「 DARK MARK AND SECRETS 」

THEO WOKE, THANKFULLY, VERY EARLY.

He didn't know if it was because of the pain on his stomach but he didn't care as long as he could run into the dorms and gather his belongings without meeting Blaise.

The shawl was spread over him. He folded it carefully, picked up his jacket, and went up the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory. The curtains on all the beds were drawn shut. He tiptoed to his fourposter bed and began to shove his books into his bag. The shawl - he carefully placed under his pillow. He was aware of Blaise's presence on the bed next to his but he pointedly avoided looking.

He should take a shower. He badly needed a shower. But the more time he spent in the dorms, the more suffocated he felt. He decided to wash his face and neck, and leave. He turned in the direction of the bathroom when the bathroom door opened and out came Blaise, water dripping from his hair.

So much for hiding.

They stared at each other for a second. Theo tried to read Blaise's expression, but it was as unreadable as always. He hastily picked up his bag and moved toward the door to leave, but Blaise caught his arm. "Theo, please," he said in a small voice. "Please, let me explain."

Theo yanked his arm away. "There's nothing to explain."

But Blaise has blocked his way and he couldn't get to the door without shoving past him. So he turned away and faced the wall, unable to look at his face. He felt Blaise come up to stand close behind him. He stiffened. "It's not my fault. I can explain."

"Explain what?" Theo said through gritted teeth. "You knew she was my friend. You knew I liked her. And yet you didn't hesitate to hand her over to the Carrows."

"I didn't know they were going to kidnap her." Blaise's voice rose. "I just—"

Theo whirled around. "Really?" He almost shouted. "What did you think they were going to do? Invite her to tea and reward her for being a good girl? Tell me what you thought, Blaise."

He spat out the name with so much hatred that Blaise flinched. He didn't say anything.

Theo moved past him and strode toward the door. Blaise followed, trying to catch his arm again. Losing his temper, Theo turned and shoved him hard against his chest. "Just—just stay away from me!"

Eyes suddenly blurry, he hurried out of the dorms and ran down the stairs. Someone sat on the bottom step but he barely noticed as he passed them and was out of the common room in seconds. Halfway through the dungeons, he heard footsteps behind him, getting closer.

"Theo, wait."

It was Daphne. But Theo didn't slow down or look back. He continued walking until Daphne caught up and grabbed his arm. He flinched horribly and pushed her, before he halted, surprised at his own behaviour. Daphne looked shocked and hurt.

"Merlin, Theo!" she remarked, not hiding her annoyance. "I know you're mad at Blaise but it's not fair to take it out on me."

He lowered his eyes guiltily. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

She took a few steps toward him, opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She seemed to be at a loss for words.

"You don't have to say anything," he muttered. "I don't want to talk about it anyway."

She bit her lips but nodded. "Okay. Let's go for breakfast then."

He started walking. Daphne joined him and linked her arm around his elbow, the same way she has done so many times before. Theo liked it, liked the innocent physical contact without any sort of intimacy, but now it made him feel suffocated. He gently pulled his arm away from her grip and folded his arms before his chest. He didn't look at her but he knew she was hurt.

They didn't talk at all until they reached the Great Hall. A low murmur reached his ears, an undertone of excitement that surprised him. Until he remembered what Daphne had done during Christmas. He smiled to himself. They must have seen the writings on the walls.

"Hey, look. I think you are famous," he teased. They had stopped at the doorway, watching the students who have gathered for their breakfast.

"They don't even know I did it," she said nonchalantly, though Theo could deduce a hint of regret in her voice.

His gaze wandered and landed on the Ravenclaw table. He imagined Luna looking up at him and waving; smiling in such a sweet and innocent way that always made him forget, momentarily, that he was the son of a Death Eater. But instead, he saw only other Ravenclaws, clad in their dull Hogwarts robes, no eccentric hats or radish earrings visible anywhere; talking and smiling to each other as though one of them has not been kidnapped just a week ago. It made him angry.

"Penny for your thoughts?" said Daphne once they settled down at the Slytherin table. Theo stared at his lap where his hands lay curled up in angry fists.

"Look at the Ravenclaws. They don't seem to care Luna has been taken from them."

Daphne peered over at them. "I'm sure they are worried. They're just not showing it."

"They don't look very worried to me," murmured Theo.

He felt Daphne's gaze settle on him. Just to avoid looking at her, he started gathering plates and spoons in front of him. He felt Daphne following his every move with her eyes as he served himself pancakes and poured a generous amount of syrup over them.

"Has something happened, Theo?" she asked suddenly.

His fingers stopped cutting the pancakes halfway. "No," he said, knowing very well how unconvincing he sounded.

"It's just that—you seem different."

"How so?"

"You look stiff," Daphne said slowly and carefully, like she was afraid that he was going to get offended. "And ... guarded. You flinched when I tried to hold your arm. It seems like you're expecting someone to attack you."

He remained silent as he cut up a slice of his pancakes and put it in his mouth, chewing as slowly as he could. Daphne didn't push him further but he could tell she was waiting for him to speak. So he gulped down some water and spoke.

"I'm sorry about that," he said slowly. "I didn't mean to push you."

She didn't pursue the subject anymore. "I'm worried about you, Theo," was all she said.

As they were leaving the Great Hall to head to the Charms classroom, someone grabbed Theo's arm and pulled him aside. Wondering irritatedly why everyone felt the need to hold his arm, he faced Draco, who flashed a grin at Daphne and said, "I'll get him to his class. You go on."

She looked from Theo to Draco, suspicion clear in her eyes, and walked away. Draco waited until she was out of sight and looked at Theo. "Come with me."

"Where?"

But Draco ignored him and trudged into the corridor going in the opposite direction to the Charms classroom. Theo briefly wondered if Draco was planning to murder him and followed.

Draco led him to an empty classroom. He closed the door and locked it, increasing his suspicions that Draco was indeed going to murder him, and gazed steadily at him. Theo was about to ask if he was going to be buried under the stones when Draco spoke, voice still and weary. "I know where Lovegood is."

Whatever Theo had expected, it wasn't this. He froze, staring at Draco and trying to see if this was some kind of a big joke. Finally, he managed to sputter, "What? How—why would you know that?"

Draco lifted himself onto a table and sat, swinging his legs below him. "Because my family is closely linked to the Death Eaters?" When Theo glared at him, he quickly explained. "She's in our basement."

"What?"

"When I went home for Christmas, I found out that they had kept Lovegood imprisoned in our basement." He shrugged when Theo continued to gape at him. "Well, I heard you yelling at Zabini this morning, so I thought you would want to know."

"She's in ... your basement."

Theo was finding it hard to believe, not because it was a particularly unbelievable statement, but because he was taken aback by the suddenness at which the information was dumped on him. And because it was Draco who had done the dumping. But he felt something heavy being lifted off his chest. No, it did not mean Luna was safe. But at least he knew where she was.

He followed Draco's movements and pulled himself up on the table.

"Yes. She's okay, so you don't have to worry about her."

"She's okay?" Theo exclaimed incredulously. "She's imprisoned. In a Death Eater house." Draco winced. "How can you say she is okay?"

Draco fumbled with discomfort. "I'm sorry. Poor choice of words. What I mean is that they're not hurting her. She just stays inside the basement and Mother sends her food regularly. But ... she's unharmed. That's what I wanted t say."

Theo nodded, glancing sideways at him. Draco looked different. It took him a second to figure out how—he was wearing his hair differently. Normally left messy in a seemingly careless way, but which, Theo knew took quite an effort to achieve, his pale blond hair was now brushed and parted neatly on the left side. He didn't ask what had caused the change, though he was dying to know.

Instead, he said, "Thanks for telling me."

Draco nodded. He kept looking at his watch, Theo noticed. Did he have a date with Astoria? The sudden idea that Draco was going to go on a date seemed strange to him. Here he was, betrayed by his best friend and tortured by the Carrows only last night—the fact that other people were going on about their normal lives completely unaware of what Theo was going through seemed utterly ridiculous.

He shifted slightly to look at Draco, unsure of how to speak his next question. "Do the—um—Death Eaters visit your house often?" He was afraid the question would offend Draco but he only laughed bitterly in response.

"Oh, yes. They do. They hold meetings every week. In the kitchen. Mother has to cook for all of them, now that our house-elf is gone." He stopped suddenly, looking like he regretted revealing so much information, but Theo nodded at him reassuringly, silently conveying to him that this was a safe space and that he could tell him anything. "The Dark Lord is very expectant of me. He wishes me to follow in my father's footsteps."

Theo looked sharply at him. He was surprised, though he supposed he shouldn't have been. Draco was a Death Eater after all. Of course he has met the Dark Lord. Even though he has heard enough about the Dark Lord from his father, a shiver ran down his spine as he thought of Draco standing before the Dark wizard and answering to him, as he imagined himself doing the same.

He saw Draco touching his left forearm, the place where the Dark Mark must be. It was an unconscious movement; he doubted that Draco knew that he was doing it.

Theo hesitated, not wishing to cross a boundary. "Does that hurt?" he asked quietly, jutting his chin toward Draco's forearm. Draco stayed silent for a minute.

"Only when He touches his own Mark to call his followers."

Theo wondered what that must feel like. To have a mark branded on your skin to bind your life permanently to a person, to have all your decisions and choices dictated by him. He—and everyone else, he was sure—had automatically assumed that Draco had proudly accepted the Mark on his own. Even his father has told him many times how proud they all were of Draco, and how Theo should have been working hard to gain a chance to enter the Dark Lord's ranks. But now, sitting here with Draco beside him, he wasn't sure how much of a choice he had had in the matter.

Theo wanted to ask him. There was a chance that Draco wouldn't answer but he took the risk anyway. Draco looked very vulnerable and open to questions right now, his right hand pressed tightly over his left forearm.

"If you—you don't have to answer if you don't want to—but if you could go back in time, would you do things differently?"

It was a very indirect question, but Draco understood.

"I don't think so," he said, taking Theo by surprise. He had really expected Draco to answer differently, to say something profound and meaningful, and this answer kind of disappointed him. But Draco continued, and he listened. "I thought that I wanted this—" He brandished his left arm. "I thought that I was doing this to make my father proud. That's what I kept telling myself. Mother never wanted me to be a—to join His ranks, and she tried to convince me that I didn't have to do this, that I could say no and she would convince Father to let me be. They fought a lot on this matter. But I was insistent. I said that I wanted to do this. That it was my duty, my true calling." He laughed bitterly, and a shiver ran down Theo's spine at the sheer hollowness of the sound. "A part of me always knew that I was only doing this because if I didn't take the Mark, He would kill Mother. She's not a Death Dater. She's dispensable. Of course, he never threatened me directly. But it was there. Always there." He paused. His fingers, clasped together in his lap, were shaking. "So, no. Even if I did have an epiphany that I had made the wrong choice, I wouldn't choose differently. Because it wasn't a choice." 

Theo turned to stare at his lap, unable to look at Draco. They weren't really friends, never had been. Living in the same room had caused them to share many memorable moments together, though they had never spoken so openly before. Sometimes they teased each other playfully, but that was all. It scared him, suddenly knowing so much about Draco when an hour ago, he had known basically nothing.

Draco jerked up, like he was waking from a trance. His back stiffened and he quickly grabbed his bag and held it in front of him like a shield. Theo knew he would open up no more, at least for a long time. Draco glanced at his watch. "We are half an hour late for Flitwick's class."

Theo laughed, the normalcy of the statement contradicting hilariously with everything Draco has just shared. "Let's not go. Flitwick is a dear. I'm sure he won't mind."

Draco was staring at his watch like it was a very interesting magical device. He looked thoughtful. "Yeah, you're right," he said after some time, dropping his hand to his side, perhaps deciding that his watch was just as normal as any other watch. "I have to meet Astoria anyway." He jumped down from the table and straightened his robes.

Theo grinned. "Is that why you are dressed so nicely?" he asked teasingly. "And even brushed your hair?"

Draco scowled, his regular demeanour returning. "I'm always dressed nicely."

They gathered their bags and turned to leave. Draco glared at him like he had done something wrong, and Theo found himself searching his memory to find if he has said something to offend him. But Draco only said, sneering in the usual Draco way, "If you repeat anything I said just now, I will end your life."

Theo bit back a laugh. He wasn't confident of his odds of leaving this classroom alive should Draco get mad at him. "My father never said anything to me about this," Theo said slowly, "but I know that he blames me for my mother's death." Theo had never said this to anyone and finally getting it out of his chest flooded him with immense relief. His mother had died minutes after giving birth to him, and every time his father looked at him he couldn't help but notice in his eyes a certain bitter longing for his wife who would have been alive if Theo hadn't been born.

Draco stared at him for a long time. When Theo decided he wasn't going to speak and moved toward the door, Draco said, "That's dumb."

He laughed, and they left the classroom together.

No one said anything to each other afterwards but both knew that they had each shared some of their deepest secrets. And both of them trusted that whatever was said inside the classroom today would never, ever leave its walls.