"Who's ready for a shopping trip!" Squirrel Girl's voice shouted.

Victor slowly sat up, his donut-box-turned-pillow squished flat.

"It's pitch black down here," Ms. Marvel hissed.

"Of course it is," Squirrel Girl hissed back. "It's pitch black topside too!" She called louder, "anyone awake? It's shopping trip time!"

"I'm up," Victor grumbled. "It's time to go already?"

Shuffling.

"Yeah. Were you all asleep--" Ms. Marvel grunted at a resounding thump. "I think I just ran into the wall."

"You think you did?" Squirrel Girl hissed.

Victor reached out for Dante, hand finding a shoe. "Dante, get up," he said.

"It's already late," Squirrel Girl said. "Come on, peoples!"

Dante groaned.

"Get up," Victor repeated to him. "We've been sleeping half the day."

"But I'm still exhausted from yesterday...I think we deserve three full days of sleep, not one and a half."

"Whatever you say," Victor rolled his eyes.

"You know what our super base needs?" Ivy's voice muttered. "Some clocks."

"What's this about clocks?" Ette grumbled.

"It's time to go shopping!" Squirrel Girl announced. "Maybe we can buy a clock and leave it down here."

Dante's hands burst aflame, washing them in orange light. Victor rubbed his eyes, mouth sticky with hours-old donut taste. "How about we visit the park first?" Victor suggested. "And where are our water bottles?"

"I brought snacks and water," Squirrel Girl--Doreen--had one hand against the window like she'd been using it to navigate through the dark. Her other hand supported her scooter, which had survived another claustrophobic water tube journey. "We can eat on the way."

"And I brought money for whatever we buy," Ms. Marvel said, wearing a cardigan and blue pants. "We can head to the mall and split into pairs to go faster, because it closes in approximately two hours."

"Right," Victor nodded, rubbing sleep from his eyes and opening a portal. "So hurry at the park."

***

The mall was only a block from the park, and they walked the distance rather than emerging from a portal outside the front doors. That would probably trigger some security alarm, Ms. Marvel informed them.

The walk also gave them time to stretch their exhausted bodies, sore from yesterday's fighting, and Victor remembered to explain his conversation with Pepper, met by disappointed grumbles and hopeful maybes. They also ate nut bars (provided by Doreen's parents), hair dripping wet from washing in the park's restrooms. Explosions and battling kree and falling from a spaceship amidst debris did dirtying things, but for the past day and a half, rinsing their hair was the most they could do.

However, according to Ms. Marvel--Kamala, because she wasn't in uniform--and the word of her brother who used to work there, the mall had private showers for employees, so Victor should be able to sneak them inside after they bought soap. Treading across the street behind the others, Victor frowned at that. At a shopping mall, you could apparently buy clothes, clocks, and soap; and also sneak into showers--a strange combination.

"Ta da!" Doreen raised her arms and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "We're here!"

Victor gulped down the last of his snack bar and stared up, the height of the skyscraper lost in the evening sky.

"Let's get this over with," Ette sighed, shuffling towards the glass doors. "First store I see, I'm buying whatever they have."

"I'll head with Ette," Kamala dug out a wad of green bills from her cardigan pocket. "When you're all finished, meet by the stairs in the middle of the main floor," she peeled off a layer of bills and handed the stack to Victor. He stared at it, eyes widening.

"But this is your money," he said.

"Actually, this really insistent lady gave it to me after I saved her from a guy stealing her purse."

Victor frowned. "So she still lost her money by giving it to you?"

"Yes," Kamala nodded. "I told her she should keep it, but she shoved it at my face then turned around and walked off."

"I wish I got paid for stopping crimes," Doreen sighed.

Victor hesitated. He'd never bought anything from earth, except fast food. How much should he take?

"Here," Dante offered his hand. Victor gratefully dropped the money into his palm.

"Have fun shopping with Ette," Ivy told Kamala. "Ten out of ten, would not recommend."

Kamala and Ette paused on their way to the doors, Kamala quirking an eyebrow.

Ette glared. "The only time you've been shopping with me was after I broke my leg. I hobbled around half the city on crutches, all for you, and my armpits were sore for a week after that!"

"That's not the only time, we also went shopping for Halloween candy," Ivy paused. "Actually, I guess you were hilarious then."

"The chinchilla mask will live on forever," Ette pressed her palms together, eyes lifted to the sky. "Best day of my life."

Ivy's lip tugged up in a smile. "So fifty-fifty chance, ten out of ten would not recommend."

Kamala shook her head and pushed the doors open, dragging Ette stumbling after her.

"Bye guys!" Ivy waved.

Dante handed the remaining money to Doreen, about half as thick as what he kept. "I've never been to this mall," he said. "Are we sure this is the best idea? I mean, Victor's an alien and I'm not sure he knows what money is."

"I know what money is," he crossed his arms. "I've just never bought anything on earth except food."

Dante glared at Doreen like "I told you so."

Doreen shrugged, folding the bills in her palm. "I've barely been here before either. But we have less than two hours and Kamala can't exactly give us a whole tour."

"You're all more hopeless than Ette," Ivy grumbled, walking to the entrance. "Just buy the first thing you see."

"Okay," Dante hesitated. "Just, we might get lost and then you'll have to come find us."

Squirrel Girl tapped her nose. "I've got an awesome sense of smell. I'll find you wherever you end up."

"How about we make this a race?" Ivy suggested, tugging open the door and flourishing them through. "See who can come up with four outfits, toiletries, a pair of shoes and a package of soap the fastest."

"And a clock," Doreen added.

"Whoever loses has to go buy the ugliest clock they can find," Ivy said. "That's the punishment for losing."

"Okay," Dante stepped through the doorway. "So it's just us? Ette and Kamala don't count?"

"They can play," Ivy said. "If you pass them, let them know."

"I'm in, but won't they have a big advantage since Kamala knows..." Victor stepped through the door into a bright lobby, tile shimmering. His eyes bulged at the high vaulted ceiling and the innumerable storefronts boasting neon names. "Wha--?"

"Good luck!" Doreen called, racing away with Ivy on her heels.

***

Victor gave up trying to win approximately twenty minutes into their shopping trip. He and Dante didn't encounter Kamala or Ette, or hardly anyone for that matter. Though, a handful of shoppers did give their outfits strange eyes and wide berths, paper bags rustling with their steps.

In the first few minutes, Dante led them around the whole main level, past storefronts with warm cinnamon and bread, shops with flashing tv screens, and areas inexplicably gated shut and darkened. Dante rolled his eyes and muttered at each of them, checking back towards the doors like they might lose themselves without that anchor.

Dante walked faster, frustration visibly growing, and Victor jogged to keep up.

Twenty minutes in, Dante jabbed an elevator button repeatedly, his other hand balled into a fist and smoking.

"Hey," Victor said. Dante kept jabbing at the elevator button. "Maybe we forget about the race?" he suggested.

Dante shut his eyes and took a breath. "It's not that," he said. "Well, partially. This place closes in less than two hours. I used to go on mall sprees with my sister that lasted a whole afternoon. Sometimes longer."

Victor tugged Dante's wrist away from jabbing at the elevator.

"It's just," he said more softly, "I'm slightly afraid of burning this place down. I want to get out as quick as possible before I lose control."

Victor glanced up. An open staircase led to a floor high overhead. He glanced down. The lobby floor shimmered, as if it waited for an army of footsteps never to come. "That'd be impressive if you burned this whole place down."

"And I am afraid of getting lost in here. Or at least getting turned around. Of course," he sighed, "you could just portal us out."

"Or Squirrel Gi--Doreen could find us."

"And maybe I also want this to be special for you?" Dante said. His cheeks reddened and he glanced away. The elevator dinged. "I spent a lot of time in shopping malls when I lived back home," the elevator opened, but Dante didn't step inside. "When I was younger, my dad would take me and my sister to buy Christmas presents, and I still remember us getting cotton candy and tons of wrapping paper and running up the escalators."

Victor touched his shoulder. "I've never been to a shopping mall before. So of course this is special, because it's something I didn't know about earth and probably never would have," he raised an eyebrow. "Although, your hand starting on fire does worry me."

Dante folded his arms.

"So maybe we find some earth clothes to blend in," footsteps echoed down the stairs and he lowered his voice, "and then set something on fire outside the mall?"

Dante's cheek twitched in a smile.

"Okay?"

"Sounds like a great plan, in theory," Dante led him toward the stairs, "but I may incinerate the clothing options that look utterly hideous. Especially if you think about buying them."

"Why would I think about buying something you think looks utterly hideous? I have no idea what to wear to blend in with the earthlings," he tapped his armor. "Except this clearly isn't it."

"Earthlings," Dante grinned. "You sound funny when you say that."

They fell silent, tromping past a pair of earthli--earth people--coming down the marble stairs. Victor guessed mother and daughter on a whim. Their confused stares drifted over his armor and Dante's gray jumpsuit, and he resisted glaring back.

They rounded a stair landing, slinking out of sight of the mother and daughter. Victor's shoulders untensed. "Earthlings," he muttered. Dante snorted. "Why does that sound funny?"

Dante shrugged. "Because you're dead serious when you say it. Nobody on earth means it when they talk about earthlings. You do."

"Spacelings," he said. Dante rolled his eyes.

"Am I not dead serious when I say that?"

"Absolutely not."

***

Victor waited on the bench, the red padding so worn and darkened as to be practically useless. He sat on a metal sheet with legs.

Three stories up the mall, and Dante had finally found a clothing store that met his standards. Half the second story contained clothing stores, but Dante rolled his eyes at each one, complaining about overpriced brands for twelve year old girls.

He'd merely muttered and sighed at this one, which was...good, probably.

"Are you nearly done?" Victor whispered to the blank, white door.

"This jumpsuit is a pain to get off my ankles, you know that? No, I'm not done."

Victor sighed and shifted on the metal bench. He didn't dare wander the clothing racks without Dante, for fear of stumbling across a ridiculous outfit Dante would only incinerate upon discovery.

The door creaked, and Victor glanced up. Dante held the gray jumpsuit bundled in both hands, having changed into a red shirt and black pants. He bit his lip. "How does it look?"

Victor's eyes widened. "I don't know."

Dante's shoulders slumped. "You're hopeless. How do I know if I should get these or not?"

"You sure look like an earthling to me," he motioned to Dante's bare feet. "Except those. Nobody ever seems to walk around like that."

"You're hopeless," Dante groaned, retreating behind the door, clicking it shut. "I'll just buy them."

"And what am I getting?" Victor asked.

"Whatever you want."

"But you said you'd incinerate anything 'utterly hideous' if I tried to buy it. And I don't know what earth people consider utterly hideous."

"Fine," a gray shirt fluttered over the door. "Pick a changing room and try this on." Then came a pair of muted green pants. "And this. I'll tell you if they fit."

Victor slid off the bench, grabbing the clothes from the faded carpet. "And you promise this doesn't look utterly hideous?"

"Yes, I promise! Why else would I give them to you? Just, hurry up!"

Victor rolled his eyes at the door. "We gave up on the race, remember?"

"Doesn't mean we don't have a time limit before the mall closes."

Victor picked one of the changing rooms, frowning into a thin mirror on the back of the perfectly white door. "We have over an hour. We'll be fine."

"You don't know that."

"We took down a kree spaceship just yesterday and you're worried about being here when the mall closes?" Victor shook his head.

"Yeah, turns out I can still stress about things that aren't life or death."

Victor scoffed. "I can portal--"

"I know that! Just, hurry up!"

***

Victor was one size taller than Dante, but their shirts were the same size, and Victor needed shoes a half a size longer than Dante's, plus his skin tone matched cooler shades better, and Victor's head whirled under Dante's ramblings, hands burdened with shopping bags collected around the third level of the mall.

Dante finally stopped to breathe. "I don't understand half of what you're saying," Victor informed him.

"Good," Dante said. "Fifteen minutes ago and you understood none of what I was saying."

Victor opened his mouth to protest.

"You said those exact words," Dante interrupted, dragging him into a store of shelved tennis shoes and heeled boots and some other fancy shoe-words Victor had already forgotten. "And now, my apprentice, you're going to pick your own shoes," Dante flourished to the room. "That's like a Star Wars quote. Basically."

Victor shook his head, gaze narrowing toward the closest corner so he didn't drown under the overwhelming presence of twenty different aisles of shoe options. "Why don't you just pick?"

"Because I chose all your shirts, and your socks, and this jacket, and these silly biker gloves. Pick something that you want for once."

"But I liked being the bag carrier while you bought stuff."

Dante gave him a withering stare. So Victor handed him all the shopping bags. Then he gulped, hesitantly approaching the corner he'd narrowed in on.

They stopped beside a table. "These are the clearance summer sandals," Dante whispered.

Victor hesitated, gaze sweeping over the display. "I don't know what that means, but all of these look like they'll fall off if I take a step."

"That's basically what summer sandals means," Dante whispered.

"Oh," Victor twisted to study the aisles of shoes. "So I want...tennis shoes, right?"

"For simplicity's sake, that's what we're calling them, yes. They're good for running and walking in."

So..." he slowly lifted a finger and pointed to the back corner. "What about those?"

Dante tilted his head. "The gray and turquoise ones?"

Victor slowly nodded.

"Sure."

Victor blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah, assuming they have the right size and when you try them on they don't squish your foot," he walked down the aisle, motioning Victor after him.

"Why would they squish my foot?"

"Some shoes fit differently. They're made by different companies, or they're designed to be wider..." he set their bags on the floor, examining the rows of orange boxes beneath the displayed shoes. "Here," he pulled a box out. "Try these."

Victor plopped to the floor between their shopping bags. He pried his kree boots off, for the seventh time that mall trip. He fished a gray and turquoise tennis shoe from the rustling paper packaging and shoved his foot inside. "Now what?"

"Now stand up and walk around a bit."

Victor did so, hobbling between his heavier kree boot and the light, more flat-soled shoe. "I feel ridiculous," he paced in tiny circles.

"That's because you're only wearing one of them. Does it squish your toes?"

"I don't think so?" He tiptoed down an aisle.

"And...do you still want to buy them?"

Victor hobbled back toward Dante, whose eyes practically glowed. "Yeah, sure," he shrugged. "They're alright."

"For your first ever pair of earth shoes, that's pretty good," he held up a hand.

Victor rolled his eyes. "Earthling high-fives are silly," but he slapped Dante's hand anyway. "In the future, that's much less exciting than holding your hand."

Dante blushed, eyes darting towards the store exit. Victor glanced too. "What?"

"Well," he bent over and picked up the shoebox. "We're in public. And some people are..." his cheeks reddened further. "They're weirded out by that stuff."

"What stuff?" Victor crouched and tugged off the shoe, re-shoving his foot into the kree boot.

"Like, people holding hands, and stuff."

Victor stood, folding his arms. "But Ivy and Ette do it, and I've passed people in the streets all the time," he motioned toward the check-out counter and the guy in purple standing behind it. "Would that guy be 'weirded out' by us doing it just because we're in public? Holding hands isn't supposed to be public?"

"I mean," Dante reddened further. "How do I put this? You and me," he glanced at the store exit again, "are both guys. Ivy and Ette are both girls. I don't know what it's like on your planet or with the kree, but on earth lots of people are weirded out unless it's a guy and a girl. Or worse than weirded out. I'm afraid that--" The shoe box burst aflame and Dante dropped it, Victor jumping in surprise.

"Sorry!" Dante yelped, stomping on the flames.

Victor opened a portal to the void and dropped the shoe box through, keeping himself out by sheer effort. Dante, expecting to stomp on the box, missed with his foot and stumbled forward, knocking them both into the shelf. Victor grunted, the shoe rack wobbled, and a few boxes thumped to the floor behind him.

"Sorry," Dante hissed more quietly, hopping back. Victor crouched beside the void portal in the floor and concentrated on levitating the shoebox back up, vision going starry. It did that whenever he didn't portal himself along.

"It's alright," he said, the box reappearing. "Nothing burned."

The shoebox, mocking him, had lost a corner to crumbling ash.

"Is something wrong?"

Victor snapped the portal shut beneath the box, glancing up. The purple-shirt guy from the counter was weaving through the shoe aisles toward them.

"No, uh, sorry, I just tripped..." Dante trailed off. "And accidentally broke your shoe box..." The guy stopped a few paces from them. Victor rose from a crouch, hands fluttering. The guy, meanwhile, stared wide-eyed at the charred corner of the shoe box.

"We were going to buy these anyway," Dante rushed, picking up the box and hugging it to his chest. "And I like your shirt, by the way. It's coincidentally about what we were just talking about," he eyed Victor meaningfully.

Victor glanced between Dante and the shirt, quirking an eyebrow. "I SUPPORT LGBTQ+ YOUTH" the shirt read--"what's that mean?" he mouthed at Dante. Dante's eyes just grew bigger and his nostrils flared.

"Thank you!" the guy said. "I don't want to make any assumptions, but..." he pointed between the two of them. "You two seem like you have a good relationship, whatever level or stage or friendship it's at. That's really great you can talk about that."

"Yeah," Dante coughed. Victor said nothing, in case this was a "weirded out" scenario.

The guy's cheeks turned rosy and he tucked his hand against his side. "Sorry if I'm overstepping, I'm super new at this."

Victor grinned weakly.

"We'll just buy these shoes," Dante said. "It's nice to know we're not alone though, you know?"

Yeah," the purple shirt guy nodded, motioning them towards the check-out counter. "So what brings you two out to the mall this late? And only a day after some aliens nearly invaded our city, no less?"

"Just shopping with some friends, trying to be...normal," Dante said. "They're off buying a clock. And light bulbs."

The guy laughed, maneuvering behind the counter. "Well, welcome to the Shoe Palace."

"Thanks?" Victor muttered.

"I'm glad you guys came here," the guy took the shoe box from Dante. "It's been a slow day," he frowned slightly at the charred corner again, sliding it over the scanner. "Can I ask about your guy's costumes?"

"We're having a costume party after this," Dante supplied. "With our friends. What about you? Any plans for later?"

The guy shrugged. "Not much. After the mall closes to shoppers I have to stay and clean up."

"Sorry about knocking those boxes off," Victor said.

He waved a hand. "No big deal. The worst is the break room we have in the back. Since I'm the last employee here--other than the boss--I have to take out the trash and sweep the place up. Those morning employees...girl," he rolled his eyes. "You'd think they dump out chips everywhere and then stomp on them."

"Ouch," Dante winced.

"We could help you," Victor said.

"Nah. I don't think that's allowed, since you don't work here. I could offer you a job if you wanted though. Plus," he held up the shoebox he'd yet to ask them to pay for. "You two managed to burn this and that could be a safety hazard," he flashed a grin. "Mind telling me your secrets?"

Dante leaned closer. "My boyfriend's that hot."

Victor's knees went wobbly and he gripped the side of the counter. The guy behind the counter's eyes widened. "So hot he sets things on fire?" he nodded appreciatively. "Couple goals, I tell you."

Victor grinned weakly.

"Tell you what. If you are interested in a job, you can come back here anytime. Tell them Noah sent you," he hesitated. "That's me, by the way."

"Yeah, for sure," Dante said. "I might come by, if I have the time," he pointed. "How much did those shoes cost?"

Noah blinked at the box in his hands, then tugged a sack from under the counter. "Right. You're here buying shoes," he chuckled. "I nearly forgot."

"Hey, we'd stay longer, but..."

"But we have another stop before the mall closes. And Dante was worried we would run out of time."

Dante waved a hand. "We'll be fine."

"That's not what you said an hour ago."

"When we had bought nothing."

"And we still have to buy one more thing."

"Yeah, and we've got like twenty minutes."

Victor rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Noah sighed. "Couple goals, I tell you."

***

As they walked from The Shoe Palace, Victor hissed, "you are going to have to explain literally everything that just happened in there."

Dante's eyes flicked from the tile to the glass banisters to the vaulted ceiling. "Starting with...you trying to pick out some summer sandals?"

"No," he shook his head. "Starting with you going on about people being weirded out. And whatever the deal was with Noah's shirt. And then changing your mind, apparently. Isn't announcing in public something like 'boyfriend' way bigger than holding hands, which you said people were weirded out by? I'm so confused."

Dante blushed. "That boyfriend line kinda slipped out. I couldn't think of a better answer to how the box ended up burned..."

"Boyfriend means what I think it does, right?"

"Well, what do you think it means?"

"Uh...being together, together."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what it is."

"So...are we together, together?"

"It just slipped out when we were talking. Do you want to be together-together?"

"Is that too fast?" Victor readjusted the shopping bags in his arms. "I don't know how earth things work, clearly, given this whole mall trip. When do people usually..."

"I don't know how fast too fast is," Dante rubbed his neck. "I've never met someone before you because back home lots of people were weirded out so I kept it to myself."

"You still haven't explained the weirded out thing," Victor stopped in the path to face Dante. "Or that guy's shirt, or--"

"I was going to," Dante hissed, "but then we got on the topic of boyfriends and wow it felt good to call you that in the store--"

"--so why can't we hold hands when there's people around and do you actually want a job in the Shoe Palace?"

Dante's cheeks reddened. "D-do you want to just be my boyfriend, Victor? For real? Who cares about how fast normal is, you've already both ruined my life and made it infinitely better after that--"

"Yes." Victor would've taken Dante's hand, despite the 'weirded out' stuff, except their hands were full of shopping bags.

Dante stared at him. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Dante opened his mouth, and kinda froze there.

"And I would totally kiss you right now, but that's probably worse than mentioning hand-holding because we're in public, right?"

Dante's jaw worked and he blushed deeper, glancing around them. They stood in front of an eating area, with round white tables and cheery yellow seats, which overlooked the lower levels of the mall. "You don't think we were too loud, right?"

Victor glanced back, toward the Shoe Palace and the darkened storefronts around it. "I don't think anyone's around here."

"Right. Yeah. Yeah," he took a deep breath. "We should go buy soap now."

"Before the mall closes," Victor glanced at an oversized, glowing clock above the dining area. "In fifteen minutes."

"Hey, you were the one who said we shouldn't be stressed out by silly things like that because we took down a kree spaceship."

Victor grimaced. "I take that back. I've been super stressed out the last twenty minutes."

Dante snorted.

"And you still haven't explained that guy's shirt."

"Come on," Dante broke into a jog. "I'll explain on the way."

***

"So I know we agreed that the losing team should buy the clock," Doreen called to Victor and Dante winding down the last of the steps, "but the mall was closing in fifteen minutes and you guys weren't back yet so Ivy and I just bought one," she held up a white sack containing a small box. "It's a cat clock. Ugliest clock we could find."

"Speaking of which," Kamala stood from the bottom stop, "the mall is now closing in approximately two minutes."

"What took you so long?" Ette grumbled. "My grandma could shop faster than you."

"We started talking to somebody," Dante hopped over the last two steps. Victor followed more slowly. "In a shoe place."

"Sounds fascinating," Kamala said. "But we need to go, stat. It does not look good for superheroes to get kicked out by mall security."

"We're going," Ivy stood from the floor and yawned. "But I think you're forgetting we're about to break in--"

"Shh!" Kamala hissed. "Not out here."

"Right," Ivy tossed her head. "Wouldn't want to get caught by mall security."

Kamala glared.

"Ookay," Doreen said. "I think we're a bit tired and hungry from waiting around for so long, so how about we go now?"

"Okay," Kamala crossed her arms.

"And you two," Doreen pointed at Dante and Victor. "How do you shop so slowly? You couldn't possibly have talked to someone in a shoe store for two hours. Honest."

"I warned you," Dante protested, walking after the others. "Victor's an alien and knows nothing about money. Or how to shop. And has no clue what he wants."

Victor rolled his eyes. "Dante tried explaining every tiny detail to me as we went."

"Yeah, but that didn't slow us down."

"You making me pick my own shoes and the color of soap we should get certainly did."

"Okay," Doreen interrupted. "So now we know never to let you two shop together again. Got it."

"Hey--" Victor began.

"Attention mall shoppers," an intercom warbled, "it is now ten pm, and the mall is closing to all patrons. Please exit at your nearest location. Thank you!"

Kamala paled, and Ette giggled at her.

Ivy spread her arms, "oh no, mall security hasn't caught us," she led the way outside, holding the door and smiling brightly for each of them. "Breaking mall rules by evening, saving cities by day. Introducing, the Kree Annihilators," Victor stepped out last, and she bowed grandly, letting the door swing shut behind her.

"Okay," Ette said, bouncing on the sidewalk, "but we need a new name now. The kree have been annihilated."

"Can we discuss this some other time?" Kamala folded her arms, glancing up and down the street, a few cars whizzing past. "Like, after we leave all the shopping bags back at the warehouse and you guys break into the showers?"

"Fine," Ette and Ivy said together.

"I'll workshop some ideas," Doreen added.

"And I'll portal us back and forth," Victor said. "So someone find an alley to hide in so we can disappear."

"Way ahead of you," Dante pointed across the silent street. "Found an alley."

***

They sped across the street, running awkwardly with shopping bags loaded in their arms. They ducked into the dark alley, and Victor portaled them to the underground warehouse, pitch black, Kamala muttering that she knew they forgot to buy something, battery-powered lights, that's what.

"We could turn on my scooter," Doreen suggested. "I think she felt lonely in the dark when we left her here."

Dante's hands flashed aflame instead.

They left the shopping bags on the floor, digging around for soap bottles, clean clothes, and towels. Squirrel Girl and Ms. Marvel--now superheroed up--said they'd patrol the docks topside for a half hour while the others broke into the mall employee showers.

"Group karma," Ette muttered. "We commit crime while you two stop crime."

Ivy snorted.

Victor teleported the four of them to the mall, scouring the place through the void for a large structure of pipes and showers and water heaters. He unsuccessfully searched all five floors, then surprisingly found it in a basement.

They surfaced from the void in a blindingly white bathroom. Victor leaned against the wall, vision going starry from dragging three extra people plus their spare clothes through the void while scouring five entire mall floors. Six, counting the basement.

Said people frowned at him, squinting to adjust to the light.

"What happened with you?" Ivy asked.

"You might think teleportation is instantaneous," he panted, "but it's not. I had to find this place through the void and I didn't even know the mall had a basement at first."

Ette glanced at the ceiling. "We're in the mall's basement?" she whispered.

"Teleporting isn't instantaneous?" Ivy frowned. "Then why's it called teleportation?"

"Technically, teleporting isn't what I do," Victor stood upright again. "I travel through an alternate dimension at very high speeds then re-emerge into this one. The rest of you turn into frozen dummies while we're there."

Ivy's eyes bulged.

"What's the dimension like?" Dante asked.

"Totally empty and dark, with a dim violet glow everywhere. You're not missing anything, trust me."

Ivy hugged her stomach. "Is anyone else less enthusiastic about dropping through one of those portals now?"

"It's not that weird," Victor shrugged. "You just float, and get dragged along in my wake. It's like time gets frozen around you."

"Still," she shivered. "We're so...helpless."

"You're all technically helplessly trapped in this bathroom too, even if I did instantly teleport us," he shrugged. "Unless you know a way to sneak out through the mall on foot, you're stuck here."

A door squeaked, and they jumped into motion, darting past bathroom sinks and into a windy hallway ending in a long row of blue shower stalls.

"I claim the corner," Ivy dashed over.

"Are we in a guys' or a girls' restroom?" Ette whispered, darting for a second showering stall.

"I don't know that," Victor hissed. "It's not like I read the sign before portaling in here."

Ette halted, giving him a mortified stare. Someone's whistling melody echoed through the restroom and Dante yanked Victor forward.

"It's not that important, Ette," Dante hissed. "Just shower, and don't make a sound."

"Yeah, okay," she whispered back, ducking into a stall. "Other question: how are we going to leave if there's someone else in here?"

"Knock on the walls when you're ready to leave," Ivy whispered. "Then Victor can fake-teleport us out."

The whistling rose to a crescendo.

"Alright," Ette whispered.

"Fake teleport?" Victor muttered under his breath, latching the stall shut and turning to study the shower. "That feels unnecessary."

***

Author note: each vote on this chapter helps Victor learn the ways of earthling fashion:)