, ignorance is bliss.

"You know nothing." Ladybug hissed, scooting away from him. "You don't know what I've seen. What I've been through. All you know was that stupid beret was from your stupid made up fan club. That's all you were supposed to know."

"And I'm just supposed to accept that?"

"Yes! You don't know the amount of danger you would've been in. I had to undo everything. That was all me! You don't know how close you've come to dying, Adrien. How close I've come to dying."

"You make it sound like you've seen the end of the world." Adrien rolled his eyes, but his eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped.

Ladybug was as pale as a piece of paper. Her eyes shifted wildly around his room as her breath grew more ragged.

"Ladybug? Ladybug, are you okay?" Adrien reached for one of her hands, but she pulled away from him. "Ladybug, breathe with me, okay? It's okay, you're going to be okay." He placed a hand on her back, and she flinched.

"Leave me alone Chat! I'm not giving you my miraculous!" She hunched over, clasping her hands around her ears.

"Ladybug, I'm not Chat. I'm Adrien, remember? You're okay, and I would never want your miraculous." Adrien slid off the couch, grasping her shoulders. "I need you to breathe, Ladybug. Can you do that? You can breathe with me, okay?"

She looked back up at him, her eyes seemingly staring right through him.

"In," he breathed in, "and out," he exhaled. "In and out, in and out." He repeated, watching as her eyes started to look more focused. "In and out, in and out, in and out." To his utter relief, Ladybug began to match his breathing patterns. "In and out, just like that! In and out."

She breathed, placing her hand on her heart, breathing slowly.

"Thank you, Adrien." She whispered.

"You're okay." Adrien pulled her in close. "Thank the Lord that you're okay."

"Y-yeah, I'm okay now." Ladybug patted him on the back. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Adrien breathed into her shoulder. "I thought it was your anxiety that was acting up. I didn't realize that you've actually seen the end of the world. That's what that was, right?"

Ladybug nodded.

"Normally attacks like that only hit after a nightmare or something that directly reminds me of it." She explained quietly.

"This beret," Adrien picked up the beret again, scrutinizing it. "It really was the cause of the end of the world, wasn't it?"

Ladybug took it out of his hands silently.

"It was a catalyst." She whispered. "When you figured out my identity, it had traveled from person to person, I don't know how. Chat Noir had found out through the grapevine and things went downhill from there."

She looked away from him and when Adrien reached for her hand again, she took it happily.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, I promise. But I have to tell you that I don't remember any of this." Adrien reassured her.

"Good, you shouldn't. Time travel gets weird, not even I know the full story. I just know that Hawkmoth created a powerful akuma, he destroyed the world, he knew my identity because you had figured it out due to the beret."

"But how does Chat Noir connect to it all? You mentioned him finding things out and... oh." Adrien breathed, his mind connecting the dots way too fast.

"Shit. Listen Adrien, you really weren't supposed to figure this out, Cha- the akuma! Was supposed to stay in my memories, and no one else's. You weren't even supposed to be the first person I told, that was going to be Chat."

"That's why you keep pushing him away. Holy shit, it all makes sense now!" Adrien ran his hands through his hair.

"Wait," Ladybug whirled around to face him. "How did you know that?"

"W-what?"

"That I was pushing Chat away, I never told you that." Ladybug narrowed her eyes at him.

"Uh, well, uh," his mind rapidly searched for an excuse, but he couldn't find anything.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" Ladybug crossed her arms.

"He visits me too." Adrien sighed, giving her a bashful grin. "He asked to keep it a secret, the same way we keep it a secret."

"You're friends with both of us?" Ladybug repeated, her eyes growing wide."You can't tell him anything about this!"

"I won't, I promise. It's not my secret to tell." Adrien held his hands up.

"Chat Noir doesn't know anything about this. I know I need to tell him, but I've never found the strength to if I'm being honest."

"You should tell him and you should do it soon." Adrien squeezed her shoulder.

"I know, I know I should, but I'm terrified about how he'll react?"

"Do you think that he'll, you know..." Adrien couldn't finish the sentence. He couldn't confront it.

"I don't know." Ladybug whispered, curling into herself. "I hope not, but who knows how he will react? If you found out that you were akumatized, how would you react?"

How would he react? That was a good question.

Adrien felt like he could barely breathe. In all honesty, he was most likely on the verge of a nervous breakdown. However, Ladybug needed him and that helped him to regain composure enough to be functional.

He had been akumatized because he had somehow figured out Ladybug's identity. He had promised himself long ago that he would never fall victim to Hawkmoth, but apparently that promise had been broken. And he didn't even know! Apparently, his cataclysm had been so powerful that he had destroyed the world, which was always lovely news to receive. He could barely believe it, but he knew that Ladybug would never lie to him.

"I have no idea." He gave her a nervous grin.

"Exactly. I don't want to take that risk with my partner." Ladybug shook her head.

"But still, he deserves to know, don't you think?"

"Well, yeah, of course he deserves to know. But I know it's going to hurt him, and I hate hurting him." She muttered.

Adrien felt his heart flutter at her genuine concern for him. It was almost enough to stop his anger at her not telling him. However, who knows how long she had been keeping this to herself. Who knows how long she had been suffering from this burden?

"When did this happen?" Adrien whispered.

"St. Athanase Day three years ago."

"Three years?" Adrien yelled, louder than he meant to. Ladybug flinched, and guilt automatically rose in his stomach. "Three years ago, that was even before you and Chat Noir had been around for a full year."

"I know." She whispered. "I thought that if I ignored it for long enough, then it would just go away. Of course, things never were that simple. Things kept me up at night, and the more I tried to avoid it, the more it popped up. St. Athanase Day is always hard, but nightmares were getting more and more frequent." 

"I'm so sorry, Ladybug. Why didn't you tell anyone?" Adrien whispered, before realizing that was a stupid question.

"Who could I tell? The only person who I was close to as Ladybug was Chat Noir, and we've already established why I couldn't tell him. Besides my kwami, there was no one who I could trust with it."

"Well, you have me now, right?" Adrien rubbed her shoulder. "So don't be afraid to tell me whatever is on your mind."

"Thank you, Adrien. I really do appreciate it." Ladybug leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Of course."

"God, I am tired. That was way too emotionally exhausting for my tastes." Ladybug yawned, closing her eyes.

"Do you need a rest? Feel free to use me as your pillow, it's the least I can do after everything you've told me."

"Yeah, that sounds," another yawn, "really nice, actually. If you wouldn't mind. I'm always tired after having one of those flashbacks. This one was particularly bad because of the beret."

"I'm sorry, LB, really." Adrien flinched.

"It's okay, you didn't know. It was a valid question. I should have realized that lying about a fan club that you would look up wasn't the best move. However, in my defense, I was panicking. I need an excuse to be there that wasn't 'I just had to go back in time to erase the end of the world,' quite literally.'" Ladybug admitted sleepily.

"Is that why I don't remember anything about this?" Adrien stiffened, remembering her awkward posture.

"Yep."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. I'm not sure if I should be proud or not of my past self for figuring you out from the beret." Adrien teased softly, not wanting to upset Ladybug again.

"I'd say you shouldn't, but I might be a bit biased." She chuckled, her voice slurring words together with sleep.

Adrien sighed in relief, she was feeling a lot better. Good, that was good.

"Rest easy, Ladybug." Adrien whispered, running his hands through her hair.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, Adrien. I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, I'm just so tired of keeping all of these secrets. It's all to protect people, I know that! But I can't help but complain about it. I'm just a kid, yet I've seen the end of the world and couldn't tell a damn soul, all because I'm too scared of it happening again. I'm-."

"Hey, it's okay. I promise you, it's alright. We can worry about it later, okay? You need your rest, Ladybug. It's not good to think about heavy topics when you're that tired."

"Screw you and your logic." Ladybug yawned. "But a nap does sound good. Your shoulder is going to fall asleep though."

"I'll live." Adrien gave her a wry grin.

"Alright, but you have no one to blame but yourself when your shoulder starts hurting." Ladybug shrugged.

"Are you sure that's comfortable enough? If you need to take the bed, I don't mind." Adrien wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close.

"I'm too tired to get up." Ladybug laughed softly. "This is plenty comfortable Adrien, don't worry." She reached up to peck his cheek.

His heart stopped.

"Okay." He wheezed, pounding on his chest to get his heart working again.

"Goodnight." Ladybug whispered, her breathing evening out. Adrien smiled at the sight.

"Night, Ladybug." He whispered into her hair.

With Ladybug no longer going into crisis mode, Adrien was finally allowed to think about everything he had learned within the past half hour. It was a lot to take in, too much for him to process in a short span of time. He couldn't imagine having to process it within a couple of minutes before fighting, like Ladybug had to. Even though he was upset with her for keeping things from him, he understood why. Hell, he probably would've done the exact same thing.

So first, he had figured out her identity. Somehow, using the beret, he had put the dots together. He wondered if she had hidden her name somewhere in the beret or if he had seen Ladybug with it and then had been gifted it by a civilian friend. He was scared to debate the matter further, in case temptation took over. He had wanted to know Ladybug's identity for three whole years, and where had that gotten him? Nowhere but rejection. Yet, in his lap he held the key to figuring out who she was. He wanted to know, it was almost excruciating to not look. But she had trusted him, and breaking that trust would be a death sentence.

So, onto the thing he had been trying his hardest to ignore. He had been akumatized and had known her identity while being akumatized. How could Hawkmoth have gotten ahold of him, he wasn't sure. He was ashamed for ever letting that cretin manipulate him in going against Ladybug. She had cried out that she wasn't going to give him her miraculous. He had attacked her, hadn't he? Even if he had been akumatized, he couldn't see what part of him could ever hurt her. Especially considering how deep his feelings ran for her.

Not only had he let Hawkmoth use him, he had hurt someone that he had loved. How could he possibly forgive himself? He knew that it was never the victim's fault and it was always Hawkmoth's. Isn't that what he told every akuma victim he came across? Seems like he was an expert of not taking his own advice, but that was nothing new.

Adrien sighed, feeling a headache come on from all of the emotions he had gone through within the past half hour. Ladybug seemed to have the right idea, a nap sounded great.

Adrien closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep, filled with visions of a blue eyed monster, chasing Ladybug in a white suit around a sunken Paris.

Stupid beret. 

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Idk if y'all are going to believe me, but this was supposed to be FLUFFY. I guess I'm just in the mood to write a bunch of angst!                                                                                     -Colorado