Flashback, Kurukshetra, five years ago

Arjun flickered his eyes open with much difficulty, his body was still aching like a chariot had gone over him a few times and backed up for good measure. The hazy image fluttering in front of his face cleared off after a moment and he saw the beautiful face of his Madhava. 

No, not his Madhava...

The Ultimate One. 

The Paramaatma.

The Lord of the Universe. 

Quite very literally. 

Then Arjun was back in that moment. Where he had been given the privilege very few have received in their mortal lives. To see something beyond their puny human comprehension. 

The terrifying visage of his beloved Janardana multiplying into a million cosmic entities, innumerable natural formations and infinite galaxies while the unending cycle of life and death propelled from His statuesque figure. 

He had become larger than the Himalayas themselves, His multiple heads and hands spread into a parabolic circle which seemed to encompass the entire sky.

Arjun remembered trembling so hard, that he had given himself a whiplash, his teeth chattering against each other in petrification. 

The invincible Vijaya had been sure his brain would melt out and flow down his ears if he had stared at the magnificent form any longer. 

His face had blanched and become pale and then had gotten muddled with tears as a vice grip around his chest had restrained the air in his lungs. 

Then he remembered stumbling half blinded and collapsing on Lord Vishnu's gigantic lotus shaped feet and then it had all been a pitch black.

He must have fainted. 

And now, he was lying on the lap of the Parambramha. 

He whom he had always treated as his closest friend, a confidant, mentor and a guide. 

A devotion which no one else had ever received from him except Krishna Vasudeva of the Vrishnis. 

But, he had sinned too. How could he have treated God as a mortal friend? Revered and loved yet...yet. 

Krishna was... his Madhava was... God. 

God. 

Arjun leapt out of Kahna's lap, scrambling up to his knees, words streaming out of his mouth completely incoherent, hands folded in obeisance and apology. He could barely hear his own voice, through the piercing ringing in his ears, the hammering of his heart. 

"Forgive me, My Lord. I was ignorant of your splendour, of your true identity, I was blinded by my love for you. I couldn't understand.. I didn't realise... please.. please forgive me. Punish me as you deem fit but forgive me. I am your slave... please.."

Krishna may have been saying something but he couldn't stop the unending stream of apologies falling out of his lips long enough for him to be able to hear his words. 

"Parth! Breathe!"

Keshava's frantic shout finally managed to cut across Arjun's deranged ramblings and the latter, still quaking like a bird in an icy storm, flinched so badly that he almost tumbled off on the other side. 

Krishna who had been kneeling in front of him, mirroring his own position, who had also startled rather surprisingly at his rather epic dive from his arms a few moments prior, looked like someone had kicked him in the gut. 

Which was silly, because.. He was God.

"Oh, dearest! Come here...", the dark skinned Yadava extended his arms like he had done, so many times prior, only this time Arjun didn't fly into them, as expected and instead shook his head violently. 

"No.. no no.. I am not worthy enough to---"

"Arjun! Snap out of it! I am your Madhava. Your best friend. Now if you don't come here this very instant, I will haul you in myself", Krishna snapped at him, frustrated. 

But his warrior extraordinaire of a friend, only shrunk into himself like a scolded child. Madhava's eyes filled with remorse and he muttered what sounded like a curse, completely unbecoming of a... well..the God.

Then the flute playing, self declared king of cowherds who also happened to be the Lord and Master of the three worlds, the divine Preserver, one of the Holy Trinity dragged Arjun into himself with a powerful suave move and wrapped his mighty arms around him in a vice grip. 

Arjun stiffened and Krishna rubbed his back soothingly. 

"I may be God, my dear child and I may have chosen you for the divine purpose of propagating the rule of dharma back on this Earth and used you like my ultimate weapon but..."

Arjun could hardly breathe, hanging onto every word, which rumbled in gentle waves near his ear, Madhava's hands warm against his nape, stroking his thick curls lovingly. 

"But I have loved you too. Much more than I have ever thought was possible for an immortal to love a mortal. You are my tool and also half of my soul."

Arjun had to bite back a sob at that. 

"Never forget, without you, there will be no meaning left for my existence on this planet."

Krishna's words sounded oddly choked, like he was biting back sobs of his own. 

"For you are in me and I am in you."

The stagnant static which had been casted in the battlefield of Kurukshetra had somehow magnified Krishna's voice despite his incredibly gentle tone. 

The greatest warriors of their age were frozen at both the edges of the massive field, standing in unseeing and silent vigil over the two men clinging to each other in the middle. 

"Always your Madhava...my Partha."

Krishna's last words were something Arjun would find himself coming back to, again and again, as he trudged on the path of Dharma, guided by his divine charioteer through those harrowing eighteen days of bloodbath. 

An annihilation which will later go on to earn him a permanent place in the hall of heroes of the Dwapara Yuga. 

A moniker for both a god and a monster. 

----------------------------

Kuru encampments, Manipur, At present time

Arjun came out of the tent to see Vrishketu and Yuyutsu barking orders at their soldiers. He took a moment to breathe in the early morning forest air. The faint smell of moss and wet bark took him back a few decades ago to show him the vision of those amber hazel eyes which had him rooted to his feet at this very place. 

The same pair of twinkling orbs which had gazed up at him beneath a mop of raven tresses, housed in a dark skinned face, swaddled in his arms, tiny limbs moving erratically. 

The flesh he had carved out of himself and given away as the price for a love that had been snatched away so mercilessly. 

It had felt like someone had sucked the very marrow off his bones. 

"Good morning, Commander."

Yuyutsu's cheerful greeting brought the Pandava prince back at the present and he shoved down the erupting waves of painful yearning deep inside the fortified walls of his heart. 

"Good morning, my King", he responded playfully while tightening the slightly lose clasp of his leather gloves, "and how many times, do I have to tell you not to address me with such unrequired formality."

The Kaurava prince chuckled at that. 

"The same number of times, I have to tell you to stop calling me a king and start addressing me as the brother, that I am to you."

"Forgive me, cousin. I forget...", Arjun looked at him then, a little contrite. 

Yuyutsu had been given the duties of Indraprastha's administration and he was the de facto ruler of their previous capital as such. Arjun had always liked the mild mannered Kaurava who was forever ready with an eager smile and a kind word for everyone. 

But old habits die hard. 

Yuyutsu smiled at him in understanding, eyes a little downcast as they always got when the poisonous history of their shared past loomed like a thunder cloud overhead. 

"The men are ready for the charge. Awaiting your orders, General."

Vrishketu's monotonous words alerted Arjun towards his soldiers, who stood armed and almost vibrating with the prospect of the impending bloodshed. The Pandava signalled to his deputy for holding their stance and inclined his head slightly at Yuyutsu who took it as a gesture of dismissal and nodded in acknowledgment.

"Walk with me, Prince."

Karna's youngest scrunched his face in confusion at the rather strange command yet fell into step beside him without breaking a beat. The propensity of listening to his orders unquestioned had become ingrained in Vrishketu. 

It was both flattering and frightening in equal measures.

Arjun was the last person who should be followed by example and the evidence of that claim lay in slaughtered pieces all over the tapestry of his rather arduous life.

The young prince of Anga had sucked in whatever little affection was remaining in Savyasachi's heart. Once his heart had been strong enough to make place for whoever wanted a little part of it, holding onto the infinite capability of compassion and love which had been the fundamental core of the youngest Kaunteya.

Now, only the withered remains of it lay scattered, bloodied and scorched to ashes in the cavity of his chest.

So despite the continuous rebuttals and near brutal rebuffing he has had to suffer to remain close to his nephew, Arjun simply couldn't let go. 

The son of Karna had become the lone straw in the rampaging river which the third Pandava was holding onto, for dear life.

Without him, Arjun probably would have drowned long before.

Vrishketu was the faint hope flickering amidst the tumultuous waves of his destiny and he had to try and keep it burning as long as he possibly could.

He would not fail another child.

He could not.

Not again.

"I have taught you all that I know. You have always been a rather quick study", he said quietly, once when they were off the hearing range. 

Vrishketu looked down at his feet, his ears reddening at the subtle praise.

"But I have one more instruction left to give."

He looked at him but Arjun was looking straight ahead, his hands folded behind his back - a gesture he had unknowingly copied from his oldest brother, Yudhishtira when the latter would be preparing to give them some vital order, the meaning behind which none of them were ever made wiser of at that moment.

But the younger man had recognized the importance of his next words as he straightened up almost as a reflex.

"Do not use the divyastras. You are capable enough to destroy any foe without divine help. And no one on this earth remains, except me, Madhav and Pradyumna who possess even the knowledge of their use let alone be in direct possession of the weapons themselves."

There was a beat of silence and Arjun had to forcefully drag himself back from the screeching memories and simultaneously ignore the scorching burn of the dust of the Kurukshreta, in his lungs, poisoned by the divine weapons of the Gods.

"The sheer scale of devastation only one can bring upon, is deplorable", he continued.

"I will not invoke the divyastras unless there is no counter remaining. And the knowledge of their use will die with me. I give you my word, on my Kshatriya honor... Gurudev."

Arjun was surprised at the fervour behind Vrishketu's words more than his sudden addressal of him as his teacher. He looked at him then and recognized the steely resolve behind those lava coloured orbs, reminiscent of his father so much that it made the former's eyes sting for a moment.

Vrishketu looked discontent though, maybe he had misinterpreted his silence as him not being convinced of his promise. By the way his charming features became more rigid, Arjun knew his theory was right even before the son of Karna spoke again. 

This time, his voice was high strung and had the same bitter hint of resentment as Karna had whenever he spoke to or even of his arch rival.

"I am my father's son. My word is my bond."

Arjun couldn't help but chortle a little at that.

His nephew had no idea that when angered, he only reminded the Pandava of his own toddlers when they would get infuriated with either him or his wives. He mostly had the same expression like Shrutakarma or Abhimanyu used to have, when the boys would be angry at either him or Subhadra and Draupadi.

They could neither let go of their wrath as they had to prove their point, nor not accept the hug any of their parents would try to give them as a consolation.

It was frankly, very endearing.

But Arjun knew that Vrishketu would neither appreciate the parallel nor accept the fondness for what it simply was.

"That you are, my child. And always will be."

He said and waited for his nephew to snap at him as was his typical stance whenever addressed with any sort of endearment from him. 

But Vrishketu only looked aside, his cheeks flaming with the same shade as his ears had, some moments ago.

"I have kept something for you back at the tent. Open it, after the battle ends today. I think it might help you."

They had turned a full circle and were now walking back to where their men were stationed.

"I need one more favour, Vrish", Arjun began subdued, finally mustering up his rapidly failing courage. 

His nephew looked at him, brows furrowed but face curiously open. The archer sighed, nocked his bow, drew the string and released - his target hidden but the route taken, clear as daylight.

"I need you to promise me that you will try. I cannot hope for forgiveness and I do not expect any leniency but promise me... you will at least try to forgive my family. My brothers have suffered enough. My mother is too fragile. My wives... I cannot even begin to imagine what they have gone through."

Vrishketu snapped his face away at that, knuckles balled.

"I know its hard, vatsa. But forgiveness is an act of will. It can function regardless the temperature of your heart. You do not have to love them. You do not even have to pretend to return the affection. But let them love you."

Vrishketu looked back at him, eyes watering slightly and expression crumbled.

It hurt his heart.

"Why.. Why do you want me to... be with them?", he stuttered through his words.

"They need a crutch. And you, whether you accept it or not, need a family. I cannot return you, your own but I can at least try to forge you, another. Loving them will not replacing the one, gone."

"The heart is a forgiving mistress. Let yourself love again, my dear"

The young prince, crossed his arms across his chest and seemed to almost hunch into himself. Arjun wanted to stop but he also knew that for healing the wound, the debris stuck within the torn muscles need to be cleaned off, however much it stung.

"Why are you telling me this, now?", Vrishketu whispered, pained.

"The future can't be predicted. I needed you to at least hear the words", Arjun replied truthfully.

His nephew snorted in derision as if remembering a great joke. He wiped his face and cleared his throat. And then looked back at him, expression steady yet again.

"I cannot promise anything concrete. But I will try. And you are.. You are not allowed to use any of my words against me if I do manage to end up..... doing what you want me to. Or else I will.. I will never talk to you again."

Vrishketu scowled as if realizing how childish his own words sounded but his uncle on the other hand looked delighted. Arjun grinned and in a surprising move kept one of his hands on the top of the head of his once nemesis's son. 

He couldn't help but feel a stab of pride for this obstinate, abrasive yet kind hearted kid.

Once, Karna's son would have been revulsed at the touch and would have jumped back from his father's killer but now, it seemed like his feet had become cemented to the ground.

Arjun dragged his hand from atop his head to caress down his sharp face, butterfly light with the touch. As if he was trying to pet a ravenous tiger. It didn't feel invasive or even condescending like Vrishketu had imagined. 

In fact, it evoked a very powerful bout of longing in him.

The longing of a son for his dead father.

He hadn't realized when he had leant at the touch and his formidable uncle's cyan eyes had softened considerably. The latter removed his hand after some seconds but could have been an eternity for all he knew. 

Vrishketu wanted to howl and clutch back to it like a starved mutt.

But it was much later, during the thick of battle that it would come to the prince of Anga, that the expression on Arjun's face was the exact one mirrored on Karna's, the day he met with his father for the very last time in his life. 

The day Karna would die.

Destiny had a cruel way of showing people what they can have and what they have lost at the same time.

-----------------------------------------

Arjun saw his older brother, wrapped in full battle regalia, standing in deep conversation with Yuyutsu as he finally managed to physically tear himself off his nephew's side. 

A Sisyphean endeavour, it had proven to be.

Bheem's eyes met his and the former hardened considerably. The usual easy-going cheer vanishing from his much beloved features.

"Bhratashree, are you going to eat all those mangoes, all by yourself?"

"Here, I got you that idiotic rock you wanted for sharpening your precious blade. Yes.. Yes it was a few yojanas away in the opposite direction and no I didn't go all the way back in this sweltering heat in the midst of a damned magical forest, for you to give me just a puppy face. I need more."

"Majhle bhaiyya, if Panchali catches either of us, up at this hour of the night, because you were hungry, she'll throw us out of the palace. Why do I get roped in all of your brainless schemes!"

"Arjun, if you ever, ever take another stupid oath like that, ever in your life, I will tear your fucking head off your body and not even your dear Madhava will be able to save you!"

"You killed him Arjun. Not us."

Arjun approached Bheem so cautiously that it resembled a gazelle trying to walk around a lion. He could still taste the bitter ashes left in his mouth after yesterday's verbal massacre. 

His older brother had always been a safe haven for his younger siblings. 

If the mighty Vrikodhara was there, no one could harm a single hair on their heads.

How have they ended up, here?

"If the commander is quite done, we have a war to win and a kingdom to annex. Babruvahan sends his greetings and says, albeit politely enough, that he won't accept Jyeshta's reign and if we want our horse, we should come and get it."

Bheem's scathing tone, so uncharacteristic in his typically garrulous voice, made even the ever poised Yuyutsu look a little shocked.

"I am done. We'll go as originally planned. You and Vrishketu will lead the charge, Yuyutsu can take the rear and I will stay put until necessary. Are we all in agreement?"

The three of them, Vrishketu having arrived right then, nodded. The other two left almost immediately after, maybe having sensed the rising awkwardness and tension between the Pandava brothers.

"Bhratashree--", Arjun began only for Bheem to stop him with a hand.

"We can discuss it later. Right now, I am just spoiling for a good fight. Let's go", the second Pandava uttered and even before his younger sibling could say anything, walked away in a leisurely pace towards his assigned squadron.

Arjun swallowed back a cry and bent to touch the ground where Bheem had been standing. Then he raised those fingers to his head in a pathetic parody. 

Maybe his brother's shadow will give him the blessing he desired.

The sun was already shining down brightly overhead and Arjun could hear the gongs of the city being beat continuously.

It sounded like the call of Fate.

'I will do my karma, Keshav. Just try and forgive me for what happens as a consequence.'

To be continued