August 16th 2019.

Drop!

Drop!

Drop!

Empty. That's probably the best word to describe the presence of the room. Well, not that the room was entirely empty but that's what its inhabitant felt.

Emptiness.

Nothing.

The clock, that was once a source of entertainment, now held no significance. It seemed to blend into the white walls whenever she'd look at it. Which hasn't been in a while.

She used to listen to the ticking on days when her eyes could not see, but not anymore. The sound just didn't reach her ears and she didn't mind. She liked the silence. She liked the way it would envelope and comfort her. The way it would take her far away from all the thoughts.

But it wasn't completely silent. The other side of the door was always noisy. Sometimes she'd try to listen, not to figure out what's going on for she knew too well what talks take place outside this 'sanctuary'.

She'd listen to hear the voices of people she once knew.

It surprised her. The fact that she wanted to hear them after all that's happened. It surprised her even more that they were still here after what she's done.

Sometimes she longed to see them, to talk with them once more like the old times. Yet, every visit received was nothing but a blur and every word came out in cries.

So she stopped.

Stopped talking. Stopped listening. Stopped trying.

'Suicidal',

-was one of the many conditions the girl was diagnosed with. But she wasn't! She wasn't trying to kill herself. She didn't understand why they'd even say that about her. Didn't understand why they asked all these questions she didn't possess answers to. Why they would always force their opinions on her, and why she wasn't allowed to leave? When all she wanted was a way out that white prison.

Why wasn't she allowed to go?

The girl knew the reason she was put here in the first place, but failed to see the necessity of staying.

Though  familiar with this jailhouse and its procedures, she'd never 'get used to it', unlike they said. And they said many things about her, her friends, family, school, the treatments, the food. They spoke of all major and each trivial matter, but only the subject of 'leaving' remained untouched.

It was as if some sacred shrine that no one dared to enter and thus, over the years became forgotten.

Not by all though. She and at least one other person wanted to reverse the clock. To go back to the way things were. After all, it was because of that one special human, the girl cooperated. Because of that special someone she endured the treatments she didn't quite understand. Because only he managed to stir some emotion in her.

But with time,

all emotions slowly died,

and alas,

even he

became nothing but a memory.

And memories are something this girl didn't like. They were always too noisy. They didn't let her rest. Didn't let her sleep. They wanted to consume her and the scary part is,

sometimes she'd let them.

Drop!

Drop!

Drop!

The bits flowing through the IV brought instant flashbacks of that horrendous night. Maybe because it was raining during the incident. Or perhaps for some other reason, but water was an enemy. A cruel foe that would not allow her to forget.

Each drop bringing splashes of recollections buried deep. Echoing like a thousand bees through the mind, nibbling on the wound, that's how it felt every time.

~12:27 am~

The girl shuts her eyes trying to cut off the remembrance.

~"Do you want to end up like that boy?"~

~"I'm prepared to offer you a deal."~

~"If you prevent it, the outcome will change. It's our only hope!"~

Turning about in bed, commanding her thoughts to shut up, the girl bites her tongue in a futile attempt of distraction.

~44968, Belvit 32~

~"Don't worry about me, I'm going to make things right."~

~"I am you and I can prove it."~

~"Leave at once!"~

Like claws, those thoughts, scarring and scraping up whatever of herself she had remaining, were bitter monsters. It seemed this was the monsters' mission all along, to turn her into one.

~"Knock, knock."~

~"You only love the things I hate."~

~"PLEASE STOP!"~

These notions pressing down on ribs as if trying to break the cage and let the devil lose, don't show signs of ceasing. Maybe this is it, maybe this is the day, the day she'll finally-

break.

~The gun holds point, through trembling hands, through uneven breaths, through the cruel splatter of rain and an insanely pounding heart...the ice cold fingers pull on the trigger and- ~

The sudden intrusion diminishes the memories allowing the girl to breathe. She turns to the door in hopes of catching even a glimpse of something other than these same four walls. However, the only sight to see was the large automatic lock turning a 180 followed by a loud heart-rending click.

Why was it so distressing?

Because that sound had a similar ring to it like a cell railing. It reminded her once again that this was a prison and she a mere prisoner, with no choice but to remain shut.

Shut from the world,

from the people,

from life

....from living.....

But she'll get used to it, won't she? Since it's what the people with the white coats said, and according to everyone 'white coats' are never wrong.

Today too, a white coat has entered. She's been seeing him often these past weeks. One might say they're quite familiar with each other. Nonetheless, familiarity was a strange word for the female. This white coat held no significance from the rest. Furthermore, just like the rest, he'd ask questions she once again won't answer.

"Slept well?" Finally breaking the silence the doctor's soothing voice circulates the room. Seeing her gaze shift from the door to his face he smiles only to have her turn back immediately. "I'm sorry if I've upset you, but in order to help you we need to have just a slight eye contact. Come on it isn't hard," his tone slightly pleading.

The girl slowly looks up at him but once again seeing his smile, shifts the gaze elsewhere. Maybe it wouldn't be such a hard task had his expression not been so familiar. Maybe it wouldn't be such a hard task if that familiarity didn't drown her every time.

Noticing that she wasn't going to give in, the doctor flipping through his notepad lowers the tension, "That's alright, you don't have to. Oh silly me, look at the time!" He glances at his watch reading 9:15am, "How rude of me not greeting you." Clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses, he slightly bows his head.

"Good morning, Emily."