#LGS1Judge #LGS1Chapter40 #LGS1 #LaGrilla1

***

THE therapy office seemed to be intentionally designed to look comfortable and homey for Leo.

A for effort, he thought.

The therapy office setup looked like a living room with its sage-colored walls, long white cushion sofa where Leo seated, and the one-seater black sofa across it for the therapist. A small table stood in between them, topped by a lone brown-woven pot with beautiful white peace lilies on it. Bahagyang natatakpan ng mahabang sofa na kinauupuan ni Leo ang desk ng therapist na kaniyang kausap sa mga oras na ito.

The bespectacled therapist—in his gray formal suit that contrasted the casuality of Leo's yellow button down shirt and blue jeans—got his legs resting atop the other. His back relaxedly pressed against the backrest of the sofa. Instead of pen and paper, he got his smart phone laid on the armrest beside him. Leo permitted him to record their voices because seeing someone write while he was talking just bothered him and would break the momentum of their conversation.

"Two weeks na?" kuryosong tanong ng therapist sa kaniya.

"Yes, Jared," he answered. He and his therapist was on a first-name basis as per the latter's instruction. Pumayag naman siya kasi komportable siya roon. "Ang sabi n'ya, uuwi lang s'ya sa Batangas para kausapin ang mga magulang n'ya tungkol sa pagtira n'ya kasama ko sa townhouse. Nangako s'yang babalik, pero hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin s'ya."

Jared stared at him before nodding slowly. "And how does that make you feel? She promised to come back, but she's still not here in Manila."

"Well," he sighed wistfully and looked to his left, to the frosted glass window that muted the sunlight from outside. "Hindi naman ako nagagalit. Hindi rin ako nalulungkot." The therapist remained silent, prodding him to elaborate further his thoughts, his feelings. "Wala naman kaming usapan ni Imee kung kailan s'ya dapat makabalik dito, kaya ano naman kung two weeks na akong naghihintay? Who knows? Baka nahihirapan s'yang iimpake pati ang ref nila sa bahay sa mga dadalhin n'yang gamit dito sa Manila." He paused, furrowed his eyebrows. "May ref nga ba sila sa bahay?"

Jared lowered his eyes and watched the triangle he made with his fingers. "What if she doesn't come back?"

Tinapunan niya ito ng matalim na tingin. "She promised."

"Tutuparin n'ya kaya 'yon?" tama ng seryosong mga mata ng therapist sa kaniya.

"Of course!" puno ng kumpiyansa niyang sagot kahit parang sinaksak siya sa dibdib ng tanong na iyon. "She's a very honest person, so honest that she always overshares when she talks. She feels terrible when she lies and I can easily see that in her eyes when she lies. . . . Why would you imply that she might not keep her word?"

"Why did she leave again?"

"Para magpaalam sa mga magulang n'ya. Biglaan kasi ang pag-stay n'ya sa bahay ko ng limang araw no'n. She's like me, very family-oriented. She loves and respects her parents so much, and that's one of the things I like about her, by the way. Kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit kailangan n'yang umuwi muna at kausapin ang mga magulang n'ya nang masinsinan. Kukunin din n'ya ang mga gamit n'ya ro'n."

"Bakit hindi na lang n'ya tinawagan ang parents n'ya? She's like . . . already in her thirties now, right? She could have just called her parents or asked some friends or a moving service to send her things to your house."

Napalunok siya. "Like what I said, she's very family-oriented and she respects her parents so much. Kung kaya naman n'yang kausapin sila nang personal, bakit kailangan pa n'yang tumawag?" He shrugged, poorly brushing off his worries. "Isa pa, baka na-miss n'ya rin sila. These past two years, she hadn't seen them. 'Tapos, two days pa lang s'ya no'n nakauuwi sa kanila, napilitan naman s'yang puntahan ako . . . samahan ako . . ."

"Have you already called her up? Pinakiusapan mo na ba s'ya na balikan ka na n'ya?"

"I miss her. A lot." Biglang nanikip ang dibdib niya, pero tiniis niya ang sakit. "Pero hindi ko pa s'ya tinatawagan. Ayokong pilitin s'yang umuwi sa 'kin . . . I-I know the feeling of being forced to . . ." he struggled but he was more determined to move forward this time, ". . . forced to do something. That is something that I don't want to do to Imee, you know. Force her to come back already. I let her take her time, Jared."

Tumuwid na ng upo ang lalaki at kinalas ang pagkaka-de-kuwatro ng mga binti nito. "Pero, hindi kaya, lumayo-layo s'ya dahil baka kulitin mo s'yang makipag-sex sa 'yo?"

Natuyuan siya ng lalamunan at naeeskandalong nanlaki ang kaniyang mga mata. "Pa 'no napunta r'yan ang usapan, Jared?"

Jared clasped his hands. "Leonard, let remind you, we're here to settle your issues."

"I know!" defensive na lahad niya ng mga palad. "I came here because my trauma is sex related, my unhealthy coping mechanism is sex related, and I want to get over those shits so that Imee will stop thinking that I only want to use her to feel better about myself. Pero ano ang kinalaman ng sex sa pag-uwi n'ya sa kanila?"

"Well, she's been staying in your house for five days, right?"

Leo nodded and listened with laser-focus attention to the therapist.

"And after you asked her for a kiss . . . you had this conversation about sex?"

He nodded. Nakaabang ang mga mata niya sa susunod na sasabihin ng lalaki.

"And you haven't talked the whole day since then, only that night, when you decided to join her for dinner."

Unti-unti na niyang napagtatagni-tagni ang mga nangyari. "Dahil ba sa pinag-usapan naming 'yon kaya umuwi si Imee? Hindi lang ba 'yon dahil sa magpapaalam s'ya sa mga magulang n'ya?"

Jared shrugged. "You know her better. What's your verdict, Leonard?"

Iritableng napahalukipkip siya. "Alam kong may itinutumbok ka, Jared, kaya 'wag mo na akong paghulain. Sabihin mo na ang nalalaman mo."

"Well, I can't put words in someone else's mouth, Leonard. That's why I am asking you."

Napahinga siya nang malalim at nagbaba ng tingin sa mga puting peace lily para makapag-isip nang maayos. 'Bakit maiisipan ni Imee na layuan ako dahil lang sa pinag-usapan namin sa office room? Hindi pa ba sapat na sinabi n'yang ayaw n'yang maging parausan? Does she really have to actually stay away from me for me to get her point across?'

Leo sighed in surrender. "How can I make Imee feel that I am not only after her because of sex? Na hindi ko intensiyong gamitin s'ya para lang makaraos ako sa trauma ko?"

"We'll get to that. One step at a time. For now, I suggest that you give Imee a call tonight," Jared said, breaking the silence and making Leo look into his eyes. There was a glint of peace and knowing in them. "Tell her that you've had a consultation and assessment three days after she left, and that we have been doing these sessions for two weeks now."

"Is it okay? You know, patient-doctor confidentiality," he shrugged, confused.

"I consent. Do you consent?"

Leo looked away when he felt his heart pound way too wildly in his chest.

For some reason, being asked for his permission made him feel more empowered, more in control with his life. Naramdaman niya ang pamamasa ng kaniyang mga mata.

It was just so painstakingly beautiful, this feeling of being reminded once again that he had a choice, not because of his title or because people owe him something but because no matter what, he was supposed to have every right to choose what to do, what to say!

"I think it's okay to tell Imee about this. Matutuwa s'ya," Leo smiled.

Jared suppressed his obvious smile. "This won't make her come back faster, okay? But at least, she'll know that you are finally taking the steps to move forward. We are finally going to get to the root of your issues together, so that you'll stop dealing with it through the act of sex alone."

Relaxed na sumandal si Leo sa kaniyang kinauupuan. Pinaliwanag ng pang-unawa ang kaniyang mukha bago sumasang-ayon na tumango-tango.

"At kapag nalaman n'ya 'to, hindi na n'ya iisiping parausan lang s'ya para sa 'kin. She'll finally realize that I truly love her!"

"Whoa, you're getting too far ahead now, Leonard," Jared shrugged nonchalantly and picked up his cell phone. "Proving you love someone is another story. And it's more than just telling them that you're already going to therapy. Because, to prove that you love someone, you have be unselfish. You have to do things for them, and therapy is not one of those things." The therapist stared at him straight into the eyes. "Remember, Leonard, the therapy is for you. You are doing this not for others but for you. For you to be your authentic self, to be an individual unhindered by issues. For you to finally freely live your life in your own terms, and express yourself genuinely. And why do you want that for yourself?"

"I want to clearly express myself so that Imee will stop thinking that I'm just using her to cope from my trauma."

Jared put the phone back on his chair's armrest. "Nice try. The goal is to go through your issues and settle the ones that stops you from expressing your true self in order to connect with others, in a way that is genuine to who you are. Take note of that, Leonard."

Leo nodded and cocked his head to the side as realization dawned on him. "You're right. Because therapy is for me. Because if I don't do this for me, how can I do things for others? For Imee? And if I can't do things for Imee . . . how can I prove to her that she's not just a coping mechanism? That I truly love her?"

Jared did not say anything to that. Instead, he said, "Isa pa, bisperas na ng Pasko bukas. Don't you want to spend Christmas with her?"

***

"BAKA bala-balang therapy lang 'yan, ha?" pabirong saad ni Imee nang balitaan ni Leo tungkol sa pagpapa-therapy nito. Aniya ay baka kunwaring therapy lang ang ikinuwento nito sa kaniya na pinagkaabalahan nito mula nang umalis siya sa townhouse nito.

Malungkot itong sumagot mula sa kabilang-linya. "Ang sakit mo naman magsalita. Manloloko pa rin ba ang tingin mo sa 'kin?"

Nataranta siya. "Uy! Parang ewan naman 'to! Binibiro ka lang, e! Sorry na! S'yempre, naniniwala ako. Nagk'wento ka naman, e. Your therapist is Jared. You meet once a week. Twice a week kapag may spare time kayo."

"I have more evidences to prove myself, Your Honor, but—" he cheerfully clucked his tongue, "—patient-doctor confidentiality. I cannot disclose that."

"Ayos lang," nangingiting sagot niya habang umuupo sa paanan ng kawayang hagdan sa labas ng bahay niya. Sa likuran niya ay kumukuti-kutitap na ang tri-colored na Christmas lights at dahan-dahang isinasayaw ng hangin ang dalawang parol, kasabay ng mabagal na indayog ng mga anino ng mga dahon ng puno ng niyog. "At ano 'yang 'Your Honor' na 'yan? Ayoko maging judge, 'no."

"Well, if you'll take Law as a course, be open to the possibility of becoming a judge someday."

"I won't accept. Kahit may mag-offer pa no'n sa 'kin."

"Why not? You are capable."

Imee sadly looked up to the coconut trees and their slow swaying leaves. "Well, I have poor judge of character, Leo. Remember? Nagkamali ako ng husga sa 'yo."

"Huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo. Hindi mo naman alam ang lahat kaya ka nagkamali. Ang huwes nga mismo, kailangan pa ng kompletong impormasyon, mga ebidensiya, at makinig sa ilang court hearing bago makapaghusga. May mga nagkakamali pa ng hatol sa lagay na 'yon, tayo pa kaya?"

Imee smiled faintly and lowered her eyes on her feet that wore a pair of thin-soled, white flip-flops. "Ano na ang ginagawa mo?"

"Ito, iniisip ka."

Pinigilan niya ang mapalakas ang pagtawa. "Ewan ko sa 'yo. Kausap mo na nga 'ko, iniisip mo pa 'ko."

"Iniisip kong gawin kang judge."

"Ayoko nga sabi."

"Let me finish! I'll make you my judge."

"Judge mo?"

"Yes, My Honor."

"Sira!" tawa niya.

"Ikaw ang magiging judge sa bawat korte ng puso ko."

"Ay, wow!" tawa niya rito

"Ang tagahatol sa 'kin," patuloy ni Leo. "And apparently, all evidences lead to one conclusion, My Honor: that this man on the stand is guilty of loving you. So will you house arrest me now? Sentensiyahan mo na 'ko. Preferably, life imprisonment . . . with you."

"Ano ba, Leo!" natatawa niyang saway rito.

"Sorry! Sorry!" natatarantang saad nito. Then he calmed down and sighed wistfully. "I don't mean to harass you." Then there was a short silence before he softly breathed out, "I miss you."

She took in a deep inhale. Pigil niya ang paglaki ng kaniyang ngiti. "I miss you too, pero kailangan mo pang maghintay."

"Bakit?" malungkot nitong saad.

"Nawala ako ng two years, 'di ba? E, 'di s'yempre, nangumusta ang mga kaibigan ko rine at na-miss nila ako. Pinagbigyan ko rin sila no'ng inakit akong mamasyal at mag-bonding para makabawi sa kanila. 'Tapos, itong si Princess nagpresintang sasamahan ako sa pinag-highschool-an namin next, next week kapag pasukan na uli. Mga January na 'yon."

"Bakit kayo pupunta ro'n?"

"Mag-aaral ako ng Law, 'di ba? Kaya aasikasuhin ko na ang requirements ko rine."

"Don't forget that I am paying." Sumeryoso na si Leo. "D'yan mo ba gustong mag-aral? Sa Batangas?"

Imee wanted to know how he would react, so she smiled and tried to see it for herself. "Pinag-iisipan ko pa. . . ."

"Well, visit the colleges there and collect brochures of their programs. H'wag ka munang hahanap ng Law school. You need to take a four-year course before Law. I suggest, Political Science."

Bahagya siyang napamaang. "Okay lang sa 'yo na hindi ako makabalik d'yan? Na dito ako sa Batangas mag-aral?"

"Bakit hindi?" Bakas ang pagtataka sa boses ng binata. "Pareho namang maganda ang colleges d'yan at dito sa Manila. Pinili ko lang noon mag-aral dito dahil gusto ko mag-part-time job. Mas malaki ang suwelduhan dito kung ikukumpara sa provincial rate kaya nakipagsapalaran ako. Ikaw, don't worry, kasi hindi mo na kailangang lumayo pa sa mga magulang mo, sa tahanan mo, at sa mga kaibigan mo para lang makapag-aral. I'll make sure that your fees are covered."

Nang matapos magsalita si Leo ay saka lang naramdaman ni Imee ang pamamasa ng kaniyang mga mata. She sniffed and blinked back her tears. "E, p-paano ka? Nangako akong babalik d'yan, 'di ba? Dadamayan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo . . ."

"I'll visit there, Imee. I'll call every night. And if we can't talk or meet, I have my friends—Claude, Kero, Juxe . . . and the rest. I can call Jamer on the phone dahil okay naman kami kahit masama pa ang loob ni Ava sa 'kin. There's Jared, too. I'll be nicer to Yaya Lumeng too. Promise."

Napapikit siya at hinayaan ang pagdaloy ng mainit na luha sa kaniyang mga pisngi. "Leo, sinusulit ko lang naman ang pamamalagi ko rito sa Batangas dahil pagkauwi na pagkauwi ko rito, nakapagdesisyon na ako. D'yan ako mag-aaral, sa Maynila. Sasamahan kita r'yan."

There was a short silence from Leo's end before he managed a startled reply. "T-Talaga?"

Imee opened her teary eyes. "Talaga."

"Baka naman ginagawa mo lang 'to dahil sa pinagdadaanan ko? I can do this, Imee. I'm having therapy now and I am very keen on finally moving on, moving forward. Trust me."

"I know. I believe you."

She didn't know that Leo closed his eyes serenely because they teared up with how her words strongly impacted him, touched his heart.

"Kahit cell phone lang ang nagkokonekta sa atin ngayon, parang mas lalo kang lumapit sa akin nang sabihin mong naniniwala ka sa akin."

Imee inhaled, breathing back the sob she was suppressing. "Leo!"

After they used the few moments of silence to keep their emotions in tact, Imee continued.

"Gusto lang kitang makasama . . . madamayan . . . That's all. At mag-aaral din ako r'yan para may pagkaabalahan ako at mabigyan kita ng space na gawin ang trabaho mo, ang therapy mo, o . . . anuman ang mga gusto mong gawin sa free time mo."

She heard his shaky chuckle. "You're giving me a choice on what I can do on my free time?"

"S'yempre naman!" umiiyak sa tuwa niyang saad habang pinipigilan ang boses niya na manginig.

"Uhm, Imee?"

"Yes?" she swallowed to hold back her sob, then smiled.

"Bisperas na bukas ng Pasko. Should I go there tomorrow, on the 24th, or . . . should we meet on Christmas Day, the 25th?"

Nagliwanag ang kaniyang mukha pero saglit lang dahil humalili agad ang kuryosidad. "E, ikaw? Ano ba ang plano mo? Hindi ka ba magpapasko kasama ang pamilya mo? 'Yong mga kaibigan mo? Wala ba kayong usapan?"

"Hmm . . . Let me think. I'll call you tomorrow."

Namilog ang mga mata niya. "Hoy, Leo—"

"Don't worry. You don't have to adjust your schedule. Let me handle this. Ipapaalam ko na lang sa 'yo bukas ng umaga kung kailan ako pupunta r'yan. Kung sa twenty-four o twenty-five."

Tipid na ngumiti si Imee. "Don't mind me. Mauunawaan ko naman kung uunahin mo ang parents mo o kung may usapan na kayo ng mga kaibigan mo."

"Don't mind me also, if I'll prioritize spending our first Christmas together no matter what."

Nangingiting napairap siya. "Leo naman, e . . ."

***

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La Grilla Series #1
Copyright Registered: 2024
R-18, General Fiction, Sexy Romance, Drama

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