「 FORGIVENESS 」

DINNER WAS A JOYFUL EXPERIENCE. Stories of what Amycus Carrow had faced in their class spread quickly and even Draco was seen animatedly explaining the events to Astoria while Daphne glared at them with fire blazing in her eyes. Theo smiled and nudged her with his elbow.

"Chill out, Daphne," he said. "You completely killed him in class. You should be proud."

To Theo's surprise, she blushed. "I didn't do anything. It was mostly Neville and Seamus."

"Yes. Neville." Theo turned in his seat to look at her. "I've been meaning to speak to you about him, actually. What's going on between you two?"

Daphne stabbed her food with a fork causing a thud sound that drew everyone's attention toward them. Theo tried his best to pretend that he wasn't there. When the murmurs around them resumed, he looked at her, an eyebrow cocked inquisitively.

"So I'm not allowed to be friends with him now?" demanded Daphne. "We have to be - be -" She sputtered as she hunted for the right word, "- be attracted to each other? To care for one another?"

Theo held up his hands, both as a defence and as a surrender. "I'm definitely not saying that. But Seamus did mention that Neville cannot stop talking about you, and I thought -"

"You didn't tell me anything about what's going on between you and Seamus so don't expect answers for me," she snapped, brandishing her fork in front of his eyes. Theo decided to drop the subject.

He finished his dinner quietly. Daphne didn't pay him much attention afterwards, which was fine with Theo. He looked around and observed the people around him.

Once or twice, his eyes inadvertently fell on Blaise. He sat huddled at the corner, eating by himself, not talking to anyone, not looking at anything but the food in front of him. A part of Theo wished to reach out to him, to sit next to him to keep him company. He may be angry with Blaise, but it didn't erase the seven years of friendship they had shared and enjoyed.

"Have you spoken to him at all?" asked Daphne, nodding at Blaise. She must have noticed Theo staring. He wasn't particularly trying to hide it.

He shook his head, looking away. "No. Corben thinks I should though." He looked at her expectantly, hoping for a contradictory opinion.

But Daphne agreed with Corben. "I think so too." She didn't elaborate further but returned to bore holes in Malfoy's head with the sheer power of her eyes.

When dinner ended and the dishes started to vanish from the table, Theo made toward the great double doors but was stopped as someone grabbed his hand from behind. Suspecting who it was, he yanked his arm away and whirled around. "Stop doing that, Blaise!"

Blaise held up his hands. "I'm sorry."

Theo, trying to catch his breath, glared at Blaise. He looked different, somehow. More miserable. As he should be, a cruel part of Theo thought. His eyes were drawn together in a sad frown and his hands fluttered nervously by his sides. Blaise was never nervous.

"Theo, will you talk to me?" Blaise pleaded. "Please. I miss you."

Theo took a step back. He knew this was his chance to keep his promise to Corben but he couldn't. He couldn't. If he tried to talk to Blaise while he looked so vulnerable, he would end up forgiving him. Another time. Not now.

"Leave me alone," was what he said. Before he could change his mind, he stalked away.

Corben must have seen the whole interaction, Theo thought bitterly. He must think that Theo wasn't intent on keeping his promise. Theo thought that he should go back and tell him that he needed more time, that he wasn't ready to talk to Blaise yet. But his legs carried him away from the Great Hall, away from Blaise and he didn't try to stop them.

Just before he reached the entrance to the dungeons, a voice called behind him, "Theo, wait!" followed by hurried footsteps. Losing his temper, he whirled around and bellowed, "I told you to leave me alone!"

Seamus stumbled to a stop. His face crumpled. "Jesus, Theo! I get it. You don't have to shout at me like that."

Theo blinked, stunned. "I'm sorry," he said. He took a few steps toward Seamus, hoping to reassure him. "I'm so sorry. I thought you were Blaise."

The hurt look vanished from Seamus's face to be replaced by a lopsided grin. The green lights coming from the dungeons shone eerily on his face. He looked not like the kind boy who had taken care of him, but like something else entirely. Theo supposed a Gryffindor like him had never come in contact with green lights. "I take it you guys haven't made up yet?"

"No." Theo sighed. "Um - did you want to talk to me?"

Seamus shuffled and looked away from him. In the dim lights, he saw a pink sheen rise up his neck and cover his plump cheeks. He looked unusually attractive in the Slytherin colours. If they didn't go somewhere else soon, Theo might kiss him again.

"Yes, actually." Seamus met his eyes. "We should talk. About - you know."

Theo nodded. "Yes, I suppose we should." He looked back at the dungeon entrance, then at Seamus again. "Can we go somewhere else? We're blocking the way."

Seamus straightened. "Yes, of course."

Theo led him away from Slytherin territory, up a single flight of stairs, and finally came to rest at the East wing of the second floor where a high window overlooked Hagrid's hut and the pumpkin patch that he tended to. After long deliberation, he faced Seamus.

"Can I go first?" he asked after a deep inhale of air and continued when Seamus nodded. "Okay. Um - I'm sorry. For - for kissing you. It was unwarranted and I shouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. I'm not sure why I did it - not that I don't like you, I really do," he added hurriedly. It was now his turn to blush. He should have written the speech down first and rehearsed it at least thirty-seven times. But Seamus laughed, not in pity but with what seemed like genuine tenderness. Gratified, Theo stumbled on. "If you don't wish to see me any longer, I'll understand. But I think of you as my friend, and I really hope you do too."

A ghost of his initial laughter lingered on Seamus's face. "Of course I think of you as my friend, Theo. We haven't had a chance to talk about things other than your wounds, but I hope to change that."

Pleasantly surprised, Theo returned his smile. "Great. Cool. So. You're not mad at me?" he asked timidly.

Seamus punched his arm fondly. "Of course not. If you hadn't noticed, I kissed you back. So if you want to blame someone, you should blame the both of us."

Theo laughed, relaxing. He leaned back against the window and watched the moonlight travel over the soft wrinkles at the corners of Seamus's eyes. He tried to remember if the wrinkles had been there before. He must have missed them since the most they talked was in the darkness of deserted classrooms and with Theo whimpering in pain. "I hope it won't change anything between us."

"It won't," said Seamus confidently and Theo found himself believing him. "I'm glad we could talk this through without turning it into a mess." He looked at his watch and straightened. "We should go back. It's going to be curfew soon."

Theo nodded. "Can I walk you to the Gryffindor tower?"

Seamus looked at him in surprise. "You want to walk me to the lion's den?"

He shrugged, grinning. "Well, you ran into the serpent's lair to talk to me." He paused, biting his lip. "And I don't want you to think that I only want to be with you when I'm grievously injured."

"Of course I don't think that." Seamus scoffed. He held out his arm like a gentleman. "Shall we?"

Theo linked their arms with a smile and they made their way to the Gryffindor tower.

"You know," said Seamus after several minutes of blissful silence, a silence that didn't press on their eardrums and urge them to talk. "You're a good kisser. I liked it."

To his own surprise, Theo didn't blush this time. Instead, he groaned. "Please stop. We'll never talk about this again."

"Why not? It's a compliment. Was it your first time? You did good."

Theo stopped walking, unhooked their arms and glared at him with mock indignation. "If you don't shut up right now, I won't go with you to your precious tower."

"Okay, sorry." Seamus sputtered in between bouts of laughter. "We'll forget about it. Come along, my sweet serpent friend."

They reached the Gryffindor tower. A large portrait hung on the wall of a woman who slept in what Theo thought must be a very uncomfortable position. Seamus looked at him and smiled. "Thanks for walking me. You should go now. It's getting late."

Theo pretended to be offended. "Are you trying to shoo me away? My sole purpose of coming here was to find out the password to your common room. I'm not going until you tell me."

Seamus clutched his chest in exaggerated shock. "No! I trusted you. How could you do this to me?"

The woman in the portrait shuddered awake. "Will you two boys shut it and let me sleep?" Then she fell asleep instantly again.

Seamus grinned sheepishly and pulled Theo away from the portrait. "Sorry about that. She has a temper." He regarded Theo thoughtfully. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but you really should go. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have let you come with me. The Carrows - I don't want them to do anything to you again."

"Yes." Theo nodded. "Thanks for taking care of me. Um - good night."

He turned to leave when Seamus caught his arm and pulled him into a tight hug. Theo was taller so Seamus had to stand on his toes to reach his neck. Stunned by the sudden development, Theo remained frozen in his arms. But the warmth of the embrace comforted him and soothed, he hugged him back.

Embraced in Seamus's arms, Theo realised how rarely he had been hugged in his life. His father never came closer than an arm's length from him and though he loved Corben's hugs, they were more like receiving a momentary burst of affection from an excited toddler. Daphne's hugs were quick and perfunctory and Blaise - well, he wasn't a hugging person. The closest Theo had come to him was during Slughorn's Christmas party where they had danced and even then, they had been stiff.

But the hug from Seamus was different - felt different. Any discomfort, any fear that had been crowding Theo's mind since the beginning of the year seemed to disperse and vanish in the air with this simple gesture. Seamus's hand stroked his back in comforting lines, unknotting the tightness in his muscles. A comforting warmth spread through his body, a new and unusual feeling that Theo knew had nothing to do with the momentary attraction he had felt toward Seamus. It was much more profound than that. It was friendship in its purest form.

"I'm really glad I met you," Seamus said, his breath brushing over Theo's cheek like a feather.

You mean you're glad that I got my arse handed over to me by the Carrows so that you could test your skills on me? was what Theo wanted to say. But he felt that it wasn't a good time for a joke. And anyway, he could hardly get his throat to work.

Seamus pulled away and offered him a gentle smile. "Well, good night. Take care of yourself."

Theo nodded and turned away. As he turned a corner, he heard a sniffle, followed by the voice of the woman in the portrait. "That was beautiful."

It was indeed quite late as Seamus had feared. Theo hadn't realised how much time had passed, but when he escaped the Gryffindor Tower, he registered how empty the castle was. It was nearing curfew. He hurried his steps, though made sure not to make any noise.

Fortunately, he was able to reach the dungeons without any interruption. Unfortunately, he bumped into Blaise, who was just leaving.

"Hi, Blaise," he said flatly and stepped past him. Blaise, instead of minding his own business, followed him. Theo suppressed a resigned sigh. "Stop following me, for Merlin's sake. Go and do whatever you were going to do."

"I was going to look for you."

Theo halted and stared at Blaise, suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

Blaise seemed hesitant for a moment. "It's almost curfew. And you hadn't returned to the common room yet. I was - well, the Carrows might not be happy to see you outside. And they've already hurt you once." His eyes trailed down to Theos's waist, where he had seen him bleeding yesterday.

Theo said the password to the door and entered the common room. He had half a mind to go to the dormitory and shut himself up inside the security of his fourposter bed, but he couldn't get himself to break Corben's promise a second time. So he flopped down on one of the sofas in the common room. He didn't say anything to Blaise, nor did he gesture for him to sit but Blaise understood his invitation and gingerly sat across from him, keeping a respectable distance between them.

"I'm sorry," he said without any preamble. "I know it's not enough and I don't expect you to forgive me. But you were right. I didn't think the Carrows would invite Luna for a tea party. I knew what was going to happen the moment they asked me to take her out of the train." Theo shuffled in discomfort. "Well, I didn't know they were going to kidnap her precisely. But I knew they weren't up to anything good. I was jealous. Of how close you were with Luna. It was an act of pure selfishness and I've regretted it ever since I returned to my compartment."

Theo was dumbstruck. He had expected Blaise to apologise profusely and make excuses for his actions, justifying them. He hadn't expected a confession. Not like this. Not so honest and so raw. He didn't know how to respond to something like that.

But Blaise didn't say anything else. He merely pulled up his legs and hugged them close, looking away from Theo. He was waiting for Theo to say something.

"You know those aren't going to increase my chances of forgiving you."

With the fire behind him, Blaise's face was cast in shadow, keeping his expression invisible from Theo. He nodded. "I know. I wanted to tell you the truth. Without making excuses."

Theo bit his lips. His job was done. He had kept his promise and he could very well leave Blaise and go to bed. But he didn't. Instead, he said, "I'm surprised that you haven't asked me anything about Seamus."

Blaise seemed taken aback at the abrupt change of topic. "What?"

"Well, you must have noticed that I've been hanging out with him. How come you didn't ask me what he's up to and why I want to talk to a Gryffindor like him?"

Blaise's answer was short and simple. "I'm learning to mind my own business."

This surprised Theo more than the confession. As he tried to make up his mind about what to say to that, Blaise shifted closer to him. He pointed at his stomach. "Can I see that?"

Theo curled his arm protectively around his torso. "There's nothing to see. It's just a stupid bandage."

"Why did they do it? Shouldn't you have immunity given that you're part of the Inquisitorial Squad?"

Remarkably, Theo laughed. "I asked them what they did to Luna."

Blaise's mouth fell open, and even though his face was but a silhouette against the glowing flames, Theo could see the shock in his eyes. "You're joking, right?"

Before he could stop himself, Theo glanced down at his stomach. "I wish I was."

Blaise scooted even closer to him. "Let me see it. Please."

Theo regarded him for a moment. "If I let you see it, will you promise to leave me alone?" No sooner did the words leave his mouth that Theo wished he could take them back. He thought he saw Blaise wince. But before he could decipher the look on his face, Blaise said, "Okay."

Theo lifted his shirt. The bandage was surprisingly clean and Blaise examined it for a minute. Theo was curious to know what he was searching for but he held his tongue. Then Blaise said, "Did they hurt you anywhere else?"

He could have said no and let it be. Blaise wouldn't ask anymore, and he would leave him alone henceforth, just like he had promised. But Theo unbuttoned the top of his shirt and let him see the burns on his chest. Blaise stiffened as his eyes fell on the three dark circles branding his skin. He fell back against the sofa.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

"Don't." Theo stood, buttoning up his shirt again. "What you did to Luna, that was your fault. Ruining our friendship - that's your fault too. But this -" He waved his hand over his body. "This is entirely my responsibility. I stood up for my friend and I'm fucking happy I did it. You had no control over what I did, so don't take it from me."

Blaise was rendered speechless, so much so that he could only give a small nod in response. With a curt "Goodnight, Blaise," Theo stalked into the dormitory where he crawled under his blanket and fell asleep with thoughts of Seamus's arms around him.