「 BEST FRIENDS 」

HOGSMEADE WEEKEND TURNED OUT TO be grimmer than anyone had anticipated. It was mostly owing to the fact that the Carrows had checked and double-checked anyone leaving the castle with a fierce, suspicious glint in their eyes while Filch poked and probed them with a rusty looking stick that Theo doubted did any work, as though the students weren't looking for a few hours of recreation but were planning to overthrow Snape and blow up the castle.

Regardless, Theo was relieved when he finally broke free from the clutch of the twins and Filch, and was on his way to Hogsmead with Seamus.

The weather was gloomy, with reluctant winds halfheartedly blowing his hair across his face. The snow crunched under their boots as the warm colours of the Hogsmeade shops drew them toward the heart of the village. With an unspoken agreement, they walked leisurely, not willing to shorten their trip any more than they needed to. Theo wanted to look around to see if Blaise had come, but he resisted the urge to do so.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Theo saw Seamus pull back the sleeve of his left arm, revealing a blue bracelet. As he looked closer, he noticed that it was knitted, with bronze coloured beads at regular intervals. The bracelet was secured around his wrist with a neat little knot. Theo couldn't help but recognise the Ravenclaw colours.

"Luna gave it to me," Seamus explained just as Theo finished the thought. "We weren't even friends, you know? I was friends with Neville and Ginny and that was enough for her, I reckon."

Theo nodded, thinking about the shawl she had given him. It was tucked carefully under his pillow - he had considered wearing it to Hogsmeade today but he wasn't careful with clothes and he wanted to return it to her - whenever that would be - in near perfect condition. Though, he thought, Luna possibly wouldn't be happy to know that he hadn't worn it considering that that was the precise reason she had given it to him.

Thinking about presents naturally led his mind back to the Christmas holidays, when he had received a pair of socks from Blaise. Theo frowned suddenly. Where had he kept them? For the life of him, he couldn't remember. He recalled putting them on right after taking them out of the box Blaise had sent them in, but then - what? The other students had returned from Christmas break the very next night, Theo's excitement to see his best friend was punctured when he found out what had happened to Luna and any thought of a pair of socks was completely pushed out of his mind. In fact, the time before and after that point - the point where he was blissfully oblivious of Blaise's actions - was completely hazy in his head. Like someone had reached into his mind and gently chiselled off the memories. He made a mental note to look for the socks once he returned to the dorms.

Seamus let his sleeve fall, covering up the bracelet. They fell silent and walked into Hogsmeade without any more discussion.

The atmosphere of the village was subdued. Huddled in tight groups, students walked around with swift steps, heads bowed in front of them. Some had bags hanging from their elbows, others carried mugs of butterbeer. Theo's eyes did another sweep of his surroundings to look for Blaise but came up with no result.

He suddenly realised they had made no plans.

It was okay with Blaise. Theo didn't need to make any plans when it came to hanging out with him. One cannot be friends with someone for seven years without developing a sort of spontaneity between them. But Seamus was different. Their friendship has, so far, been mostly out of necessity, confined between the looming walls of Hogwarts. Though they were trying to change it, no one had said it was going to be easy.

Seamus cleared his throat loudly, proving that he was thinking the same as Theo. "So, where do we go first?"

"Well, a trip to Hogsmeade won't be complete without indulging in an unhealthy amount of sweets."

Seamus laughed and took his hand. "Let's go then." Theo startled - he wasn't used to such gestures - but he accepted his hand humbly and they walked side by side to the Honeydukes Sweetshop.

The smell of sugar tickled their nostrils as soon as the door shut behind them with a jingle of the bell. They collected a bag each from the counter and Seamus pulled him across the shop to the other side, where large shelves adorned with colourful sweets blessed their eyes.

As they began to randomly select sweets and stuff them inside the bags, Theo was able to momentarily forget that their school life was shoved into chaos and rebellion, that the Carrows hid in every dark corner waiting to pounce upon anyone and punish them for the smallest of crimes. He was suddenly thirteen years old, excitedly choosing from the wide assortment of sweets whilst Blaise stood behind him and watched. Blaise had usually let him do the shopping for the both of them. Except for books and clothes - Theo was lousy when it came to fashion and education.

They paid and left the shop, only to be instantly hit with a firm gale that nearly snatched their bags from their fingers. They laughed as they hugged the bags close to their chests, and continued to laugh and talk as they fell into the cobblestone path running through the middle of Hogsmeade, the scent of sugar and honey having freed them from their inhibitions. They huddled close to each other, arms touching and Theo started to feel less shy around Seamus. The touching, the hand-holding didn't mean anything. They had already agreed that they were going to be friends, and maybe being physically close was Seamus's way of expression.

Theo realised he liked it.

Seamus stopped suddenly, a strange expression crossing over his face. Theo peered at him in concern. "You okay?"

Seamus nodded. "Yes, of course." He smiled brightly up at Theo, though he could see the falseness in his smile. "Um - I was thinking I would pop into Scrivenshaft's."

Theo nodded in understanding, though it hadn't really explained the abrupt change in Seamus's mood. "Need a quill?"

"No. Not really. Um."

"Do you want me to wait for you outside?"

Seamus looked confused at the suggestion. "No. Why would I?"

"You kind of look like you don't want me to tag along with you." He leaned in to look better at his face. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," answered Seamus, then his eyes widened quickly. "I mean - no, of course I don't want you to wait for me outside. Do you realise how cold it is? You'll freeze. And yes, I'm okay. Just perfect. Shall we go toThree Broomsticks next? I'm dying for a drink."

Theo was awed at his strange behaviour. Pushing the straps of his Honeydukes bag up to his elbows, he gripped Seamus's arms and shook him a little. "Seamus. You're rambling. What's wrong?"

Seamus blinked and stirred like he was just waking from a dream. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's got into me." He gave a nervous laugh. "You must think me strange."

"Absolutely not," said Theo firmly, still holding on to his arms. "Let's go to Scrivenshaft's. One step at a time. Okay? We will go to Three Broomsticks last. And if you want me to stand outside, I will. No judgement."

Seamus shook himself out of his grip. "Of course not. Come with me."

He wrapped his fingers tightly around his elbows and almost dragged him into the stationery shop.

The smell that invited them now was starkly different from what they had smelled at Honeydukes. It was less overwhelming, and it did not tickle their noses urging them to come and buy the products. It had a hint of nature to it. Theo thought that if he closed his eyes, he would be instantly transported to a distant countryside as yet untouched by humans.

Seamus lingered at the doorway. He seemed to still be indecisive about whatever it was he wanted to buy. To give him some space, Theo moved into the shop and looked at the quills and rolls of parchment set at neat piles over tables and shelves.

These were all unlike the stationery items he always bought from Diagon Alley. Apart from asking for unreasonably high prices, Scrivenshaft's was more concerned with beauty than practicality, so it was more likely to pique Blaise's interest than his. Nevertheless, he observed the colourful feathers adorning the quills, and when he picked up one tentatively, he was surprised at how sturdy the shaft was. Maybe the price wasn't so unreasonable after all.

He put the quill back in its place with careful fingers so as not to damage it. It seemed like a crime to hold something as pretty as this without thoroughly washing his hands first.

Theo moved away from the quills and went to the ink section. The inkpots shone in the low light of the shop, the colours inside them luminous and inviting. Blaise would love an inkpot like this. Theo reached into the shelf to choose a particularly elegant looking one when he stopped. What was he doing?

Shaking his head, he swiftly turned away from the shelf and looked around until he spotted Seamus. He leaned over a shelf at the corner that held what Theo thought looked like leather-bound notebooks. He didn't want Seamus to freak out again so he strolled to the window and gazed out at Hogsmeade through the misty glass.

... and immediately found Blaise.

His expression, even from this distance, was clearly scrunched up in exasperation. Next to him was Daphne, holding onto his arm and smiling and talking animatedly in false cheerfulness. Theo put a hand over his mouth to hide the laughter that threatened to erupt as he watched Blaise possibly trying to find something to slam his fist through.

After talking with Blaise last night, Theo had hunted down Daphne and pleaded with her until she agreed to take Blaise with her to Hogsmeade. In return, Theo had promised to "accidentally" release itching powder in Draco's bed. He, of course, had no intention of doing that and he hoped Neville wouldn't have any left in his store as Daphne had claimed he had.

"So you found him?"

Theo jerked away from the window to find Seamus grinning up at him, a small notebook clutched between his fingers. "What do you mean?"

Seamus scoffed. "Don't take me for a fool, Theo. I know you've been looking for him ever since we stepped into Hogsmeade."

Theo hoped the dim lighting of the shop would conceal the colour rising in his face. "Yeah, well," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'd asked Daphne to bring him and I was wondering if she had managed to drag his stubborn arse here."

"He didn't want to come?"

You're going with Finnigan. Who will I go with?

Theo shook his and decided to change the subject. "What do you need a notebook for?"

Seamus started like he had forgotten about it. He held the notebook close against him as he made his way to the counter to pay for it. "It's a sketchbook actually."

That caught Theo's attention. "Really? I didn't know you draw."

"I don't," Seamus said quietly. There was something in his voice that kept Theo from asking any more questions. Coins clanged on the countertop as the transaction was made. Seamus carefully slid the sketchbook inside his jacket pocket and the two of them left the shop.

Outside, Theo saw Blaise. They were far enough to be able to avoid a conversation, but not far enough to avoid eye contact. The sour expression in Blaise's face softened as their eyes met and Theo almost smiled. But Daphne waved at him in exaggerated motions, grinning like a child. He rolled his eyes and waved back, then watched as she dragged Blaise away.

"No offence meant," said Seamus, "but is she okay?"

Theo laughed. "Yes. She just doesn't like Blaise very much. I had to make a deal with her to convince her to bring him here. One of the agreements in the deal was that she gets to make the few hours at Hogsmeade hell for him so that he would never want to come within an arm's reach of her."

Seamus responded with his own laughter. "Judging by his expression, I don't doubt that." He looked up at Theo. "It's sweet though. That you still care for him even though you aren't talking."

Theo ignored the pang in his chest. "I don't want our friendship to end."

Seamus nodded and rubbed his palm over Theo's back. "Shall we go to Three Broomsticks now?"

Seamus hadn't been joking when he said that he was dying for a drink. He had finished two pints of mulled mead and was already asking for more by the time Theo had managed to take only two sips of his butterbeer. He watched him for a few minutes in amusement before deciding it was time to intervene.

He wrenched his mug away, ignoring the pleading look on Seamus's face. "No, Seamus. You don't want to get into trouble with the Carrows."

He scoffed. "I don't think they care if I get drunk or what."

"Maybe not. But you might do something stupid if you're drunk."

"I don't care," Seamus insisted like a stubborn child. "Neville will protect me. Give my mead back!"

Theo quickly poured the remaining honey-coloured liquid on the tray that lay on the table between them, suppressing a laugh as Seamus gaped at him.

"You cruel, cruel man!"

"I'll pay for it."

"I don't care about your money!" Seamus cried, drawing attention from the thin crowd around them. He kicked Theo under the chair. "I just want to get drunk."

Theo's smile slipped from his face. Glancing around to make sure no one was coming their way, he got off his seat and slid into the spot next to Seamus. He pulled him close and let him rest his head over his shoulder. Theo ran his fingers through his sandy hair. He wasn't comfortable talking about feelings with others, but when he recalled everything Seamus had done for him it wasn't very hard to open his arms to him.

Seamus rubbed his face and sniffed.

"What is it?" Theo whispered into his hair. "You can tell me. If you don't want to, it's still fine. But I'm here if you need a friend."

Seamus pulled away, but still remained close enough that their sides were pressed together. His nose was red, and Theo caught a glimmer in his eyes, though they were free of tears. He kept his arm around his shoulders. Seamus managed to give a watery smile. "I'm sorry. I'm a mess, I know."

Theo smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. "It's okay. We all are."

The smile that pulled up Seamus's lips was genuine. He stared down at his lap for a long time, trying to bring his breaths under control. Theo didn't urge him but waited patiently for him to speak. Finally, he took a deep breath and glanced up. "The sketchbook isn't for me," he explained. "It's for Dean."

Dean Thomas. Theo was familiar with him. A Gryffindor in his year who hadn't returned for his seventh year because of his blood status. He remembered that Seamus and Dean had always been stuck together like glue. In his own grief about Blaise, he hadn't given a thought to how Seamus must have been feeling after losing his best friend. A pang of guilt shot through his chest. 

"He draws?"

Seamus seemed pleased that he had asked. "Yes. He loves drawing. He sketches, mostly. But sometimes he draws too." He pulled out the sketchbook from his pocket, holding it gingerly between his fingers. "I'm going to give it to him when I see him next. I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again though."

Theo squeezed his shoulder gently. "You will. Of course you will."

Seamus placed the sketchbook back in his pocket.

"Tell me more about him," said Theo, nudging him gently.

Seamus seemed surprised at the request. He gazed at Theo for a minute and cleared his throat. "Dean had - has an odd sense of humour. He laughs at the silliest jokes and accuses us of being unfunny when we don't laugh at him. Sometimes he woke us up in the middle of the night and asked the most horrendous questions. Once I was up with him in the common room, studying for the OWLs and he suddenly said, 'Do you think McGonagall spies on the other teachers in her cat form?'"

Theo laughed and felt relieved when Seamus laughed too.

"He used to draw things and show them to me, and he would ask me to create stories around them. If he drew a forest, I would describe banshees living there and luring children in and snapping their necks." Seamus shivered under Theo's hold. "It was kind of our thing. He drew, I made stories."

"You guys can write a book one day," said Theo. "A picture book, I mean."

Seamus seemed drawn to his suggestion. "That's actually not a bad idea!" But his face dulled a moment later. "If I ever get to see him again, that is."

Theo lifted his arm off his shoulders and looked at him directly. "You will," he said with a firmness that surprised even himself. "When school ends, you can go and find him. When was the last time you saw each other?"

"The day Snape was made Headmaster and the new laws were implemented. Dean came to my place to say goodbye. He said he was going to take his family into hiding." Seamus twisted his fingers together, his face screwing up in frustration. Tears pooled in his eyes and his voice shook as he said the next words. "I didn't even realise how serious the situation was. I thought he would come to Hogwarts. I thought I would see him again. I didn't realise things would get so fucked up. I should have made him stay with us. I was stupid."

He wiped his face vigorously to get rid of the tears that have started falling.

"You couldn't have known, Seamus."

"You know what the funny thing is? We don't even know if Dean is a muggle-born."

Theo frowned as he helped Seamus wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "What do you mean?"

"His father left them when he was a kid. His mum only came to know about Hogwarts when Professor McGonagall visited them when Dean was eleven. There's a possibility that his father could be a wizard. We can never know though, can we? He could be a half-blood, but how could anyone convince the Carrows?" Seamus sighed and leaned against Theo. "Thank you for listening to me."

"Of course."

He sniffed, rubbing his hands over his eyes until Theo feared he was going to pop out his eyeballs. He grabbed his wrists and gently pulled them away. "Don't do that. Let me get you a tissue paper."

He hurried to the counter and asked for tissues and a bottle of water. He paid for the latter and returned to the table to find Seamus staring dejectedly out of the window. After Theo had forced him to gulp down half of the water from the bottle, he soaked the tissue paper and tenderly wiped his face clean until the only sign that remained of his crying was his red nose and puffy eyes.

Seamus protested mildly, but Theo suspected he enjoyed the attention.

"I'm sorry," said Seamus as they got ready to leave. "I was being so childish - crying and all that."

Theo pulled him into a brief hug. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you told me."

"I just miss him is all."

Theo nodded. "I know."

When they left the Three Broomsticks, Theo hesitated at the doorstep. With a quick "I'll be right back," he left Seamus and dashed to Scrivenshaft's where he found the inkpot that had caught his attention earlier and purchased it. He grinned at Seamus's inquiring look as he returned and hooked their arms together. "Let's go home."

They walked back to the castle in comfortable silence.

That night, Theo sat in the common room writing a homework essay when Blaise walked in. He noticed the annoyance from his Hogsmeade trip still lingering in his face, and waved. Blaise's eyebrows rose at his gesture, then he came to sit with him.

"Did you enjoy your trip?" he teased.

Blaise instantly groaned. "Why would you do that? Those were the worst few hours of my life."

"Hey, Daphne is a sweet girl," Theo chided.

"To you, maybe. She kept doing things purposefully to annoy me. She dragged me to Gladrags and made me try on robes and gloves and hats."

Theo burst out laughing which further aggravated Blaise. Quietly, he registered that this was the most they had talked in over a month. He still felt distant from Blaise, but that didn't mean he couldn't laugh with him.

Or rather, laugh at him.

"Did you?" Theo managed to ask between bouts of laughter. "Try on hats?"

Blaise glared at the spot between them. "I did. Everyone stared at us. Daphne kept saying that she didn't like being there any more than I did, but I think she quite enjoyed humiliating me."

"I'm sure she did. And don't be like that. I bet you looked stunning in those fancy hats."

Blaise grumbled something that Theo couldn't quite make out. He turned to his homework, realising he had lost his train of thought and that the essay wouldn't be complete by tonight. He stuffed it carelessly into his bag and curled up, folding his arms around his chest.

When Blaise looked at him, Theo felt his breath catch in his throat. It wasn't fair - it really wasn't - how looking at his best friend made him feel all these strange things deep in his guts. He should look away, but the firelight dancing over Blaise's cheeks and highlighting his cheekbones with a sharp glow kept his eyes rooted on him.

"Is there nothing I can do to make you forgive me?" Blaise asked in a small voice.

Theo managed to look away. "That's for you to figure out."

He heard a sigh beside him. He thought Blaise was going to leave, but a second later he saw Blaise pull his legs up on the couch. He had turned away to stare at the floor, and his face was washed in an ethereal glow.

"I kissed Seamus," Theo said without thinking. Instantly, his eyes widened as his slow brain figured out what his mouth has just spouted, but it was too late to take it back now. What is wrong with me?

He peered nervously at Blaise. His face was still, expression unreadable. Then - "Oh. Well, I'm happy for you."

Did the lack of any sign of jealousy in his voice sting?

Theo cleared his throat, hoping for the awkwardness to subside. "It's not - it wasn't like that."

Why did he have to open his mouth? Theo wished he could slide into the floor and disappear into the thick carpet. The fact that Blaise wasn't much affected by his confession hurt more than he would've thought possible. But then again, why was he thinking like this? He was supposed to be angry with Blaise. He shouldn't be craving affection from him.

Blaise's confusion was clear when he asked, "It wasn't like what?"

Theo wanted to die.

"It was - I mean I'm not ..." he sputtered. "I'm not interested in him ... romantically."

Blaise shifted to face him. "I'm confused. You just said you kissed him."

Theo couldn't help the helpless laugh that came out of his mouth. "I don't know why I kissed him. It was out of impulse."

But the confused frown continued to tug at Blaise's eyebrows. "And then you started cuddling?"

"What?" It was now Theo's turn to be confused.

"At the Three Broomsticks. You two were very ... intimate."

"He was crying!" Theo exclaimed. "I was trying to comfort him. Oh, Merlin." He covered his face with his hands, mortified. "I'm so bad at this." He peeped through his fingers to look at Blaise, who looked back at him, amused. "You were there? I didn't see you."

"We went in. But then Daphne spotted you two and pulled me back out. I didn't get a good look, so I can see why I may have misinterpreted the situation."

Theo let his hands fall. "Well, I didn't kiss him today. It was before. Right after Christmas break. When he was treating the cut on my stomach."

"But you guys aren't ...?"

"No. I don't really know why I did it. I kind of ran away after that," he admitted sheepishly. Theo wondered why he had gone from not talking to Blaise to telling him everything in a span of ten minutes. "But Seamus was cool. He said that he didn't mind, and he would still like to be my friend. So ... we're friends now."

Blaise nodded sagely. "I think I know why you kissed him."

Whatever reaction he had expected from Blaise, this wasn't it. "You do?" he asked sceptically.

Blaise suddenly seemed embarrassed. "Well, I can guess. I know that those few days were very hard on you. You probably felt lonely and betrayed. It was mostly my fault, I know. But well, when Seamus started looking after you, you may have felt validated and loved, and you may have mistaken that feeling for attraction."

Theo stared, stunned. Blaise smiled shyly, glancing at him for a second.

"Of course, I may be wrong."

"No, that does make sense. I have to tell Seamus. He probably thinks I'm weird. First kissing him, then running away, then telling him that I'm not interested in him."

Theo felt again the desire to vanish into the carpet under his feet as he recalled the incident.

Blaise laughed softly. It sounded beautiful in his ears. "Did you really run away?"

"Shut up."

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this is the longest chapter i have written in any book so far and i'm proud