"Whats on your mind?" Nick asked me as I took a shot of soju.

I don't know if I have it written on my face or this guy is psychic, but it's like he knows when I have something on my mind.

I shook my head with a smile. "Nothing."

"Stop bullshitting." He threw back.

I chuckle, "I came in the army because I have no family and I didn't want to trouble the only people care for me. My best friend Dad, said he was in the army and found many great things. But he never mentioned wars and battles."

"So you're scared?" He asked me.

I shrugs my shoulders, "I don't know. I feel like I haven't found my answer."

I turn to Nick and he was looking at me with a confuse look. "And you assumed your answer was here in the army?"

I pour my glass with Soju, "Well it sure wasn't in the world out there."

I hear a sign out of Nick. "You know my whole life has been about the military and army. I was trained my whole life for this. And not that I asked for war, but I know once it came, I'll be ready."

I jokingly tease him, "How about you take my spot?"

I heard Nick chuckle, "Your name hasn't been drawn yet but I'll consider it."

In that moment and time, it was just a joke. It wasn't meant to happen for real. I would never ask another man to take my place in battle. It would be selfish of me.

But my name was drawn and just like that Nick, told his father he would take my place because it was an honor to go to war.

I was confused and fought him for a week to tell his dad, that I was going and not him. But he held his ground and took my place.

I was angry and felt guilt.

The day he was getting deployed, he found me with a smile on his face. I didn't know why he was happy.

"Hey let's take a picture." He took out his phone and took a photo of me and him. When he was done, his phone dings of notification. He read a text and chuckles. I gave him a confuse look, "It's my sister. She said when I come back, she wants to do bungee jumping."

I look at him, "You don't have to do this. I can go."

He shook his head. "You need to find your answer before it's too late. I have already found my answer. It's this place. It's what I was trained to do. Don't worry about me, I'll be back."

Before I say anything, General Manoban, calls all the soldiers who were getting deployed to head to plane. Nick gives me one final hug and leaves.

Two days letter I received the photo that is now on the floor where Lisa dropped it and ran out of my room. The anger and distrust I saw in her when I told her what was behind her brother's words, hurt my chest. The tears I saw falling down her face nearly broke me.

"Jungkook, what happen? Why did Lisa leave?" I hear Taehyung asking me from behind as I bent down and grabbed the photo.

I turn to Taehyung and notices Jin was here too they both had a confuse look. I showed them the picture and sat on my bed.

"She found out."

"Shit." Taehyung mumbles.

"What did she say?" Jin asked me.

I grab a fist full of my hair in frustration. "Nothing. She dropped the photo and left."

"Maybe give her some time." Jin advised me.

"Yeah and maybe you can talk to her. Give her some space and explain it to her." Taehyung tells me.

I threw myself back on the bed. "Can I have a moment to myself please?"

The two left while I watch my empty ceiling. Why the fuck did I leave my medicine in my room? Why the fuck did she have to take care of me? Why the fuck did I fall when I heard her voice? Why the fuck did Nick take my place? Why the fuck did I join the fucking army!?!?

By this time I stood up on my feet and grab a book on my shelf and threw it across the room.

My shoulder wasn't fully healed just yet and I yelled at the pain I felt. Both Jin and Taehyung came in with worried face and saw the dent the book I threw and noticed me grabbing my shoulder.

"You haven't fully heal yet. Are you insane?" Jin scolds me as he had me sit down.

Taehyung grabs my medicine and water and let me take a pain killer.

"I'm going to call Doctor Jisoo." Taehyung said.

"No." I stopped him.

He gives me a displeasing look, "Do you want me to call Lisa?" I shook my head. "Great." With that Taehyung leaves the room.

"She isn't going to talk to me again. And I don't fucking blame her." I tell Jin.

Jin looks at me with a weird look, "Why does it matter if she does or not?"

It was my turn to give him a weird look, "Her brother died because of me! Of course it matters."

Jin stood up with his hands on hips, "Nick took your place without asking. You asked him multiple times to back out and he didn't. You didn't get a gun and aimed at him. Neither did you beg him to take your spot. You said a silly comment while you were drinking, he knew you didn't mean it but this is what he wanted to do. So stop playing this guilt game you been doing in the last four years, and fucking move on. The more you dwell and don't find your fucking answer in life then yes, Nick died in vain." Jin took a deep breath with his eye close. When he open them again he look me in the eye, "And I honestly thought you were getting better." My brow furrows at his comment, "You been relaxed lately, you smile more, and even you joke around with us. Lisa could be the answer for all this because since she been here, you been different. In a good way."

With that he left. I don't know if it was Jin's words or the pain medicine but my mind started to relax and I was able to rest.